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I Cannot Believe This Sh*t Still Happens!

Good morning people. 

So I was scrolling through the timeline of a facebook group I belong to and just this morning I saw some posts and comments by women like myself who have experienced a similar injustice. 

The first post shocked me because the poster is really young, 28 years old at most. She thanked God for seeing her through the hell she experienced when she lost her husband. Isn't it painful enough that a woman so young should lose her husband? Well, her in-laws (his family) obviously didn't think so. They not only accused her of killing him, sent her away with their child and refused her from seeing her own husband being buried. 

As my mouth hung open I was in for an even bigger shock as I scrolled down. Yet another poster shared about recently losing her father and the inhumane treatment her mother is being subjected to. From being bathed in the stream in the middle of the night by other widows, to being refused to seeing him being lowered into the ground or throwing dust on his coffin. Like it's not bad enough, none of the daughters were allowed to see his body being lowered, only a son who happens to be the youngest among everyone, a child! Now like this isn't enough, her mother who has a job, businesses and a life in the city is being held down in the village UNTIL another person's husband dies. ONLY then would she be allowed to leave the village and the new widow take over. It's been months and all her businesses and investments have been grounded because she cannot return to Lagos until another woman from the village loses her husband. 

Please can you imagine such rubbish? Isn't this 2016 or am I missing something here?

You know what makes me laugh out loud? After reading all this, some ignorant female would still come and open mouth and say God forbid, I'm not a feminist. 


FYI it's this kind of injustice we fight against when we say we want equal rights. It's not about who should cook or do the chores. It's the bigger issues, the social issues. What man has ever been subjected to any form of indignity when he loses his wife?

I simply cannot believe that in 2016 women are still being forced to shave their heads, publicly cry and cry for their late husbands till they nearly bleed (what if she wants to grieve in other ways?), stopped from seeing her own husband being buried, made to bath in a filthy stream in the dead of night, made to drink the water used to wash her husband's corpse, subjected to stay put in the village until such contingency as the death of another man which may not be for several months or years, to the detriment of her job, her income, her children's welfare her and her own mental wellbeing (this is false imprisonment btw!), and so much more? And guys, these are just related to widowhood alone o! There are so many more traditions that dehumanize women.

You know what's even more amazing? That most of these repugnant traditions made and imposed by men, are being enforced by her fellow women! (Probably the kind of women who hate feminism?). 

Here ends my rant. Have you got anything to say? Anti-feminists are you ok with this? Isn't it about time we part with some traditions? 


  1. Errm I may be ignorant about these things but don't these women have family members. Do they not have cellular phones? Can they not have this pseudo kidnapping reported to the police? Unless they themselves believe in these traditions and want to undergo them.

    1. My point exactly, something similar happened to my mum's friend,her kids had to bring in human rights into d issue,they marched to the village and brought her back to Lagos, what rubbish? One thing I know is some traditions are difficult to abhor,some crazy traditions will still continue to exist till forever. God help us

    2. Most of the relations just agree as it is 'our tradition' so they do nothing n advise the woman to do nothing. Happened to my cousin when she lost her husband. It was her own mother that kept shouting that she must have her hair shaved by the other widows n wear only white for how many months. Her mom didn't help out instead persisted so.... it's really when you have enlightened family members around that you can be protected.

    3. The same thoughts were going through my head as I was reading. I would NEVER go through such and would NEVER allow my mother go through such. I'd rather they ostracize me. What rubbish!

      This is one reason I believe couple should learn about each other's culture and family tradition. Once any of them sees anything odd in the other half's tradition, s/he should raise it and prepare for the worst.


    4. I second your thoughts Anonymous 10:46. Although, I must remark that woman on woman intolerance hardly qualifies as a viable reason for the feminism movement. If my knowledge serves me correctly, feminism is more about inter-gender equality. Intra-gender equality in the feminine gender is another issue on its own. The gist of this post - the barbaric practices - are cultural issues and this would take a lot of education and enlightenment to reverse these unhealthy practices.

  2. It's sad that some women still have to go thru these sh*t...did they state what part of Nigeria this happens cos I'm curious as this doesn't happen where I come from..

  3. THEY MUST BE IGBO WOMEN.... everything is tradition, even annoying things!

    1. Don't bring tribe into this, happens even in yoruba lands and yes i'm yoruba

  4. I am bewildered. Are u kidding me? Stay until someone else loses a husband? Are they forcing a widow to pray another is made a widow asap? What a wow..!! (onwe some things amam na m'ma mee.)

    According to someone,this isn't a cultural practice.

    1. Your husband dies, and you're compelled to go through these foolish things because? "'s my husband's culture...". I sincerely doubt this is what Sasha Bone will be telling people in 2016. This day and age, no one, I repeat, NO ONE will be subject to this kind of foolishness unless if superstition sets in. My uncle died and was buried in August 2015, my aunt, despite all the restrictions prescribed with regards to widows, has travelled out of the country. Woe betide anyone who uses "Culture" to spew trash in her presence.

      People have the right and privilege to reject stupid practices in the name of "Culture". If you wanna call it your culture, by all means.

    2. Lols,Its a cultural practice according to the people of the place. Whether it's accepted or rejected is left to the next "victim". Every culture has its good and bad practices. It still remains what it is - A cultural practice (whether archaic or progressive)

    3. Culture is defined generally as the way of life/customs/belief of a particular people. If a person, or group of persons reject the inherent practices, will it still be a culture?

