So the boo and I got into a fight early this morning and he's resolute about ending things. Ordinarily I wouldn't blog about it because I decided against the personal posts even though that cost me readers and a lot of traffic. But unusual times call for unusual measures. Besides, what's the worst that could happen?
Here's the thing, I was wrong. I admit it. My action might have been provoked but I think it was an overreaction and I really need to do more work on this "responding not reacting" matter.
So yes, I lost my cool and he felt disrespected, worse yet was the fact that his friend tried to talk to me and hug me but I shoved him aside and walked out on him, and you know how men get about disrespect, or their friends, or disrespecting their friends, or disrespecting them in front of their friends...
In any case, I was mad and I shoved his friend not out of disrespect but sincerely because if I hadn't I might have said things that would have caused major damage.
Regardless, the young man has said its over and while this might be the perfect weight control method seeing as I've been unable to swallow anything all day; my appetite is zero, I don't want to lose the best thing that has happened to me in a minute, my best friend, my Man!
Earlier, I sent a message to apologize, which as expected went ignored. And I don't want to be that girl who floods a guy's phone with sloppy text messages, so while sipping on a bottle of Origin Bitters, ironically the only thing that has agreed to go down my throat, I thought, but should one act really make you, my love, end the coolest relationship ever? (Admittedly it's one act that might have occured a number of times, but what can I say, I'm still a work in progress and even you said just last week that I've changed in the months we've been together).
So here are 11 reasons why you, my man, should not break up with me today.
1. Yes, that CHANGE. Don't you want to complete that good work you've started in my life? You said I've changed for the better since we got together and judging from last night, there's still work to be done. So I really think you should stay and finish what you've started. You've always prided yourself on being diligent. Honey, there's still work to be done!
2. You don't just stop loving... Yeah right now you might hate me like a fat kid hates exercise, but you love me! You don't just stop loving someone suddenly. You told me, too many times only in the early hours of this morning that you love me. You said it again and again and again. Does one really suddenly stop loving someone "just like that"? I think not.
3. You need positive energy. You said, this morning how you needed to stay away from me because you didn't want the negativity. Well guess what, you're mad at me right now, mad and angry as hell! Anger only breeds negative energy. Just forgive me and get rid of all that negativity!
4. I make you happy. Others may have made you happier in the past but for some reason, this unpredictable, sometimes scary, random chic has made you smile and made your eyes twinkle. I've made you happy and made you give all others up, even without asking. Do you really want to give that up right now?
5. You make me happy. I tell you this all the time so let's not go into all that. But I know that there's some kind of gratification you derive from hearing me tell you how happy you make me. Do you honestly want to lose that satisfaction right now? Is it really worth it? Hmmmm...
6. You owe it to me!!! Yes boo boo. Is it fair that I've been able to forgive you several times in the past and now that it's your turn you choose to harden your heart? I call FOUL! Boo, I deserve your forgiveness, I have forgiven you before and now it's payback time, I'm here to collect!
7. We are friends. Friends, not in a light sense of the word but friends, as in, FRIENDS. We've got each other's backs, we can trust each other with our secrets, WE can be ourselves with each other; flaws and all. We TALK. We tell each other things; plans, regrets, dreams, victories, defeats, EVERYTHING. Do you have many other friends like me?
8. Friends forgive. Yes, we are two different people from different backgrounds with different personalities and experiences and we are bound to fuck up occasionally. Even one's siblings piss them off sometimes, but you don't cut them off simply because of that. No, you forgive. So my friend, my bestie, my Everything, please forgive me.
9. We make each other's legs shake. I'll leave it at that. You'll understand.
10. Loyalty. It was never something that was thought out or planned but if there's one thing that bought your devotion, it was my loyalty. It was unquestionable, unwavering, never in doubt. You must know how rare this is and I guess that's why it meant so much to you. Does it really suddenly mean nothing at all?
11. You love me. Yes, you might hate me right now, passionately so. Just this morning you told your friend and I that you're done and it's over and that's final. I could feel the hate emanating from you. All my apologies and pleas fell on concrete ground and I knew, I could feel that you hated me. And yes, even while you're reading this you might hate me. But that's only because you love me. Sweetness, don't throw us away simply because I acted silly. Think boo, is it really worth it? The friend you're willing to give me up for has been in your life for one minute but I've been here for a million. We've been through a lot; the good, the bad and the unthinkable! We genuinely LOVE each other and everyone who knows us knows this. Seriously, was what I did so bad that you're willing to throw all we have away?
... If you've read this and you still think it's best you go then I guess that's it. There's not much else I can say. But, if you think you can let go of what happened and let us move forward, then call me and let's spend the night. I promise I'll be better.
Ps. TTB readers, if you've got a note you'd like to send to someone, mail it to me and I'll post. All you need do is send them the link.