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I have marriage phobia!!!
A lot of people do, they may not share because they don't want anybody judging them or giving them aunty betty advices. 

I have severe phobia
# I like living alone so the thought of living with anybody permanently is giving me shivers.
# I get disgusted easily. The slightest mishap can take me to disgust mood in ten seconds.
# If you as a man plans a life for me that has nothing to do with me that is how you get dumped ( sorry to those I did it to now you know why I ran away)
# I am afraid that a man will come and interfere with what God is doing in my Life.

You see, I once briefly dated this guy. He was such a nice person any woman would be lucky to be his wife, not me sha. He has such grand plans for me. He will uproot me from my present life move me to his own life, get me a desk job somewhere and I come back in the evening, cook for him and have his children. Then he is promoted to a job in another country and I uproot myself again and move with him. The only problem was that it was not the life i wanted for me at all. So many women have sacrificed their career to be perfect wives. When my Ex told me that I had to get a teaching job if I must work so that I go out when the children go to school and be home by two. I asked myself, Mandy all that plenty school just to be a teacher. So all that dream I had to affect lives will be wasted on students just so can be his wife. That s how love started disappearing.

Not all women will be cut out to be perfect housewives and contented with living to make man and children happy. While we do all that we also want a sense of fulfillment in ourselves too.
So it always makes sense to talk about these things before marriage without the sole focus on being a bride. What are your long term goals?? Where do we see each other10, 15, 20 years from now. You need to talk about this things before you make a commitment. If a man is honest enough to say he wants a Maria of sound of music at home. Don't pretend to be Maria when you are a Hilary Clinton. Dont be a mary Poplin when you rather be a Margret Thatcher. You will never be happy in life adjusting to someone else's dream. That is how bitterness creeps into marriage.

Men , you need to talk about this with your intended. I believe in couples talking. Lots of talking . Marriage is one of the most important merger in life so you need to go into the merger to maximize success,some of this women will nod to everything you say now just so they have a ring, a pre wedding picture, their attempt at having a Bella naija wedding and their five mins of instagram fame. Talk to her please. If you want a quiet house wife it is your right to want that, it does not make you a bad person, it makes you a person who wants what they want so don't let anyone intimidate you into thinking everyman should marry and support a career woman. Just find the right woman for you.

Every other problem people have in marriage can be solved but lack of satisfaction can kill a marriage faster. So many people will walk out of a marriage not because they were beaten but because they are constantly misunderstood and not appreciated enough.

Talk about your short term, mid term and long term plans. Talk about everything that's what friends do. If my friends know where I want to be in 20 years and who I want to be then my man deserves to know that too. Why do you think more matured thinkers are worried about Olajumoke and her new lifestyle. It is because we know her marriage may suffer because that man married a wife who does her bit and come home to cater to him now but now she is a super model with busy schedule and no time to be the girl he married. Yes nobody knows tomorrow just like Jumoke but we could attempt to create a healthy foundation. It may not also hurt to ask "What if I become the next Jumoke, what are we going to do?".

Another group of men you should avoid. These nut jobs who tell you that you will be single at 50 because you want a career. Run from men like that. They are manipulators they will bully you everytime with their shallowness. There are men who will support you find them. Leave the manipulators to marry women who want to be housewives and dependent. Not every married person will even have a spouse at 50, go to cemetery and conduct a research.

And just before someone says Thelma Thelma Thelma it wasn't written by me. It was sent in by a reader who wanted to share with other TTB readers and possibly hear their thoughts. 



  1. We are all not cut out for marriage. Some of us want to be child free. That's why I understand everything written here. We don't raise the girl child to have an opinion or ambition. That's the problem. Women who don't believe in themselves, as individuals. Let women start thinking differently.


  2. The writer claims to have marriage phobia but the write up portrays one who desires marriage. *confused face*

  3. I quite like this post and the takeaway is that what anyone wants is valid. Just find someone who is what you want and don't impose on another person. Also, if someone tells you this is who they are, LISTEN.

  4. The nagging questions on my mind for quite a while now....surely there's more to marriage than been a baby making machine,cook n maid all rolled into one....

  5. Marriage is not for everyone, if u are the "career first" type of woman, then go ahead with it and forget abt marriage n whatever the society has to say..#udontneedtohavemarriagephobia##nobebyforcetomarry# LOL

  6. IMO she doesn't have marriage phobia rather she desires a man who would be in sync with her esp career wise n not a man who wud make her a stay at home mum or shorten her ambition


    1. I guess that's why she said she has marriage phobia (to the wrong guy) and not totally anti-marriage.

  7. Its very important to have long deep discussions with your intended partner before you committ to anything. Even the slightest detail needs to be discussed - What kinda School the kids will go to? Discuss the in-laws, discuss food, discuss maids, discuss sex. Everything.

    But I say, in advising women to be wise and not just follow the wishes of their husbands. I ask - What happened to sacrifice? In the struggle to keep your identity as a woman dont forget that love/marriage is about sacrifice. If you enter marriage thinking that you cannot sacrifice for your partner. Thats the bigger issue. Lets be careful in preaching the message in the post.


    1. Kon I am married and I understand the concept of sacrifice. The measure of success in your marriage is how much you have given to your partner, how much you have sacrificed and compromised, It's about what you have given not received. However when this is one sided you have a happy spouse not a happy marriage.

      We constantly have demands on women to sacrifice without a corresponding sacrifice on the man's part. Who said a man cannot look for a less demanding work so he can do the school runs etc Why can't they pool their resources together so they man can start his own business and be more flexible. It's a two way track the moment one party forgets that , one spouse is unhappy.

      Above all ladies marry someone in the same wavelength with you . A man tells you he wants a house wife and you are a career person, respect that and find another man. A lady wants to keep her career and makes it clear during courtship after marriage you start blackmailing her to stop work, why. Lastly never say never, because love makes us change our mind about certain things so.....

    2. Where do i send your kisses to

  8. Another group of men you should avoid. These nut jobs who tell you that you will be single at 50 because you want a career. Run from men like that. They are manipulators they will bully you everytime with their shallowness. There are men who will support you find them. Leave the manipulators to marry women who want to be housewives and dependent. hmmmmm. word!!!!


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