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Sunday, 26 June 2016

Dear Thelma... (She's About To Make a Big Mistake).

Please I'd like to be anonymous. So here goes my story. My best friend is the kindest and sweetest guy I have ever met. He has been my bestie for seven years and counting. Being best friends means that I meet his girlfriends, some I get along with others not so much. However his present girlfriend and now wife to be has become a dear friend of mine and that's the reason I'm writing this. You see *Kene* is a good person but due to family issues growing up, he battles with some demons. Speaking plainly, his dad was (and still is) a very abusive husband. Kene lived all these years watching his Mum beaten to a pulp and on several occasions he had to rush her to the hospital after his dad's legendary beatings. It's so bad that she uses fake teeth because he has broken most of her teeth. A few years ago she was on wheel chair for some months because her husband nearly crippled her. Once she nearly died and she finally left after many year of beating but after several family meetings and church intervention she went back home. I don't want this post to focus on that because the story is too long.      
        Kene's dad was not only physically abusive but also mentally too. He has made the woman believ she is a worthless piece of shit and raised his children in a home of fear. On the outside k is brilliant and handsome. He left Uni with 2.1, distinction in masters and also has a very good job. He is charming and handsome but very few of us who know him well know that he's dealing with serious issues. I for one know that he's a control freak, I know he has a terrible temper and even though he tries very hard to suppress it, he has tendencies of abuse. One of his ex's confided in me that he beat her up a number of times. Another one complained of extreme possessiveness and control. I also know he's a bit dictatorial in that his girlfriends' movements, dressing, makeup, friendships and even opinions are subject to his approval. He took a break frm dating before he met his current Bae and I know he has tried his possible best to suppress his issues, even though she has made small complaints about control. Now he proposed to her and she's excited but she does not know that his issues are much worse than she thinks. I've tried talking to him but he says he is ok but he know he has a temper issue which he prays about and he now has it under control. I also know he has gone for deliverance a few times but later those issues still surface and sometimes even worse than before. 

Now I'm helping them with wedding planning but I'm very worried about his girl. I love Kene as a friend but knowing what I know about him, he is not someone I will marry or allow my sister to marry. I know it makes me sound like a horrible person and I'm sorry about that. People may not understand how bad it is but I know. I'm just torn between wishing them well and letting them get married or if I should tell his girlfriend what she might be in for and let her decide whether to go ahead or not. I just feel so scared and worried for her watching her do something that she might really come to regret, but then again it's really not my place to tell her as I met her through him and we are not personal friends as such. Please what would you advise? 


  1. Wish them well. Even a monster desires to be loved by someone. You didn't connect them. Don't use ur hand to spoil what u didn't create. If she's seen signs and still insists on being there,wish her well again...

  2. Biko bros, mind ya bizness,make e no be for ur mouf dem go hear say oba name na sure she is matured enough to know wts good for here and how to make her own decisions wen push comes to shove.

    1. Seconded, word for word. Wish them well and not act like 'the jealous one', invariably.

  3. Darling please,mind your business.
    Like you stated, he's trying all his best possible to overcome all that. Don't be a bad friend, he confided in you abeg.
    Not like he's happy about his situation and enjoys that so please pray for him and be the good friend he believes you are...frankly, you're not that good a friend thinking like this.

  4. And how do you know she doesn't know that kene has issues? It's good you are showing concern, but since she didn't approach you for any form of advice, please mind your business. If u happen to tell her, you will not only be seen as a gossip, back biter etc, but also u may lose your friendship to your friend. May God grant you the wisdom for this, remain blessed.

  5. Let them be,pls dnt interfere.

  6. Need I say more? I do not think so. Heed to the above dear poster.

    Thank you.

  7. NAWAH sha, you peepo have mind gann. So she should allow my fellow woman move in a likely abusive marriage? Would you advice your sister same?

    Well poster I would ask you to subtly speak to the bride about your fears, ask her to pray, talk to her fiance about your observations, you play the role of speaking to your best friend do as well. At least she knows what she is moving into and not partially blinded. Let her take her decision.

    Or send her an anonymous text and write plainly your fears, just to over rule the jealousy part.


    1. This is wrong!
      Put yourself in Kene's shoes.
      ...and don't worry, being Kene's girlfriend it is my cross to carry, my eyes to see, my legs to run, my heart to love...
      If a supposed good friend of my bf tells me any sort of the above tale, I'll question that friendship.
      Dear poster, pray for him!
      Help him to be better if he says he's okay, that's what friends do.

  8. Dear poster,
    Who appointed you "defender of kene's girlfriends"??? And how many more women are you going to "save" from him? Abi u want to end up with him and u r still in denial? ..
    Please answer the following questions :
    1. Is kene marrying ur sister, cousin or blood relation?
    2. Is kene marrying ur female bestie or even friend?
    3. Is kene marrying u?
    If your answer to the above is no then, noble as your intentions may be, you have no business being the "Guardian angel" in kene's relationship..
    Face ya work or u may loose a friend...
    Besides, if she hasn't seen whatever it is you see yet, you'd just make yourself an enemy to both of them while they bond and wax stronger over their shared dislike of u.
    So my dear use ur tongue to count ya teeth... If u want to do something for kene or his fiancee then get on your knees and pray for him and them...
    Prayer changes people... Else you'd just find yourself "advicing" anyone he meets away.. And I'm sure you don't want to be that person...
    Kai.. V never typed this much as a comment o.. #okbye #leavekenealone #prayforafriend

  9. I'd take a slightly different stance.

    Work on Kene yourself. You want the best for an unsuspecting lady and I'm reasonably sure you want similar for Kene. So, talk to him (don't accept 'it is okay' as a response), counsel him, search for anger management classes for him and enroll him in it. I'm skeptical about the aptness of deliverance sessions, he needs to cultivate godly habits and thrive in a conducive atmosphere. If you still the need to go the extra mile, encourage him to be honest with his fiancee - it would enable her to be better prepared for the road that lies ahead, also, he'd gain her trust and her added input in his personal development process.

    It's hard to do these when you are not qualified to handle such situations (I'm assuming so) and you run the added risk of falling in love when you are so much involved with a person, but it's the best option that would satisfy your conscience.

    1. You are my man crush on ttb confirm, why are you so intelligent like wow.
      I am tripping oooo.
      I second what mr Christyinks said

    2. Thank you just gave me a reason to smile.

  10. When I say my fellow Nigerians wicked, they will say I talk too much. Please tell her, in front of him! My Bro has a temperature, shouts like crazy when angry, uses his fists too. He has brought two girls home so far, and we ask her o, have u seen him angry? In front of him, has he shouted that mad man shouted for u? Both times, they knew o, but wanted to go ahead. At least, we have done our small part. Please look for a way to tel her, in front of him. When next he loses it in front of u, then u tel him, I will tel Ur gf o, make she know Wetin she de enter, and then make sure u do.

  11. I am definitely with Chrisyinks on this one. If all ladies had a boyfriend with a friend like you,some would still be alive.

    Please try to help your friend out as Chris stated. I pray he overcomes his demons.


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