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Thursday, 7 July 2016

The Ramblings Of a Sexually Frustrated Person... - The Lady.




I know some readers will read this and think I'm making a fuss over nothing. It's just bants, they'll say, but no it is not just bants and if you are guilty of such acts, just stop it.

That said, I can now move on to the main issue. I have this male friend who I have known for about a decade now. If you asked me before now, I would have said he was one of my closest friends, but he's been making inappropriate advances at me for a while now and I have decided to do away with our friendship. 

For as long as I have known him, he's been in one relationship or the other, but he's still always toasted me. I have always rebuffed his advances because apart from the obvious reason, I have also never been attracted to him.  I have always regarded his advances as bants. Whether or not he genuinely wants to date me is not something I want to concern myself with.

Some months back, he confided in me about the current situation with his girlfriend. Think family drama. While I was still trying to proffer some advice as a good friend, he started to toast me for the umpteenth time. I had begun to tire out of his unending advances and told him point blank I did not find him attractive. I also asked him to give up already because it was becoming rather boring. Ladies, I'm sure you know how annoying it can be when someone you can't get with is constantly trying to get with you. Makes your skin crawl. Anyway, I decided to keep my distance, but we remained friends.

We live in the same city and he's got a wider social circle than I have. I like to hang with friends so every now and then, I try to make plans with him. However, I noticed that anytime I suggested that to him, he'd ask if I was ready to get pregnant because all he wants to do is kiss me and have sex with me. That was his response every time! No jokes! Initially, I brushed it off as the ramblings of a sexually frustrated person, but it didn't stop. I could message him 'hi' and he'd respond about wanting to kiss me. So I told him off - that it was inappropriate and I did not find it flattering in the least. He tried to pass it off as bants and I was having none of that. I told him it was disrespectful of my friendship with him. That did not deter him so I decided to do away with our friendship last night by deleting him off my bbm. I had not spoken to him in over a month and when I complained about being bored, he asked if I was home alone coz he wanted to kiss me badly. When his message came through, I was deflated. I ignored the message and left the conversation at that. In that moment, I realised that I could no longer feel comfortable around him. That I could not trust that he would not attempt to rape me if we found ourselves alone. I came to the realisation that I do not want to be friends with someone who continuously disrespects me under the guise of liking me.

I raised it with a couple of friends of both genders and most of them seem to think it funny. The more they laughed, the more it dawned on me that such behaviour seemed acceptable. Then I begun to wonder, what if this boy raped me and I told them about his remarks, wouldn't people blame me? Tell me that the signs were clear enough. As long as he did not act on his remarks, it was silly and I ought to ignore him. I'd hate to think I'd laugh if a friend told me this was happening to her. I'd like to think I would tell her to tell him off and stay away from him. The more I think about it, the more I think I was being sexually harassed.

I know a couple of guys who are guilty of this and I do not know how they think it is okay to disrespect anyone like this. It is not okay to make such crude remarks at someone who does not share in your 'humour' especially when the person has repeatedly told you off. Don't do it! If you are a lady, you do not have to accept such behaviour. 




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9 comments:

  1. I just laughed reading this.#sorry#But seriously he just wants a friend with benefit..So if you don't want to be 'beneficial'it's better you stay off him to avoid stories that touch.TNHW

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  2. Stay as far away as possible from that guy.It's glaring that he is sick.

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  3. Your decision to cut him lose is wisdom at its peak.

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  4. Glad to read one more post of yours.

    I think you have taken the right steps and essentially, distancing yourself from him would help reduce the frequencies of his proposition and preserve the valuable part of the friendship. It’s not unusual for a party in a long-time friendship to develop amorous feelings for the other party and I guess that is what is happening here. This phase should subside with time. However, I feel ladies know how to effectively deal with issues such as this – so talk to your close female friends.

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  5. I have a friend like this too. Since before we got married and up until now, he takes every opportunity to express his sexual desire. Thankfully, we now live in different towns but he still tries. I have fought, abused, even kept malice with him for some days; he would act sober until I forgive, then go back to being a pest. I was in another state for a training sometime ago and he happened to be in the same state and was pestering me to make a meeting possible. I ignored his several calls and I've not heard from him since then (last month). Hopefully, that finally did it.

    -F

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  6. Hmm...How did you relate his aggressive advances to rape? Hmm? How? The guy is being silly. He knows you wont give him anything but like every other guy he just thinks that one day he will be lucky to catch you in a horny/vulnerable state.

    My concern is how you tied this to rape. Havent quiet shy guys raped girls before? Arent there millions of aggressive guys that have never raped anybody before? There is no correlation.

    Its okay to stop being friends with him if you are not comfortable with his advances. But to think he has the potential to rape in your head is unfair.

    Peace

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    1. @Kon- seems you are one of those silly thinking persons. It will definitely end in rape if Thelma were to find herself anywhere alone with this crazy guy. I am speaking out of experience. I wasn't raped though..thanks to my martial arts training yrs... but it could have happened and guess what I thought the idiot was just being silly. I have learnt that if someone shows/tells you who they are, believe them.

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  7. He's of no good... Glad you have let him go.

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  8. "...It is not okay to make such crude remarks at someone who does not share in your 'humour' especially when the person has REPEATEDLY told you off...".

    This statement is *gbam*. Emphasize the word "REPEATEDLY" and it becomes *gbamer*. I may disagree a little with the potential Rapist analysis but every other thing (especially your decision to dust yourself off him) is spot on. It's extremely disrespectful to continue choking people with your sarcasm and humor when they show you clearly that they don't appreciate it. Chrisyinks seems to think it would wear off, it won't, not after she's warned him against it over and over again, months on end.

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