I can't count the number of times I've heard girls say "I don't know why he left me/they leave me/i'm single... I'm a really nice person". A few of my blog readers would call and cry to me in confusion and frustration; the one they thought was the one had just ghosted them! Then they'll say "I don't know why he did that, I'm nice, I'm a good person!" I just heard someone say that barely 3 seconds ago and I swear I wanted to gag.
No, don't get me wrong, being nice is nice, I totally get where you're coming from, I can relate, in fact not only can I relate, I've been you!
I couldn't quite figure it out back then, I was nice, I was a cool chic with a good heart and what more could a guy want? I was the kind, considerate, loving, all too understanding female and any guy should have felt super fortunate to have me.
So why? Why didn't they?
I felt men just didn't know what they want and when I saw bitchy females constantly getting their way with men, I thought that must be an aberration! I thought those guys were confused or masochistic or just plain blind.
I couldn't figure out why Chuka wouldn't date me? I was young, pretty, intelligent, fun and nice. And there were a number of Chukas.
Well I got a little bit older, a little bit wiser and a lot less nice.
For those who are still thinking being nice is the key to the kingdom, think again.
Ladies, the truth is that a lot of us in our niceness accept BS, we settle for less than we deserve and we do so smiling, just so we don't rock the boat. A man would take a girl who calls him out on his BS and is not afraid to rock the boat, a thousand times over a girl who nicely accepts his BS with a silly smile on her face.
When he does something wrong, makes plans with you and then stands you up, for instance, then he calls later and wants to act like nothing happened, Miss Nice doesn't complain much and accepts any explanation he gives. Miss bitchy tells him she's not having that, demands a proper apology and a promise that that would never happen again.
Guess who got his heart racing?
Miss Nice is very considerate and empathetic. She UNDERSTANDS. She's selfless and giving. Therefore she's willing to ignore her own needs and desires while putting his first, because that's what nice people do. Miss Bitchy on the other hand understands that her needs are just as valid as his. She has no issues communicating her expectations and desires. She's willing to put him first, but first beside her, not before her (and no, this is not a gender equality thing, not at all).
I could go on and on but I'd like to keep this as brief as possible. The point is this; being nice is nice but it's also boring af! It's predictable, unchallenging and blehhh. I think Serge Bielanko spoke for a lot of men in his Your Tango article when he wrote:
"Falling in love with nice girls is boring as hell!!! Hell, handing your heart over to a good, kind woman is probably the same as falling in love with an aromatherapy candle. It's safe. It's dependable. You know exactly what you're getting before you even get the damn thing home, right? Night-after-night-after-night, it gives off a tiny glow and infuses your whole pad with cake smell. And then, sigh, you fall asleep next to it dreaming comfortable dreams where no one gets mad or cursed out. Or laid.
Ladies do you get the picture now? Your kindness/niceness/compassion is beautiful, it's warm and noble, but it's the sort of thing that's great for charity or a nursing home or for children. But for an excitement filled relationship, one that's sure to keep him thinking about you even after you're gone, you've got drop some of that sickly sweet niceness. Miss Bitchy wins 9 out of 10 times and goes on the fancy dates and has great relationships with sought after men while Miss Nice writes to blogs about those same men, saying "I don't know why he left me, I'm nice!" Well, boo hoo!
Now, I'm not asking you to be a bitch, please DO NOT be a bitch. Bitchy in this context connotes a woman who knows exactly what she wants, is not afraid to ask for it and would not accept less, NOT someone with a foul attitude. Side note: Tsk tsk, foul attitudes and attitude problems suck!
So If you've always wondered why men like bitches, well, now you know...
That said being either Bitchy or Nice or anything else really is no guarantee. The success of one relationship can be attributed to a great many things are these things vary in different relationships. I wrote this simply because some ladies need to stop wondering why they're sugar and spice and all things nice yet the lads treat them like they're lice. (Hehe, sorry I really wanted to rhyme).
So share your thoughts and experiences with me. Do you agree or disagree with the notion that (most) men love bitches? Anything you'd like to add or subtract?