Please post because I find myself in a very confusing situation. I have been in a relationship for seven years, since 2009. Last year I started talking to someone else and I never intended to cheat on my boyfriend but I started having feelings for him. He knew about my boyfriend but he still wanted us to have a relationship and we became exclusive in that he is faithful to me. Now I've fallen in love with this other guy and he is the one I want to spend my life with. I still love my boyfriend but I stopped being in love with him since 2014 but any time I hinted at breaking up he will become so emotional and beg me, and because I love him I would stay. There is nothing wrong with him, I love him and I know he loves me more than life, also he is very comfortable and is a good person, but I have lost attraction and feelings for him. I always have to make up excuses why we can't spend time together and on some weekends I even lie that I'm travelling for work so that I don't have to see him, and I can spend time with my other guy. Both men want to marry me, I have met their families and am welcome in both places. The new guy is not perfect but he's also a good person, we have more things in common and we are more compatible. Also he loves me and fully supports all my dreams. I also love that he is very ambitious like me.
To cut the long story short, my long time boyfriend wants to start planning with his family and mine for our introduction but I don't want this. The reason I cannot put my feet down is because before I lost my mum in 2013 she used to say that he is my husband. This is the cause of my confusion now. I don't know if she said it prophetically, instructively or just playfully self. This is the reason I have not fully been able to break up with him. The truth is that even if I wasn't dating this new guy, I still would not want to marry him. Now I just don't know what to do, both guys are mid thirties and ready to settle down, I am of age too. I don't want to enter a boring loveless marriage, i notice I now get irritated when my long time boyfriend touches me and I no longer look forward to seeing him. But my late mum's words keeps ringing in my ears and I have never been so confused in my life. BVs I need your advise please.