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Friday, 8 July 2016

When You're The Only Single Friend Left...



A few weeks back I posted this throw back picture on IG. it's a picture of Chocolate, Yoko, Nene, Onyi and I taken in our first year in uni. Finding this picture really warmed my heart, I was transported back to a time when we had no cares in the world, a time when we were filled with joyful naΓ―vetΓ© and youthful exuberance, and I relieved the moments of that day. It was a very fun day, I don't think anyone of us have forgotten that really exciting day at Nike Lake Enugu. I captioned it saying "When we were young and (not so) wild and free.. Now all these girls are people's mummies". 

Someone saw the picture and thought it was a brilliant idea to call me to say he saw the picture and then went ahead to ask the most inane question I've ever been asked; 'why are you posting that picture and pretending it doesn't pain you that all your friends have married, with children?'

I instantly hung up and immediately blocked his number. 

Some people might find it strange or think I'm in denial when I tell them that I'm not in the least bit bothered or unhappy. I love and celebrate all the beautiful things and milestones in my friends' lives. I'm also fully aware that life is not a race and everything that's meant to happen will happen in its own time. 

So truly, I'm #unbothered. 

Yet,

Am I really?

Right now I'm at the airport about to board a plane out of town for the weekend and right there at the counter was my secondary school classmate. We were never friends but we were in the same class and same hostel so of course we know each other very well. I saw her before she saw me and I was staring at her thinking how little she's changed. The moment she turned towards me I quickly looked   away pretending not to see her. She kept on trying to catch my eyes but I stubbornly refused to meet hers and continued to look away. The one time I noticed her walking towards me and it was obvious I'd seen her, I kept on walking like I had no idea who she is. 
     Of course if she'd approached me I would have shrieked and grabbed her and hugged her and told her how great it was to her. 

So why didn't i? 

You see, right beside Ada was this tall man who is obviously her husband, and three young boys; her sons. THREE! Three boys between the ages of 8 and 4. Grown boys. The first one would be a teenager in a few years. And who did I have with me? Well, my faithful ipad which sometimes provides the same companionship a lover would, but very seldom. 

So I walked away pretending not to see her, and I asked myself why. I'm trying to be extremely honest here, and I think the emotion I felt at that moment could be likened to shame. 

Shame. 

If I'd gone over to say hello, she would have introduced me to her husband and three boys and then she would have looked back at me questioningly. Not in a bad way or anything, but questioningly all the same. 

And I couldn't bear to face that. 

I'm the only single one among my oldest friends and I have never and still don't feel any type of way about it. But suddenly I'm faced with a former classmate and I felt ashamed, inadequate and incomplete. 

Whether or not I want what she has irrelevant, the fact that I don't have what she does was what mattered at that moment and it made me do something I've never done; act like I don't know someone I know too well, look at her and then right through her like she's glass. 

It's an interesting thought, one I'm already familiar with but interesting all the same, that sometimes a woman might not truly desire marriage, yet she will strongly desire to do what her mates are doing when they're doing them, and this often includes marriage...

I'm not so sure there's a point to this post. I still believe that we should all enjoy our lives no matter the situation we find ourselves in, single or married. You're married, treasure it. You're single, enjoy the moments. 

Out of curiosity though, if you were in my shoes would you have felt the way I felt this morning? Or would you (like the normal me would have been) be indifferent? 
     Anyone one else, male or female, in that situation where all your friends are getting hitched one after the other and you're just here, single af! LOL, how does it make you feel?


Oh well, my plane is on ground, wish me a safe trip away and back. Kisses!


Meanwhile how funny are my baggy jeans? LOL



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22 comments:

  1. The way you reacted.....its normal. Its ok.

    Peace.

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  2. Last night I called my cousin & she went I have been trying to reach you,N's wife just gave birth,after all the awwws,I went into my bathroom & cried my eyes out.N & I got married same month (two days apart) & he just welcomed his second child.I am still childless.Whenever I go for family gatherings,some ask questions,some look at me with pity,some will hug me so tight & pray.I haven't lost hope so...Thelma it's okay to feel somehow,we are human beings with blood.pardon any typos.Labake

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    Replies
    1. *hugs* Labake

      We are all in God's waiting room whether it's for a wife,husband,child,job,the next step,etc.
      While waiting, just enjoy the process of making babies ok..

      Soon dear..

