Skip to main content

Dear Thelma. (Was It Just a One-Off or Is My Fiancé Abusive?)





Please post urgently. If someone loses their temper and does something just one time does it mean the person is an abuser? I ask because my partner of two years and seven months did something last night and I am so confused about whether I was at fault or he just displayed something that he has been hiding since. But is it possible for somebody to be pretending for almost three years? Yesterday we were in his house and I noticed he was chatting with someone. His phone then rang but he immediately cut the call. I grabbed the phone from his hand and if you see how he jumped up and started struggling for the phone with me and it made me more curios and angry. He started screaming that I should give him the phone and I refused. Then guess what, he burnt my face with his cigarette and pushed me on the floor. I was so shocked because I never expected that kind of assault of using fire on my face. I packed my things and ran home. Before I reached my house he was already calling me to beg me to forgive him, he said he didn't know when he did it and he can never do it again. He has never lost his temper in my presence before or shown any sign of abuse so that's why I'm wondering if this was just a one off. But see, if he slapped me I wouldn't have minded as much as I do that he actually pressed a burning cigarette to my face. To me that was calculated and wicked. If he wanted to burn me he could have done it on my hand or anywhere else but he chose my face. Also I'm petite so he could have just pushed me on the floor without burning me. I am very fair and now I'm carrying a fresh burn on my face that I cannot explain to anybody. But I know he loves me so much and so far is the gentlest and kindest man in the whole world so I'm so confused. He even called his elder ones to call my phone to beg me. 
      Another issue also is the way he reacted when I grabbed his phone, this means he may be cheating or hiding something from me. The truth is that I can forgive a cheat but not an abuser. I need answers because we have done introduction and I cannot be in an abusive marriage. Thelma please help me post because I need answers. Thank you.  



*poster I'm so sorry I didn't post immediately you sent this. I haven't had access to my blog for a while*

Comments

  1. Please if you don't have running shoes, you can have mine.He will do worse plus he has or doing things he doesn't want you to know about

    ReplyDelete
  2. The truth is - Nobody can say if its a one off for certain. He might be an abuser, he might not. He messed up and he has apologized. You love him, he loves you. Forgive and move on with the relationship. Its a risk. Life is a risk.

    Obviously he has some things to hide. Which is what you should focus on. What was so serious about what he was hiding that made him react that way. Work on discovering that then you will have your answer whether you want to continue the relationship or not.

    Peace

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Am with u on this one kon., forgive him since it's a first time but find out what made him struggle with u when u took his phone, it's obvious he is hiding something. Good luck. Maybel

      Delete
    2. I suggest you dig deeper as to why he burnt u on the face. He is hiding something major that you must know about bfor you marry him.

      You know him better so the issue of the abuse needs deeper reflection. I could forgive the first but the next one hmmmm if it ever happens i wont just pack n go. Id get even. Id get the mother f*ker beaten. I shit you not.

      Delete
    3. Poster respect yourself, short people problems. Must you always show yourselves? You snatched an adult's phone and started struggling with him? Shior! Troublesome woman. Karishika

      Delete
  3. OUT OF THE BOX :D9:32 am, April 18, 2016

    Im going to tell you what i would tell my sisters if this sort of thing happened. Watch this movie titled "The Perfect Guy" the one with Sanaa Lathan. I know say na movie, but it has happened before. If he simply pushed you that was okay, BUT THE CIGARETTE is overboard. Why in the world would he do that!! ON YOUR FACE for that matter. It sounds similar to this thing that happens sometimes in India (and other places as well) when a guy pours acid on his girl, they usually make sure the face is included so the girl might not stand a chance with another guy. Anyone who loves you will not harm u in such a manner abeg. This to me is something petty, if you now offend him on something more serious, how then is he going to react. Please pray for direction and rethink your stance with him. And it's possible to pretend for 3 years. I can anyway to be honest and I've seen people do it, and trust me human beings can do anything and anything they set their minds on doing. Thankfully you're not married yet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! 'The Perfect Guy' is just d perfect illustration.

      Delete
  4. That's a red flag. If he had the conscience to do it once he'll do it again. Wisdom is profitable to direct.

    ReplyDelete
  5. He just showed you who he is. Believe him!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Get your running shoes....wait what am I saying? you don't need shoes biko, take to your heels and gerra there

    ReplyDelete
  7. There is fire on the mountain, Run! Run!! Run!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Better run. He didnt curse you anf wrestle phone from your hand but burnt your face with cigarette? Na wa!

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. Like Kon said you have 2 huge issues. Whatever he is hiding that made him burn your face should worry you as well. There is no guarantee this will be the last time he will do such or worse. J

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is sad. My advice is that you will have to make him understand that he has to trade whatever he's hiding for your forgiveness. If he's not ready to give up what he's hiding, leave. If he does give it up, leave too. I'm sure whatever he's hiding that drove him to that length would make you leave anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  11. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time! Don't try to rationalise it. That guy has a really mean streak. The fact that you haven't seen it before doesn't mean its not there. Babes! he did't only push you down(you could have broken something you know?), he went ahead to burn you with the butt of his cigarette. That is just cold and calculated. Who uses fire to play with anybody? The next time, he would use his fist or hold a lighter to your face and tell you the same bullsh!t story after.

    Plus, what was on the phone that was so important, it brought out this dark side that has been in remission for over 2 years? Someone who hasn't gotten angry in 2 years gets angry because you want to check his phone? There's more to that phone ish..

    As I type this, I realise that on some very, very, very few occasions, people do or say things they don't mean but we can't be sure they won't do it again. You need to re-evaluate this relationship and ask the right question like Kon said. What was so important that he put his lit cigarette on your fine face?

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm really tired of reading complaints dat end wt aw so lovely, caring, ds, dat and aw he's so perfect and loves u to d moon and up. Lol
    Babe burning ur face was way way extreme, and do u still need anybody to tell you who he was chatting with?
    Hmmm..I might say dat u'll def need a break to clear ur head. Love shudnt cloud ur judgement.
    And to answer ur question, yes! Sb can pretend for as long as is necessary. A male friend of mine actually told me dat, men can pretend no matter aw long,provided d reason for the pretense remains constant. And just a side question, is a cigarette smoker really d best for u hunie? U'd want ur kids to learn dat? Or u hoping he'd stop in time?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

One More Post...

Giveaway Finale!

Happy Sunday y'all. 
This is the conclusive part of #WCG. 
All the N25,000 recipients have received their cash.
All the students have also received their N10,000. 
Once again guys please comment under any of the posts, or this one that you've received your money. Thanks. 

So moving forward, this final giveaway contains 
1. N10,000 for 5 people. 

2. 3 kimonos from Julian's dressmakers. 
3. 3 pairs of Palm slippers from WaleOnibata. (Gents) 
4. 2 pairs of shoes from Courtney's Closet. (Ladies. Size 9 and Size 11). 

5. 1 human hair wig from Gabby's Wigs'n'Weaves. You pick from one of the wigs below. 
6. 3 cakes from CakesandCream 

7. A getaway at CitiHeight Hotel Ikeja for 3 people. (Who can each bring one person along).  


As I said earlier, Kon has already won a stay at CitiHeight and Clare, a kimono. So those gifts are now available for 2 people each. 
There is no competition. We are only going to play a game. 
I have each gift item listed out in numbers. Number 1 to 100. …

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa