Skip to main content

Happy Marriages Do Exist. I Should Know, I Have One!





I will share my story to encourage many that marriage when done right is a beautiful thing. I have been married to my spouse for what will be 9 years this December, 10 if going by the date on our marriage license and I can confidently and boldly say I am married to the man meant for me.
He is not only my husband, he is my ride and die, my play mate, biggest fan, encourager and my prayer partner. The thought of living life without him leaves me with chills. I have even told him that I wish God will allow marriage in heaven because I will want to keep my intimate relationship with him even there (he laughs at this but I am dead serious).


How did I end up blessed with a partner like this, one may ask; I will not bore you with our how we met story, i have mentioned bits and pieces of that on different articles on BN, but once my hubby and I knew we were in it for the long haul (before we got married) I started praying for my marriage. I don’t remember ever praying about my wedding day but my marriage I did. I fasted and prayed like many do while praying for a life partner or for their wedding day. My crux of my prayer was simply this : God be our foundation because a marriage built on you cannot fail. Let our marriage be a true example of what you created the institute of marriage to be. The second sentence in that prayer was/is important me because like this author, I had heard a lot of awful stories about the institution but first I was convinced beyond reasonable doubt that despite what I had heard, that God’s original plan for marriage was not what many had made it to be and more than that I wanted my marriage to reflect that to those around me. I wanted my life (marriage in this case) to be the exception others pointed to.

I am a Nigerian woman, married to a Nigerian, Yoruba man to be precise, and I can say that God has answered my prayers, even my parents use our marriage has their model and come to us for advice (although I find that uncomfortable sometimes depending on the topic), my siblings that initially had problems with our relationship because of our age difference (hubby is 9 years older) now tell us our marriage is the one reason they still believe in marriage.

It will not be fair of me not to talk about my partner, who supports me in every way, this is a man, that has quit his job a couple times to follow me around the country so I could chase my dreams and pursue my career goals. For a long time in our marriage, I always made more but not once did he feel insecure, and I respected him even more, When I lost my job last year, he stepped up and never made me feel less in our relationship. He puts me first!!!! I know after God, I am next, not his mum or anyone else. I recently wrote about an issue I had with my MIL and her sister, my hubby got on the phone and gave his aunt a little tongue lashing, he made it clear to his mum that disrespecting me was not an option if she wanted him in her life. Nevertheless, I do my best to do my part I have always respected my hubby even when I made more, our bills were always paid based on our income (I.e I paid more when I made more). I have always treated my in-laws with love and respect, until recently, I treated them better than I did my parents and despite the issue with my MIL, I have pushed for peace, insisting hubby open lines of communication again with his mum, calling his mum and apologizing “for any role I played in the misunderstanding, perceived or otherwise” (although I know I am free of any guilt in the entire drama). I was only able to do this because I saw how he stood up for me and did not hesitate in taking my side and cutting off all relationship he felt would cause me pain or hurt.

So my dear and to anyone out there, marriage is meant to be beautiful, if entered into the way God intended it, not to satisfy our selfish nature only. We’ve had our challenges, o yes we have, one of them is that we are still trusting God with regards to starting a family but through it all, we have held on to our foundation and it has only brought us closer , that sometimes I fear that when God answers that prayer , our kids will not feel like the 3rd wheel in our home.



***

A lot of us have become jaded by the horrendous stories we read about marriages on social media, and we begin to wonder if it isn't even wiser to avoid this disaster and stay single. 

     Well, some people are experiencing really great marriages, and I think we need to hear more about those. That's why I'm sharing this Bella Naija comment here. The commenter comments with the name "The real D" and she shared the above under a post earlier today. 

I hope you're inspired? 


But tell me guys, what's the reason we don't hear much about good/happy marriages. Is it because good marriages are so few, or because the people in those marriages don't talk about it much?

Comments

  1. Most couples who are silent about their successful marriage don't see what the fuss is all about sharing happy married life moments with others (I think). It's like an asthmatic complaining about breathing difficulties or someone complaining about regular insomnia. When they get solutions, you hardly ever hear about it. Like me for instance, I can't remember the last time I needed an Inhaler, it's been over 2 years and I don't even feel like an Asthmatic anymore...I don't even talk about it. Lol.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think this is really inspiring and we need to hear more stories like this. Honestly the stories you hear nowadays makes you just wanna join a nunnery or something. Especially that Makeup or Breakup page on instagram where all they post is terrifying stories. I think people that do have happy marriages need to speak up more to encourage those that are currently married or looking to get married. Having said that, I guess married folks don't want to start singing how perfect their marriage is before one Jezebel comes and scatters everything loooool.

    But honestly God intended for marriage to be enjoyed not endured. It is us humans that make it unbearable.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow....Marriage can indeed be beautiful.With God all things are possible

    ReplyDelete
  4. Basic truth is good marriages are uneventful- there is no "excitement"- in the drama sense of it and its often simple.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. In life,everything has good and bad. The minute you can't find anything good about anything or anyone,know that stuff is marked for destruction eg Sodom and Gomorrah.

    In other news,Uyi,ive watched x-men apocalypse and I must say I was very disappointed on how they treated the bad guy. They actually betrayed the man who fortified their powers. And to think that Magnito and Charles worked together to fight him even tho they are on parallels tells a lot.
    PS: the freshest xter for me was Flash...lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And from whose ashes was he planning to build a better one? The 'bad guy' is a psycho. Well he had to be for the ministry to move forward.
      Ps: that's Quicksilver. He's the 'equivalent' of DC comics'Flash in Marvel Comics. (although Flash is still faster).

      Anyway, I would recommend Tarzan as a film to look forward to. Independence Day was just OK.

      Delete
    2. Exactly,he planned to build "a better one". So yh,he does hv some redeeming qualities. I get you. He's the bad guy but I think it's very unfair for even bad people to get betrayed by the ones they trusted. Storm and Magnito no try.
      Charles and Magnito are always on opposing views but the minute they see a common enemy,Magnito wld do small shakara but still join alliances with Charles and fight.

      Yh, Quicksilver was my best xter (followed by the bad guy..lol)

      Delete
  6. I was waiting for the part where she would say her hubby has never cheated, I would ve been very happy. My hubby is everything she has described above and more except that he has cheated, and that alone makes me feel some type of way about him. I don't even know what to do cos everywhere I look thr r cheating men, even pastors and men I thought were disciplined. I have decided to focus on his good part and forgive him anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's d way to go, u forgive and move on right? And u still have ur "happy marriage". But then some others choose to put it out there on social media and that's where the problem lies.
      A lot of husbands cheat 'successfully' and their spouses can swear that they have never cheated on them.
      Happy marriages depend on the people involved and how they handle issues, and the truly happy ones don't think it's important to put it on social media...

      Delete
    2. I have come to understand that happiness means different things to different people. Mr. A might define happiness as a hundred thousand naira monthly salary while Mr. B’s perspective would be a million naira monthly salary. Some women would remain in a marriage with a promiscuous partner and still have a good degree of happiness while some won’t be able to achieve such. It is clear that you belong to the second class. I’d advice that you speak to hubby, and relate your feelings to him, the hurt, the expectations you had of him and most importantly, what you both can do to move forward to have a better fulfilling marriage. If need be, involve a third party in the later stages of this healing process – a professional marriage counselor or a mutually trusted adviser. Do not forget that happiness is not so much as never experiencing hurt but being able to create a beautiful world from the broken pieces of previous hurt.

      Delete
  7. What I love best about her marriage experience is that though it still had its 'undesired' side (misunderstandings et al), it still made for the perfect marriage for both spouses. Life oftentimes, is not a bed of roses, and true beauty in life is not devoid of some thorns.

    To your question, I reason that asides jinxing a good thing when one blows one's trumpet, the ingredients of a good/successful/happy marriage are mostly simple items - or as Cobhams would put it; the ordinary things in life - items like respect, trust, fun, tolerance, patience etc. It is difficult to explain to another how consistently doing simple things can create true happiness.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I would like to say i also have a happy marriage

    Just like the poster above i had it going great. Every thing a woman wanted in a man
    Caring, thoughtful, compassionate? Botg to me and others around. Especially women who are in need.

    I on my part i do my bit pf being an amazing wife
    So i was dumb founded when my prince charming slapped me when i was 8 months pregnant . What was my offence?
    I was upset he came home late.

    I moved out, and was ready to file for a divorce. After the calm and begging and all the plenty sorries,

    I decieded to give him a 2nd chance just because this is a marriage and not a just a courtship. Also
    Considering other issues.

    Unfortunately, despite all the effort to forgive n forget, it has been extremely tough to move on. Its no longer 100 percent from my end, svwn though he is doing all he can to helpe forget.

    I have the power to walk away should any eventuality arise. I dont know id loving him 100 percent would ever be possible.

    I hope God heals me enough to do so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, also hoping that God heals you enough to do so. I dropped a reply to an earlier Anonymous' comment, I think some of the reply applies to your case.

      All the best.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

One More Post...

Giveaway Finale!

Happy Sunday y'all. 
This is the conclusive part of #WCG. 
All the N25,000 recipients have received their cash.
All the students have also received their N10,000. 
Once again guys please comment under any of the posts, or this one that you've received your money. Thanks. 

So moving forward, this final giveaway contains 
1. N10,000 for 5 people. 

2. 3 kimonos from Julian's dressmakers. 
3. 3 pairs of Palm slippers from WaleOnibata. (Gents) 
4. 2 pairs of shoes from Courtney's Closet. (Ladies. Size 9 and Size 11). 

5. 1 human hair wig from Gabby's Wigs'n'Weaves. You pick from one of the wigs below. 
6. 3 cakes from CakesandCream 

7. A getaway at CitiHeight Hotel Ikeja for 3 people. (Who can each bring one person along).  


As I said earlier, Kon has already won a stay at CitiHeight and Clare, a kimono. So those gifts are now available for 2 people each. 
There is no competition. We are only going to play a game. 
I have each gift item listed out in numbers. Number 1 to 100. …

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa