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Friday, 22 July 2016

Ask Kon. (Miss 'They Say He's an Outcaste').






Ask Kon is new segment on TTB where blog readers get to send in their mails to our very own Kon and he in turn would share his candid opinion and/or advise. The rest of us get to share our thoughts in the section too. Kon is not an expert but his interesting views on various issues spanning different topics lend him a lot of appeal. Also, he is a GUY and don't we all wish we had a male friend to help us navigate the murky waters of love and life? You can send your Ask Kon mails to thelmathinks@gmail.com. 

Mails addressed to Kon should be simply titled Ask Kon. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. 

Yesterday I received a mail from a friend of mine addressed to Kon. Read below. 


Hello Kon, I understand you're not an igbo guy which makes it easier for you to advise me, I think. My relationship has lasted three years now, although the first year was not so serious. As things became more serious and we became exclusive in the second year, we had "the talk" and there was an understanding that we will get married at some point. That's a great thing because I love him so much and I cannot think of a better husband and baby daddy, he is just the best, not perfect sha. After he officially proposed some weeks ago and we told our families, my family started asking some questions because he's igbo and I'm not. In the course of this we found out that he is an Osu. My main issue with this is that he never told me all along but in his defense he said he didn't because he did not think it will be an issue, especially as I'm not igbo. But to my family this is a big deal breaker. The main gist about Osu from my research is that they're a lineage or family that has been dedicated to a god or shrine or something, and they are outcastes in igbo land. Marrying them is like a taboo.
  My family does not want me so closely associated with an outcaste family, a forbidden family according to my mum, meaning I might become a pariah too. I love this guy so much but my family is against it although I know that if I insist they will not stop me. Pls if you were in my position what will you do?"




Kon: Outcast? Ok tell me the implication of them being outcasts. Is it just a stigma or something happens to them? Do they die prematurely? Do they end up being poor? Do their men have some kind of erectile problems? Do they sacrifice their kids? If there is no real implication and its just a stigma then ignore all the crap and proceed to marry the man you love. But you gotta ask yourself these questions:
1) What are the religious beliefs of this man? Does he have a tendency to go back to shrine worshiping? 
2) What is the family background? Are they really good people with no diabolical powers/beliefs of any sort
3) How much do you love him? This might be the beginning of many other battles so you have to prepare your mind 200% to be in this for better or worse.

Peace.


***
Thoughts?


(Oh, just to answer one of Kon's questions, they are not poor o! It's quite the contrary. "Osus" have been noticed to most often be very wealthy and accomplished. #okbye). 

6 comments:

  1. The post is titled "Ask Kon" and Kon decided to answer her questions with a list of questions? Lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. Adding to Kon's input,...with marriages and most relationships, I believe it is more important where you are going to than where you are coming from. Place of upbringing, ethnicity, and many other circumstances conferred upon one by birth or childhood oftentimes do not weigh so much on the outcome of a marriage as unity of purpose, character, strength of resolve, mutual respect, love and many other estimable ideals.

    I don't know so much about Osus and what it implies and I don't intend to. I don't give much weight to traditional issues, so your main question should be if you give much weight to such issues? I have come to understand that certain important life decisions need clarity of thought as to what really impacts on making the right decision and that is what you need to do here.

    From your story, it seems you have a slight issue in your relationship - the issue of honesty from your fiance. Try to explain to him why being honest about certain issues would birth a stronger and happier relationship.

    If you are sticking with your fiance (which I'd advice), as much as possible, try to enlighten and convince your family that despite being an Osu, he is a better choice - marriage is easier when involved families are in unison. Also, be faithful with your religion for it has a way of 'invalidating' certain traditional practices. You've done some research about Osu, I'd encourage you to do more - many TTBVs are or have close bonds to the Igbo ethnic group.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "... be faithful with your religion for it has a way of 'invalidating' certain traditional practices...".

      Wonderful statement chrisyinks. And I must also commend Kon for asking valid and important questions. Dear Poster, listen to both men. Like Kon says, "If there is no real implication and its just a stigma then ignore all the crap and proceed to marry the man you love", but you MUST ask. It's what we term "Iju Ese"(jukwa ese).

      Remember in the process of asking, "be faithful with your religion" and don't let sentiments cloud your judgement. You'll be fine.

      Stay blessed.

      Delete
  3. Great response from Kon and Chrisyinks.

    ReplyDelete

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