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I NEED ANSWERS.










The last few days have been both a whirlwind and a blur. But let's talk about you instead. How have you been? I feel so grateful when posts have been erratic but y'all still check in, and when I don't post I can't help the nagging feeling that there's something I should be doing, makes it really difficult for me to relax, y'know? Like I was paid to post and I'm not delivering. LOL. Meanwhile shout out to Subomi, just when mummy-Omoperosola was becoming a cherished memory, she made an appearance and put a smile on my face. However I must confess I was a bit nervous. What would she think, would it be the same blog she knew, would she be disappointed, would she go through the posts and be glad to be back, or would she scroll through and then stroll off??? There I go overthinking when I should just say WELCOME BACK Subomi, We missed you!


I'm in my village at the moment, I've been here for the last few days and believe me ehn, e no easy. This is actually why I've been MIA. When you're in the village it's easy to get cut off from the world. It's even more challenging when you travel with three little children; I've never had Prozac but I think if there's ever a time I'd need it, that time is now. But at this point I'd settle for codeine, I'm a nervous wreck! 

Seriously now though, based on some happenings in the last few days, I'm going to ask some questions and I'm hoping everyone can pitch in and share their thoughts. 

Here goes:

1. Does someone who is successful and/or rich have a responsibility/duty to take care of the welfare of some less-privileged family members? 

2. Honestly, when you see an unmarried woman in her mid to late 30s (or 30s generally), do you think there must be something wrong with her/her attitude that's the reason she's unmarried? (I was conversing with someone who said he met and loved a very beautiful and fantastic lady in her mid 30s. But for some reasons he couldn't marry her, "besides if was so fantastic then why was she still single...?")

3. Do baby-mamas have a place in the father's family? Are they entitled to recognition and/respect from his family? For instance if after a fling/affair/relationship a woman gets pregnant and has the baby, should she be present at the baby-daddy's family's social events? And when she happens to be present, is she entitled to be acknowledged by the baby-daddy's family members even when he has moved on and is now married to someone else? Should she even attend such occasions when he's married someone else and moved on? (Would your answer be different if the "child" in question is a grown adult who can attend these family gatherings without his/her mother present?)



These are all current real life situations and I itch to know what you think. Answer one, two or all, I just need answers! 




.

Comments

  1. 1. Well the society we live in expect the rich ones to take care of the others ..in some cases they don't care if u have ur own personal issues , all they want is for u to drop the money ..I think for your own siblings u are obliged to but extended family isn't your obligation , u can only use your church mind and help them .

    2. Someone very dear to me is in her 30s and isn't yet ready to settle down , she has a bad phobia for commitment. Sometimes it might mean they are not ready and other times it might have to do with the persons character ..

    3.yes baby mamas have a place . Once kids are involved , it kinda makes the chic a member of that family ..These days baby mamas play active roles in family functions o.. They no longer hide away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I share similar sentiments with Chocolate on the first two issues. On the third, I feel it is the child/children of such relationships that have a place. The baby mama should be accorded a level of respect and recognition every human deserves.

      Delete
  2. yay.... i missed u thelma, the blog is still interesting and im glad to be back but couldn't find some old bvs in the comment section like wale. missed some interesting topics i can see... how have you all been?

    ReplyDelete
  3. 1. The only obligation they owe is a 'moral' obligation which one can shy away from without any consequence. People can only talk. Na dem get their mouth. The thing is a rich man who has a sense of shame will help his relatives.... Above all, the Igbos have a saying that can be loosely translated thus: He who is rich should bury the father, it was not the first son that killed the father.

    2. A lot of factors can contribute to not been married at that age and bad character/attitude is one of them. It must not be the sole reason.

    3. It all depends on the family and situations. Traditionally, if one has not been married formally into a family, she is not expected to play wifely roles (that includes being at at family gatherings) and such acts are always questions or seen as desperate acts.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I married at 35. Not because I was mean or arrogant but because I had an education and a job. Nigerian men are insecure. Instead of admitting you find the woman intimidating, you label her as arrogant. I was at SMW Lagos and noticed that only a few of the female participants (speakers) are married. Because the Nigerian man knows that he can't toss this woman around.

