Skip to main content

On Courtesy And Other Things - The Lady.




Courtesy … 
My earliest memories are of my mother reprimanding me for not responding to a comment or question directed at me. ‘Is it not you, he/she is talking to?’ ‘Open your mouth and answer.’ ‘Can’t you talk?’ As if I would respond no to that last question. I detest small talk just as much as I detest and display of a lack of courtesy. 

Unfortunately that seems to be the norm especially with the advent of mobile devices and instant messaging. How many times have you sent a message to someone only for them to respond days later? Or are you the guilty party? I am not talking about when there is a rift between both parties or someone is merely constituting a nuisance, but something as simple as an inquiry or merely checking up on a friend. 

I have quite a number of acquaintances. Yes, acquaintances who do this. For that singular reason, they cannot be considered friends because I do not like rude people. It is a rather unattractive trait. A common defence is that they thought they responded or that they intended to do so and it skipped their mind. That is a fair excuse the first 2 times. Anything after that is just plain rude and shows a disdain for the person’s time and emotions. The irony is that these category of people are the ones whose phones are never out of their sight when you hang with them. The type that you have to pry away from their phones when you are out together. Then you begin to wonder why they never respond to you. My conclusion? They don’t care for you. Simple. Nothing to feel bad or upset about either. C’est la vie! However, another irony is that such people are the first to accuse you of not keeping in touch. Errr….kindly miss me with that bullshit. 

This attitude is not limited to contemporaries. It cuts across age, class and social strata. You send out emails to organisations and you never get a response even after numerous follow ups (Please, always follow up on emails if you do not receive a response within a decent period). Job seekers are all too familiar with this. When executives complain about how busy they are to respond to messages or return phone calls, I laugh. A while back, I came in contact with a top executive in my field and that experience left an indelible mark on me. Think someone whose name is in the hall of fame for his field globally. He was also a BUSY man. I mean as BUSY as they come. This man, not Nigerian of course, responds to every single mail even in his retirement. I had responded to a call for applications. I never followed up on the application, but I decided to keep in touch with him. After some time, I ran into him at an event and thought to introduce myself since we had never met prior to that encounter. Turns out, he was short of time and needed to take his leave, but he promised to get in touch with me. Lo and behold, some days later, I received an email from him explaining why he was in such a rush. To say I was shocked is an understatement and I told him that I wasn’t expecting sucha reaction from him and he responded that if in his position he could make out time for the big names in our field, then he must make out time for the younger generation who are the future. I learnt a lesson in humility that day. So also graciousness. This man was neither my teacher nor employer, nor a family friend/acquaintance. A total stranger! I also had a similar experience with another top executive in the same field. A lady who was equally gracious. 

During that period, I contacted some Nigerian executives in my field and oh the torture of squeezing a response out of them! I gave up eventually and wrote just that in my footnotes. Lack of courtesy is not limited to Nigerians, but I witness it a lot around me. More than I witness a display of courteousness and I wonder if it is too much to ask for

I am curious as to why people choose to ignore messages sent to them and think it is acceptable to do so. Ever done this? Care to share why? If you have been on the receiving end, how did it make you feel?

Other things …
Is there anything else you would love the Lady to touch on that relates to work, career or personal development?


***
The Lady some of your posts make me feel like a naughty child being sent to the naughty corner and receiving a reprimand. I'm not guilty of TDLR, but on the matter of not responding to messages, especially texts, immediately is one I'm guilty of. The speediness of my response depends on a number of factors and it's seldom because I'm... Oh what the hell, I agree with you, it's discourteous and I promise to do better *please can I come out of the naughty corner now? *sniff sniff*


Guys, are you also piqued by people who delay to respond to messages? Or, like me, are you the guilty party here. 

Comments

  1. I think different societies view courtesy in different ways. I also think the mode of communication also affects the eventuality of a reply. For example some people tend to trivialize unsolicited mails rather than phone calls possibly due to the fact that they receive more than their fair share of spams. Like for me, I remember there was a time when I could get more than two missed calls from one of my contacts and not even bother to return the call, now things have changed.

    As to organizations not responding to mails, I opine that's the norm of doing business in Nigeria especially when you are the one seeming to seek a favor. I've interacted with foreign nationals and they seem to place more emphasis on courtesy especially with replying mails and answering inquiries much more than the average Nigerian. Well, if acquaintances are not replying to your messages and not willing to change their attitude, then they don't deserve to be friends

    My choice on 'Other things', Personal Development. I'd leave it to you to freestyle.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice 1... well, I know some pple who are genuinely busy and can't take or return calls/mssgs. But I also know some ones who are forming busy and hence forget to return calls...such ones I can't be bothered with keeping in touch with them. Well, I too am busy!! Hehe

    ReplyDelete
  3. *with guilt from the naughty corner*

    I am guilty of the above. I really can't be bothered to open my BBM much less read some of my pings or whatsapp messages on most days cos I'd have to reply or start a conversation and most of the time, I'm not in the mood to do/type anything. I didn't think it was rude, snobbish maybe, but not rude. Then there are those people that chat you up every single time you change DP or PM, I just cant deal with those ones. I'm not trying to justify my bad behaviour, I'm just trying to explain it. Then procrastination is a serious contributor to this too.

