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When Your Job Insists On Being Your Bae...

A blog reader reached out to me sounding very distraught, and after listening to her I could understand why. 

At first I didn't appreciate the depth of the issue, probably because I've never been in those shoes. Eventually when I heard her out and really heard the hurt and confusion in her voice then I knew how painful it must be. 

Sade is a lawyer who feels very privileged to work at one of the top law firms on the Island. She loves her job, she's fine with the pay and she's getting world class experience. However, Sade needs to be at the office by 7.30am every morning and although the official close of work is 6pm, she says she has never left the office before 9pm. On most days work closes between 10-11pm, sometimes even later. As if this even bad enough, she works on Saturdays too, at least three Saturdays in a month. On these Saturdays she resumes work between 9-10am and closes at about 7pm. On a few sundays she needs to work too. 

For the first year or two, this was fine. Sade actually didn't mind losing her social life, she didn't even mind losing her friends so much, she accepted these losses as sacrifices she must make for her career. However now, as she's romancing 30 it's getting rather worrisome. No, it's not necessarily because of loneliness. She said she's lived with so much loneliness that she's now mastered the art of numbing that feeling. This is beyond loneliness. Sade, like most other women her age and even much younger would like to have a relationship, and more so, get married. Her parents aren't helping matters either; the pressure gets worse each month.  

At some point she said to me; on the few occasions you get to meet a guy, maybe someone hooks you up, or on social media (because when you're that busy the chances of you meeting a guy on your own or in the traditional ways are almost zero to none), and he sets a date and then because of work you cancel one, two, three, four times. Omo mehn, the guy would just 'jabo' you, when it's not like you're the only girl in Lagos. There are plenty single girls, some even better than you sef that can give them all the time. So they will ask themselves why they have to put up with your sh*t. 

Sade would like to know if there are other people in her situation, or who have been in her situation. She wants to know how they cope(d). She would also appreciate any advise she can get. 

My friend Onyi was in the exact situation when she worked at one of the top auditing companies in the country which most of us are familiar with. In fact, she lost so many friends, yours truly included. Back then I'd be like abeg nobody is that busy! Until I met a few other people who work there and they said its even worse than I think! Just like Sade, Onyi had no life outside work, and of course having a bae was mere imagination. 
     How she remedied it? She quit. 
     When my friend felt she had gotten more than adequate experience, she began to look for another job. While still working there she began to job-hunt and searched until she found one that payed well, but more importantly allowed her to have a LIFE and afforded her time to win her precious friends back (lol), have baessssss, have an active social life, become a church worker, and join the Lagos social scene. And she lives happily ever after... Hehe. 

Ever been in this situation before, or there now? Please share your experiences with us, and how you handle(d) it. Anyone got advise for Sade and others in her shoes? Share!


  1. More reason I chose to be an entrepreneur...Best advice,QUIT..TNHW

  2. Lawyers work too hard. Anyways...

    She needs to look at her career path to know if there is any relief coming soon. She might get promoted and leave some tasks to younger lawyers, she can get transferred etc.

    If there is no such relief coming soon then she should decide the minimum number of years experience she wants from them. Once that period is up then she can pack her bags to a new firm.

    Third option is to threaten her employer that if she doesnt get support she would quit. Support can be NYSC, an intern etc. This would take some tasks off her.


    1. Good and reasonable suggestions.

    2. Lol. Kon clearly has no idea about how law firms work. Talking about support or less work the higher you go. The best option and only option she has is number 2. Sooner or later, she has to quit. I'd say take time off work for a while sef to reconnect with herself.

      If it's the firm I'm thinking of, they have a shitty attitude to top it. I've had some friends in these top firms complain and I tell them they'll quit when they have had enough. As for their whining, they can swallow it.

      The earlier we determine the things that truly matter to us, the better the decisions we make. A law firm in Ikoyi told me they didn't want a married or quarter to marry lady. I knew it was not for me. My friend's mentor refused to let her apply to these top law firms for the same reasons Sade is complaining of. She eventually got into a good paying firm.

      I think this working late business is unfair too. I don't know why we set impossible deadlines. Besides, work can never finish so why work round the clock? It's not about being lazy. Employers need to fear God oh. Some will be firing off emails at 1am, 5am and be expecting responses. Hian!

  3. Paid not payed. Terrible writing.

    1. Gosh, I can't stand"know it alls"

      Why not correct move on, grow up jor!!!

  4. She has to make a choice about the kind of life she wants to live, set a deadline to get the needed experience and move on like Thelma's friend did. Draw a line between career and social life. What is the whole point of life if you can't live a little

  5. The joy of making money is in the spending. What good is your high paying job if you cannot relax and enjoy a bottle of champagne with friends in some cool hangout place with Andrea Bocelli playing in the background.If they take up your Saturday when do you shop, do your hair etc(just curious)

    This kind of job is for a period of time, e.g a fresh graduate out of law school at 22 or 23 may dedicate the next 4 years to 3 years getting experience and cashing out, then move on to another job. When you marry you cannot balance this work with family. So if you are ready to move to the next stage of your life you need to find another job that will give you time to socialize and meet the one.J

  6. Sade needs to find a better Job and quit ASAP

  7. I remembered after my NYSC then, when I told a senior collegue to help me get employment in one of these top firms, the first question he asked me was, "do you want to be a career woman or you are planning to remain single". He said if I work in any of those changes, I won't have any life outside that office. I jejely left the notion. He even told me most of the females there, are mostly over 40yrs and single.

    If Sade wants a life, she should go for life and let that job be, if not, na so she go dey dey.


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