Here's your one-stop blog where we have conversations on real life stories, inspiration, relationships, sex, fiction, humour, politics, lifestyle and everything in between. Join the conversation!

Thursday, 2 June 2016

Why I Wouldn't Attend Marriage Classes.






They walked in hand in hand, chuckling about something that only they knew. The first thing you'd notice about her were her nerd glasses which made her look very young and quirky. Her pink Tshirt, jeans, flat sandals and ghana weaving also lent to her girlish look. He was also young looking and full of life, his strides were long and energetic. Before they got to the table he took a step ahead and pulled out a seat for her. Perfect gentleman things. 

They joined us and made their orders and although there was a lively conversation already ongoing on the table, they had their own little tĂȘte a tĂȘte which I couldn't help but listen to. Before they came I'd already got to learn about them and know that they'd been married for at least seven years and from what I heard, they seemed to have a good marriage. 

So here's the part of the conversation that I'd like to talk about. 

Her: I think I need to quickly go and see her, I will come back and meet you here

Him: Go and see her bawo? It's already night jor, go there tomorrow 

Her: But that's the problem, she's travelling in the evening and she has marriage classes in the afternoon. There won't be time. 

Him: This their marriage class never finish sef? How many months is it now?

Her: My dear, I tire o! What about us wey nor do marriage class?

Him & Her: *belly-grabbing laughter* *laughter* *more laughter* *holding hands and rolling eyes and chuckle*


I found this exchange very interesting and it brings me to my question. Some churches make marriage classes a prerequisite for marrying in their church. I don't know if this is done in mosques as well. Most people are open to the idea. Some just go through the motions because they don't really have a choice. A few people however do not do this at all. I guess my question is to the married people in the house. 

Did you take marriage classes before your wedding? Did you do it because you wanted to or because you had to? Did it really help in preparing you for marriage? Do you think it had any impact on your marriage? Would you recommend it to others?


Personally I don't think I would like to take marriage classes before my wedding. Don't ask me why because I don't know, I just feel like it might be a waste of my time. I guess that's why I'm asking, I'd like to know if I'd really be missing anything if I'm able to "escape" marriage classes; if I and the hubs are good to go without it or if it's very advisable that we do. 



Ps; I'm not even remotely engaged or sure in which era I might get married, so don't start to wonder. I just think about these things sometimes. 

27 comments:

  1. Lol @Thelma.

    "...I don't think I would like to take marriage classes before my wedding. Don't ask me why because I don't know, I just feel like it might be a waste of my time...". But most questions about marriage you ask our married TTB how they manage/cope?

    It's like saying you wouldn't go through the institutionalized educational system because you feel it would be a waste of time, yet wonder how Degree Holders make it. One of the reasons why we have more failed marriages today than we had during our parents time is because the importance of marriage courses isn't taken seriously anymore. I'm not implying that if you don't attend, you wouldn't have a happy marriage, but it's not something you just wake up and decide it's irrelevant to you, yet each day keep wondering about marriage, married couples, and having "cold feet". Lol.

    Marriage courses are extremely important. In some Churches it's up to six months. You're entering into a life time commitment with a total stranger and you're bound to be surprised by his/her actions as time goes on. How do you cope with this in 20/30/50 years? You'll be told.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I didnt have marriage classes. Well... my babe and I visited the priest and he summarized the whole marriage series into a 1 hour session. That was it! Waste of 1 hour.

    I didnt have any classes and so far marriage is on track. But I think marriage classes are important because so many people dont know what they are getting into. But I dont think marriage classes are structured to make anybody change their mind at that point.

    Im not even sure what they teach them there sef. I guess the conclusion is:

    1) Who marriage counselling don help sef?
    2) Will 6 months of classes equip you enough?
    3) If there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship, can marriage counselling really help?

    My answer is NO. But I still say people should attend the classes. Contradicting myself. Whatever. Im KON.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haaaaahahahahahaaa.
      Yes, you are KON and I'm with on this.

      -F

      Delete
    2. Im with you as well. I think marriage class helpS couples a taddy but.

      I attended for about 6 weeks in a catholic church. I still would recommend it to others. It was quite nice . When the issue of finance came uo during one of my classes . I found out that most couples had not discussed that area and the women assumed they didnt have any reason to ask. That day the men were asked to disclose their monthly pay to the ladies and were advised that a good woman woukd better manage their finances.

      It was an eye opener for a lot of folks. There will always be something to learn.

      Delete
  3. I would not mind marriage classes. Knowledge is never wasted I think.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I really wouldn't mind,at least for the fun of it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Like Ibukunoluwa said, knowledge is never wasted I think.

    So we had this conversation with our niece...
    Niece : "Aunty why is it taking so long to have the wedding?"
    "So long? It's only been a few weeks since the proposal and we have to even go through marriage classes first."
    "Marriage classes?"
    "Yes, marriage classes at church for 3 months."
    "Marriage classes for 3 months?! That's too much!"
    "LOL. Why?"
    "You both have been friends for a while, then he gets to kneel to propose, you agree and after all that time, marriage classes!"
    "It's compulsory."
    "I mean, why so long if you must? When it's not like you both don't know the first thing about marriages! Does it even help anyone."
    "ROTFL you won't kill me!"

    This niece is just 8 years old. She, like Thelma, might reject marriage classes.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Like Ibukunoluwa said, knowledge is never wasted I think.

    So we had this conversation with our niece...
    Niece : "Aunty why is it taking so long to have the wedding?"
    "So long? It's only been a few weeks since the proposal and we have to even go through marriage classes first."
    "Marriage classes?"
    "Yes, marriage classes at church for 3 months."
    "Marriage classes for 3 months?! That's too much!"
    "LOL. Why?"
    "You both have been friends for a while, then he gets to kneel to propose, you agree and after all that time, marriage classes!"
    "It's compulsory."
    "I mean, why so long if you must? When it's not like you both don't know the first thing about marriages! Does it even help anyone."
    "ROTFL you won't kill me!"

