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About Last Night. (A Changed Man).





So after asking for several weeks I finally agreed to meet up with Ade for drinks. I'd been reluctant about meeting up because, well, I just thought he's a douche bag and I don't want everyone in my space. 

You see, Ade and I used to be quite close once upon a time. At some point he was asking me out and when everyone thought I was insane for not jumping at the offer to date this talllll yummy glass of creamy chocolate, I told them I wasn't. Well just as I was giving in, uncle who had just been professing undying-unshakeable-unconditional love, decided that this friend of mine was hotter and jumped on that ASAP. 

They dated and yeah, I was a bit hurt but life goes on, right?

Right. 

Subsequently after they'd broken up and he started trying to get chummy again, I was civil but put him at arm's length. Then months we found ourselves in the same BBM group and where I'd once thought he was just an unpleasant fellow, I now realized he was a major jerk. 

Everyone's got their good sides and he had his too. However his bads were just too many. He was the group bully, making life unpleasant for anyone who didn't like him or who he didn't agree with. He would take his time and verbally abuse anyone who disagreed with him, in such a way that it was certain to hurt, diminish and demoralize. I noticed all these but made sure never to get involved. 

One day however there was a playful debate and I got involved. I guess my stance was different from his and true to type he started to attack me. He started by saying "when girls are talking amoebas also think they can talk". I ignored that. 

Then he went on and on about my body, finding different ways to ridicule it and call me all kinds of insulting names. It was confusing because this was the same body he used to be all over like sokoto flies! When I realized that reacting to him, or even responding only fuelled his fire, I ignored him and eventually left the group, one more person he'd bullied out. 

That was over five years ago and although we were grown ass adults, we were younger. And that's what I told myself when I eventually gave in and agreed to meet for drinks; we were younger, na small pikin been dey worry him. 

Ok...

It was a beautiful evening, we met up in one cosy restaurant in Lekki 1 and he was still as hot and charming as ever. Maybe even more so with a better job and a lot more money now. We actually had an interesting time, he's always been a brilliant conversationalist. Everything was going great. That was until he said "Do you think you can give both of us a chance to work out?"  

"Work out, as in exercise abi?". Of course I knew that's not what he meant but I was hoping to change the topic immediately. 

"*chuckle* *chuckle*. As in relationship" said he. "See, you know I've always had a thing for you, I know I fucked up once but yada yada yada...."

Now let's assume I was even available for a relationship with Ade at the moment, would you advise me to actually date someone like him? Someone as obnoxious as he was or is? Someone whose bullying of all those years ago is still talked about? 

Here's the thing. I brought up all the things from the past and his apology seemed sincere and heartfelt, he even seemed at bit embarrassed by his past antics. He admitted that he was very immature and swore that he has grown and changed a great deal. But this is where I have an issue. Do people really change? Does someone who has evil in them suddenly stop being evil because they got older? In my shoes would you forgive his outright nasty attitude of yesteryears and give him the benefit of doubt?

Do people change? 

I'm curious to know what you think. 

Comments

  1. People do change for the better Thelms. Its difficult but possible especially when much more is at stake.



    ReplyDelete
  2. Never!!! As in don't even try to go bck. He hasn't changed, pls don't be fooled..

    ReplyDelete
  3. People change. But for someone with this kinda attitude, I don't think I'll give him a chance because they 'hardly' change for good.

    I know someone like that (known him for years) he can apologise for Africa and make up for bad times but at the slightest provocation again, he'll insult you like its nobody's business.

    IMHO, people like that are good to have as friends, but for relationships, it's a no no.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nope they don't

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't think it's about the person changing, I think the question here should be: "Will you trust him after the last impression he left?". If you had a friend who steals your stuff each time he/she visits, would you trust him/her with the keys to your apartment after he/she has sworn repentance to you?

    From this statement: "...apology seemed sincere and heartfelt... seemed a bit embarrassed...admitted that he was very immature...", I'll say he's changed. But change isn't such a big deal compared to TRUST. He could *re-change*, that too is "change". If available, will you TRUST this "change" to last?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Me I dnt believe pple change o. Esp from some kin bad to good. I think they cab get better with a lot of personal effort, but when push comes to shove, hmnnnn, true color go show!

    ReplyDelete
  7. When baba had a sexy fine babe in front of him.... why wont he say he has changed?

    You cant use the crap he said that day to know if he has changed.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Was she not a sexy fine babe when he messed up in d past? He is a freaking Douche bag... I know his type! Not worth a second chance!

      Delete
  8. I'm with Memphis. First thought that struck my mind as I read on was ''you're just the next available chic'' He's still very much of a douche bag in my opinion.
    Hope you had a restful holiday.

    ReplyDelete
  9. People do change but most often, only provided you do not give room for them to repeat past misdeed.

    In the case of this guy, I doubt he has changed; I wouldn't give him a chance.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  10. He may have changed or not. But you can't know that with just a dinner.
    You gotta let time give you the answer keep being friends and see how it turns out. Not like as he's asked if it could work out then you would say yes and that's it, you guys are now 'working out'. Lol #time

    ReplyDelete
  11. It's hard to say, you can't really know if someone has changed unless you get close to them and be in a situation that will make them react in a certain way.... Eg the different opinions and bullying part. You can't really say.... People do change, usually by the grace of God....Most people don't however....
    You can just be friends and see, from that you can have a better perspective.... And if he's as yummy as you claim having him around won't hurt nobody ;). Just as a friend o.

    ReplyDelete
  12. He might have changed, but I wouldn't sit around to find out if I were in your shoes ... People like that are emotional abusers in relationships.. At the least offence, they hurl out the abuses..Endure it enough and it eventually chips at your self esteem, and besides, its not like its some extra weight that he took off, and might not put back on..its a bad habit, and those things are hard to break..
    been there, done that...cant even deal...#saynotobullies

    ReplyDelete
  13. Remember the story I told you some years back about an 'ex' who was a major douchebag. As it stands, he 'has changed '.


    I think you should take the advice you gave me back then Thelma. He hasn't changed. Even if he has, you aren't comfortable with him. So, any working out you two are doing should be at the gym.

    ReplyDelete

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