I have not been doing well for a very long time now. I can't sleep and i'm slowly becoming depressed. It just seems like no matter what I do I can't seem to stop struggling and believe me I've done a lot. Even though I have a job, the pay is poor and even if I were to manage it, it is irregular (currently being owed for 3 months now). I didn't mind at first as it was close to home. I love working for my organization (it's a training organization and I have learnt a lot), I especially love working for my boss, she has been a blessing and a big sister to me in a land where I don't know anyone.
My current situation is that I had move from my former residence to somewhere farther away therefore my transportation has tripled coupled with the subsidy removal. Secondly I was employed as an administrative staff but at the beginning of this year, my boss (the man) told me to take up a marketing and sales role part time. I didn't like it as I had specified during the interview period that i'm not great at marketing and it's not something I will love to do but I couldn't argue and I did my best to bring clients as I could. But just last month, he informed me that I have to go into marketing fully as well as meet targets.
He's given me a target for this month which i'm not even sure how i'm going to meet, only for him to tell me to get ready to start working full time every Saturday and on some Sundays which automatically means that I'm going to be working at least 6 days in a week with no salary increment or allowance of any sort (please remember we are yet to be paid for 3 months now).
I am intelligent and taking up these new responsibilities is not really the problem, the issue is that I do not like these roles, I'm not passionate about them and knowing the kind of person I am, if my heart isn't in something then there's no way I can succeed in it.
I've been struggling for so long now i'm even amazed at how much I have been able to manage and adjust. I can't call home as often to ask for money because at least i'm working and I often feel embarrassed whenever i'm pushed to do so as i'm not a baby anymore. Thankfully my mum is self sufficient but still I should be able to take care of her or even buy her necessities once in a while.
I'm engaged to a very wonderful man who wouldn't mind doing everything for me but he just started working last month (God be praised!) after 2 years of finishing his training, and we are planning a small wedding soon, but at the moment I don't have much to contribute to the wedding or our marriage home, and remember he's only been working for less than a month after being unemployed for two years.
I'm hardworking, intelligent and proactive. I'm great at roles that i'm passionate about (Administrative, Operations, Human Resource and every other thing in-between). I just wish I can get a better job where I can express my full potential and give my best to the organization while earning enough to take care of myself and my dependants. I don't know what to do, where to go and who to call, but in my despair and desperation, I felt led to send you this mail. I don't even know if/how you or any blog reader can help me but here it is T. Please if anyone is hiring, or if the organization where you work is hiring please say so in the comment or mail Thelma for me. I live on the mainland and eventhough I will prefer to work not too far because of transport costs, location is not a limitation and I am prepared to work hard.
Thank you and God bless.