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Dear Thelma... (She Knows He's In a Relationship So Why Won't She Stay Away?!)





I just want to ask if I'm overthinking things. My relationship is very fantastic and I believe I have the best boyfriend in the whole wide world. There is only one issue in the form of a female friend of his. This chic in question is married with kids but from what I've heard she's having some issues in her marriage. I empathize with her but not enough to allow her be on the phone constantly with my man. They talk everyday, I mean EVERYDAY. She calls him like twice a day, when I'm with him he never picks her calls, which in itself is very suspicious, so last week I answered the call and when she heard my voice she immediately hung up. I thought she had learnt her mistake and will stay away but to my surprise a few hours later she was calling again. The next morning as early as 8am she called again. It's tiring I swear, but he insists that they are just friends and that she just genuinely cares about him, so sometimes he feels the need to reciprocate her care. He says she's also going through a lot in her marriage and he's the only one she confides in, that that's the reason he cannot just turn away from her. He says that is all there is and that he's not having sex with her. I actually believe that they're not sexually active together (partly because her husband seems to be very controlling), but does it mean that I should be fine with their daily calls? The last I checked my boyfriend is a business man and not a pastor or relationship counsellor so I don't understand that crap about being there for her because she confides all her marital issues in him. Please my sisters tell me, how will you feel if your man had a female friend he chats and talks to EVERYDAY? Can you accept it as innocent friendship or is there obviously something more? Please how will you advise me to handle this because i am very uncomfortable with her presence in my relationship. In the past, any time I've had an issue with a girl in my boyfriend's life he respects me a lot to distance himself from her, but this time around he is blatantly refusing, saying that she shows him genuine care and concern and he appreciates and reciprocates it, and besides that, she really needs him. Please please please what can I do about this? 



***
All these female "friends" in our men's lives that are like a stubborn Palm oil stain on a white shirt. No matter how much hypo and Ariel you use to scrub, scrub and scrub, it just refuses to go away. Nawa!

Comments

  1. Lol. The issue is not the girl, it is your BFs."she shows him genuine care and concern and he appreciates and reciprocates it". Can you give your BF the same answer if the reverse was the case. We encourage guys to misbehave. So no, your boyfriend is not the best in the whole wide world if he was he will respect you enough not to reciprocate the care showered on him by a married woman knowing it hurts you. J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally agree....

      Your boyfriend is the one allowing this to fester. Is he a Professional marriage counselor? Why is she not tabling her matter to a FEMALE professional counselor? Both of them - the married lady and your boyfriend are SOOOO wrong and courting fire. Sister... your boyfriend has not put his foot down and told her away. He does not want to. If he wanted, he would and she would take her sob story somewhere else. Life is not so deep. Life is full of its own drama. While add more to the drama? The problem is NOT the lady. The problem is YOUR boyfriend. Face him.

      Delete
    2. J is back. I'd just be seconding any of your comments. I believe J has made a strong point on your dilemma. Chrisyinks

      Delete
    3. J my woman crush! 😍

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    4. J pls I'm waybilling u a kiss all d way from Ag town. #winks
      Dear Poster, ur 'best boyfriend in the whole wide world' is your problem, d lady can't remain so consistent and close if he doesn't want her to be. Men can like to have attention from ladies/girls sha, I guess dats y he's adamant on ds. But shudnt ur love/care be enough for him? #Humph

      Nne, u may wanna ve a rethink of the meaning of 'best boyfriend in the whole wide world' bc from the picture u painted, ds dude doesn't respect u or ur feelings. And to answer your question, No u're not over thinking it. If care is not taken, ds may not end well. I'd advice u keep ur heart open, if u undstnd wah ah mean.

      Delete
  2. Dear poster, ur bf might just be enjoying d 'marital issue gist', cos a lot of pple like to hear gist abt issues in marriages...
    On a 2nd thot, why should he b so concerned, not like he can fix it...makes me feel like there may be somtin more that he obviously cannot tell u...

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  3. Tell him you're most uncomfortable with their (platonic) relationship and he has to reduce time/number of calls to/from her, not cut her off completely (since na "just a friend" he talk say she be). If he's adamant about this, then there's a problem somewhere. Nobody refuses a simple request from his/her spouse unless there's more to it than meets the eye. Shikenah.

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  4. Lols,become his personal PA whenever her calls come thru...

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  5. She won't always be his personal P.A. please this BF certaintly has no respect for your feelings. If you feel this hurt as a girl friend imagine how extremely hurt yoh will be when you marry. Stop being an enabler. Walk away. If he is that crazy about you he will re-evaluate his priorities.

    Going forward let him have the space he is silently craving for. Find someone to keep you busy with calls and chats in his presence and reciprocate this same courtesy.

    He is not a pyschologist. No ma'am he is not a cousellor either.
    People get emotionally attached even without sex. When the opportuntiy comes and they are both alone believe .e when i tell you there is no way your man won't extend emotional support when she offers her body to hom for physical comfort.

    It will happen sooner or later if this is not addressed ASAp.

    Im not trying to scare you but his statement above is proof. "but this time around he is blatantly refusing, saying that she shows him genuine care and concern and he appreciates and reciprocates it, and besides that, she really needs him"

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  6. It's very possible that she and your boyfriend must have had a kind of connection in the past. Maybe this is why he empathize with her. It's also possible that they migh have something if care is not taken, but talk to him politely about it if you really love him. Tell him sincerely how you feel about this 'friend' and see if he takes your advice . If h loves you, I'm sure he'd gradually push her away. But find out if they had had something in the past. Ex girlfriends have a way of running back to their ex babes when they run into hitches in thier marriage . I had a friend like that but when it stated causing problems between i and my girlfriend, I knew I had to abandon her to her fate.