    I owe a duty of care to my children, spouse, parents and siblings. But if you mistake my charity as a right not a privilege, you're off the gravy train. I will train you to fish, even buy the fishing rod. But I will not chew the fish and feed it to you. My money is for serious people. If mama Promise, the akara seller, makes better use of my money than my brother, I will kick him off and pull mama Promise on my bus.

    Money doesn't solve problems, humans do. I will not pay anyone's rent or christening. You had nine months notice to plan.

    No baby mama is welcome in my family.

    Mallama

    ReplyDelete
  5. 1. Yes, we all have moral obligation to help the needy, they can be family members, friends or even strangers.
    2. Lol, there was dx verse I read in my bible(message bible) that got me loling, it says its everyone that will marry, because some people dont want to marry while some people never get asked....so its not always about the attitude.
    3. Baby mamas dont have any right in the baby papas life/family, only the baby does.



    *1st time commenting, can I get some hugs n kisses *shinesteeth*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hugs and kisses to you and Subomi ! Welcome on board.

      Delete
    2. xoxo....from moi to you. Welcome to this side of the blog!

      Delete
  6. 1.As Africans, we have to. I'm currently doing that by helping my cousins who are in uni. I pay for my aunt's chemotherapy and send money frequently
    2. I do not. But it depends on my impression about the person.
    3. I am a single mum but I'm doing well so I don't ask the family of my kid's father for anything. He doesn't do anything for the kid but his family always calls and sends things. His mum and sister are really nice. They even asked me to come spend holidays with them last year but I made up excuses and didn't go. But the few times I've gone there, they always welcome me like a queen and the whole extended family comes out to greet me. When they lost a key person in the family, they informed me but I didn't go to the funeral. I went afterwards to pay my condolences. I think they'd like to see their son and me together but I don't think that will ever happen. So for the third case, I'll say it depends on the family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. With regards to 3, I probably should add that while his family is very welcoming, mine sees him as the devil. No one wants to see him close by for any reason what so ever. He is afraid of my mum in a way that you'd think she's Bin Laden.
      I think there's a lot of sterotypes with regards to the whole 'baby mama' thing. Like the girl always wants the guy back, or she's forcing herself on his family. In my case it's totally the opposite. If anything, he's been trying to get me back and is passing accross as a victim and telling people sorry tales about himself.
      But, I'm not Nigerian too. So maybe that's why my situation is different.

      Delete
  7. mzJennie, may we know this verse? (asking for some friends...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Matt 19: 11-12......"but Jesus said, “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace.
      Marriage isn’t for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly,
      never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.” (Message bible)

      Delete
  8. mzJennie, may we know this verse? (asking for some friends...)

    ReplyDelete
  9. If you are blessed with wealth, then you have a responsibility to be a blessing to those around you, especially your family members. I always say - If you carry only your own burden in this life then your life is useless. You are supposed to carry your burden and help the next man carry his.

    When I see an unmarried mid 30s lady, my thought is that somebody must have made a wrong decision along the way. You would be amazed at how 1 wrong decision can affect your whole life. The wrong decision could be leaving the love of your life in Nigeria to go and do masters in UK. Or failing to sacrifice a job, time, possession for the love of your life.

    Any baby mama that is feeling over familiar with the baby daddy's family is deceiving herself. Most times the kids would be accepted because the father's blood flows in his vains but as for the baby mama, you are an outsider. Behave like an outsider until you are invited in. Most likely its your child that will open that door for you. Dont force it.

    Peace

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "The wrong decision could be leaving the love of your life in Nigeria to go and do masters in UK. Or failing to sacrifice a job, time, possession for the love of your life."

      I disagree. First, marriage is optional and people have the free will to decide what is best for them. Second,the fact that a woman chooses to advance her career or education over marriage does not make it wrong even if it leads to the end of that relationship. It doesn't even matter whether further down the line, she begins to wonder what if. Third, you cannot determine whether the choices people make are wrong or right for them. It is not your call.

      Delete

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