The weekend was a very hectic one, it was also very intense. I don't mind much because I was with my family and if there's something there's not a lack of, it's love. So I always feel safe and at peace when my parents are nearby. It wasn't just my parents but siblings, cousins, uncles, aunties, in laws and all (hasn't it occured to you people at this point that I probably went for my traditional marriage? Or y'all think Thelma is never going to get married? Nawa o! O ye readers of little faith).
Anyways so there's someone whose situation is very embattled and for months on end I've heard several complaints, the union has been seemingly fraught with tears, pain, fights, insults, emotional abuse, accusations, threats and what not.
I spent my weekend consoling, empathising, sympathizing and sometimes even sobbing. We (parents and older relatives) would all sit down and listen sympathetically and then offer what advice we could.
To someone of my generation the obvious thing to do would be to say LEAVE! Yet each time I bit my tongue because I'm the youngest and if the older ones hadnt said that, then who am I?
So I waited patiently for someone to say LEAVE but no one did. They continued to offer up all sorts of advice, each demanding long-suffering, patience, understanding, forgiveness, turn-a-blind-eyeness and what not. Still none of these older, more experienced, more mature, long-married people said LEAVE.
Later when I talked with my mum and said why is no one saying LEAVE? My mum looked at me askance, like no matter what, leaving is just not one of the options someone who has contracted a marriage is availed.
It became so clear to me, these older people, their ways are different from ours. If these were young people in a marriage they would have gone their separate ways long ago. Our parents are different, our mothers are more tolerant, more patient, more understanding. Our fathers; no matter what they were/are, they believed that their wives should be their wives forever.
Their ways are different from ours and I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. What exactly is this life about?
A lady wrote a story HERE of a woman who has suffered severe emotional, psychological and physical abuse in her marriage for 18 years, not just being abused but having her children forcefully taken away from her once they turn 3, to foreign lands to grow up with grandma. Therefore she's a stranger to her own children as she only gets to see them once a year if at all. She's had her husband cut her off from her friends and family and turn her into a recluse and a lifeless shell. I commented saying "divorce is an option" and well, the married ones on there, including the writer who's also married, didn't seem to agree with me.
I don't know what I'm missing. Is there wisdom in our parents' "long-suffering till death do us apart" marriages, or is the way of the young better; the ones that believe that happiness is what's most important and if your marriage no longer serves that purpose it's ok to take a walk?
After reading that story and the writer's response to my comment, I couldn't help wondering... What exactly is marriage, because I'm getting confused? A life sentence? Harsh reality to be endured? When you stay in a lifeless loveless hopeless marriage for fifty years, at your life's end are you worthy of applause? I jest don't gerrit!