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Tuesday, 5 July 2016

Happy Marriages Do Exist. I Should Know, I Have One!

I will share my story to encourage many that marriage when done right is a beautiful thing. I have been married to my spouse for what will be 9 years this December, 10 if going by the date on our marriage license and I can confidently and boldly say I am married to the man meant for me.
He is not only my husband, he is my ride and die, my play mate, biggest fan, encourager and my prayer partner. The thought of living life without him leaves me with chills. I have even told him that I wish God will allow marriage in heaven because I will want to keep my intimate relationship with him even there (he laughs at this but I am dead serious).

How did I end up blessed with a partner like this, one may ask; I will not bore you with our how we met story, i have mentioned bits and pieces of that on different articles on BN, but once my hubby and I knew we were in it for the long haul (before we got married) I started praying for my marriage. I don’t remember ever praying about my wedding day but my marriage I did. I fasted and prayed like many do while praying for a life partner or for their wedding day. My crux of my prayer was simply this : God be our foundation because a marriage built on you cannot fail. Let our marriage be a true example of what you created the institute of marriage to be. The second sentence in that prayer was/is important me because like this author, I had heard a lot of awful stories about the institution but first I was convinced beyond reasonable doubt that despite what I had heard, that God’s original plan for marriage was not what many had made it to be and more than that I wanted my marriage to reflect that to those around me. I wanted my life (marriage in this case) to be the exception others pointed to.

I am a Nigerian woman, married to a Nigerian, Yoruba man to be precise, and I can say that God has answered my prayers, even my parents use our marriage has their model and come to us for advice (although I find that uncomfortable sometimes depending on the topic), my siblings that initially had problems with our relationship because of our age difference (hubby is 9 years older) now tell us our marriage is the one reason they still believe in marriage.

It will not be fair of me not to talk about my partner, who supports me in every way, this is a man, that has quit his job a couple times to follow me around the country so I could chase my dreams and pursue my career goals. For a long time in our marriage, I always made more but not once did he feel insecure, and I respected him even more, When I lost my job last year, he stepped up and never made me feel less in our relationship. He puts me first!!!! I know after God, I am next, not his mum or anyone else. I recently wrote about an issue I had with my MIL and her sister, my hubby got on the phone and gave his aunt a little tongue lashing, he made it clear to his mum that disrespecting me was not an option if she wanted him in her life. Nevertheless, I do my best to do my part I have always respected my hubby even when I made more, our bills were always paid based on our income (I.e I paid more when I made more). I have always treated my in-laws with love and respect, until recently, I treated them better than I did my parents and despite the issue with my MIL, I have pushed for peace, insisting hubby open lines of communication again with his mum, calling his mum and apologizing “for any role I played in the misunderstanding, perceived or otherwise” (although I know I am free of any guilt in the entire drama). I was only able to do this because I saw how he stood up for me and did not hesitate in taking my side and cutting off all relationship he felt would cause me pain or hurt.

So my dear and to anyone out there, marriage is meant to be beautiful, if entered into the way God intended it, not to satisfy our selfish nature only. We’ve had our challenges, o yes we have, one of them is that we are still trusting God with regards to starting a family but through it all, we have held on to our foundation and it has only brought us closer , that sometimes I fear that when God answers that prayer , our kids will not feel like the 3rd wheel in our home.


A lot of us have become jaded by the horrendous stories we read about marriages on social media, and we begin to wonder if it isn't even wiser to avoid this disaster and stay single. 

     Well, some people are experiencing really great marriages, and I think we need to hear more about those. That's why I'm sharing this Bella Naija comment here. The commenter comments with the name "The real D" and she shared the above under a post earlier today. 

I hope you're inspired? 

But tell me guys, what's the reason we don't hear much about good/happy marriages. Is it because good marriages are so few, or because the people in those marriages don't talk about it much?


  1. Most couples who are silent about their successful marriage don't see what the fuss is all about sharing happy married life moments with others (I think). It's like an asthmatic complaining about breathing difficulties or someone complaining about regular insomnia. When they get solutions, you hardly ever hear about it. Like me for instance, I can't remember the last time I needed an Inhaler, it's been over 2 years and I don't even feel like an Asthmatic anymore...I don't even talk about it. Lol.

  2. I think this is really inspiring and we need to hear more stories like this. Honestly the stories you hear nowadays makes you just wanna join a nunnery or something. Especially that Makeup or Breakup page on instagram where all they post is terrifying stories. I think people that do have happy marriages need to speak up more to encourage those that are currently married or looking to get married. Having said that, I guess married folks don't want to start singing how perfect their marriage is before one Jezebel comes and scatters everything loooool.

