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Tuesday, 30 August 2016

Mr K: When and How Do We Tell Them About Sex?

I remember when I was younger ... how my father had to watch every TV show with me, how he had to sanction every movie before we are allowed to see it, how cartoons were the only things I watched alone, how I had to leave the sitting room or end a movie if a man and woman should hug as long as 30 seconds or even if my dad should sense imminent skinship and how every activity, movie or speech was heavily censored in my home. Everyone that grew up with an orthodox african parent can easily relate.

So I grew up knowing little or nothing about interacting with the opposite the sex and it was not until around Jss3 that I found out where babies come from. I used to live with the shallow knowedge that God provided them miraculously,after marriage. My friends mocked me as they explained the whole thing, how embarrassing, and to think how fervently I used to pray for another sibling not knowing that my parents were on serious family planning. *smh*

I wasn't the most inquisitive child growing up but many children are very curious about things they don't understand and are eager to explore which is why sex education for teens, I think, is important, and a sensitive topic.

I just want to know when and how.

When to tell your children what sex is and it's implications. In Js3 like me? when is too soon or too late?

How to tell them. with details? Do you tell them don't try it or always use a contraceptive? Do you tell them it's a sin, God gives babies? or like my mom whose mom told her that she'll get pregnant if a man touches her.

Which part is to be left for churches and schools? 

With all the difficulties involved in handling the present generation, how can sex education be delivered to them properly?

People, how did you learn about sex? Many of us were told that if a boy touches us we would get pregnant, did you belong to this category or did your parents give more detailed facts, or say nothing at all? 

I'm keen on hearing what you have to say to Mr K's questions. Let's talk!


  1. My Dad was the one that gave me the Sex talk and that talk scared me to death. Of course he gave the 'if any man as much as brushes past you, you are pregnant' talk and I believed it through out secondary school. I went on to have a boyfriend and after my first kiss, I honestly believed I was pregnant. Anyways I don't think 4 is too early to send them to a sex Ed class. My sister had to take my nieces to a sex Ed class for my nieces after one of them almost got violated. Thank God she talks too much so immediately after it happened, she just went straight to her mum and narrated the scene. My sister almost killed the boy hehehehe.

  2. Nobody taught me about sex...I learnt my own way and through friends..As for my children,my four year old already know that he does not touch his sister's vagina..As soon as they hit puberty,I would do more.But all I would tell them is to always use a condom,you can't trust all this twosome generation mehn...TNHW

    1. you can't trust all this twosome generation mehn...

      I swear, scary days we are in!

  3. I wouldn't say I grew up in a strict home. We were principled and godly, yes, but the rules I had were put upon myself by me. You see, I was quite the inquisitive child. I ask you a question and you try to play smart, I find out the answer myself. My aunties read adult books and were very careful hiding them. Let's just say I was better at finding them. I bought the book EVERY WOMAN with my savings at age 10 or so. I learnt a massive lot from it....but above all, I learnt that sex is a thing of choice...and that, when you decide to do it, it should be under the right circumstances considering your health as well.
    My family, though wonderful, didn't really influence my knowledge about sex. The didn't consider it important...that talking about it too early would lead us astray.
    I learnt by observing, from books, from school (who had that girl's experience where a particular NGO comes to lecture the students, especially the girls, on sex, periods, protection, and all that stuff....I had that in bulk...strangers telling at the age of 9 that if I had to have sex, I had to use a condom...and they'll hand you a sample together with the sample pads), and from books again.
    I'll say...different strokes for different folks. Everyone has their modus operandi. I know all there is to know about sex....and I taught myself (though the NGO introduced it to me).
    Sex education is very, very, very important...especially for impressionable kids.

  4. I wasn't taught jerk. I only received threat of "if a boy touches you, you would become pregnant and your life would be destroyed". I learned through talks with friends, unsuccessful attempts by boyfriends, magazines and books.

    As for me, I came to the realization that my children (and a lot of children within their age group) became aware very early. They may not have details but they know through plenty available media. I started teaching them as early as when I had the first inkling of their awareness of the subject (primary school level). I started by telling them the exact names of the relevant body parts. I explained the process of child birth. I gave mild explanation of sex and how it happens and why it is not ideal to have outside of marriage (diseases, unwanted pregnancies, distraction plus the fact that condoms couldn't guarantee 100% protection etc). I told them that their future is in their hands and they only could mold the desired future they want for themselves. I particularly told my eldest daughter when she was 12 that "sex could be very interesting and enjoyable but destructive if had at the wrong time. If you do not have sex, there is absolutely no repercussion; you wouldn't even miss it except you start and realize the "sweetness". However, if had at a wrong time, it could destroy you". I build on this by showing/telling them stories of rape and abuse victims and how not to be one as well as stories of people who married as virgins and are living well. When we watch sensitive scenes in a movie, I acknowledge them and try to start a discussion around the stories.

    It's a continuous process until they can take care of themselves.


  5. Each of us had a way of learning about sex.
    As the only child of my parents for 6 years plus, I was like an egg in my mother's arm and she diligently trained me "in the way a child should go". Though sje may not have called it "time for sex education", but I know she really thought me well and I owe my all to her.
    I was never driven away from the tv. Though the home movies we (I & my parents) watched then were properly selected, if there was any "intimate" scene, I was always allowed to watch but the moral lessons as to that was surely gonna come after the movie.
    So I grew up knowing about sex both the dos and donts but I already was thought the advantages and disadvantages. So I was sure on the track of 'in the way he should go".

    For my children, they 'll get an isomer of what my mum did for me and at the very early age when she started it.

    1. Pardon me, but I had to giggle at your choice of words. I've never seen "isomer" used in a non-chemical context, but now that I think about it, I don't see why not :-)

  6. Lovely write up Mr K. This happens to be a very important topic too. I personally think that the issue of sex shouldn't be made overtly sensitive or touchy. Parents should be able to appropriately discuss it with their children. The appropriateness in sex education is giving the right information at the right time. From childhood, say 2 years, teach the child about the various parts of the body. As the child grows older, the information given to him is built on what he's received over time already. This way, when you want to have ‘THE TALK' (go all the way), t won't be awkward for everyone involved.

    More so, gradually teaching a child sex education helps build trust and friendship between a child and his parents, where he can confidently talk to his dad/mum about stuff going on in his life.

  7. Well, my household wasn't one to go into extended lectures on sex, so when I grew curious enough, I got hold of any science book I could, and would promptly skip to the Reproduction chapter...that, coupled with paying keen attention in Integrated Science class. It also helped when I discovered where my mum's copy of Everywoman was, and that book is really the book to end all Infact, I suggest that any parents struggling to broach this topic to their daughter should conveniently misplace a copy of the book in her general vicinity...

  8. I will also add that while sex education is good for the child, we shouldn't be too keen to fill the child's head with talk of sex, and as much as is possible, allow them to enjoy their age of innocence


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