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Dear Thelma (Help. He's Out Of My League!)





Thelma I know running a blog can be hard work but please don't give up, the Lord is your strength. Please post my mail, I need advise. This is my situation. 

I am 29yrs, a graduate of a nigerian university and I currently work in a small accounting firm. I live a very simple life, I stay on the mainland and I'm currently single. I went to watch a movie with some colleagues from work last month at the palms where I met *Tony. He was very cute and well mannered so I gave him my number when he asked. The next day he invited me for lunch which I agreed to and we got along well. Since then he's been asking me out for a serious relationship and I know he's also looking for someone he can settle down with. My friends think I'm mad to be turning him down because he is every lagos girl's dream man and I can't blame them. 

The reason I'm reluctant is that although he is very nice to me and treats me with a lot of resoect, I feel like we are two different people. I went to Imo state uni, made a 2.2 and I have an average job. I don't have a car so I take a bus from Yaba to work on the island everyday. My parents are quite educated but lower class and I still live at home. Tony is from a very proper upper class background, his father is a Professor and his mother has a phd and was one of the directors of a new generation bank. He got his first degree in Unilag where he made a 1st class, he got his masters in one of the very good universities England and subsequently went to Harvard business school. Right now he owns his own companies and lives in Ikoyi. He travels out of the country frequently for meetings or business or leisure, while I have never even been to Cotonou. 

I'm a good looking girl who knows how to package herself very well but the truth is I feel a bit intimidated by him. I believe I'm smart but I don't feel we are on the same level especially intellectually. We are also on two very different levels of exposure. Some times I'm afraid to be myself around him. I'm also afraid to meet his friends because these people are from a different world. Sometimes I cannot relate to some things he says because I don't have the experiences he has had. He was saying if the NLC strike holds we would go to dubai but I don't even have an international passport!

Last week he took me out and asked me to be his girl. I know he genuinely cares about me and I feel the same. But my mind is not at rest, I feel that he will eventually dump me for someone from his class, or eventually become disappointed when he realizes that I cannot meet up to his expectations. I also feel like I have to pretend a bit when I'm with him so I'm not very relaxed around him, which makes the idea of a relationship with him scary. But I like this guy a lot, he is like my unrealistic daydream come to life. And now that my day dream has come to reality, I'm afraid. 

Please I need advice, what are the chances of a good relationship/marriage for people from two very different classes? 

Thank you. 

Comments

  1. You are funny.

    1) If your mother hears this she will slap the taste out of your mouth. God has blessed you with an easy way up the ladder and your are busy asking we human beings if you should accept the blessing. God is still looking at you...
    2) Even if you dont end up marrying this dude. Think of the connections and opportunities you can get by being with him for a short while.
    3) Errr.... you are educated so Im sure that upgrading yourself wont be too much trouble. Get familiar with the life of the rich. If all those runs girls from Benin (no offense) can do it then you mos def can also. If house girl from villa can come to lagos to snatch husband and tush herself up then you dont have a prob
    4) Havent you watched pretty woman. Julia Roberts was a street girl hustling, but when Richarg Gere picked her up she worked on herself. Learnt how to eat properly at the table, how to ack, and changed her dressing. You gotta step up yo!

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kon has said it all. So poster take his advice, even I who stays in egbeda will jump at the offer. Biko no dulling these days ohhh because our connections and blessings can come from anywhere. Hope u mk d right decision.

      Delete
    2. Marry me kon... Just marry me

      #tripping

      Delete
  2. Please try to be yourself with him, I'm certain that was what he fell in love with. Also, I wonder if it'll help for you to just tell him how you feel....?
    I mean, wearing your heart on your sleeves could work although some people'd argue and say it's your inferiority complex playing out, I say being honest about how you truly feel is an endearing quality.

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL Thelma should be able to relate. Mgbeke 101

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon I actually can. Unlike you, I attract people from great(er) walks of life. Sorry if it's only motor park touts and bus conductors that ever notice you exist. Not my fault boo. As for me I stay being blessed/wooed/befriended/loved by great people of immense value and that way I can in turn bless others. Even my pastor says to align yourself with people greater than you, so yes booboo I can relate. God is great!

      Delete
    2. "Even my pastor says to align yourself with people greater than you". I agree 100%.

      Delete
    3. Lmao,Thelma taking no chill pill. Biko tell the anon abeg. Haters everywhere.

      Delete
    4. Biko Thelma why do you even allow this hate comments from this fellow.

      Delete
    5. Poster please be your self . Its okay to feel akward but donr let your insecurities end a decent relationship. Haba the guy must know a lot of tush babes but he chose to ask you out. Respect ya self.
      DO NOT TRY TO PRETEND. You deserve some TLC now. Do you know how many babes go to lekki bridge to jog by force just to catch a hunk like this.

      As you progress do talk to him about your feelings abd all i rhink he may find it endearing.

      Sometime we gat to step up just to meet up but never pretend to be who or what you aint cos when the ...ish backfires you wont be avle to walk with your head held high.

      I rememver an occassion where i had to use fork and knife. I had no prior experience then . Instead of me to jejely carry my fork only i was acting like a pro. Na so the chicken end up for my lap.

