A few weeks back I posted this throw back picture on IG. it's a picture of Chocolate, Yoko, Nene, Onyi and I taken in our first year in uni. Finding this picture really warmed my heart, I was transported back to a time when we had no cares in the world, a time when we were filled with joyful naïveté and youthful exuberance, and I relieved the moments of that day. It was a very fun day, I don't think anyone of us have forgotten that really exciting day at Nike Lake Enugu. I captioned it saying "When we were young and (not so) wild and free.. Now all these girls are people's mummies".
Someone saw the picture and thought it was a brilliant idea to call me to say he saw the picture and then went ahead to ask the most inane question I've ever been asked; 'why are you posting that picture and pretending it doesn't pain you that all your friends have married, with children?'
I instantly hung up and immediately blocked his number.
Some people might find it strange or think I'm in denial when I tell them that I'm not in the least bit bothered or unhappy. I love and celebrate all the beautiful things and milestones in my friends' lives. I'm also fully aware that life is not a race and everything that's meant to happen will happen in its own time.
So truly, I'm #unbothered.
Am I really?
Right now I'm at the airport about to board a plane out of town for the weekend and right there at the counter was my secondary school classmate. We were never friends but we were in the same class and same hostel so of course we know each other very well. I saw her before she saw me and I was staring at her thinking how little she's changed. The moment she turned towards me I quickly looked away pretending not to see her. She kept on trying to catch my eyes but I stubbornly refused to meet hers and continued to look away. The one time I noticed her walking towards me and it was obvious I'd seen her, I kept on walking like I had no idea who she is.
Of course if she'd approached me I would have shrieked and grabbed her and hugged her and told her how great it was to her.
So why didn't i?
You see, right beside Ada was this tall man who is obviously her husband, and three young boys; her sons. THREE! Three boys between the ages of 8 and 4. Grown boys. The first one would be a teenager in a few years. And who did I have with me? Well, my faithful ipad which sometimes provides the same companionship a lover would, but very seldom.
So I walked away pretending not to see her, and I asked myself why. I'm trying to be extremely honest here, and I think the emotion I felt at that moment could be likened to shame.
If I'd gone over to say hello, she would have introduced me to her husband and three boys and then she would have looked back at me questioningly. Not in a bad way or anything, but questioningly all the same.
And I couldn't bear to face that.
I'm the only single one among my oldest friends and I have never and still don't feel any type of way about it. But suddenly I'm faced with a former classmate and I felt ashamed, inadequate and incomplete.
Whether or not I want what she has irrelevant, the fact that I don't have what she does was what mattered at that moment and it made me do something I've never done; act like I don't know someone I know too well, look at her and then right through her like she's glass.
It's an interesting thought, one I'm already familiar with but interesting all the same, that sometimes a woman might not truly desire marriage, yet she will strongly desire to do what her mates are doing when they're doing them, and this often includes marriage...
I'm not so sure there's a point to this post. I still believe that we should all enjoy our lives no matter the situation we find ourselves in, single or married. You're married, treasure it. You're single, enjoy the moments.
Out of curiosity though, if you were in my shoes would you have felt the way I felt this morning? Or would you (like the normal me would have been) be indifferent?
Anyone one else, male or female, in that situation where all your friends are getting hitched one after the other and you're just here, single af! LOL, how does it make you feel?
Oh well, my plane is on ground, wish me a safe trip away and back. Kisses!
Meanwhile how funny are my baggy jeans? LOL