    I get a lot of work related calls and it can be very annoying so I don't return calls from numbers that aren't saved on my phone. I'll try to be better sha cos a LOT of people have complained about it.

    Thank's The Lady. Can I come out of the naughty corner now :(

    ReplyDelete
  4. While preparations for my wedding was in full swing. I contacted a certain guy to be master of ceremony at the reception as he came highly recommended and seemed to tick all my desired boxes for how I would want the event to turn out. Very importantly, I wanted my guests to be involved in the fun, I didn't want them to eat and just go, I just wanted some other people to be the cynosure of all eyes and not just us.
    Good thing is, he's not a stranger to me so I thought contacting him to discuss business wouldn't be an issue and boy was I wrong?!
    Dude was forming busy, he wouldn't respond to BBMs for days and yet, he'd be changing his DP and PM every now and then, sending silly BCs.
    The few times he managed to respond to my messages, he responded somewhat dismissively. Giving me a very unreasonable price and asking that I arrange for his accommodation in Lagos (2 nights), transportation, give him my aso -ebi for guys and then we would discuss the fee.
    I told him to sum it all up in a fee and get back to me, which took another 2-4 days before he responded. I immediately gave him my price which he read and didn't respond to on the same day. Days later, he buzzed me himself and told me, ''so we have a deal.'' By then I was too pissed with his epileptic style of communication especially because I would be paying him. So, I responded sharply immediately that ''No, we don't, I sorted MC already. thanks for your time'' Even though I hadn't. To which he also responded ''wow''.
    Fortunately for him we met later that night at the mall and he apologized, so I let him do it at the end of the day.
    By the time he added me and hubby to a group of just three of us to discuss what we would like etc etc and he would go off again, I gave him a very blunt piece of my mind and he adjusted.
    That's the height of lack of timely response I've ever experienced.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Haha @ Sunshine and Thelma. As long as you remember to do unto others as you would have them do to you, you may exit the naughty corner.

    Funny though, Thelma is one person I have filed under 'she'll reply eventually', which is still okay by me.

    - The Lady.

    ReplyDelete
  6. i guess i'm guilty of responding to texts and whatsapps days later. i just haven't yet acclamatised myself with this 21st century need to receive information on every single thing on the spot at every single hour of the day. why? why are you messaging me at this hour? what do you want to know now that cannot wait? mind you, i will (scratch that, i MAY) read your message earlier than I respond, so at least if it’s something urgent, I can respond accordingly. But if it's nothing urgent, it can wait till tomorrow... or the weekend. So if everybody is responding instantly, how long is this conversation going to take? would i do anything else with my day apart from the both of us responding instantly?
    I mean for starters, I'm anti- constantly staring at your phone and devices instead of making contact with real people, so I often go without checking my phone for hours. I believe if I'm somewhere, I should be 100% there, not dividing my attention between the real world and the virtual world.
    If you really want to talk to me, let's meet up, and I will honestly give you my 100% attention, and you can receive answers to your questions even before you finish the question - that instantly!... but if you are waiting for my texts and whatsapp immediate responses, you are on a long thing. sorry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with your point on timing. I overlooked that and I guess that is why comments are always welcome.

      After a certain time of the day or before a certain time, I don't pick certain phone calls or respond to messages. I believe people need to be conscious about timing too. Don't be calling me at 6am. I will not pick up! If it's that important, send a message and I will most likely respond instantly. However, I will always return the call either the following day or much later in the day.

      I had a boss who'd be sending messages at odd hours of the day. Not so polite ones at that. To preserve my sanity, I would only respond when I got into the office most times.

      -The Lady

      Delete
  7. I think Nigerians believe it gives the impression that they are important. For me it's just irritating. Some people give the excuse of you know I don't like chatting much, what happened to replying and saying please can you call instead? That's more polite than ignoring messages. For me I try to reply messages as soon as I see them or when I hear my phone beep. Some people have said how come you always reply on time, it's as if you're not to busy. I tell them if ignoring messages makes you busy then kontinu.
    As for sending emails to companies, I don't even bother at all because it's a waste of time. These days I search for their Twitter handle or phone number. Responses are quicker that way.
    I was listening to T. D. Jakes once and he said that he doesn't know how to hear his phone ring and not answer, even when it's someone he doesn't want to talk to. He just wasn't raised like that. Personally I think Nigerians are just mannerless and rude.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am partly guilty though.....I wee change

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa