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When The Father Of an Unplanned Pregnancy Claims Rights... (Does He Really Have Any?)





Bisola was in a long distance relationship that seemed to be on its last legs. She loved Dozie but they hadn't seen each other in five months, she'd been planning to go visit him in Atlanta just before the cost of tickets skyrocketed and he didn't bother to pitch in either, so... They talked once or twice a week, a far cry from their hour long daily calls of the yesteryears. Biola knew they still loved each other but their relationship wasn't what it used to be, and obviously neither of them cared enough to do anything about it.  


Jaden has always believed that honesty is the best policy, and so he's honest, even when it's inconvenient. It was this honesty that played out when he noticed that Biola was digging him. "Babes I'll keep it 100 with you. I like you, I think you're hot! And yes, I'm attracted to you. But truth is, I'm not just in the headspace for a relationship right now... Like... I really don't think I can commit.." 

"And who's asking for your commitment?" Biola asked cutting in. "Look, I'm in a serious relationship Jaden so keep your commitment to yourself jor. Gerrarhere mennnn shiii!" She said and they burst out laughing. 

And although Jaden knew that Biola was using humour to conceal her disappointment, and talking from a place of hurt pride and not out of loyalty to her long distance boo, one thing was established and that was that there were to be no strings attached. And so they became friends with some pretty exciting benefits. 

The two became even closer and this very sexy uncomplicated arrangement worked for them both. Once or twice a week they'd Netflix'n'chill and rock each other's beds or worlds or car seats or kitchen counters or what/wherever. 

Suddenly one day Biola calls Jaden and says "We need to talk". Jaden's heart fell; I knew it was too good to be true, I knew a woman couldn't just have great sex without going to catch feelings, he cursed under his breath. 

He had already prepared a speech to let her down easy. Biola was a great gal but he just wasn't into her like that. Yet a few hours later Jaden sat his SUV with a lump in his throat and rage in his chest. His eyes got moist as he replayed their conversation in his head. 

"I'm sorry to bring you out on a weekday, but I needed to talk to you"

Jaden had nodded for her to proceed, ready to voice out his rehearsed speech. 

"Look, J, we're going to need to be more careful" 

"Huh?" This wasn't the talk he had expected. 

"When we started this whole thing, we were very careful about protection, you always wore condoms and the times we slipped, I took my pills... But we got careless. If we're going to keep seeing each other then we need to be careful". 

"Okay.... But couldn't you have told me this over the phone? Besides what's this urgency for being careful all of a sudden?"

"Well, I got pregnant so..." 

"You WHAT? For me???"

"Yeah, for you of course. But calm down jor! I've taken care of it, you have nothing to worry about". 

And at this point Jaden felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice over his head. 

"Taken care of it, as in abortion!!!?" He cried out. 



***
This marked the end of their situationship. 

Biola has been shocked by Jaden's reaction. She felt the chronic bachelor would be relieved that she had gotten rid of the baby without any drama. Besides, she couldn't understand why he was so mad, why he was acting like she'd taken something from him. The baby was hers, and therefore hers to get rid of. Jaden's anger was way out of place!

Jaden drove home that night with a strong resentment for Biola that he's yet to rid himself of. That child was as much of his as it was hers. Biola had no right to get a d&c, at least not without first discussing it with him! He had a right to know and he had every right to be a part of the decision to either keep or remove the baby. And most importantly, he would have wanted that child and would have taken responsibility. Biola had deprived him of something that was partly his and he just didn't see how they could go back to the way things were. 



***

People, this is fiction but it might as well be fact, most of us know someone who has been in these shoes before. So what do you think? When both parties (of course outside marriage) have made no plans to get pregnant, does the guy have any right or any say over what happens an unborn baby?


Comments

  1. The answer is 'yes'.. He does have a right planned or unplanned. In this case its unplanned, but he is still the father-to-be and should have a right in decision making.#Simple#

    ReplyDelete
  2. The guy has 101% right. Who planted the seed?

    If it was me, I'd be mad and hurt too. Very selfish of her. If you are going to do abortion without telling him, why tell him after then??? She could have passed the message of being careful without mentioning that she got pregnant.

    Peace

    ReplyDelete
  3. "...does the guy have any right or any say over what happens to an unborn baby...".

    Thelma which kin kwesheun be dis?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Whether a guy has any right over an unborn child or not depends on which country he is in and how good his lawyer is.
    A woman sued some guy in the UK for dropping his seeds in there during a consensual "exercise". She won.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ....and I've been digressing since morning...issokay.

    Forget the moral expectations. He doesn't have any right biko. What was he expecting? To turn her down easy...then accuse her of trying to hook him down with a baby...then letting her down still or marrying her out of obligation...and if he doesn't marru her, she becomes his baby-mama ba? Nonsense and ingredients!!! The guy should take several broken seats. He has no right to an unplanned baby from a woman he isn't legally married to....unless she decides to involve him. The baby and what she does with it is hers. Right ko right ni. The seeds that he has been pouring inside condom nko? Biko talk something else.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. missy what kind of drink would you like to have ??
      i was hoping someone would say something different.
      pls in this situation he has NO right to the baby. i kent shout

      Delete
    2. Lol. Why you acting like the guy represents the entire population of scumbags who deny they're responsible for pregnancies?

      Chris Brown has full custody of his daughter.

      Delete
    3. I'm not even ready to write something long. Do whatever u want...

      Just pray I don't know, like Oga Wale wrote, I will sue your ass passionately. Apparently Nigeria might not have had a case like this, but we will start it ourselves.

      Yours ko yours ni,

      Delete
    4. So in essence, you would rather she becomes a single mother abi? Let's say he accepts the baby, is she now supposed to be calling him all the time to ask for baby's upkeep? What plan do you guys have sef? So he marries another girl who would now be seeing her as a pest ba? Or say she marries, her husby should be subjected to being comfy with her baby daddy's presence in their lives ba?

      Delete
    5. So when you factor all these things you have written, it now sums up to a bigger circumstance than bringing a baby to life?
      So these things would make you abort an innocence?

      Where is the priority in the world, we seem lost or something. OMG 😱

      Delete
    6. Oh geeez! You missed the point.
      In simple terms, HE DOESN'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO A UNPLANNED PREGNANCY BEING CARRIED BY A WOMAN HE IS CERTAIN HE WON'T MARRY. Whatever she does with the baby is het business....not their business. Simple.

      Delete
    7. HE DOESN'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN UNPLANNED BABY WITH A WOMAN HE IS VERY CERTAIN HE WON'T MARRY. Whatever she does with the baby is her business....not theirs. Simple.

      Delete
    8. Some pple here have no conscience whatsoeva, it's so obvious n sad# why do u go abt fucking a dude without protection, when clearly thers no commitment or ur probably in the friend zone.. then u get preg n tell me he has no right over wat happens to that child.. #sick#
      Well, if u say so, then don't let him know...

      Delete
    9. He's selfish. He wants a baby making vessel, he was already planning to cut her loose so what's his problem? They weren't in a serious relationship and he had no future planned for her, he has no say in it whatsoever, he won't be the one carrying the child or having the tag of a baby mama plus she was still dating someone. Please what's with the righteous indignation? Killing an innocent ni *yimu*
      A girl

      Delete
    10. When did marriage become more important than a child, an unborn child for that matter. *sigh

      Unplanned Marraige? I don't understand.... What were you guys thinking when the sexual act was going on, that your orgasmic experience was all there is? No thought was put to the eventuality of a child?

      I ask again, where is the priority in the world? 😥😥😥

      If we are lost, let us find ourselves please.

      Delete
    11. I agree with you a 100% Uyi. An unplanned marriage should not take precedence over a live.

