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Sunday, 1 May 2016

Does Less Money a Lesser Man Make? (Blog Reader Asks).





I've always had a question in my head and I hope Thelma and BV's can help with insight. So here goes nothing.
The way we hammer about finances in relationships / marriage {I kid you not, money is important for tonnes of things} and how by default, the man / husband is the major earner / financier, I wonder if the hypothetical scenario I'm about to paint is a possibility. Dr. A is a lecturer in the University of Lagos. He meets and falls in love with Ms. B who is an bustling entrepreneur. Dr. A earns good pay with a car and he does some consultancy on the side for more income. He has a mortgage through the school's cooperative which he'll pay off in 6 years. He loves his job in the truest sense of it. It's what he has always had a passion for but he's not a muti - millionaire. Meanwhile, Ms. B gets wind of a business idea - importation and sales of human hair. She seeks for advise and support from family and friends and Dr. A chips in on both sides with sound advice on management and a N500,000.00 investment which boosts her capital to N2 million.
They get married in a quiet ceremony, honeymoon in Seychelles for 2 weeks and look forward to a life of marital bliss. Years later Dr. A, now an Associate Professor, is doing great on his job and he contributes to international journals and garners accolades. Mrs. A, his lovely wife is building a business empire and is raking in millions. Her net worth is now more than her husband's and they have 2 kids as they planned. The Dr. is proud to show off his wife and showers encomiums on her both in private and in public about her personality, the love they share and her business acumen. He's comfortable in his skin, has paid off his mortgage and has 2 new cars while his wife also showers him with love, has 2 cars, and can afford more including 4 weeks summer holiday for the whole family. She can even buy a house if she wants to.
So tell me people, is there anything wrong with the scenario above? Is it anathema for 2 responsible and hardworking people {emphasis on responsible and hardworking}to love and grow together, even marry each other if the woman earns more than the man or has the potential to earn more than he does? Does it make a man lazy and irresponsible if his wife earns more than he does?

K.O.H. 


***

My opinion; there's absolutely nothing wrong with the above scenario. When wifey makes more money than hubby I think the issues arise when both or one of them cannot handle it well. 

Making less money than one's wife does not mean a man is lazy. Making no money and being comfortable faffing about while wifey works hard and shoulders the financial burden alone, now that's where there's usually a problem. Some men have absolutely no qualms with wifey being the sole bread winner while they lay about and/or even spend her money on other women. Oh, let's not go as far as talking about the ones that still abuse you and cheat on you to your face...

On the woman's part; does she still play her role as a wife and a mother regardless of her financial status? Does she stay loyal, humble and respectful of her husband? Does she make it clear that she doesn't assume the role as the head simply because she makes more? If yes, then all's well and good.

So no, I find nothing wrong with the above scenario but I think no matter how financially successful a woman is, she'd still prefer a man who makes more money than she does and can take care of her (material) needs. 


My thoughts, do share yours. 

7 comments:

  1. Your hypothetical situation is extremely detailed fa. Wedding in Seychelles? Lol.

    My aunt earns more than by uncle but he holds it down for the family. Doesn't let her pay for anything at all. Sometimes he'd rather ask you're truly for a (short term) loan than ask her.
    Don't know if that's a good thing but it works for them. There's so much love and trust and respect in their union.

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  2. I wrote one big essay and guess it disappeared, oh well. J

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  3. Times are changing and it's beautiful to watch those who either move with it or wanna be stuck in ol ways.
    There are 4 scenarios in marriage.
    1) where she's the housewife and he brings all the bacon
    2) where she works but earns lower but they both bring in something
    3) where she works but earns higher but they both bring in something
    4) where she brings in the bacon alone and he does nothing.

    Our society and some marriages are yet to fully accept and adapt to the reality of scenarios 3 and 4.

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  4. There's nothing wrong with the scenario above. The man is responsible and hard working. Its not like he's poor and down on his luck or something. He's gainfully employed, growing in his profession and shouldering his responsibilities in the home. What else can a woman ask for? He can't help the fact that his wife is a successful business woman, as far as he's secure and comfortable with his wife's success, who cares what anyone thinks?.

    The problem would come if Dr. A is irresponsible and lazy, just sitting at home and spending wifey's money and watching her pay all the bills including school fees. Dr. A is not lazy, he's a good man.

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  5. "but I think no matter how financially successful a woman is, she'd still prefer a man who makes more money than she does and can take care of her (material) needs." The statement above is wrong.

    The summary of my essay is that a man does not need to earn more than a woman to provide her needs (not want).

    If a man earns enough to put a roof over his family, put food on the table, take care of school fees and other responsibilities expected from a man, he is good. The statement above puts unnecessary pressure on the man to aim at not providing for his family but ensuring at every point he earns more than his wife. It creates room for unhealthy competition between spouses and makes it hard for a man to support his wife to reach her highest potential.

    What a GOOD WOMAN needs is a man that can take care of his responsibilities as a man not the one that will provide her wants based on the amount she earns. E.g when you think a prada bag from your husband is not good enough because you earn enough to buy yourself a Hermes bag, or an economy ticket is not good because you can afford a business class, then you have a problem.

    No matter how financially successful I am, all I need is for my man to earn enough to handle his responsibilities as a man while I complement his efforts. I will be content with what he provides even when I know I can do better.My aunt once told me that the pride she feels carrying the ZARA bag her husband bought for her can never be compared with the Chanel she bought with her money. J

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  6. I think both Thelma and J's views are quite exhaustive.

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  7. Thanks Thelma, J and all the other blog visitors. Your responses are educative and appreciated.

    K.O.H.

    ReplyDelete

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