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Dear Thelma, His BFF Is Too Needy!

Thelma since you have not posted anything for us please post my mail so that blog readers can know my plight. I know my boyfriend loves me very much, in fact I don't doubt his faithfulness even though people say all men cheat. We are having the most amazeballs relationship ever and I am praying to God that one day soon, I'm hoping on my birthday (wink wink) that he will propose. There is just one gray area and that is his best friend. I've given up on complaining because when I did in the past he will always remind me that they've been best friends for twelve years and that even his Exs made an effort to be friends with her. I stopped complaining and just tried to manage the situation. It gets better when she is dating as she's not in our face so much. Unfortunately she started dating a guy whom she knew had a girlfriend (red flag alert!!!) and was even praying and fasting about him. How someone prays over another person's boyfriend is beyond me but after all some people say if there's no ring on it then he/she is free for all. So anyway eventually he dumped her and she said she was heartbroken. This was over a month ago and she's still "heartbroken" even though the relationship did not last up to a month! I don't care about all these things as they're not my business, but she has turned it into my boyfriends interest. This girl calls more than ten times in a day. She pings as early as 6am and calls at midnight, she doesn't even care if I'm with him or not. She's always demanding to see him in the name of being sad and needing someone to talk to. She shows up at his house randomly without any call or anything. She expects him to drop all he's doing once she calls. If I complain he'll say I shoul be empathetic because she's going thru a lot. Hmm. TTB Fam the gbege now is that boyfy and I are planning to go to Zanzibar in April, we've been planning this trip for months and it is going to be our first vacation together. Guess what, madam bff has invited herself on our vacation. She says we shouldn't worry, she'll pay for her tickets. As if that's not bad enough, to help her save costs my boyfriend says we'll get an apartment style room so that can stay in one room while we stay in another. Please am I supposed to be fine with this? I don't want her on our vacation much less our room. Please how best can I handle my situation, I don't want to lose my boyfriend so am I suppose to accept her and see my relationship as a package deal? Please your advise will be appreciated. 


  1. Hmmm...this your story get as e be. Your boo obviously has a boo. You need to take a stand before 'somebody's property will turn to another person's property'. Your boyfriend needs to think this through, tell himself (and you) the truth about his 'friendship' with this young lady. He needs to make choices and not continue in denial. Biko, look for the black goat while it is still daytime... before you come back at a later date with stories that touch. The economy is bad enough, dont add heartache and unhappiness to it. Peace to you..! SBHM

  2. My dear,if it were a guy I would have told you to manage him,but a girl is a no-no..If I were in your shoes,i would cancel that vacation and tell him point blank that am not going with her tagging along...If he likes they should go together..what rubbish.TNHW

  3. Nne i'll tell you for free ehn,the bff has eyes for your bf oton! And i wont be surprised if your bf has feelings for her as well. What kind of nonsense friendship is that one? Anyway me i trust myself,i wont stand for that rubbish. He will have to choose between both of us. This is not to put ideas in your head but i hope she doesnt gbensh your bf one day all in the name of being heart broken..that is if they havent done it already..Me i dont trust ANY female oh

  4. Back away slowly hon...
    Just tip toe away
    You have no place in that threesome
    How many exes does he have? why did they leave him despite him being amazeballs??? That's right. BFF is in love with your guy and he knows it. He doesn't want to break her heart so he is hoping she will meet someone and forget him.
    I know you will not like this but feel free to come back in 1 year and tell us if he actually proposed.
    If u leave, he can choose to severe ties with her and come for u. Should he refuse, you know I was right.
    Hi Thelma.
    My name is Dr.N and I blog at Dr.N's musings

    1. hahahaha. Dr N. everything you said.

  5. Lols, when a women wants something, she uses all the tricks in the book. Since she's letting him play to her emotional side, u need to do same too. No time to form "strong woman". Right now she's a damsel in distress, give urself brain and be a damsel in distress too.
    As for zanzibar, keep ur enemies close but his bff closer...

  6. Nna na wa o! What kind of parasite is she?
    Have you had a "serious" talk with your boyfriend about how uncomfortable you are with her behaviour, not just their friendship?
    Please don't stop reminding him about it.

    So when she strolls in like she owns the place, what do you do? Make her lunch?
    Maybe she needs a subtle 'advice' and in your boyfriend's presence too.
    Maybe something like "oh welcome Tola I didn't hear you call to say you were on your way here, it would be nice if you called to inform us you were coming, so I would be better prepared, as I was going to do something with T, my boyfriend, anyway have a seat."

    Pele o.

  7. Me cancel my vacation for a human being? No way... he better pitch his tent one place and forget the heartbreak story she is cooking up. If he doesn't choose me over his friend I am afraid he would have to go on with her whilst I go Dr.N way.

  8. Arrrrrrrrgh I just hate it when friends become petty or meddle into relationship. I crave my space a lot.
    Poster your bf has to man up, create boundaries, give you both privacy and respect. Else he is not saying it all.

  9. i was in that situation a while back, had to involve some married friends of theirs that were females.. i was like i know they are all friends but would they be able to take it?

  10. Its clear your bf has some feelings for her and that she is probably in love with him. Have some serious talk with him and demand some added level of exclusivity. As for the vacation, only go, if it is going to be you both. If not, cancel the vacation or schedule it for sometime that you know she'd be unavailable. The saying; 'two is company, three is crowd' is especially true during vacations.

  11. Ur bf shud put her in her place and you in urs! There re frends n fwends, this is becoming unbecoming. The truth is if ur bf doesn't lay the "real" cards on the table, you will soon become one of the many who have gone and the bff still remains!and anoda tin, dont go for the vacation wit her...#JoyDaNuGirl

  12. Poster kindly click on this link and read from beginning till the end

    Read it well and digest.
    That is the future of this relationship if you eventually marry this guy. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
    Make sure you read that post. Your answer lies there.

  13. Maybe your BF is secretly planning a threesome. Did you ever mention to him that you want a threesome?

    The girl wants your man. Your man is enjoying the attention. The good thing is that your BF doesnt really like her. If he did he would have kept her far away. So what you need to do is talk to your BF, and if he is still being a wimp then talk to the girl and let her know you dont appreciate the crap. Draw the battle line with her. She will back down.


  14. No 1. I would feign unavailability for that trip last minute, eg something came up at work yadayada and see if he will be willing to go with her alone.
    No 2. She's welcome to share our space as long as she can cope with my mourns and all forms of sexual noises. Abi how long does it take to be a freak in bed?
    No 3. kill her with PDA, thank God it's Zanzibar not Dubai.
    No 4. I will be everywhere while on that vacation. Complimentary breakfast? Wait for him or them, in case she stylishly delays in other to get some lone time with bae, if possible help her get ready such that you'd be perceived as being exceptionally nice and accommodating.
    No 5. Be an intelligent contributor in all conversations brought up by her.
    No 6. Spend time with her alone. How does she relate with you already? She's a woman like you, you'd get to decipher what her real intentions/desires/wishes are with the way she responds.
    No 7. SNOOP! Hopefully, you'll get to find out what they talk about when you're not there. Perhaps she already made her intentions known to bae sef.
    I wrote all these just as they came to my mind, not like I'd want or suggest that each step be taken accordingly. Good luck in owning your man.


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