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Unwifely Duties.

This is a post about sex and might be considered +18. 

Yap you give him the great sex he needs. Doing the stuff he doesnt want his lady to do but wants a freak like u to do and he gets up says thank you and goes straight home and cuddles his wife.-Tito (Instagram post in response to a Mistress' mail)

I'm the kinda guy that can't do freaky shit with my wife because I look at her like a queen that should not be stained, but I didnt mind doing freaky stuff with all the girls before her. - Kon ( TTB Blog reader). 

Sometimes I want to try out some freaky things in bed with hubby but he starts to look at me funny. So I just respect myself, open my legs and close my eyes and wait for him to finish his missionary so that he won't start thinking he married a prostitute- *Nkem (a sexually frustrated friend). 

Hmmm, he won't even let me give him blowjob, it's not as if he doesn't like it but he is just not comfortable with me doing it to him- *Adesuwa (bemoaning the waste of her great "skills")

The first time this concept of "inhibited" sex between married couples was given any thought by me was about five years ago when Nkem vented. It wasn't that she wanted to try a threesome or an orgy or anything outrageous. She just wanted to be shagged so good in some karmasutraic positions that she'd forget her own name for a few minutes. Unfortunately hubby wasn't having any of that, as there are certain things a man doesn't do to/with his wife or have her do to/with him. 

Nkem went on to say she that she wasn't alone in this as a few other married friends of hers were experiencing this same frustration. This animal desire to have "freaky" (read uninhibited) sex with the one person they were subjected to having sex with for the rest of their lives, but are unable to. 

...So on the one hand we have some wives who want for sexual excitement in varying forms. On the other hand we have some husbands who consider some of these fiery acts as beneath their wives. Kon's comment actually voices the sentiments of many Nigerian men. Tito's comment also echoes this.

While I find absolutely nothing wrong with these opinions, it does make me wonder. It becomes obvious that marriage confers some kind of saintly nobility on women. Or how else do you explain a hoe getting married and suddenly having more value and respect in the eyes of society than the independent, successful, perhaps even celibate single woman?

Lest I deviate, for that's another day's topic, I'll try to stay on course and ask what this is all about. 

While some men want their precious "virginal" wives to keep sex holy, do they sometimes wonder if she's satisfied with this? Does being a wife change a sexually adventurous woman into a blushing bride? Does wanting to have naughty sex make a woman a freak? And even then, what's so wrong with being a freak? NOTHING in my honest opinion, especially if you're being a freak with the husband. Does being a freak in the sheets mean you cannot be a lady in the streets? NO. 

So what is this all about?

I don't feign complete ignorance and I understand that (Nigerian) men feel that in order for you to be "upgraded" from girlfriend to wifey, there ought to be something "chaste" and pure about you. You are after all going to be the mother of their children. Add to this the fact that It's kinda like men use their mothers as the models for their wives; wives to them ought to be maternal and MATERNAL has got to be the greatest antonym for FREAK. So I completely understand this. 

I'm just saying, sex should be fun, adventurous, exciting, uninhibited (between the two of you, and if you both want to throw in one or two more people then that's your own cup of tea) and maybe sometimes even nasty. Maybe if married couples had more of these kinds of sex there would be less infidelity. I'm not saying it would keep anyone faithful, but when that thing wey dey Sokoto dey inside your shokoto, sometimes you go come reason am say wetin you still wan go find for Sokoto? 

Abi no be so?

I simply think life is way too short and way too long to spend it having basic (read average, routine, insipid, conventional) sex. 

There's more to sex than twiddling the breasts like a doorknob, penetrating the nether regions, and occasionally throwing in oral pleasure. But apparently, anything out of the ordinary, or "freaky" is supposedly beneath a wife.  

I've never been married and my thoughts are basically based off hearsay, so please pardon me if I'm off-base. That's why I need you to pitch in here. Share your thoughts with me, are the men who feel this way about marital sex in the minority, are you and le spouse having extraordinary, great, and  sometimes adventurous sex? Or are there things you find yourself wishing you could try out with him/her but can't, simply because it's just not "wifely"? Do tell. 

Ps; I understand that some people are very fine having conventional sex. I understand and acknowledge this. 


  1. I am not married,never had sex but dear future Le hubs had better be ready to be adventurous in bed,no missionary position for me biko.In fact I will discuss it before marrying anyone. I didn't wait this long to be sexually frustrated in marriage

    Enough said

    OK bye

    1. Favourite,so u are a 'fagin'..that's nice..TNHW

    2. U sound like someone who has had sex already, LOL...well if u truly have not, why not wait and at least try it first before u know whether u want to be adventurous or not. ur blood too hottt.

  2. I am not married,never had sex but Dear future Le Hubs had better be ready to be adventurous/explorative in bed.No missionary position for me biko,infact I shall be discussing it before marrying anyone.i didn't wait this long to be sexually frustrated in marriage

    Enough said

    OK bye

  3. I get totally turned on when having sex and talking dirty . i enjoy using words like 'f*uk me', 'use me,'. Hmmm but the husband says its not nicw when i say it. Cos he thinks abt d fact that i have been saying it to my exes. Hian
    Then i stopped , and i just went totally dry down there. He killed the vibe
    Some days when im really into it i try but other days i just let him conduct his biz, make some ahhhhs and uhhhhhhs. Soon im gonna get a vibrator jare. Sunce cheating aint an option. Or maybe i shld just find a ff buddy.

