Sometime last year a facebook friend and former school mate of mine lost his wife. Very young lady, still in her 20s.
It was so sad to watch. Dude often posted pictures of his deceased wife that made us all part of his pain. We sympathized and empathized with him. Some of us even cried.
Can you then imagine the shock many felt when barely months later, this guy gets married to another chic? What was even more preposterous is that the new wife was a friend of his late wife.
Shock and disgust don't adequately convey how I felt.
But guess what, life went on. He's living freely with the wife he married few months after his wife died and his reason; the children need a mother.
And that makes it ok!
But when a woman loses her husband NOBODY ever says the children need a father. (And on the rare occasion that they do, they tell her that her late husband's brother is now her husband).
In fact if a widow even dreams of marrying another man two or three years after her late husband's death the world will descend upon her! They will say she didn't mourn him. Some will suggest that she killed him. She will become a pariah.
I thought we are supposed to be the weaker sex? Apparently that doesn't apply here, we have selective weakness. Haha.
A woman loses her husband and while they may or may accuse her of killing him, they will put the poor bereaved woman through all kinds of hell before, during and after the man's burial. And even long after the burial she is to continue mourning, wear white or black and minimal jewelry/makeup for the next one year. Should not be seen socializing or even seen to be having a good time. Should basically not as much as entertain the thought of marrying another man in the foreseeable future. God forbid the woman have needs! How can she entertain the thought of sex or even feel lonely? She is wood na! They will say "Just continue to pray and praise God. Your husband is Jesus now. In fact you now have 3 husbands; the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Lucky you!". Yes. Her children become her life and if she dare step outside this norm it is an abomination!
A man loses his wife and the world floods him with pity and empathy. During her burial he's treated like a king and a baby all in one, he may even attend his wife's burial with her replacement in tow, if he so wishes. He is shielded from any stress and everything is taken care of by others so he need not worry himself with mundanities. He is encouraged to send the children to stay with relatives for a while so that they can be better taken care of so that he can "chill" or focus on work. And shortly after that, if he isn't already planning on taking a new wife, his family and everyone else is telling him to. "You need a woman. You need a wife to take care of you. You need a wife to look after the children. You will be too lonely o!". And all the while he's free to wear a coat of many colours if he wants.
At this point I need to address people that snigger and sneer at the concept of feminism. These are the issues and disparities we carry in mind when we fight for our cause. It is not about who will or will not cook. It's not about who will sweep the house or change diapers. And it's certainly not about hating, disrespecting or emasculating men. The battle is way bigger and realer and most times even totally unrelated to that!
There is something terribly wrong with our society. For too long this has been the norm so naturally some of you consider it natural or even right and see no reason why things should be different.
Well think again and ask yourself "who double standards epp?". Ask yourself why what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander.
I hear some men ask "What gender inequality? What exactly do you women want that you cannot have?"
Well guys the above is just one among tens. I hope this post has given you a glimmer of clarity.
I didn't write this post with feminism in mind so i'll stick to the topic. What are your thoughts on this matter? Do you think there are good reasons for things being this way? Think about it, why is a woman put through so much, so many punishments, rules and restrictions when she loses her husband, but none of these apply when a man loses his wife?
Think on it and let's talk.