    But honestly God intended for marriage to be enjoyed not endured. It is us humans that make it unbearable.

  3. Wow....Marriage can indeed be beautiful.With God all things are possible

  4. Basic truth is good marriages are uneventful- there is no "excitement"- in the drama sense of it and its often simple.

  5. In life,everything has good and bad. The minute you can't find anything good about anything or anyone,know that stuff is marked for destruction eg Sodom and Gomorrah.

    In other news,Uyi,ive watched x-men apocalypse and I must say I was very disappointed on how they treated the bad guy. They actually betrayed the man who fortified their powers. And to think that Magnito and Charles worked together to fight him even tho they are on parallels tells a lot.
    PS: the freshest xter for me was

    1. And from whose ashes was he planning to build a better one? The 'bad guy' is a psycho. Well he had to be for the ministry to move forward.
      Ps: that's Quicksilver. He's the 'equivalent' of DC comics'Flash in Marvel Comics. (although Flash is still faster).

      Anyway, I would recommend Tarzan as a film to look forward to. Independence Day was just OK.

    2. Exactly,he planned to build "a better one". So yh,he does hv some redeeming qualities. I get you. He's the bad guy but I think it's very unfair for even bad people to get betrayed by the ones they trusted. Storm and Magnito no try.
      Charles and Magnito are always on opposing views but the minute they see a common enemy,Magnito wld do small shakara but still join alliances with Charles and fight.

      Yh, Quicksilver was my best xter (followed by the bad

  6. I was waiting for the part where she would say her hubby has never cheated, I would ve been very happy. My hubby is everything she has described above and more except that he has cheated, and that alone makes me feel some type of way about him. I don't even know what to do cos everywhere I look thr r cheating men, even pastors and men I thought were disciplined. I have decided to focus on his good part and forgive him anyway.

    1. That's d way to go, u forgive and move on right? And u still have ur "happy marriage". But then some others choose to put it out there on social media and that's where the problem lies.
      A lot of husbands cheat 'successfully' and their spouses can swear that they have never cheated on them.
      Happy marriages depend on the people involved and how they handle issues, and the truly happy ones don't think it's important to put it on social media...

    2. I have come to understand that happiness means different things to different people. Mr. A might define happiness as a hundred thousand naira monthly salary while Mr. B’s perspective would be a million naira monthly salary. Some women would remain in a marriage with a promiscuous partner and still have a good degree of happiness while some won’t be able to achieve such. It is clear that you belong to the second class. I’d advice that you speak to hubby, and relate your feelings to him, the hurt, the expectations you had of him and most importantly, what you both can do to move forward to have a better fulfilling marriage. If need be, involve a third party in the later stages of this healing process – a professional marriage counselor or a mutually trusted adviser. Do not forget that happiness is not so much as never experiencing hurt but being able to create a beautiful world from the broken pieces of previous hurt.

  7. What I love best about her marriage experience is that though it still had its 'undesired' side (misunderstandings et al), it still made for the perfect marriage for both spouses. Life oftentimes, is not a bed of roses, and true beauty in life is not devoid of some thorns.

    To your question, I reason that asides jinxing a good thing when one blows one's trumpet, the ingredients of a good/successful/happy marriage are mostly simple items - or as Cobhams would put it; the ordinary things in life - items like respect, trust, fun, tolerance, patience etc. It is difficult to explain to another how consistently doing simple things can create true happiness.

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  9. I would like to say i also have a happy marriage

    Just like the poster above i had it going great. Every thing a woman wanted in a man
    Caring, thoughtful, compassionate? Botg to me and others around. Especially women who are in need.

    I on my part i do my bit pf being an amazing wife
    So i was dumb founded when my prince charming slapped me when i was 8 months pregnant . What was my offence?
    I was upset he came home late.

    I moved out, and was ready to file for a divorce. After the calm and begging and all the plenty sorries,

    I decieded to give him a 2nd chance just because this is a marriage and not a just a courtship. Also
    Considering other issues.

    Unfortunately, despite all the effort to forgive n forget, it has been extremely tough to move on. Its no longer 100 percent from my end, svwn though he is doing all he can to helpe forget.

    I have the power to walk away should any eventuality arise. I dont know id loving him 100 percent would ever be possible.

    I hope God heals me enough to do so.

    1. Hey, also hoping that God heals you enough to do so. I dropped a reply to an earlier Anonymous' comment, I think some of the reply applies to your case.

      All the best.


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