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Wednesday, 27 July 2016

Ask Kon. Miss 'Should I Make The First Move?'


Ask Kon is new segment on TTB where blog readers get to send in their mails to our very own Kon and he in turn would share his candid opinion and/or advise. The rest of us get to share our thoughts in the section too. Kon is not an expert but his interesting views on various issues spanning different topics lend him a lot of appeal. Also, he is a GUY and don't we all wish we had a male friend to help us navigate the murky waters of love and life? You can send your Ask Kon mails to thelmathinks@gmail.com. 

Mails addressed to Kon should be simply titled Ask Kon. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. Read the latest mail sent to Kon below. 


Hello Kon plz what's your personal take on females making the first move? I think more females won't mind but because there is a consensus that if you do it will cheapen you in the guys eyes, most of us hold back. You know how they say men are hunters and if they find food that just came to them easily they will not value it. Kon is this really true? Ok please advise me. There is this guy who works not too far from me, I see him some morning and evenings in the car park. We see almost ofetn so we now say hi and hello. Note: we don't work in the same office, our companies are on the same street. 
I'm thinking of taking it a bit further to invite him for drinks after work one evening. Please do you think this is a bad idea? If it's a bad idea then please in what ways is it acceptable to drop hints for him that I'm interested in him? I'm not desperate and I can be subtle, but I've lived most of my life in a country where it's ok for women to be direct but I see that in Naija it's a different kettle of fish. Thanks so much for your time and effort.



Kon: Hello,

Well...I wont say women should make the first move but Ill say women should make themselves visibly available to only the person they are interest in (Not to the whole male population) there is a difference - its slightly less aggressive. For the sake of the men with tiny balls that cant handle an aggressive babe. 

Let me address this hunter - prey matter. If a gazelle flashes its meaty body before a lion, with the gazelle looking all delicious and crunchy. Obviously the gazelle wants to be caught The lion sees the gazelle and then has to chase the gazelle through the forest, over the mountain and in the valley to catch the gazelle. Wont the lion appreciate the hunt even though the gazelle indirectly asked for it?? The lion will eat and even keep some in the freezer to chop again the next day. My point is - Because a woman makes herself available does not mean she should allow the man chop her easily. Its when the lion catches the gazelle in 2mins that he wont appreciate the hunt and start playing with its food.

To the matter: Its not a bad idea at all. But if he turns you down then you have an #AwkwardMoment which ruins everything (He might be married. He might be broke at the time) So your first offer has to be something he wont refuse. These are my suggestions

1) Arrange a group hang out: Invite him to join you and your friends on a day that you girls are having a fun night. Tell him he can bring a friend and ofcourse that drinks are sorted (Just chip it in, in case he is a broke ass) This is so that it doesnt feel too personal or intimate. Everybody will be having a good time, no pressure on anybody. Of course by the end of the day you get his contact details and follow up with calls/texts.... you know the rest.
2) Since you guys run into each other in the evenings then just pick up a random conversation one of the days. You gotta move from hi/hello talk to "mehn yesterdays traffic was bad. Where did you pass?" and then "Oh where do you stay?" and then "Im always around that area, maybe Ill call you when next Im around there" (Even if you rarely visit the area. lol) You just gotta get the conversation flowing when you guys meet. You will surprised he might be the one to invite you for drinks once conversations flow easily. You get me?
3) Of course the direct approach is always available if you cool with that. But Nigerians shaaa... dont know how the guy will take it. If it was me shiiii....Ill smile and say "Sure. I know a nice place we can have drinks" *Wink

Let us know how the date goes.

Peace.


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Thanks Kon. Ttb readers care to share your thoughts?

13 comments:

  1. Dang but Kon you are good....

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    Replies
    1. Seconded, well said Kon! I wholly support approach 2.

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    2. Over good! Im no badass

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  2. Lol,no wonder they slide into his DM instead...

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  3. I go with Kon, but you see, you have to be extra careful with suggestion #2. (Nigerian) Men often go into a galaxy of excitement (which is sometimes tainted with ego) when they realize (Nigerian) women are interested in them. Somehow the gazelle-lion (G-L) approach doesn't apply there...unless it's just me. Take it reeeaal slow with the familiarity, and only ask the "Oh where do you stay?" and "I'm always around that area..." questions if his blushing is on another level, since the G-L law requires balls.

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  4. Beautiful read. I love the gazelle/lion analogy.
    -F

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  5. Interesting Analogy Mr. Kon, there is absolutely wrong with a girl making the first move in my opinion, it’s just how she does it. You can let a guy know you are interested but the road to you is going to be quite difficult. If the guy is all up for it, then he would persevere and face all the hurdles. Don’t just give yourself to someone freely no matter how you feel, the guy has to work for you, so he can appreciate you more, particularly when he considers all he had to do just to get you.

    Just let him know in a “stylish” manner that you have a keen interest in the possibility of a relationship and let him do the rest. There is however a danger to this when the feeling is not mutual. It’s tricky, but if done well, would work out.

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  6. What happens if at the end of d group hangout, he asks for her friend's number?maybe asks her sef

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    Replies
    1. life goes on. It means God used you as an instrument for your friend to find love.

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