Skip to main content

I HAVE MARRIAGE PHOBIA!!!





I have marriage phobia!!!
A lot of people do, they may not share because they don't want anybody judging them or giving them aunty betty advices. 

I have severe phobia
# I like living alone so the thought of living with anybody permanently is giving me shivers.
# I get disgusted easily. The slightest mishap can take me to disgust mood in ten seconds.
# If you as a man plans a life for me that has nothing to do with me that is how you get dumped ( sorry to those I did it to now you know why I ran away)
# I am afraid that a man will come and interfere with what God is doing in my Life.

You see, I once briefly dated this guy. He was such a nice person any woman would be lucky to be his wife, not me sha. He has such grand plans for me. He will uproot me from my present life move me to his own life, get me a desk job somewhere and I come back in the evening, cook for him and have his children. Then he is promoted to a job in another country and I uproot myself again and move with him. The only problem was that it was not the life i wanted for me at all. So many women have sacrificed their career to be perfect wives. When my Ex told me that I had to get a teaching job if I must work so that I go out when the children go to school and be home by two. I asked myself, Mandy all that plenty school just to be a teacher. So all that dream I had to affect lives will be wasted on students just so can be his wife. That s how love started disappearing.

Not all women will be cut out to be perfect housewives and contented with living to make man and children happy. While we do all that we also want a sense of fulfillment in ourselves too.
So it always makes sense to talk about these things before marriage without the sole focus on being a bride. What are your long term goals?? Where do we see each other10, 15, 20 years from now. You need to talk about this things before you make a commitment. If a man is honest enough to say he wants a Maria of sound of music at home. Don't pretend to be Maria when you are a Hilary Clinton. Dont be a mary Poplin when you rather be a Margret Thatcher. You will never be happy in life adjusting to someone else's dream. That is how bitterness creeps into marriage.

Men , you need to talk about this with your intended. I believe in couples talking. Lots of talking . Marriage is one of the most important merger in life so you need to go into the merger to maximize success,some of this women will nod to everything you say now just so they have a ring, a pre wedding picture, their attempt at having a Bella naija wedding and their five mins of instagram fame. Talk to her please. If you want a quiet house wife it is your right to want that, it does not make you a bad person, it makes you a person who wants what they want so don't let anyone intimidate you into thinking everyman should marry and support a career woman. Just find the right woman for you.

Every other problem people have in marriage can be solved but lack of satisfaction can kill a marriage faster. So many people will walk out of a marriage not because they were beaten but because they are constantly misunderstood and not appreciated enough.

Talk about your short term, mid term and long term plans. Talk about everything that's what friends do. If my friends know where I want to be in 20 years and who I want to be then my man deserves to know that too. Why do you think more matured thinkers are worried about Olajumoke and her new lifestyle. It is because we know her marriage may suffer because that man married a wife who does her bit and come home to cater to him now but now she is a super model with busy schedule and no time to be the girl he married. Yes nobody knows tomorrow just like Jumoke but we could attempt to create a healthy foundation. It may not also hurt to ask "What if I become the next Jumoke, what are we going to do?".

Another group of men you should avoid. These nut jobs who tell you that you will be single at 50 because you want a career. Run from men like that. They are manipulators they will bully you everytime with their shallowness. There are men who will support you find them. Leave the manipulators to marry women who want to be housewives and dependent. Not every married person will even have a spouse at 50, go to cemetery and conduct a research.



***
And just before someone says Thelma Thelma Thelma it wasn't written by me. It was sent in by a reader who wanted to share with other TTB readers and possibly hear their thoughts. 

So...



Comments

  1. We are all not cut out for marriage. Some of us want to be child free. That's why I understand everything written here. We don't raise the girl child to have an opinion or ambition. That's the problem. Women who don't believe in themselves, as individuals. Let women start thinking differently.

    Mallama

    ReplyDelete
  2. The writer claims to have marriage phobia but the write up portrays one who desires marriage. *confused face*

    ReplyDelete
  3. I quite like this post and the takeaway is that what anyone wants is valid. Just find someone who is what you want and don't impose on another person. Also, if someone tells you this is who they are, LISTEN.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The nagging questions on my mind for quite a while now....surely there's more to marriage than been a baby making machine,cook n maid all rolled into one....

    ReplyDelete
  5. Marriage is not for everyone, if u are the "career first" type of woman, then go ahead with it and forget abt marriage n whatever the society has to say..#udontneedtohavemarriagephobia##nobebyforcetomarry# LOL

    ReplyDelete
  6. IMO she doesn't have marriage phobia rather she desires a man who would be in sync with her esp career wise n not a man who wud make her a stay at home mum or shorten her ambition


    EBELE

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess that's why she said she has marriage phobia (to the wrong guy) and not totally anti-marriage.

      Delete
  7. Its very important to have long deep discussions with your intended partner before you committ to anything. Even the slightest detail needs to be discussed - What kinda School the kids will go to? Discuss the in-laws, discuss food, discuss maids, discuss sex. Everything.

    But I say, in advising women to be wise and not just follow the wishes of their husbands. I ask - What happened to sacrifice? In the struggle to keep your identity as a woman dont forget that love/marriage is about sacrifice. If you enter marriage thinking that you cannot sacrifice for your partner. Thats the bigger issue. Lets be careful in preaching the message in the post.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kon I am married and I understand the concept of sacrifice. The measure of success in your marriage is how much you have given to your partner, how much you have sacrificed and compromised, It's about what you have given not received. However when this is one sided you have a happy spouse not a happy marriage.

      We constantly have demands on women to sacrifice without a corresponding sacrifice on the man's part. Who said a man cannot look for a less demanding work so he can do the school runs etc Why can't they pool their resources together so they man can start his own business and be more flexible. It's a two way track the moment one party forgets that , one spouse is unhappy.

      Above all ladies marry someone in the same wavelength with you . A man tells you he wants a house wife and you are a career person, respect that and find another man. A lady wants to keep her career and makes it clear during courtship after marriage you start blackmailing her to stop work, why. Lastly never say never, because love makes us change our mind about certain things so.....

      Delete
    2. Where do i send your kisses to

      Delete
  8. Another group of men you should avoid. These nut jobs who tell you that you will be single at 50 because you want a career. Run from men like that. They are manipulators they will bully you everytime with their shallowness. There are men who will support you find them. Leave the manipulators to marry women who want to be housewives and dependent. hmmmmm. word!!!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa