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Thursday, 30 June 2016

Ladies, So You're Nice But You Keep Getting Dumped? This Might Be Why.

I can't count the number of times I've heard girls say "I don't know why he left me/they leave me/i'm single... I'm a really nice person". A few of my blog readers would call and cry to me in confusion and frustration; the one they thought was the one had just ghosted them! Then they'll say "I don't know why he did that, I'm nice, I'm a good person!" I just heard someone say that barely 3 seconds ago and I swear I wanted to gag. 

No, don't get me wrong, being nice is nice, I totally get where you're coming from, I can relate, in fact not only can I relate, I've been you!

I couldn't quite figure it out back then, I was nice, I was a cool chic with a good heart and what more could a guy want? I was the kind, considerate, loving, all too understanding female and any guy should have felt super fortunate to have me. 

So why? Why didn't they?

I felt men just didn't know what they want and when I saw bitchy females constantly getting their way with men, I thought that must be an aberration! I thought those guys were confused or masochistic or just plain blind.

I couldn't figure out why Chuka wouldn't date me? I was young, pretty, intelligent, fun and nice. And there were a number of Chukas. 

Well I got a little bit older, a little bit wiser and a lot less nice. 

For those who are still thinking being nice is the key to the kingdom, think again. 

Ladies, the truth is that a lot of us in our niceness accept BS, we settle for less than we deserve and we do so smiling, just so we don't rock the boat. A man would take a girl who calls him out on his BS and is not afraid to rock the boat, a thousand times over a girl who nicely accepts his BS with a silly smile on her face. 

When he does something wrong, makes plans with you and then stands you up, for instance, then he calls later and wants to act like nothing happened, Miss Nice doesn't complain much and accepts any explanation he gives. Miss bitchy tells him she's not having that, demands a proper apology and a promise that that would never happen again. 

Guess who got his heart racing? 

Miss Nice is very considerate and empathetic. She UNDERSTANDS. She's selfless and giving. Therefore she's willing to ignore her own needs and desires while putting his first, because that's what nice people do. Miss Bitchy on the other hand understands that her needs are just as valid as his. She has no issues communicating her expectations and desires. She's willing to put him first, but first beside her, not before her (and no, this is not a gender equality thing, not at all). 

I could go on and on but I'd like to keep this as brief as possible. The point is this; being nice is nice but it's also boring af! It's predictable, unchallenging and blehhh. I think Serge Bielanko spoke for a lot of men in his Your Tango article when he wrote:

"Falling in love with nice girls is boring as hell!!! Hell, handing your heart over to a good, kind woman is probably the same as falling in love with an aromatherapy candle. It's safe. It's dependable. You know exactly what you're getting before you even get the damn thing home, right? Night-after-night-after-night, it gives off a tiny glow and infuses your whole pad with cake smell. And then, sigh, you fall asleep next to it dreaming comfortable dreams where no one gets mad or cursed out. Or laid.
But effffff that! I love me some crazy women! And by crazy, I don't mean crazy crazy. What I'm talking about are girls whose 'craziness' is defined by their absolute mystery. Those sassy street-smart ladies. 
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against (nice) girls. Nothing at all. Yet, for unexplainable reasons, I'm not in the least bit turned on by them either. When my heart's involved, I seem to hone in on whether or not the object of my desire actually scares me a little. Not serial killer stuff, mind you, but someone who possesses just enough overdrive to steer my heart up a wall with nervous energy. I find it stimulating".  

Ladies do you get the picture now? Your kindness/niceness/compassion is beautiful, it's warm and noble, but it's the sort of thing that's great for charity or a nursing home or for children. But for an excitement filled relationship, one that's sure to keep him thinking about you even after you're gone, you've got drop some of that sickly sweet niceness. Miss Bitchy wins 9 out of 10 times and goes on the fancy dates and has great relationships with sought after men while Miss Nice writes to blogs about those same men, saying "I don't know why he left me, I'm nice!" Well, boo hoo!

Now, I'm not asking you to be a bitch, please DO NOT be a bitch. Bitchy in this context connotes a woman who knows exactly what she wants, is not afraid to ask for it and would not accept less, NOT someone with a foul attitude. Side note: Tsk tsk, foul attitudes and attitude problems suck! 

So If you've always wondered why men like bitches, well, now you know...

That said being either Bitchy or Nice or anything else really is no guarantee. The success of one relationship can be attributed to a great many things are these things vary in different relationships. I wrote this simply because some ladies need to stop wondering why they're sugar and spice and all things nice yet the lads treat them like they're lice. (Hehe, sorry I really wanted to rhyme). 

So share your thoughts and experiences with me. Do you agree or disagree with the notion that (most) men love bitches? Anything you'd like to add or subtract?

Let's talk! 


  1. I think ladies should study their men and know what they want. If he wants a bitchy lady, then give it to him but if he wants a nice lady, then be as nice as you can because some men still prefer nice ladies to the 'bitchy' ones. To each his own you know.

  2. Hahahaha! Nice one. I totally agree with you, because of personal experience(s). Apart from relationship, even in normal day to day friendship, people always want to take advantage of nice people, but once u make them aware that u have no time for BS, they become cool and nice or leave(which I prefer). Presently, I am just myself,if I don't like something, I say it; if u offend me and refuse to apologise, I blank you till you come back to your senses. I also made myself number one priority, and it's working out fine, no time for nonsense.

    1. True, even in day to day social relationships 'bitchy' people are more respected and interesting than supposed nice people. Nobody messes with them yet ironically everybody is attracted to them.

    2. True, even in day to day social relationships 'bitchy' people are more respected and interesting than supposed nice people. Nobody messes with them yet ironically everybody wants to be their friend.

  3. Not just being "bitchy" character-wise, you have to look the part too. You cant be doing all that assertiveness while looking bleh. Hair,makeup and co have to be on point.
    Don't start what you can't maintain...

  4. As for the post I totally agree, some men will even go for the real bitch as in with attitude and all over a goody 2 shoes. but when the babe starts to show them pepper inside the marriage they will start wishing they married miss nice. Lol

  5. On d other hand, even men, the all-nice ones are really boring, or ain't they?
    Well it's just d irony of life...
    For me, I've always bin inbetween miss nice n miss bitchy and that has worked perfectly for me. So it's up to d individual to knw wat works for them n do it..

  6. Anyone read why men love bitches, it actually explains the above analysis, so I do agree with u T. But I noticed that even though they love bitches,some of them end up marrying the nice ones,can anyone explain why it's like that?

    1. Yeah I've read it, out of curiosity. I wanted to know of why I was a man that doesn't love bitches. Because I really don't. For sex, Oh yes, they turn me on like mad but that's where it ends. In fact it ends before the sex, once your naked in my bed that's where the thrill ends.

  7. Hian! Thelma! What is this?! This your message will bring more stress to men.

    Im not sure. But I think I'd marry a nice girl and just fuck a bitch.
    The thing is - bitches are trying to prove tough right. Guys want to conquer the World and that includes tough girls. So a guy meets a babe with reputation of being bitchy he wants to fuck her and brag to all his friends. The chase is the sweetest part. Before he straffs her the chase/bitchiness is about excitement. After he straffs her the bitchiness is stress to him. He will leave after 2 months.

    But with a nice girl - Ahh there is peace. Sometimes thats all a nigga wants. The wife that will give him peace. Super mom, freak in the sheets and maximum peace. What more will a nigga want?? A nice girl that keeps her man is what I call a bad ass bitch.


    1. I agree with u Kon.. I think being bitchy works for d single, sidechics, etc. It goes with some extra pleasure and excitement for the man.
      But miss nice with some bitchy traits will get d

    2. Kon you just saved me the stress of typing plenty, chop knuckle.

    3. Well said kon, you just answered my question above.

    4. I think you guys are missing the point. She did say that she didn't mean bitch in the actual sense of the word, "Bitchy in this context connotes a woman who knows exactly what she wants, is not afraid to ask for it and would not accept less, NOT someone with a foul attitude."

      She just means that no one wants to marry a fool. Have a mind of your own, have likes and dislikes not "whatever my husband wants".

      Please clarify if you did understood and would still leave the "bitchy" chic for Miss Nice.

      That said, I think I'm a combination of the two. I am assertive especially at work and I can be nice, depending on the situation. One time, my bf and I had a date and he got there an hour and a half late, even with his apologies I made sure to express my dislike and anger at how late he was. I didn't just smile and let it slide "because he apologised". I made sure to explain that I hate being kept waiting and as such don't keep people waiting, I would expect the same courtesy from him. He apologised and said it wouldn't happen again and we moved on, life is easy. And truly, Miss Nice gets heartbroken 90% of the time. Ko pay

    5. Thank you Sunshine. The keyword is Assertiveness.


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