"But please explain to me why you want to use your hands to spoil your own thing?"
Ada was visibly confounded. I'd just told her I went out with Mr Perfect and there were some interesting things that happened. It was date 1, where all those questions were asked. That one date that ultimately decide things going forward. It's the same some men have said "It was only the first date but I just knew she was The One".
And that's my friend's fear. That Mr Perfect would say "It was only the first date and I just knew she was not The One". Well, I agree with her. Here's why.
I got to the restaurant before Mr Perfect and waited a few minutes before he finally arrived. We'd seen a couple of times since we met but this would be our first real date. Not long after exchanging pleasantries I said I wanted to get something to eat and he asked "You didn't cook today?". No, I didn't.
"Why? You didn't have the time?". I had the time, I just wanted to eat out.
"Oh, but you cook?". Err, yes, but not often. Rarely, in fact.
"Huh?", Mr P was dumbfounded... "It's just that I don't really eat food and I tend to lose my appetite after cooking, and I have no one else to cook for, so I rarely cook. I actually don't enjoy cooking much". I confided in him.
Mr P was aghast. Maybe I went too far by adding that last bit of information. I've been accused of being too open...
So after Mr Perfect expressed his confusion/surprise/disapproval at hearing me say I don't cook much we moved on to other things.
I'm catholic he said. Yes, me too... But I go to House on The Rock rather often. He didn't seem very pleased to hear this, but not as displeased as when he asked if I'd gone to church the previous Sunday and I said no.
"Why?" He asked.
I told him I didn't feel up to it and for the second time that night, Mr P was in shock.
He berated me and lectured me on how important it is to go to church on Sundays. At some point he said "Well, I don't know how you see it, but I think it's simply madness when a Christian says they do not go to church on Sundays!".
Mr Perfect was looking less perfect in my eyes by the minute but that's besides the point.
..."But please explain to me why you want to use your hands to spoil your own thing? Why did you have to tell him all that? Did he really have to know? See marriage staring you in the face and see you using your own hands to push it away!", Ada had said.
My friend, like many other women, believe that you should keep certain things under wraps in the face of a prospective spouse, until after the wedding. One friend of mine often said "I'm a mad woman but he will never know, until he marries me". A lot say there's wisdom in being he's idea of a good wife, even if those characteristics are not in your nature. When he puts a ring on it, ehen, you can now begin to display your true colours and by then it will be too late for him to do anything about it!
I actually see sense in this. I sometimes wonder if I've chased prospectives away with my openness. In fact, I've been advised by some boyfriends to keep certain details of my life/personality/character hidden from my husband to be, when I have one, lest he might go from husband-to-be to ex-boyfriend.
Apparently being stark honest about who you really are doesn't get you very far, especially in this race to the altar.
So what do you think about this? Ladies are there things that should be kept away from le boo before marriage? Are there things you deliberately did not allow dear husband know about you before you got married? Or do you adopt the "Take me as I am or leave me" stand?
Isn't 'faking' (i.e being economical with showing him the parts of who you are than might make him rethink 'wifying' you) it until you make it a good idea when you've finally been found by the one you want to spend your life with?
Ps; I think men are more guilty of not showing their true colours until after they've married you...