  4. If u ain't having great sex as a couple,I say you are in a long thing...As for me Yetunde,am a wife,stripper,side chick,and groupie to my husband..somebody cannot come and dull me jare..TNHW

  5. Mehn I dont know about other niggas but I cant even suggest some things to my wife.

    1) She has low perversion tolerance.
    2) Im fine doing the little things we do for the rest of my life. I did enough before I got married. Some say Im a legend. Ask about me *Wink

    Let me sit back and see what others have to say.


  6. All I wld say is: "Man's inhumanity to man (but in this case, his wife)"

    1. Serious inhumanity to his wife o.
      Those men who prefer their wives to just lie like freshly cut iroko log of wood on the bed, while they execute their 'almighty task' on their body, in the name of bin pious, ndoo oo, y'all can take it a notch higher by spreading a pure white fabric on the bed (that is on top of the bedspread..for those who use multicoloured bedspreads o) so they can feel complete and untainted in an angelic way whilst doing it.........

  7. So Kon you fall my hand when I read that part of your comment.

    What makes it even more funny is these people must have done everything freaky while dating.

    Call for yourselves.

  8. There are different ways of cooking yam. You either boil, fry, roast, or oven bake (yes oven bake ur delicious). God forbids it that I would prefer to eat boiled yam through out my lifetime (tufiakwa).
    Why would moi want to do missionary style with hubby, just because I want to be seen as pious and unspoilt? If hubby thinks doing freaky things in bed makes me tainted, well he shulda married his mother.
    I have a friend who said 'E... those women who always look frustrated at work every morning, are those who just went on a missionary journey again with their husband the previous night, but would have preffered a rock 'n'roll concert.....but out of pretence dem no go complain, they come to work with face like assorted granite'...(lol, my friend had this mean female boss then)
    What is society's bizness with what I do behind closed doors with my hubby biko? Why would society even know what I do behind closed doors? My take is that those women who pretend to love d weak ass sex style that they engage in with their hubby (when truly they would prefer a thousand and one different styles) do so out of fear of hubby either withdrawing totally from engaging in d 'Almighty Task' or branding them as prostitutes before family members.
    As for me and my significant other, we shall continue to boil yam in all forms.

    1. It ok to admit it ejoec, you really like boiled yam :)

    2. @ Quaggar, maybe u should read my comment again to enable you understand that the last paragraph of liking boiled yam was a mistake....u hear.
      Cooking yam means...boiling, frying, roasting etc. Pele o

  9. OK guys, for me sex is best now am married cos I've tried a few freaky stuff while single, but i didnt want to give 100% cos i had to save some for marriage o...LOL. As for men saying "my wife is a queen therefore i cant do certain thingz with her,#youarealearner#, and you are even wicked because why will u allow only the sidechick get all the enjoyment. Adventurous Sex is enjoyment i must say and if u are a man and ur depriving ur wife of all that enjoyment, pls have a re-think. Likewise, if ur a woman and u wont give ur man, then stop fighting the side chick cos shes helping U

  10. I definately eat my yam in varieties
    I spice it up with condiments sef

  11. I can totally relate to this! I like my eating my "yams" in different ways depending on my mood, but sometimes when I want it to be really pounded, me hubby will just refuse and say he is afraid of hurting me. there was once he even said he was scared that he will "spoil" something in there that will jeopardize a safe delivery. sometimes I get angry, and at other times, I understand that people love in different ways

  12. These men that can't "stain" their wives make me wonder!

    How do you bargain,in an exclusive auction house, for the only top class casserole dish you would ever own and refuse to put it in the oven? Mehn! that's why you bought in the first place!

    Well, the exception to me, is when the partner too, is as well 'conservatory'.

  13. These men that can't "stain" their wives make me wonder!

    How do you bargain,in an exclusive auction house, for the only top class casserole dish you would ever own and refuse to put it in the oven? Mehn! that's why you bought in the first place!

    Well, the exception to me, is when the partner too, is as well 'conservatory'.

  14. Before i got married,i used to hear comments like oh marriage bed is sacred,missionary is the only acceptable way...I remember praying that God i do not want a dull sex life as i have kept myself o!!
    My husband and I had loads of sex talk before getting married and we both had the yearning to explore sex, now that we are married,we always try to explore and get freaky...we cannot come and be doing missionary all the time!


  15. An older mentor-type friend had this to say about his wife of 20yrs and this is what I strive to become: "X is a lady in the streets, a boss in the kitchen, a baddass at the office n the freakiest of freaks in the sheets and that right there is why I'm whipped!"
    I honestly don't get the rationale behind placing your wife's sexuality on a 'saintly pedestal' and I feel it's a tad unfair to the wife (unless it's her thing, in which case...). Abi u think say na only u sabi get fantasies or na only u e sabi sweet? Abegi! Quit being a hypocrite n satisfy ur woman bikonu! Marital sexual frustration can cause depression o! Lol.
    BTW, guys need to stop with that 'she wld kiss my kids with that mouth' bullcrap! (that seems to be the biggest excuse I hear). Afterall, u kiss and touch HER & UR KIDS with the same mouth and hands u use to toss a salad, give 'freakum' head or earn 'red wings' to your sidechic (guys be doing freaky shit for days though! Kai! Lmbo!)


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