      The Pharisees prescribed horrendous customs for the Jews, and JESUS rebuked them. "The Sabbath is made for man, not man for the Sabbath". If you walked with HIM during those times, would you call HIM aside and say, "But bros J, YOU know say finally finally, na YOUR culture"?

    4. Hmm, u just love to argue and I'm in the mood to indulge you.

      Nig history mentions the killing of twins in Calabar as a cultural practice till Mary Slessor helped abolish it. Has it been stopped? Yes!

      Osu (in the East) is a cultural practice that still happens till today. Has it been stopped? Mostly No!

      Tribal marks among the Yoruba tribe is also a cultural practice. Have some families stopped it? Yes, do some still do it? Yes.

      Unless you wanna change the definition of "culture", I donno what exactly you're trying to say.

    5. And as a follow up to quoting the bible and Jesus, God himself said "Honor the Sabath day and keep it Holy". Jesus didn't call it babaric and so must be scrapped or abolished. You can interpret that part however u wish but it still remains part of the commandment (or culture if u wish)

    6. I just told you the definition of culture. Why is the killing of twins no longer a culture? Because it's no longer accepted. Culture deals with ACCEPTANCE.

      GOD says, "keep the Sabbath Holy", why then did JESUS rebuke Pharisees? Where they keeping the Culture of a Holy Sabbath? No. They formed an unacceptable culture which JESUS rejected. Will we then still call it "JESUS' Culture"? How does that even sound?

      Female genital mutilation happens in your village.

      Q: Sasha Bone, is that your culture?
      A: It's the culture of my village.
      Q: I asked you, not your village.
      A: ????

    7. Female genital mutilation doesn't happen in my village to the best of my knowledge. If it does, its a cultural practice which my parents didn't subject me to.
      Do u now understand the difference between a cultural practice and indulging in it?

      Like I said,every tribe and culture has its good and bad practices. You don't deny the bad part of a culture. What u do is condemn it and also try to have it abolished.

      Nig men believe it's cultural to be Polygamous (even irrespective of religion), do all men practice polygamy? Wld u call a polygamous man babaric simply because u don't personally believe in polygamy?

      I'm really trying to understand what ur trying to say...

    8. And point of correction, the Pharisees didn't form any unacceptable culture. Read the old testament on the 10 commandment rules and regulations and u wld knw why Jesus Christ had to come and re-explain some things.

    9. Oya Sasha come and answer oh!!!

    10. Sasha, read about the "Sabbath healing" of the man with the withered hand, the paralyzed man at the pool, and the man born blind. Also read Matthew 23: 16-36. HE didn't re explain anything, instead rebuked and cursed them for twisting Jewish culture.

      Matt 23: 13 down, "Woe unto you teachers...". For what? Moses laws?

      PS: I'm not implying female genital mutilation happens in your village, just using that as a cameo discuss. Uyi, mind yasef. Lol

    11. I see uve switched to the bible and the Sabbath Law,cool!

      Maybe u shld also read the book of Exodus when the 10 commandment was freshly given to the Israélites. Jesus didn't call it babaric and ask for it to be abolished,did he? Sabbath still remains a commandment and a day to be kept holy irrespective of old or new testament. Interpret it how u wish...

      As for the origin of this post,the numerous cultural practices of our 775local govt are plenty. Some are archaic, (like this post), some are quite tolerable (like having the man's family decide the name of ur child) and some progressive (including women to be beneficiaries to a will). It wld be best to knw which to uphold or do away with but in the end,it remains what it is - Culture!

  5. If this is what feminism is about and more; then it's a noble cause...else it's just bleeeeh.

  6. The stories in most of them Facebook groups are fabricated.

    I find it hard to believe somebody will be locked down in a village and treated like this without family members coming to the rescue. The villagers can try to propose this kind of treatment but I doubt anybody will stand for this.


    1. @Kon- these things are for real ooo not fabricated. I have seen with my eyes. Happened to my cousin. Some people believe that all those trash they claim will happen if one doesn't mourn properly will and that's total bull Crap to me. So it depends on one's belief

  7. It's possible she doesn't have family members.
    I once had a very timid classmate. She lets everybody walk over all cases....whether they have the right to or not. She's currently an orphan with no siblings and few friends who are tired of her being silly.

    Imagine she marries into a home like this, who will rescue her? Nobody. Except God.

    The fact that we all are bold women who know their rights and demand it and don't take trash doesn't mean there aren't people in the world, in your vicinity even, who would not only take trash, but also beg people to treat them like trash.

    I know this is barbaric and all. I believe she's 'allowing' it happened to her.

  8. What irks me the most is that fellow women do this silly cultural stuff to other women.

    If these women collectively stand against this rubbish even the old men ir elders that stand by these laws will hve no choice but to relegate these laws to the dustbin.

    Alas it seems these village 'WITCHES' abi na widows who practice it enjoy the torture they met out to other women nd hide behind tradition.


  9. This annoyed me so bad, I didn't finish reading it. I Los my dad over 10 years ago, in my villa is it is custom to cut the hair of the widow and children. My brothers held their ground I didn't cut my hair ps I was not married and am a woman. No one touched anyone's hair. My brothers got back to base and cut their hair at a barbar not in villa. These women's families should speak up so should they

  10. Me I'm right here thinking that the reason for this is because of The Generation.

    Change is coming... *started already*
    The Generation of the 'enlightened' being widows would come around 20years from now. Meanwhile... *sips tea* enjoy the life you have now and be grateful.


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