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My Job OR My Man?










If I didn't know better I'd have thought a blog reader sent this to @joroolumofin

She opened up to me about a challenge she's presently facing and it's so similar to the mail above, except in her case he wants her to take a lower paying and much less challenging (in his opinion) job, and in another career field, as he thinks the present one would leave no room to nurture a new marriage. 

For someone who's worked so hard to get ahead in her career it's the most difficult decision she's ever had to make; choosing to step down several rungs on the ladder and receive less than half the pay she's earning now, plus forego all the allowances and bonuses. This might also mean that she might lose the lifestyle she's now become accustomed to; travel, high quality clothes and even her parents' upkeep. She loves Bae and wants to be his wife (they're engaged at the moment) but it's not an easy move to make. 

Take these two ladies' situations into consideration and share your thoughts. I didn't feel qualified to advise so I merely offered her a listening ear. 



Ps; I really think it's unfair to ask anyone to leave their jobs when they don't want to, but this is a Nigerian reality. Most women have to leave good jobs or promising careers and settle for businesses that can be run from the home or shop, or monthly allowances, or nothing at all! I'm not talking about women who choose to be stay-at-home mums (so that can take care of the kids personally). I'm talking about the ones whose husbands tell them almost from the get go that they won't have a wife that works 9-5. I think this is unfair and selfish. Wives' dreams are just as valid as their husbands', no?

Comments

  1. life as we know it! different strokes for different folks.
    here i am willing to leave my job and all that comes with it because of marriage and bae is advicing i shouldnt that id miss the lifestyle am accustomed to and might not be happy. hes always hammering why career is equally important for women meanwhile for me family comes first.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thelma! Thelma! Are marriages and relationships really all Nigerians live for? Always one question or the other about marriage/relationship issues. Gosh! Gradually tuning out of our media platforms.

    There is clearly a market for this type of discourse anyway. That being said, I don't understand why y'all are dating this type of men. (Nigerian) Men sha. Anyway, sisi mi, what matters to you more? Job or bae? Which one would haunt you for the rest of your life if you did not choose it? The answers will guide you.

    Nigerian girls, you are more than being a 'Mrs'. There is more to you...or maybe not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I saw your comment I had to run back to my timeline to check if my recent posts have been about marriage. Err, nope! But like you said there's clearly a market for these posts, and they interest a lot of us because it happens to be a huge part of our current reality.

      Delete
    2. Please tell us you r not a 'Nigerian'(debatable),
      please also try to tell us that you are presently not in Nigeria (debatable)
      Lastly, also tell us that you are currently planning or marrying a non-Nigerian, if u are not married(debatable)

      Anyways, I don't know why you are being nationalistic with your approach, Totally uncalled for, hopefully u have Ur reasons.

      Delete
  3. Should have qualified my initial sentence. Not your recent posts. I was referring to all media platforms including radios.

    As for Uyi, I made a comment about my reality which has nothing to do with any of the questions you asked. I believe as a people, we are obsessed with marriage. Wanting to get married is not the issue. It's the obsession that is worrisome.

    ReplyDelete
  4. the decision to leave your job shouldn't come from your boyfriend but from you.

    It's a tough one, but from get go, I have always looked out for a man that would support my career 100 percent, marriage + kids inclusive.

    Weigh your options wisely. But if you ask me, in my shoes,i won't leave my job. At least not just yet, maybe when the kids start coming in and one can't cope.

    Marriage requires lots of work, I shit you not!!! It requires lots of sacrifices from both ends. But pleaseeeee do what makes you happy, cos being married "may" not give you happiness.

    I hope i just made sense.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I tried putting myself in their shoes buh honestly, shit aint working!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmao,swear down!

      (esp when uve been looking for work and after landing a testimony, bae comes to spoil ur blues with his reggae)

      Delete
  6. One question bikonu, what sacrifice(s) is the man willing to make?

    Truth be told, when a woman attains a certain level in life, there are some men she should have no business with. #Nuffsaid

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you @Chimezie. The second paragraph is so true.

      Delete
    2. And when the men she's supposed to have business with are not forthcoming?

      Delete
    3. 1. Why are they not forthcoming? There are different places to find different types of men. If the right types are not forthcoming, a different approach is needed.

      2. And what if they are not forthcoming? We're supposed to lower our standards and "sacrifice", just to be married?

      Delete
    4. My question is even simple: how much is d guy making? Can he keep up with d lifestyle she's already used to, can he give her what he's asking her leave, will he help her fill the gap she is about to create bcos of his decision, can she do business?
      I mean...... what of man asks for such if not a selfish man that is already threatened by her status, she should open shop and be selling what, has she shown any interest or is she capable of such? Mtschew....
      abeg, my fellowship leading @ work said dat request from a suitor was d sign God needed to give her to tell her d man wasn't her husband and she just moved along.
      Any man dat is not interested in ur happiness wants to control your life and is not for ur own good. I don't know how old u re, but pls, ask urslf what u want for ur future and if his request can help ur dream.
      He must feel like a gift from God ooo, he wants to get serious, but u must leave ur job first, REALLY?!!! Marry first na b4 calling shots or making life demanding requests.... Toh!...

      Delete
    5. The second paragraph of chimezie's comment is what I call gospel.

      Delete
  7. Its unfair. But hey, life is not fair.

    Its simple. Pick the one you love more. If job is doing you like that then stay with your beloved job. A better man might even come if this one leaves you.

    Then again, if you resign and stay at home or open shop. You dont know the blessings that might come to that shop and give you greater fulfillment.

    This life is just a pot of beans.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Times are hard o, I will not give up my job without at least trying to make it work. I think it is selfish to ask someone you love to give up something they have worked so hard for without at least trying.

    He is still a boyfriend sef. Can you guys at least marry first, have a kid and see if you can balance both. With the situation in Nigeria now, it is downright foolish to gamble away a good paying job without at least trying to see if it will work with managing the home.I think it's the woman's call anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't know about people sha, but these are the things I notice when talking to a guy. Any mention of "weaker sex", women staying at home or any derogatory talk about "career women" and I peace out.

    When I was writing my professional exams, my bf used to bring me food and snacks, and encourage me. Will he now tell me to stay at home tomorrow, after being a witness to how hard I had to work to get where I am? I don't think so.

    ReplyDelete
  10. If they want to leave their jobs they should biko pass the details down to enable those of us looking for the kind of jobs they have take over.
    Thank you in advance.






    ReplyDelete
  11. Hian! Would even be too unfair on bae's part to suggest that. I'm so not quitting my job. I believe the reason most women remain in ''shitty'' relationship lies in the ''3 years is no joke'' BS.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Lai to lai! I've even already started singing it sef. How will you tell me to quit my JOB! b4 you marry me? Its simply ludicrous!

    My dear, that guy is not for you. Plus, what's 3years compared to a lifetime of misery and resentment. Biko, if you're not comfortable, sharply "peace out"! Life is not that difficult.

    That said, when you do meet a man who isnt threatened by your job, you will have to cut down on the travelling and other avoidable excesses especially when you start a family.

    #MyTwoCents

    ReplyDelete

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