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Their Ways Are Different From Ours.

The weekend was a very hectic one, it was also very intense. I don't mind much because I was with my family and if there's something there's not a lack of, it's love. So I always feel safe and at peace when my parents are nearby. It wasn't just my parents but siblings, cousins, uncles, aunties, in laws and all (hasn't it occured to you people at this point that I probably went for my traditional marriage? Or y'all think Thelma is never going to get married? Nawa o! O ye readers of little faith). 

Anyways so there's someone whose situation is very embattled and for months on end I've heard several complaints, the union has been seemingly fraught with tears, pain, fights, insults, emotional abuse, accusations, threats and what not. 

I spent my weekend consoling, empathising, sympathizing and sometimes even sobbing. We (parents and older relatives) would all sit down and listen sympathetically and then offer what advice we could. 

To someone of my generation the obvious thing to do would be to say LEAVE! Yet each time I bit my tongue because I'm the youngest and if the older ones hadnt said that, then who am I? 

So I waited patiently for someone to say LEAVE but no one did. They continued to offer up all sorts of advice, each demanding long-suffering, patience, understanding, forgiveness, turn-a-blind-eyeness and what not. Still none of these older, more experienced, more mature, long-married people said LEAVE. 

Later when I talked with my mum and said why is no one saying LEAVE? My mum looked at me askance, like no matter what, leaving is just not one of the options someone who has contracted a marriage is availed. 

It became so clear to me, these older people, their ways are different from ours. If these were young people in a marriage they would have gone their separate ways long ago. Our parents are different, our mothers are more tolerant, more patient, more understanding. Our fathers; no matter what they were/are, they believed that their wives should be their wives forever. 

Their ways are different from ours and I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. What exactly is this life about? 

A lady wrote a story HERE of a woman who has suffered severe emotional, psychological and physical abuse in her marriage for 18 years, not just being abused but having her children forcefully taken away from her once they turn 3, to foreign lands to grow up with grandma. Therefore she's a stranger to her own children as she only gets to see them once a year if at all. She's had her husband cut her off from her friends and family and turn her into a recluse and a lifeless shell. I commented saying "divorce is an option" and well, the married ones on there, including the writer who's also married, didn't seem to agree with me.

I don't know what I'm missing. Is there wisdom in our parents' "long-suffering till death do us apart" marriages, or is the way of the young better; the ones that believe that happiness is what's most important and if your marriage no longer serves that purpose it's ok to take a walk? 

After reading that story and the writer's response to my comment, I couldn't help wondering... What exactly is marriage, because I'm getting confused? A life sentence? Harsh reality to be endured? When you stay in a lifeless loveless hopeless marriage for fifty years, at your life's end are you worthy of applause? I jest don't gerrit!


  1. You jus dey find our mouths wth this post abi T..

  2. Hello house,pls permit me to go south on this post.Ok here goes....
    I usually have this funny feeling sometimes at night.It feels like a urinal pressure and orgasm at the same time.I feel the need to urinate yet I don't wanna get off to take a leak.I'm on the bed with this sweet feeling,rolling and clamping my clits together,most times I don't want the feeling to stop but when I cant take the pressure to urinate anymore,I finally force myself up to take a leak and then it takes time and eventually trickles out in lil drops.
    Initially I thought it was a wet dream or someone was making love to me in my dream but I discovered that I also get the same sensual feeling when I am extremely nervous or scared of something.Mostly in an exam, when we are asked to put our pens down and I feel I haven't written enough.I start to panic and clamp my clits together experiencing this sweet feeling.

    Please has anyone experienced this or am I possessed?

    1. Lol you're not possessed. i know the kind of feeling you're talking about in sleep, it's so sweet and you won't want it to stop, it's even sweeter than normal orgasm. But I won't lie I've nver experienced the other ones. I think your clit is just overly sensitive

  3. Divorce is a very valid option abeg.

  4. Divorce is not an option. ONLY if your life is at stake.

  5. Divorce is an option oh! and not just for the women. The men too. If you are not happy with your wife please divorce her and move on to other people that will bring you happiness.

    Two can play the game.

    1. Is that what they said to God at the alter? You cant go before God in front of many witnesses and make a commitment for better or worse only for you to go against the commitment at the slightest thing. Wonder what God will have to say about that...

    2. I am just tired of hearing the same thing from women these days. Leave him, divorce him. Puleeeze. I am catholic and so do not believe in divorce except it is life threatening but when all the young ladies say they will divorce for just anything and say it out openly, omo make the men start to dey talk their own too. They should not hold us to ransom. "I will divorce if he as much as shouts at me" meanwhile na them dry shout at guys pass. Omo make men divorce them if them sef as much as shout at us.

      Same old song. It is beginning to sound like a broken record.

  6. Out of the box :D8:33 pm, March 08, 2016

    Honestly Thelma, I'll agree with your title. Their ways are not our ways. Growing up wasn't smooth for me, dad had a temper, and he used to beat mum. It went on for years,from the time I know I gained consciousness and reason, I grew up quickly mentally. Mum didn't leave. She stayed because of her children. This sounds selfish of me, but as a child then, I didn't want my mum to leave, if she had left, who would be there to defend myself and my siblings? I am really grateful to God that she stayed and right now, our home is peaceful, dad doesn't beat her any more, I never even imagined there would be this much peace, laughter and love all under our roof. I know this happy ending might not happen in everyone's story.

    Grown up now and thinking of marriage, I know deep down within myself, if I was the one being beaten up like that, there's no way I would stay, if children were involved, I would find a way to take them with me. I wouldn't let them suffer. When it comes to issues like abuse, there's no telling who would survive or who wouldn't. I just can't live the rest of my life the way I lived when I was younger, there's just so much more to live for. I did learn patience, long-suffering, forgiveness, hope and how real God is, it paid off for my mum :)

  7. Just when you think you've heard it all, another story pops up. Ehen! So the woman is now a breeding machine..... Issokay.


  8. What's different between the generations is that we have zero loyalty and we don't understand true love in this generation hence very easy to give up on ourselves.


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