    This niece is just 8 years old. She, like Thelma, might reject marriage classes.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I and hubby just fell in love, courted for some months n dived into marriage o! So I have no idea wat they teach or tell couples in marriage classes. We didn't even think of marriage classes at d time.
    I'm sure there are couples out there that can tell u how marriage classes has helped them, but I'm still waiting to hear from such couples. However, I don't think attending d class can stop a man or woman from cheating, beating his wife, etc...all na just formality

    ReplyDelete
  8. My marriage course was so good, I wished they had sessions for married people. If you are catholic please attend marriage classes in church of Presentation Ikeja GRA.I loved it so so much I went around recommending it to all and sundry. I always looked forward to it. J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. ..I also attended my marriage course and got married at the Catholic Church of the presentation GRA Ikeja. Their premarital couselling is off the hook and so interesting. It has really helped hubby and I in our 3yrs of marriage.

      Delete
  9. Lol@ Thelma...Marriage classes are important in bible beliving churches especially if both parties are workers. And yes its important because they teach intending couples how to build a christian home,and if after wedding there's an issue u have spiritual counselor to met.Am not married but I must go thru those classes I wld nt even mind MFM...lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When you say 'Bible believing Churches', are you implying that there are some that are not?

      Delete
    2. @Anon 6:06..Yes any church that does not follow the guild lines of the bible is not a bible believing church.

      Delete
    3. and who determines these 'guidelines' seeing as we all have different interpretations of the Bible? In any case, I don't see how a Church will be a Church if it is not guided by the Bible. That's the basis of Christianity, no?



      Delete
  10. Lol@ Thelma...Marriage classes are important in bible beliving churches especially if both parties are workers. And yes its important because they teach intending couples how to build a christian home,and if after wedding there's an issue u have spiritual counselor to met.Am not married but I must go thru those classes I wld nt even mind MFM...lol

    ReplyDelete
  11. My church has something like a school for intending couples which is separate from marriage counseling classes. The school is called Marital Bliss Academy and it's so interesting, you won't want to leave. I like it cost they address everyday issues in the home like finances, in laws, purpose, sex, etc not like those other classes you attend where 70year Olds are teaching you about marriage with their 1977 experience. I'm not saying the 70year Olds have nothing to teach, I'm just saying they don't have experience of being married in our time given how much the world has changed and how women now have a voice and aren't only to be seen but also heard. And then many of those old marriage counsellors are sympathetic of wife/husband beaters and would first advise you to stay in that abusive marriage and pray for the man/woman.

    That said, I would still attend marriage classes cos it's a prerequisite in my church but I'll attend MBA too :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So basically, that's two degrees in marriage classes. Wow. I'm your husband, you will have to go the second one alone dear.

      Delete
  12. From the way things are going....till 37

    ReplyDelete
  13. So T, all d love ya sharing on this blog, u still don't know d era marriage will happen... chai. Diaris God o!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon's above (you're the same person don't deceive yourself by posting at different times) if 37 is God's plan then so be it. I think there are worse things in life than getting married at 37, like being you for example.


      Delete
    2. I just clapped for you here, T.

      Delete
  14. Lol @ Thelma.

    I did marriage classes for about 4weeks and i was soo sad when it came to an end. It was 2hours sessions for 4saturdays. I really did enjoy it and had opportunity to seek 'pastoral counsel' regarding different matters about marriage, e.g sex,starting a family,putting each other first,making decisions,growing together,Gods design of marriage. For me i looooved it and i still have my notes and me and my hubby do talk about it and its helped us.

    I also did one full day session in Nigeria in the church i got married in,it was not bad too.

    However, i do not understand marriage classes of 4months,6months etc...maybe timing for people that are working probably?
    But overall,with good counsellors/pastors taking the classes,it is usually a good session.

    Jackie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! It's those ones that stretch for several months that give me pause. I think 4 Saturday's is just fine.

      Delete
  15. Taah I looked for ways to avoif marriage classes. As far as I am concerned they should teach people how to be responsible adults. A lot of challenges in marriages stem from human beings who have no respect for their partner and are unwilling to be respectful and act likewise.

    By my own standards my marriage is fine - 2 years later as we hold God first and our mutual love and respect for each other second. Genuity is missing in a lot of marriages (many people cannot articulate why theywant to be married talkless of to a particular person). More so a lot of the people conducting theses classes are not necessarily qualified to do so - living under the same roof for 50 years doesnt mean you have had a marriage filled with friendship and love for the most of those years.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. I've been a Baptist since birth, so let's just say I already saw the whole counselling thing before marriage as a compulsion. If I was given the option to decide on whether to do it or not before attending the classes, I would have opted for not doing it too. My reason being because of the many awkwardness people in the past have attached to it, like the sex talk, if I was still a virgin at the time question(the lies people claimed they had to tell) etc.
    Going for the classes, I was determined to tell the truth about it all and be very expressive. Thankfully, the Pastor that counselled us was very matured and never made us feel all too confined to religious fibs as expected that I had to tell him after the whole session. There were no awkward moments or conscience piercing questions or statements. He never even asked about our virginity. I was surprised when he told us that it was normal for one of us to have a higher sex drive than the other person and even taught us how to adjust etc.
    In all, it was very interesting that I always wanted to share my new found knowledge with friends, even when I knew that their simple question of ''how was counselling today?'' was expected to be met with a simple response of ''fine, thanks''.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I don't think am going to go for marriage classes, whatever we need to learn and know we both will sit down and source for the info and equip ourselves.

    ReplyDelete

Blog Archive