"Dude that's gross!"
Those were the words that were threatening to slip from my mouth. But you know men and their overly fragile egos, I decided against it and simply moved a little everytime he did that.
So I was already drifting off to sleep when my phone vibrated. I actually woke up to take the call and after a few minutes the question came; have you eaten?
Me: no, why?
Him: don't you think you should get something to eat?
Me: look you're not even in Lagos! Don't be calling from the south-south and asking me that question unless when you do and I answer in the negative you're immediately going to do something about it.
Him: Ha! Oya no vex.
Dear men, I know you think it's a sign of affection or concern when you repeatedly ask "Have you eaten?" You might think it endears us to you, you might think your supposed care turns us on, you might think it's going to improve your chances with us.
Err, most times you're wrong.
That's one of the things you do that you think we like but you're so wrong about.
-Sticking and swirling your tongue inside our ears (sounds like a flushing toilet and is utterly disgusting)
-Spending forever in the sack (no, it doesn't make you a stud, it just makes you look like you're suffering for an erectile dysfunction that causes ejaculation to elude you)
-Walking around the house in your birthday suit (look, unless you're Tyson Beckford or packed like Lexington Steele, chances are we're going to be put off by your naked body! Most women, unlike men, aren't visual creatures. Put your clothes on!)
LOL, ok these are my personal dislikes. Ladies what's yours? What are those things men do that they think we like but we actually don't?
Oh, MEN I really want to hear from you and I think yours is going to be super interesting. What's something ladies do that they think you like but is actually a turn off? We are all ears!