      Hmmmmm be wise do not be like me. Lolz .

      Delete
    6. Poster please be your self . Its okay to feel akward but don't let your insecurities end a decent relationship. Haba the guy must know a lot of tush babes but he chose to ask you out. Respect ya self.
      DO NOT TRY TO PRETEND. You deserve some TLC now. Do you know how many babes go to lekki bridge to jog by force just to catch a hunk like this.

      As you progress do talk to him about your feelings and i think he may find it endearing.

      Sometimes we gat to step up just to meet up but never pretend to be who or what you aint cos when the ...ish backfires you wont be able to walk with your head held high.

      I remember an occassion in secondary school where i had to use fork and knife. I had no prior experience then . Instead of me to jejely carry my fork only i was acting like a pro. Na so the chicken end up for my lap.

      Hmmmmm be wise

      Delete
    7. See how Thelms gave it to this anon like SDK would haha. Me likey. It's good to fire back @ such pple sometimes

      Delete
    8. "Thelma should be able to relate" would've been enough, no harm, no sentiments, even leaving Thelma to wonder about your goodwill. But you had to add "Mbeke 101". Pray tell, what did you hope to achieve by that last statement? How do people just go around hating those whose voices they haven't heard, let alone seen in person? This has to be some kind of amazing trait.

      Delete
  4. Na wa to you. God placed food in front of you. You are very hungry but you still refuse to eat it.

    Tell him all you have said here and let him know you want to be you and not have to pretend. Also let him know you are willing to learn new things from his "so called world". Bottom line is may fear not make us loose what is rightfully ours. Take the bull by the horn girlfriend. Gamble. Enjoy a wild ride and conquer it.

    All the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seconded!

      Anon 2:07 and of course, Kon have got some good insight also.

      Delete
  5. Hello Poster, I think I know how you feel.... I'm in a relationship with a guy like that doe he is younger and doesn't have his own companies yet but runs his mum muliple companies by himself... he finished with a 1st class and travels frequently, he is even a citizen of UK... all his family are over there too... I was scared to meet them or his friends but when I did they didn't eat me up and I'm still here... we have been dating for over 2years.... You need to be self confident and stop pretending, just be urself... the fact that you r pretending is what is makin you scared not him or his friends or his status... I finished with a 2.2 too and he finished as 2nd best in the whole university.... Just be YOU!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear God, pls send me my own Tony, I promise to upgrade ASAP and won't be intimidated. In Jesus name i've requested, Amen!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I receive it... Ma tony is on da way... He's coming for me

      Delete
  7. Send his number to me...u dont even have anytin to say.. re u an illetrate?ain u human?y do u feel oppressed? U re a queen dust urself,adjust ur crown and stay ahead of ur game...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Send his number to me...u dont even have anytin to say.. re u an illetrate?ain u human?y do u feel oppressed? U re a queen dust urself,adjust ur crown and stay ahead of ur game...

    ReplyDelete
  9. What is life without risk? You fear he will dump you? guys dump girls everyday and vice versa .take a leap of faith at worst you enjoy the ride while it lasts. Be yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hmmm... I'm in the same situation. Poster I really... Can relate. In my case, his siblings are with people in their class. So he will be the first to be with someone below. I have been sincere so far. But he doesn't know the real koko of my background. Because I live alone in an okay looking neighborhood. And he is the first son.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Poster, no let God vex for you o, he's given you a gift now and you are rejecting it abi? E be like say ur village people are working over time on ur matter o. Beats me how a graduate would believe that a guy is out of her league. Wetin you go do for school then, count the number of plates and spoons in ur school's cafeteria?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hey I can relate but don't let it push ya luck away....so you would rather settle for less all in the name of belonging in the same class???I once met someone way above my league darling and today we best buddies...so darling at the end of the day the way you present yourself would determine the respect you deserve..so mbok don't be silly n hold tony tight

    ReplyDelete
  13. No need to fear, there must be something the guy saw in you , follow Kon's advice, tush your self up , go get your masters if you have to, n get your self a passport, you are working aren't you? This is an opportunity for you to grow and discover new things so do not let your humble background deter you ,above all be you , no pretense , no forming.
    .... And do come back and tell us how it all went .

    ReplyDelete
  14. Please I need my own version of your guy o. Even if it would be my first real boyfriend. I need connections big time.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Babes trust me, some of the rich also longs to leave a normal life, because some of them are really not down with all the luxuries. Guess your friend falls into that category. He likes you for you and only you would determine if he will dump you or not. Keep being you,and i know it may be hard, but dont get intimidated by his background et all. You are not a low life naa- you are a graduate, so step up to this and follow this guy if you are convinced he loves you... One advise by the way, make sure you fall in love with him for him and not for his money or family status...

    ReplyDelete
  16. I second what Non wrote....I always look forward to his comment lol.

    @Joke you are funny but Amen sister.


    @Poster you have gotten great responses so far please take them and kindly tell us how it goe.Very bad when you don't finish sweet stories like this....lol

    ReplyDelete

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