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  7. If its just calls and once or twice a day, I don't see why you're stressed up about it. She might truly just need someone to talk to and your boyfriend is encouraging it. If you should have any problem at all with anyone, it shouldn't be the lady, it should be with your boyfriend who keeps picking her calls and hasn't told her that his girlfriend is not comfortable with it. Its not the lady's fault that your boyfriend doesn't respect you enough to do something about your misgivings.

    Maybe you should also start showing him "genuine care and concern". But I honestly think the lady isn't a problem and you're just stressing yourself over nothing. And if you really can't let it go, pull your boyfriend's ears very well and tell him to do something about it cos he's your problem, not the woman.

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  8. Ofcourse they are just friends...

    Very soon she will be just a friend that sucks D.

    Girl! You need to step up.
    1) Tell him straight up that he needs to cut contacts with the girl
    2) Call the girl and give her a piece of your mind. If she truly is just a friend then she wont have a problem being your friend too. Wassup with hanging up when you pick up
    3) Is your BF indirectly saying that you are not giving him enough care and concern? Because why would he need more care when he has you?
    4) Make sure you tell the chic when you call her that if she doesnt back off you will report her to her husband. That you have saved conversations and chats. Lets see if fear will grip her.
    5) If after all these the rubbish continues then... contact me for further advice.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @kon. B4 she follows ur advice n possibly come bck for me.. she needs to b sure of her stand in d guys life! This whole post sounds like it's not coming from the main chic, just saying but I'm not sure! Poster, better find out ur place in d guys life cos if u were a main chic, dude will be too scared to tell u all dat silly story. IMO..

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    2. Anonymous 7:33 pm, she might be the main and only chic o. The woman outside is just causing a headache.

      Delete
  9. It'll be very difficult for her to stay away since ur bf is always there for her... to listen. She needs it at this point in her life So she will not let go. It's ur place to speak to ur man and try to distract him from such conversations. On d other hand maybe u are not showing him care n concern like she does.
    Good luck!

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  10. Chai! I hope this would not be mayowa's wife in a few years writing to complain about me on a blog! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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    Replies
    1. Lmao

      ***laurettaandra***

      Delete
    2. U re not just serious! πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

      Delete
  11. Na wa for some ladies. You just entered his life and you want to dictate his friends. He has not yet married you yet you want to control who he talks with and who he should not talk with. Soon you will start dictating who visits and who will not visit. Most ladies have a male friend whom they see as a brother without any sexual attachment likewise some men. Do you expect the woman to talk when you picked the call when the call was not meant for you?. Did you not say the woman is married?. Go ahead and be giving yourself headache when you might be the side chic. Its hash but trust is painful.

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    Replies
    1. Hmmn, true though. I also have a best friend (male), but we don't cross boundaries. And if he has a gf, I will try to be close to her, but if she's not in for the friendship, I guess I will have to back off then. But come to think of it, it's a relationship not marriage, may God give you wisdom to tackle this issue dear poster.

      ***laurettaandra***

      Delete
    2. Wow... u just wrote my thoughts..some chics take these things too far. Every man needs their space, stop intruding. Ur just a gf/ maybe a side chick, so take it easy. He even went as far as explaining to u, so u should at least respect dat.
      Please stop answering ur man's calls, especially without his consent, well except u don't want ur rltnship to last..

      Delete
    3. Dinma, I'm so with you on this. What's with Ladies trying to chase all the women in a man's life away? If you're secure in your love and/or relationship with the dude, you have no business giving yourself ulcers over the frequency of his conversations with friends that have known him looong before you came into the picture. Like seriously, you think he didn't see them before he asked you out? Or he wasn't snatch worthy when he was singe? Abi its now that he's with you he'll start sleeping with them just because..

      I think its insecurity that makes women do this and it just makes you come off as weak. First and foremost, no woman can "snatch" a man that doesn't want to be snatched so if you think someone is trying to "snatch" your man, the question shouldn't be why she's trying to snatch him, the question is why he's leaning more toward the snatcher instead of taking to his heels and/or clinging tighter to you.

      Delete
    4. I was here thinking how am I going to write my own sermon and not get castigated... This is just perfect, this post doesn't need my comment anymore.

      All these comptroller general gfs... Flee from us please! He loves you and that's not enough, he even ignores her calls when you are with him. That's not enough. *sigh.
      Girl, are you even focusing on your relationship with him?

      Delete
    5. Seconded'. Ladies should stop d habit of answering their man's phone calls. It usually doesn't end well.. talking out of experience.
      To make ur rltnship work, let certain things slide. #my50cents#.

      Delete
    6. If a woman is married, let her stay married and dedicate her time to her family. No one is saying the guy shouldn't have female friends BT for God's sake, their is a limit to everything.

      Delete
    7. If you noticed, all through her narration, it's been about the relationship between him and said friend, nothing really about her and her man. (yes I know this post is abt said friend, but when did it matter? Let me answer that, when only the narrator made it matter)

      Delete
  12. I disagree with Dinma. How many of you call your girlfriend 2 times everyday continuously. This is coming from me that has a best friend that is a guy with 90% of male friends.

    Do you guys know there is something called emotional cheating? When a guy feels the need to reciprocate the affection of another woman at the cost of losing a woman he loves it's no longer friendship. Dinma if you are in a committed relationship and your boyfriend talks and chats with a particular woman frequently then come back let's have this discussion. The fact he ignores her call when they are together is even suspicious, I answer all my male friends and girlfriends in front of my partner.

    ReplyDelete

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