It's been a crazy weekend, right? As per Mr & Mrs Savage, the weighing-iners, the memes, edible catering, the court of public opinion, social media psychologists suddenly trained to handle depression, people getting beat up by their husbands because of Tiwa Savage à la SDK blog and all that.
I was off social media for the most part because I had a very miserable weekend. It began some time last week, and then on Friday morning I was meant to be watching baby but I became so consumed with thoughts about issues that I actually was careless which resulted in us running around like endless chickens. I had to cancel all my plans as I quickly brushed my teeth, requested an uber and rushed to a pediatric hospital in Lekki 1, my sister had to leave work and meet up with us there. On getting there we were referred to another hospital in Ikoyi so then we had to rush there and get him to see a doctor ASAP. In all, it was just scary and I couldn't get over the fact that it was all my fault. Thankfully baby is fine was doing perfectly in no time...
But I wasn't. It got much worse that I had to check into a hotel on Friday night because I needed to be alone. I'm still here but thankfully I woke up feeling much better and I know that little by little God is taking control. The normal me would have shared with my blog readers but I know by now that sharing your problems on social media is probably the most destructive thing you can do to yourself, people will jess turn your matter into feemshow. Ahn ahn. Look at all the Tiwa/Tbillz tweets, memes and jokes. Their marital problems and personal demons have become our tea served hot and we all grabbed popcorn and chilled coke. Issokay. All I know is I would be fine, and for every one else who's going through a challenging time, you will be too.
So I woke up to the text above and I began to worry for I knew/know not how to respond. So this is the father of a handsome young man who is soooooo certain that I'm his wife. He has done all he can to make it official but I stall. He's a good guy, good looking, much taller than me, a very brilliant lawyer who's also very ambitious too; he's got eyes on the Bench, his family is quite well off, he lives in his own home (actually claimed he moved out from his parents' to his own place so that I could see he was ready to get on with the marriage), he's very fun to be with and I still haven't found any fault in him, except may be has a little OCD, yet anytime they talk of marriage i clam up. Actually everytime I think about getting married, my palms get sweaty.
My last serious relationship was nice but I wasn't so eager on us getting married either. I just wanted us to stay in love and live happily ever after together.
These days I go on FB and all my former classmates flaunt their wedding pictures, husbands and kids, and unlike most people, this doesn't make me feel pressured, I only envy them the kids. Sometimes I actually feel sympathetic towards them. It's very very silly, I know, as I'm sure most of them are happy and living the lives they dreamed of, but that's how I feel.
It even makes less sense because my parents had and still have a peaceful marriage. There were never any serious fights, no abuse and no resentment, they still have tea or coffee every morning together and gossip like teenagers.
So what's wrong with me oooooooo!
I don't want to end up alone but even Bella Naija Weddings doesn't make me eager to walk down the aisle. I sometimes wonder if I'm delusional, if I think I'm still a child or something.
But you see, I don't. I so badly want to be a Mum that these days I'm thinking of migrating elsewhere so I can have my kids in peace. I'm very maternal and nurturing and one of my greatest desires is to have a lucrative business I can run from home so that I can personally raise my kids.
If you've been following this blog for a while this would sound like a broken record to you, but honestly I'd thought that when I turn 31 things would be different. They're not.
I'm so worried that someday soon, Chief would send me a text but this time it wouldn't be to check on his "daughter in law", it would be to invite me to his son's wedding. And that thought makes me nervous.
I just don't know what I'm afraid of, please is there anyone else around in my age bracket that feels this way? Anyone have any idea what my problem could be? I also wonder if it's because I rarely hear anything good about marriages, so please for those of you enjoying your marriages, why do you a rarely talk about it? Are you scared you'd jinx it or people would think you're bragging? It would really be great to hear more positive stories about marriage.
Have a great Sunday and Happy New Month guys! May is going to be a beautiful month. Do you agree?