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Sunday, 1 May 2016

What Am I Afraid Of?





It's been a crazy weekend, right? As per Mr & Mrs Savage, the weighing-iners, the memes, edible catering, the court of public opinion, social media psychologists suddenly trained to handle depression, people getting beat up by their husbands because of Tiwa Savage à la SDK blog and all that. 

I was off social media for the most part because I had a very miserable weekend. It began some time last week, and then on Friday morning I was meant to be watching baby but I became so consumed with thoughts about issues that I actually was careless which resulted in us running around like endless chickens. I had to cancel all my plans as I quickly brushed my teeth, requested an uber and rushed to a pediatric hospital in Lekki 1, my sister had to leave work and meet up with us there. On getting there we were referred to another hospital in Ikoyi so then we had to rush there and get him to see a doctor ASAP. In all, it was just scary and I couldn't get over the fact that it was all my fault. Thankfully baby is fine was doing perfectly in no time...

But I wasn't. It got much worse that I had to check into a hotel on Friday night because I needed to be alone. I'm still here but thankfully I woke up feeling much better and I know that little by little God is taking control. The normal me would have shared with my blog readers but I know by now that sharing your problems on social media is probably the most destructive thing you can do to yourself, people will jess turn your matter into feemshow. Ahn ahn. Look at all the Tiwa/Tbillz tweets, memes and jokes. Their marital problems and personal demons have become our tea served hot and we all grabbed  popcorn and chilled coke. Issokay. All I know is I would be fine, and for every one else who's going through a challenging time, you will be too. 


So I woke up to the text above and I began to worry for I knew/know not how to respond. So this is the father of a handsome young man who is soooooo certain that I'm his wife. He has done all he can to make it official but I stall. He's a good guy, good looking, much taller than me, a very brilliant lawyer who's also very ambitious too; he's got eyes on the Bench, his family is quite well off, he lives in his own home (actually claimed he moved out from his parents' to his own place so that I could see he was ready to get on with the marriage), he's very fun to be with and I still haven't found any fault in him, except may be has a little OCD, yet anytime they talk of marriage i clam up. Actually everytime I think about getting married, my palms get sweaty. 

My last serious relationship was nice but I wasn't so eager on us getting married either. I just wanted us to stay in love and live happily ever after together. 

These days I go on FB and all my former classmates flaunt their wedding pictures, husbands and kids, and unlike most people, this doesn't make me feel pressured, I only envy them the kids. Sometimes I actually feel sympathetic towards them. It's very very silly, I know, as I'm sure most of them are happy and living the lives they dreamed of, but that's how I feel. 

It even makes less sense because my parents had and still have a peaceful marriage. There were never any serious fights, no abuse and no resentment, they still have tea or coffee every morning together and gossip like teenagers. 

So what's wrong with me oooooooo!

I don't want to end up alone but even Bella Naija Weddings doesn't make me eager to walk down the aisle. I sometimes wonder if I'm delusional, if I think I'm still a child or something. 

But you see, I don't. I so badly want to be a Mum that these days I'm thinking of migrating elsewhere so I can have my kids in peace. I'm very maternal and nurturing and one of my greatest desires is to have a lucrative business I can run from home so that I can personally raise my kids. 

If you've been following this blog for a while this would sound like a broken record to you, but honestly I'd thought that when I turn 31 things would be different. They're not. 

I'm so worried that someday soon, Chief would send me a text but this time it wouldn't be to check on his "daughter in law", it would be to invite me to his son's wedding. And that thought makes me nervous. 


I just don't know what I'm afraid of, please is there anyone else around in my age bracket that feels this way? Anyone have any idea what my problem could be? I also wonder if it's because I rarely hear anything good about marriages, so please for those of you enjoying your marriages, why do you a rarely talk about it? Are you scared you'd jinx it or people would think you're bragging? It would really be great to hear more positive stories about marriage. 


Have a great Sunday and Happy New Month guys! May is going to be a beautiful month. Do you agree? 

20 comments:

  1. Our problem is social media.. I say so bcos pple no longer keep their rltnships, marriages, life in private. So wat do we learn from wat we see these days, When we hardly see anything good, even if pple put good stuff out there, we can hardly believe it and we think they are just pretending all is well. Social media has done more harm than good in this area and how to resolve it is something that I hope one day will happen for the sake of the next generation.
    I can relate when u say ur parents have a peaceful marriage. But when u say there were never serious fights, etc, I don't agree. There must have been, it's just that they knew/know how to handle marital issues that even their own children, relatives, etc. don't even notice not to talk of social media.
    On being afraid, it's a common feeling bcos marriage is meant to be forever, right? (I don't know anymore). And the mere thought of living ur forever with someone should be scary cos definitely things will change.
    Ur problem also might be social media, seeing marriages/rltnships put out there in bad light, it's discouraging.
    Maybe u should also give the young man a chance, u just never know...
    Jane.

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  2. One moment u wana get married the next moment u dont. Its tiring.

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    Replies
    1. You're quite wrong, thelma hardly says she wants to get married she only talks a lot about having kids.

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    2. Did i say she comes out directly to say she wants to get married? Shes done a few posts in the past that suggest she wants to get married n then some that suggest she doesnt want to so please shoo. All im saying is she should stop puttin up this fake front just cuz it hasnt happened for her yet. We are all entitled to our opinions. Thanks.