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    2. You are not childless. Pls, call those things(whatever you desire) as though they are. You are fruitful. Your children are surrounding your table. You are a blessed mother. Your womb carry babies. Your children are blessed.

      Whatever life throws at you, feel after God. You'd find Him right there because He never left. He's right there. Yours will come too. In doubles (twins) or triples, as your heart desires. This too shall pass. Don't give up. It's not over. God's got you.

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    3. May God grant you your heart desires dear..TNHW

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    4. Thanks so much Labake. We hear testimonies everyday of people who've been TTC, yours won't be different. You are not childless, we've already been assured that none shall be barren in the land. Your bundles will come. I can't imagine how it must feel to be in your shoes but please continue to believe. We will be hear to celebrate with you when the time comes. Big hugs Labake.

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    5. Your babies are on the way. Keep faith and remain strong.

      -F

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  3. I think its ok to feel some type of way, its just reveals the human in us. I have just entered that age bracket where all my friends are getting married and a couple have started having kids. My facebook TL is now filled with wedding pictures and a sprinkle of naming ceremony pictures. Most times I just exclaim to myself that "all my mates are getting married o", other times I have this funny feeling in my chest, I don't think I'm jealous/envious of them though but it does hit me some kind of way. I already know that the race is not to the swift so, its cool.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oga we know you're not jealous... Just do the needful abeg. I want to do chief bridesmaid abeg πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ and spoil my 4 nephews and 5 nieces.

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    2. Just throw an open IV to the blog when it's time..

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    3. 4 nephews and 5 nieces! That'd be interesting.

      -F

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  4. It's normal. It's life. We all arrive at our destinations at different timing.

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  5. I love posts like this…it often reflects how our life is most times – all over the place. I believe everyone has that one thing that seems missing in their lives and yet very prominent in lives of those around them. For some it is marriage, for others it isn’t. Marriage isn’t it for me. I guess situations like this provide a piercing insight into what we really want and desire most in life: the question is ‘is such desire out of keeping up with the joneses or out of genuine want?’ If it’s the latter, then you should ‘hasten’ boo to do the necessary. Although belated, do have a safe and wonderful trip.

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  6. How insensitive can anyone be?! Good thing you blocked him right there and then.
    It happens when we least expect it...

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  7. My dear u r human and u r entitled to your feelings Biko.
    Sometime I skip frnds weddings cos I'm a single mom . Lol!
    But now I realize our journey in life is different. Enjoy your single life cos when marriage and babies come u Knw that u have nothing to envy.

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  8. Thelma, I can relate to this post cos it is my life. all my primary, secondary & university friends are married with children even the male, established in their career or business & am still struggling to be on my feet take more of having a boo. I have always felt am strong & can stand the storm, but the day I felt hopeless was when my school son who was in JSS 1 when I was in SSS 3, hooked me up on Facebook inviting me to her daughter naming, I felt I should just die. I avoid social functions of old school mates, childhood friends & neighborhood friends to save me from questions & answers

    But I come to accept it as life, and enjoy every little gift life gives me. after all, I can't kill myself & die on top of it.
    my motto for 2016, is peace & moving along with the flow.
    Eby

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thelma, I can relate to this post cos it is my life. all my primary, secondary & university friends are married with children even the male, established in their career or business & am still struggling to be on my feet take more of having a boo. I have always felt am strong & can stand the storm, but the day I felt hopeless was when my school son who was in JSS 1 when I was in SSS 3, hooked me up on Facebook inviting me to her daughter naming, I felt I should just die. I avoid social functions of old school mates, childhood friends & neighborhood friends to save me from questions & answers

    But I come to accept it as life, and enjoy every little gift life gives me. after all, I can't kill myself & die on top of it.
    my motto for 2016, is peace & moving along with the flow.
    Eby

    ReplyDelete
  10. AMEN to all your prayers.Thank you all for the positive words.Labake

    ReplyDelete
  11. I believe we all go through this for different things we lack. I've come to understand that when I feel this way and I acknowledge it and convince myself that what I want will come at its time, I do feel better.

    -F

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  12. Have a great getaway Tee,it only shows that we are human, personally I try to avoid occasions or situations that would get me thinking about things I should also have that my age mates or friends are already having. Depression is real !!!

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  13. That person was really insensitive except he meant it as a joke but still.....

    This part of Chrisyinks post gave my thoughts life....

    .......the question is ‘is such desire out of keeping up with the joneses or out of genuine want?

    ReplyDelete

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