      Delete
  6. Not really tho.

    If it's a friends with benefits situation, No.
    If it's a boyfriend/fiance situation, Yes! (maybe for a fresh boyfriend)

    (and before we get sentimental, she didnt kill a baby, she only got rid of fertilized sperm and ovum aka zygote in the form of blood clots)

    Anon mode activated!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ok see wahala o...

      Delete
    2. But Rape is logical even in a friends with benefit situation right... Abortion isn't (?)

      Delete
    3. The only time any woman knows she's pregnant is when a heart starts beating in her womb. A HEART. So abortion is murder my dear, whether you wanna be sentimental or not.

      Delete
    4. You really can't compare Rape with an Abortion. So if the dude decides he wants the baby and she insists on not carrying it full term,wld he volunteer to complete the term on her behalf? #LogicFightingBack

      Delete
    5. Sasha, is this really something to be arguing about, really?

      Delete
  7. He has no right,its her body to do with as she pleases and her choice to bring a child into the world as she deems fit.

    What I totally don't get is why she told him after the deed was done. That was totally unnecessary.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First paragraph: he has a right, the sperm isn't free.

      Second paragraph: totally unnecessary because you don't steal from a shop and go back to tell them you stole from a shop.

      Delete
    2. Somebody contributed 23 out of 46 chromosomes, and all of a sudden, it's not his business? Je ne comprendes pas

      Delete
    3. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏@Favourite. Thank God somebody is thinking in my direction?

      Delete
    4. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏@Favourite. Thank God somebody is thinking in my direction?

      Delete
    5. Word! You still smoking that blunt?

      Peace

      Delete
  8. Dude gat 100% right to know..Did she get pregnant using a dildo?Tell him first jor then u wait for him to say no.This babe should be locked up in Jail.TNHW

    ReplyDelete
  9. The outcome of unprotected sex is obvious. I am of the view that the man in question should be made to know the outcome of his 'mistake' at the subsistence of same, not after.

    Therefore, he should know. A joint mistake should be taken care of jointly, except of course, where one of the parties does not want to own up the mistake.

    #Myopinion #Myentitlment

    #Smiles

    ReplyDelete
  10. In this part of the country. He has 100% right over the unborn child. See what is happening in Nigeria today where some women prefer being called baby mama than Mrs.

    ReplyDelete
  11. As far as I am concerned, he has absolutely no right, same way he has no right over me as we are unmarried and not even planning to. In a situation as above, I decide the action to take solely and I would take the one which suits me.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But he has right to sleep with u n get u pregnant...

      Delete
    2. But he has right to sleep with u n get u pregnant...

      Delete
    3. But he has right to sleep with u n get u pregnant...

      Delete
    4. No, it is not a "right" but a privilege which I granted.

      Know the difference.

      -F

      Delete
    5. Lol. The difference is soooo noted.

      Delete
    6. F mama!!!! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

      Two hands up for you ma!

      Delete
    7. "but a privilege which I granted."

      Now you want to spit on the privilege cos you can? Really?

      Delete
  12. If I got pregnant in a "Friends with Benefits" situation where the guy categorically told me he's not in the marriage head space at the time, I would take my pregnancy out if town, have my baby and raise him/her alone. Mr. Sperm/Chromosome donor would not even factor in.

    Why? Because I don't want to be accused of trying to "tie me down with a prenancy". It's as simple as that. He has no rights whatsoever, he already made his stand known at the beginning of the situationship.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Both of you agreed to the situationship, so how come you're the only one claiming monopoly of emotions on the child? It's a child..a separate human being formed from mutual copulation, so I don't see why you now have exclusive rights over whatever decision you arrive at concerning the child. If you don't want the baby and he wants it, then give the child to him and be free (or vice versa). If you want the baby and he also wants it, then you both reach an agreement on how to raise the child...doesn't necessarily mean y'all have to be Family since there were no strings attached from the start.

    ReplyDelete

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