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    3. She seems to have too many boos on her case that's reason for d fear and confusion. In d depression post,there's boo there o!! Ohhh it's really complicated.

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    4. Anon 12.23pm, please no where in that post did I mention depression. Being depressed and having mood swings are two very different things. Thankfully I do not suffer from depression in any form. Mood swings are more of an attitudinal issue, at least mine is. It's also something I've been able to work on, which I've done since I made that post. In fact thanks to some helpful comments that said its easily controllable, I've not experienced a single mood swing since then. Depression is a mental ailment that requires counselling and/or treatment. It's not that I have any issue with your comment oooo, I just wanted to clarify. Thank you.

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  3. It's like saying I won't take JAMB because everyone I know who took JAMB failed. Obviously everyone you know that took JAMB is not even up to 5% of the people who wrote JAMB.

    You have to be ready for marriage to get into marriage. Age is not a guarantee that you are ready so if you are having second thoughts maybe you are not. The risk of getting into marriage when you are not mentally psychologically spiritually (add others) ready is that when trials come(which must def come) you wil not have what it takes to handle them. At the first sight of trouble you run.

    Find out what your fears are, deal with them before jumping in.like charlie boy said marriage is not about your compatibilities 'it's about how you handle your incompatibilities. If u are not ready you may not be able to manage the later. J

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  4. Maybe you're a closet lesbian, or a transgender at heart or a Becky at heart or you think he'll change his mind last minute. Too many earlier disappointments, this one is real so take the plunge.
    Kratos

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  5. I have an amazing marriage. Everytime I hear about about all this marriage drama on social media I go to my husband and thank him for being an amazing husband lol.
    Good marriages do exist but if you talk about it people'll just be looking at you like you're delusional ( at least for me).
    Just pray to God that he's the right man. Also check out how he treats others, that's a good indication of the type of person he is.

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    Replies
    1. Tnks Jenny, we r in d same boat. I love ur comment, good marriages exist indeed, however I'm def not the type to come n tell d world how good it is.
      Just marry a good man n u will come bck ntestify

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  6. Hi Thelma my hubby has changed since getting married, he says we are one so he can't get angry with himself he treats me so much better and is much caring I never thought about marriage too I was indifferent but I'm glad I'm married

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  7. hhhhmmnn,I thought I had reached my last bustop for "The Boo search".
    He was everything I prayed for.trippleC.Cool calm and collected.
    I happily announced to everyone I have found "The One".Everything was fine till I started to have lil doubts in my spirit.Then I prayed for the spirit of discernment cos he was too sweet and I feared I would become diabetic in no time.
    I prayed hard and God revealed to me,he showed me everything in real life as events began to unfold. Bobo had a lot of cobweb in his cupboard which he conveniently left out of our discussions while we were getting to know each other.From bad habits to personal issues.
    Prayers work.NEVER leave God out of your relationship from start to finish.Tho I am booless right now but I know it will only be for a little while before MY OWN surfaces.
    THELMA,when you find the one, I doubt you will panic or fear.just Pray about it, God will reveal it to you.

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    Replies
    1. Make it quadruple C. The last C being "cash".

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  8. Funny enough even men fear sometimes when it comes to marriage. U are not alone in the fear Kingdom. Dis fear literally means u are not ready for marriage. My advice to u is keep ur mind off marriage, build instead on friendship with whoever u deem fit. While ur at it, u can then decide. Take ur time..

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  9. I believe the question can only truly be answered by you, but i have got my own theories too.

    I think your nature plays a long role, you are mostly your self best company i presume. So committing to someone officailly (marriage) is a scary thing.

    Marriage means giving so much of yourself and all, it is exciting yet scary at the same time, not because marriage is not a beautiful thing, but the officialdom attached to it makes it a burden.

    Lastly, maybe you are a commitment phobic, and you dont want to be tied and miss out on all life has to offer.

    In my mind now, i am a psychologist. You are alright i believe, marriage isnt a priority for me too for now, although i am just 24. Still young in my own mind but my mate are getting married already.

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  10. Children shouldn't be your reason for getting married. The most important reason for marriage is your spouse. Marriage has its ups and downs but I'm really glad I'm married to someone who has my back any day any time...2 heads are better than one.
    My daughter makes things more interesting and it's amazing watching her grow...but there are moments when my hubby and I just want some couple time alone. Children will leave at some point but a good spouse is always there.

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  11. marriage discussions make me want to eat popcorn and sip on coke ... happy new month everyone. T whenever you do have a baby, I pray he/she will be so beautiful it'll make you jealous.

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  12. You're safe. ;) you just have to really truly love him, be prayerful and be sure he loves you, even more. You're good to go. What you commit into God's hands is kept safe.

    I don't talk about my marriage for a lot of reasons. But I'm ever grateful to God we found each other because as the years go by, eight years together,six years of marriage, I'm without doubt that we were/are meant to be.

    Like I always say, God's got you.
    Have a lovely May, everyone! Be sure to turn the 'mays' to 'will' and 'did'. :)

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  13. I feel exactly the same way T... But then m just 24,so imma just waltz on outta here... I guess mine is cz of bad experiences... I kinda feel like no matter how nice a guy is , he'd probably change on me... And marriage is forever.forever is too long to be miserable..
    And that, dear people is my biggest fear... Ending up with the wrong person... It can change your life forever..

    ReplyDelete

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