So after asking for several weeks I finally agreed to meet up with Ade for drinks. I'd been reluctant about meeting up because, well, I just thought he's a douche bag and I don't want everyone in my space.
You see, Ade and I used to be quite close once upon a time. At some point he was asking me out and when everyone thought I was insane for not jumping at the offer to date this talllll yummy glass of creamy chocolate, I told them I wasn't. Well just as I was giving in, uncle who had just been professing undying-unshakeable-unconditional love, decided that this friend of mine was hotter and jumped on that ASAP.
They dated and yeah, I was a bit hurt but life goes on, right?
Subsequently after they'd broken up and he started trying to get chummy again, I was civil but put him at arm's length. Then months we found ourselves in the same BBM group and where I'd once thought he was just an unpleasant fellow, I now realized he was a major jerk.
Everyone's got their good sides and he had his too. However his bads were just too many. He was the group bully, making life unpleasant for anyone who didn't like him or who he didn't agree with. He would take his time and verbally abuse anyone who disagreed with him, in such a way that it was certain to hurt, diminish and demoralize. I noticed all these but made sure never to get involved.
One day however there was a playful debate and I got involved. I guess my stance was different from his and true to type he started to attack me. He started by saying "when girls are talking amoebas also think they can talk". I ignored that.
Then he went on and on about my body, finding different ways to ridicule it and call me all kinds of insulting names. It was confusing because this was the same body he used to be all over like sokoto flies! When I realized that reacting to him, or even responding only fuelled his fire, I ignored him and eventually left the group, one more person he'd bullied out.
That was over five years ago and although we were grown ass adults, we were younger. And that's what I told myself when I eventually gave in and agreed to meet for drinks; we were younger, na small pikin been dey worry him.
It was a beautiful evening, we met up in one cosy restaurant in Lekki 1 and he was still as hot and charming as ever. Maybe even more so with a better job and a lot more money now. We actually had an interesting time, he's always been a brilliant conversationalist. Everything was going great. That was until he said "Do you think you can give both of us a chance to work out?"
"Work out, as in exercise abi?". Of course I knew that's not what he meant but I was hoping to change the topic immediately.
"*chuckle* *chuckle*. As in relationship" said he. "See, you know I've always had a thing for you, I know I fucked up once but yada yada yada...."
Now let's assume I was even available for a relationship with Ade at the moment, would you advise me to actually date someone like him? Someone as obnoxious as he was or is? Someone whose bullying of all those years ago is still talked about?
Here's the thing. I brought up all the things from the past and his apology seemed sincere and heartfelt, he even seemed at bit embarrassed by his past antics. He admitted that he was very immature and swore that he has grown and changed a great deal. But this is where I have an issue. Do people really change? Does someone who has evil in them suddenly stop being evil because they got older? In my shoes would you forgive his outright nasty attitude of yesteryears and give him the benefit of doubt?
Do people change?
I'm curious to know what you think.