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Sunday, 14 August 2016

#WriteRight. Temmy: I'm Dating a Married Man And I've Never BeenHappier.

I have never said this out before even though our relationship is not a secret, my friends know him, his friends know me and I even get more acknowledgement than his wife sometimes. I'm not bragging about that, the point i'm trying to make is that it's no secret. But I am sharing my story on thelma thinks because I can go anonymous. For the sake of the post I'll call bae Biyi. 

I've dated Biyi for three years, it will be three years in November and we are planning a vacation to mark our anniversary. He's the first and only married man I've dated and I met him when I was in a relationship that I thought was leading to marriage. Unfortunately my ex turned out to be a fuckboy and we broke up. I was experiencing severe heartbreak, went into withdrawals, lost weight, constantly getting queried at work for poor performance etc so when I noticed Biyi's persistence I decided to use him to rebound and it's the best decision I've ever made. 

The reason I'm writing this is that people need to stop looking down on mistresses. God created men to be polygamous so it is only natural that sidechics and mistresses exist. They always have and they always will and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Once upon a time I felt guilty about dating a married man but that was before I noticed that the same people who judge you do even worse things. Also my conscience is somewhat clear because I'm not a homewrecker, Biyi loves his wife and is a responsible husband and father and I have never stood in the way of that. Contrary to what people think, most mistresses do not want to break up the home or become his wife. I personally think that being a mistress is a lot more interesting. We get to have all the fun, we get to travel a lot, go shopping, enjoy great sex, get spoilt and pampered, and we have all our needs taken care of, emotional, sexual and most importantly financial. And guess the best part, we are not saddled with the responsibility that comes with being a wife. Wives, we don't want to marry your husband, we don't want him to leave you for us, we don't want a home or family with him so please don't have a heart attack. Just stay in your lane and we'll stay in ours. 

I know I may receive a lot of judgements for this post but the truth is that so many people that will read this are either dating a married man, or have done so at one point in their life or the other. I'm not a bad person and I never intentionally decided to date a married man, but the truth is that I cannot blame myself. Ask anyone who has dated a married man, they will testify that they treat them better than any single guy, and it is not just about the money. Single men these days think they're God's gift to women and don't bother to woo a woman, they chase you for two weeks and if you're not game they move to the next one, even when you're game they date you and ten other girls and don't care if you know or not. Most of them expect you to take care of them, and the worst part is that they expect wifely duties from you when they're not even doing anything to better your life. Married men for some reason make better boyfriends and lovers. 

I'm sure many of you will shout KARMA KARMA but guess what, that shit is fake. So many girls who marry as virgins or never even dated a married guy still get cheated on by their husbands. My BFF was a virgin when she got married but guess what, that year they got married her husband toasted me and promised to take me abroad if I agree for him. I told him off and threatened to tell his wife so he left me, but now he is dating another friend of ours and he is a well known dog. I work in the health sector and I see married women with different STDs and even HIV, and I know a few that their husband is the only man they ever slept with. 

Speaking of STDs I think Biyi's wife should even thank me, Biyi has the potential to be a womanizer which he was before we started dating. I'm aware that he had many casual sexual relationships and he and his friends even used to swap chics and have orgies/threesomes (sideeyes at Unilag & Covenant girls) but all this stopped when we started dating. I cannot swear that he doesn't sleep with anyone else but but it very very highly unlikely. I keep him in check, I do regular tests and disease free unlike the skanks he used to shag and I make sure that he gets home on time and doesn't do any unnecessary late night hanging out. 

I'm not doing this to hurt anybody but my happiness is paramount and for as long as Biyi continues to love me, I will remain in this relationship and enjoy every moment. Unlike a lot of you Nigerians I'm not marriage hungry and I'm not in any hurry to be a Mum. Biyi, my job and my family are the most important things to me in life right now. So don't worry about my future and don't bother asking if I don't want my own husband, I'm perfectly fine as things are. And before you judge me you better know that all sin is sin and God does not love you more than he loves me. Goodbye. 


Comments on #WriteRight posts will be disallowed 3 days after the post appears on the blog. 


  1. O ga ooh!

    Sista clap for yasef#inNedu_wazobia'svoice

    1. Epic reply Habibi!

      See how you conveniently 'judged' yourself based on what you perceive as being 'acceptable' in today's society. Truth is that though one can find happiness in almost any endeavor be it good or bad, either being a mistress or being the wife, the question looms on where does one draw the line on which activity or endeavor to engage in? Answering this question gives one a decent idea about who you are and what one stands for. Don't hide under the illusion that time spent outside a marriage doesn't impact upon the quality of a marriage. Time is finite and can only achieve so much, each unit of time spent on extra-marital activities doesn't just take time from marital activities, it also deteriorates the quality of a marriage and the relationships among members of the family.

      I won't judge you, for who am I to play judge when I know I have my own personal failings. One thing I do know is that continuing in a less than wholesome activity under the excuse that it wasn't an intentional act doesn't hold much defence. Hold yourself accountable for your actions!

      My comment can be summed up in one question: 'How would you feel if you discover Biyi has a side chick asides you?' Chrisyinks

    2. @ Dominique

      Would you prefer the alternative?

    3. Chrisyinks: great response.


  2. 'I noticed that the same people who judge you do even worse things'....🀐🀐🀐🀐 Ain't saying nothing anymore...TNHW

  3. Ngwanu clap for yaseeelf! As the real mistress of nollywood that you is naah! If you don't stop... The thunder! The thunder that will fire you will carry Biyi's wife on its back, you will look for this "judgement", u no go see!

    1. lmao... u should do a sista Nkechi post. hilarious...
      I tried so hard to read this post n not judge but even though I kinda understand ur point, what's wrong is wrong .. no matter how decent it looks....

  4. Ahh!! Too long abeg and extremely annoying read. When Karma will catch up with you, we will still be here to read the story.

  5. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I can't believe what I just read. Are you messing with us?!

    If you are not....
    Yes God loves you sooo much but that shouldn't be a reason to continue on the path of destruction.
    There is a way that seemeth right to a man...

    It is well with you dear... I hope and pray that your eyes would be opened to see the truth and you'll retrace your steps😊

    Sunshine has refused to give her 2 cents because she doesn't want to help you win πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    Meanwhile a part of me strongly believes this is to elicit more reactions(comments)!

    Ko le werk!!!!!!!!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    (Sorry it worked on me) Heheheheee

    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      It has now worked on me, see what you've caused.

    2. Seriously o, on a 2nd thought, I think it's to get more comments and it's really werking. I just pray ds isn't non-fiction.

    3. As @kabuoy, I was gearing up to send my own post when I saw this. I still believe this post might be fiction and was sent to make her win. People love all this kinda posts. Thelma biko let there be second price na. Just in case this wins..

  6. You are just deceiving urself dear poster! Thinking that u sometimes get more acknowledgement than his wife, and that u have better fun, well all I can say is try o... u have the boldness to post this abt someone else's husband!when u should be posting about ur own husband/ bf. I pity d poor wife of Mr. Biyi.. I hope she doesn't get to find out how much u love her husband.. LOL. #joker#
    You say u don't belief in karma, but that shit is real and it just might come for u if u ever get married...
    I feel like writing more, but...

  7. When I was about 8 years there's this movie (comedy) I watched repeatedly and for the life of me I just can't remember the name or the plot of the movie; it was extremely hilarious though and lil me enjoyed it everytime. But one thing I can't ever forget in this movie was when a suit gave the two protagonists "License to Hunt, Fish, and Kill". Kill anyone without questions! Mehn..(that's how I reasoned at the time), just go out there and Kill, no qualms.

    I read through this Post and I instantly recalled that movie. Some SUIT must've given you license to do what you're doing now, and seeing that you've conveniently brought GOD into this by saying HE made us polygamous (whatever that means) hence the justification of mistresses, is it safe to assume He is the SUIT? I think it is, because people given this sort of rare license from GOD are very humane.

    -You don't wanna be a home breaker...far from it.
    -You helping Biyi, who was once a fuckboy and could be a *package* carrier, to repent from his ruminant ways.
    -Karma doesn't exist because bad things happen to good people and you're no pretender, neither do you claim to be good; you're just Natural. All sin is sin so the Judginas no holy pass.
    - You deserve your happiness because someone, a single fucking guy with no License from The SUIT, broke you to pieces.

    Well, I can't be an advisor here, and most definitely won't be a Judgina since na The Main SUIT give you this License. But ermm...I do hope that License isn't chinco o (you know those people can copy anything), or else all this epistle will be properly explained if Biyi's wife finds out by mistake.

    Peace (in Kon's voice).

    PS: please I need one kin license for myself too, help me tell your SUIT.

  8. Wow.....what a world we are in now!
    God is a patient one.

  9. Omor! Dear poster u get mouth no be small, my tok tok nor reach ds one. As u don shut us up nar, wetin remain make we comment? Lolx

    But huni, in as much as all sin na sin, and no one is beta dan d oda, and of course we shudnt judge...we are sinners bc we sin, bc of man's weakness. But we shud all strive to be beta & not repeat d sins especially when we've apologized to God for dem. Dat u do ds which u know isn't right, and u relish d fact dat u do it and u don't give a damn, and ll continue doing it... Oh well!! My Bible tells me I shudnt judge & I definitely won't.

    But think of it Bae, ur BFF is she happy? Are you happy knowing that she's married to the kind of man she's married to? Why did you tell ur BFF's husband off? He cud ve bin Biyi too, Will you extend ur hand for handshake to any of dos girls he straffs wt? So place Biyi's wife in ur BFF's shoes...dat ur ex was a fuckboy doesn't mean all the single guys are fuckboys, give dem a chance, & I know a single guy can love u more than married men do love(as u claimed above).
    So baby, I just wish u'll think, think about ur life not from d angle u c it now, not from d reckless abandon u're in now, not wt d lies u've made urself believe over the years.... Think from a realistic point of view, although u said we shudnt ask if u don't care for ur future, I also want u to think about ur future, think about God, about Jesus.
    Definitely, God loves you but u still need Jesus. I really pray God delivers you from ds lie.. #ehugs

  10. Sweet heart, I feel your joy. I've enjoyed your joy. This time last year, I was in your shoes. Actually, I didn't even know he was married. When I knew, I still mad the decision to remain because I had never been happier. The only thing is... You will lose that happiness very soon. You'll definitely want more. That's why we are humans. You'll want more and he can't give you. He won't give you. You'll only get burnt. I don't think you want to get there too. For your own joy, please leave that relationship.

    N.B- You only wrote about it because you want to hear the truth. Don't deceive yourself with the lies any longer less it begin to feel like the truth.

    Stop feeling entitled!

  11. too many judgemental people! some people are not mistresseses but have casual sex with other men both single and married. worse part nothing to gain just sex. we all have our stories! let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

  12. Married men were once single guys....
    Married are also guilty of what you are accusing single guys of doing.... Cheating.
    Just like you are telling the wife to stay on her lane,you could do same with the single guys even when he cheats......

  13. This is truth! She has accepted the truth and it is making her happy. Ill say she is wise. I always tell people - The goal is to be happy, if you are happy then go ahead.

    But how long can Biyi keep you a secret from his wife? My advice in these kinda of matters is to enjoy it for a while but never do it for too long. Start thinking of an exit date. Things will get complicated when it lasts too long.


  14. Lol... dis is wondaful. Ts better to stand for wot you believe in... some of this people criticizing have done worse than you sef. But just be careful shaa babe

    1. What's with the "people that are criticizing you have done worse"???
      What does that even mean?!!!!
      so an alcoholic can't advice his/her son to not drink? So he doesn't end up like him/her?! Must you learn by experience?! You're obviously on the wrong path and another person is trying to call your attention but you continue simply because you have this warped sense that the person is also doing something wrong.
      only God can save this generation.
      I still want to believe that the poster is just messing with us... And if by chance she isn't... This is your advice?!!! 😠😠😠

  15. The greatest lie we tell is the one we tell ourselves. All I feel is pity for the poster.

  16. babe, you are so right. am in a similar relationship with a married man and is heaven on earth. never had it this sweet in any relationship with any single guy than what I get from my married lover. the married men have value for women and especially for pussy. my dear, don't let anybody make you feel bad. fornication is still a sin whether with single bobo or married bobo. if you want chop frog, chop the one wey get egg. haters keep hating

    1. Married men that cheat "have value for women"???.

      I'm a firm believer that one must always do what makes him/her happy but I also believe that we must face the consequences of our actions.Both philosophies for me go hand in hand. The later determines the former.


  17. Im not judging u, but what I'll say is: I hope when u get married , if u ever will, u'll still think like this.. I can never blame a side chic or mistress, the husband is always to blame! For you to say u get more acknowledgement than his wife already makes me understand the kind of man/husband he is...

  18. Sin is sin,lieing stealing and adultery and fornication are all sin before God but my dear sister please don't take the grace of God for granted for your sake and the sake of your generation unborn

  19. 3yrs? Vacation planned to celebrate? Being more acknowledged? LOL... Mr.Biyi obviously is tired/bored with Mrs.Biyi. No doubt this side chick has won. From the boldness with which u write these words, I mean u really need to clap for yaself...

  20. Babe is balling and some people want her to leave the relationship. Is it your relationship? Hian. πŸ˜‚

    She's happy doing what she's doing, even without putting God into it, you can be rest assured it won't last forever. As a matter of fact, you won't last forever, no one would.
    But because it won't last forever doesn't mean it needs to be done forever. I'm sure you knows this(i hope). When it's time to leave just be matured enough to make a bold decision. Probably you're still looking at yourself as young and that plays to your favour.
    To you, you are not interested in marraige(for Now, I suppose) and I'm sure that time will come. Please don't misplace priorities then.

  21. Sad....noting justifies this the way you have gloated over another womans husband.

    May Gid have mercy.

  22. Sad....noting justifies this the way you have gloated over another womans husband.

    May Gid have mercy.

  23. You can be understand in some point but you'd better not ruin someone else's family, and try create your own with the other person. I was in such a state, but when the depression has passed I just made an account at dating website and met my wife.


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