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Saturday, 30 July 2016

Guilt.





Is it a good or a bad thing that I rarely feel guilty? This is not because I lack a conscience but because I'm actually rather conscientious, so before I act, it's often well thought through, especially the impact on other people. I ask if it's a bad thing because this results in a rather uneventful life, I think. 

In any case, sometimes even the best people do the worst things, and the worst people have the occasional stints of kindness. I'm at neither end of the spectrum of good or bad and this post is actually not that deep. 

But...

So that morning a few days ago mummy called me and it started out as the normal phone call; pleasantries, questions, teasing, jokes yadayadayada. And then she said 'There's one Samsung touch screen phone I saw in your room the last time I came. One that the screen is broken...'

Before she finished I blew a fuse. I wrote on my birthday about how I threw some tantrum and threw my phone against the wall a night before my birthday. Then on my birthday the next day, the boo replaced it with a new one and a later model so I didn't bother to fix the older phone. But I kept it because it contained some valuable information. Well about a week ago I needed some info from that phone and I looked but couldn't find it, I still got the info I needed and immediately forgot about the phone, so it's confusing why I got irate. 

'YES. MY PHONE! WHY MUMMY? WHY DIDN'T YOU AT LEAST ASK ME IF YOU WANTED TO TAKE THE PHONE. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT! I HAVE SCATTERED MY ROOM AND CHECKED EVERYWHERE! I DONT LIKE SUCH THINGS AT ALL. IT ISNT EVEN FUNNY, WHY DID YOU TAKE MY PHONE? HOW MANY PHONES DO YOU WANT TO USE? YOU NOW LET ME TO BE LOOKING FOR IT WHEN ITS NOT EVEN HERE... etc etc etc'

And she was quiet. All she said was that she's sorry and she'll call me later. A few hours later her driver showed up at my place with a small package among other things for the house. I opened it and right there was my old phone looking brand new; body work done and a shiny new screen. And along with it was a handwritten note with mummy's handwriting which said "I only wanted to surprise you". 

Guys, at that moment my guilt knew no bounds. I swear I wanted to cry. I immediately called my Mum and I started laughing to try to make light of things and she was all "Go jor, leave me alone jor. I don't even want to talk to you". 

LOL. Thankfully she didn't take anything too seriously and we were both able to laugh about it even though I hurt her. I later sent her a text effusively apologizing and she replied that it was "okay ooo!".       
       But days later, I still think about that moment I opened the package and saw the note and I'm engulfed by a deep sense of guilt. (Note to self; work harder at responding instead of reacting.)



Have you done something you later felt terribly bad about? Please share with me, I can't be the only one feeling guilty right now. You know what they say; misery loves company.

Not like any of us are miserable though, God forbid bad thing! LOL... 




19 comments:

  1. Your mom is so sweet! Kai! She go sabi romance your papa o!

    God bless your mom

    I go bend if my mama do that kain tin

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    Replies
    1. I echo your comment! Can't remember which is most suitable to share...

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    2. *I echo your prayers*. Your mum is truly a gem!

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    3. Lolz😀😁✌👌

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  2. Your mom is so sweet! Kai! She go sabi romance your papa o!

    God bless your mom

    I go bend if my mama do that kain tin

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    Replies
    1. LOL. Our parents all have different ways of showing love.

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  3. Awwww. This is just like me and my mum though I've learnt to not react to things concerning her, till the end of a situation...I gotta stop falling my hand.

    She'd react to a situation so calmly (and then let you know her plans, she wouldn't write a note though, she'd tell you) that I'd feel too guilty to even talk to her for a while because of shame. I don't know how she is always so patient and forgiving.
    So, try to stop feeling guilty since you've apologised and she has laughed with you plus she's a sweet mummy.

    I also think I'm conscientious so I usually wouldn't do something wrong.

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    Replies
    1. chai, I know that feeling. The return call and laughter, I've used that tactics on my mum before.

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    2. My mom and sunshine can do the "calm" thing ehn! I'll now be the stupid/crazy one in the situation 😂😂😂😂 every time!

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  4. I could use a new phone oooo.... T, haven't shey you will give me that one

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  5. Life is a journey and every moment of our life helps us in the right path of joyous existence. I'm glad you can write about this, makes things alot easier.

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  6. Choi! See how I cringed on your behalf. I think you should get her an I am sorry gift biko. Lol.

    Back to your question.... I believe I have,a lot of times even. Although I can't remember any.

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  7. Chai! With mama Kabuoy, Iv been there several times! I can't even begin to count!!!! 😂😂😂
    That part of "I only wanted to surprise you"
    Chei!!! I would have just died! 😂😂😂

    Thelma, so you're a " bad shidren" like me?! 😂
    I feel a little better now 😜

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  8. Kabuoy can relate to this. Always always vexing for mumsie at the drop of a hat and feeling sorry the next minute...lol

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    Replies
    1. Who hazz you?! 😂😂😂

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  9. Yes, indeed your mum is sweet.

    I remember one time I screamed at my daughter for something she knew absolutely nothing about. I was so ashamed of myself when I found out she was innocent. I had to beg her profusely.

    -F

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  10. Lol. Its funny. The opposite applies in my own case
    My mum will just be provoking all my bones.

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  11. For the first time I am reading your stories. I really don't like you at all. But I have an advice for you. You need to really work on your self and your attitude. If anything you are very far from sweet. You have no regards or feelings towards others and I am glad you are beginning to work on your personality. Because somehow it will affect every area and aspect of your life and might be too late before you realise. Stay humble, work towards loving others like yourself. Don't be selfish.learn to help . Learn to think before acting. Don't be insensitive. You are a human being. If everyone had your attitude the world would have been hell to live in. I hope one day I see the change and find sth good and positive to say about you. Till then May God see you through your "work in progress"

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