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Wednesday, 14 September 2016

Dear Thelma... (Is It Ok To Date My Sister's Ex?)

Please I need your advise. When my sister was in college she was in a very serious relationship for the four years although we never met him because they schooled abroad. They broke up right after college and she went on to do her masters and then moved back to nigeria. Her ex stayed back in England and they somehow lost touch. That was a long time ago and my sis is now married with three kids. In 2013 her ex added me in facebook and it was just to say hello to his former girlfriends babysis and for over a year it was just hi and hello on facebook. In 2014 I was going through a bad time and I posted a quote on FB, he reached out to me asking if I'm okay and I decided to confide in him as a big brother figure, that is how we went from hello-hi to more regular chats. Soon after that we began to talk on the phone and we started getting close, I told my sis that I met her ex on fb and we chat once in a while and she was indifferent sha. 
     At the beginning of 2015 he moved back to lagos and we went to the movies the first time we met. We were just platonic friends but I was already falling for him, but I didn't tell him. I thought he was still seeing me as a baby sister but we started getting closer and one thing led to another and we had sex. I had someone else asking me out then but I didn't like him so much and all I could think about was Jay (my sis ex). I started to avoid him after we had sex because I felt guilty and besides I did not want to be a f**k buddy to him as he hadn't asked me out yet. But around august 2015 he asked if I could meet him somewhere in vi, it turned out to be a boat cruise with his boss and some colleagues and he asked me out. Honestly that was the happiest day of 2015 for me because I was falling in love with him and I had not been able to stop thinking about the time we had sex because it was so so good. I said yes but we have to be careful because we don't know how my sister will react. We have been dating ever since and my family knows I'm dating someone but I'm scared to tell them who it is. Also I have met his family and they seem to like me so I know that things are getting serious. I love this man so much and I wil be very happy if we get married. I'm turning 30 in December and I am more than due to settle down. He is 37 and ready for marriage too. That's why I feel that I have to tell my sister now. 

My fear is that she has never forgotten him, he disvirgined her, also they dated all through college and she was in love with him. Please what advise can you give me? If you were my sister will you give us your blessing? Thanks ttb blog visitors, you all rock. Pls tell me what to do, i have only one sibling and I love her dearly, we have always been close even though she's six yrs older, and I don't want anything to spoil our relationship. 

Thelma pls post this. 


  1. I dated an ex of a very good friend and even though he claimed he didn't mind at all, since it was obviously no longer his business, I could tell that anytime I wanted to talk about her he would swiftly change the topic or give very short responses in our converses. I tried putting myself in his shoes and came up with the only possible conclusion; he probably hadn't let go or he knew things about her that probably weren't pleasant.

    Dear Poster, since you're extremely close to your sister I'm assuming both of you can tell each other anything. Let her know you've been serious with her Ex for over a year and you really want to know what she feels about it. If she's still indifferent, make her tell you the reason she broke up with him. Fingers crossed.

  2. Hmmm... I understand your fear of losing him. Please take your sister out on a date and tell her everything. Be sure she is truly done though married.

  3. Hahahahaha. This is hoe behavior!

    This nigga disvirgined your sister. Was with her for 4 years. Then broke her heart. And then you went to fuck him even before he made his intentions known. Girlll! This is real hoe behavior!

    The guy is a real bad guy! Gave 2 sisters the D. Girl! Wake up! You dont have to marry this guy! I feel its a slap to your sister. Maybe its just me but blood is thicker than anything...


    1. LMFAO..real hoe behavior,but hey we find love in the strangest places right?TNHW

    2. Exactly. Hoe behavior. What is she really thinking? That we validate her deed or wah?

    3. Hahahhahahahaha.
      Kon I'm going to say this just once; I love you.

      Poster, there are certain boundaries you should never cross, ths is one of such. In Kon's voice: this is hoe behavior.

    4. Echoing TNHW, you never know where love finds one.
      'We found love in a hopeless place'-Rihanna.

      Or maybe the guy himself couldn't fall out of love for big sis and obviously he can't get her anymore, so he's gone for '2nd best'. That's not such a bad thing after all.

      But as Memphis has written, tell big sis oh. She has to know now and now. Not later, now. That's if she means alot to you.

  4. Ahhem..., i think you both have taken things too far with the relationship for your sister's verdict to matter. What you should do is to try to earn her support for the relationship. People are different, so the only way to know what you sister thinks is to ask her - do so. Explain your relationship to her, and thankfully, she is already married with children so she shouldn't have so much vested interest in him. I'd reiterate this again, you have to try to earn her support - it matters to your emotional well-being since she is your only sibling and you have a close relationship, if need be strike compromises.

  5. You've already made up your mind. Why didn't you ask before shagging the bloke?
    A girl

  6. It feels awkward for my generation.

    Wouldn't advise anybody to go this route, doesn't matter whether your sister agree to it or not.

  7. Honestly dear poster, it's going to be really really weird and not as easy as it might seem! The ex who disvirgined your sister(that's deep) is about to become her brother in law??? Its going to take a really God-fearing soul to be indifferent about it. I have only one younger sibling too and i'm putting my self in your sister's shoes.
    However, you should tell her but pls don't just suddenly tell her everything at once, begin by joking around it probably by telling her that you think the guy is now becoming more serious than the normal facebook chat you told her about, then watch her reactions. You're the sist so you know how best to approach her and make it less dramatic.
    Again the reason for the break up should also tell you something.

    Ps. If i were your sist, i honestly wouldn't like it even if i have 10 kids.

  8. Replies
    1. Lets hear your perspective. Kon speaks the truth.


    2. Maybe it has something to do with your name #straight face#

  9. Hmmmmm....this is deeeeeeeeep. I would advise you to end this. It has gone far but not far enough. An ex of your dear sister who she lost her virginity to. Babe, what were you thinking?
    She may claim to be over it but we always are emotional beings. Married or not, no one forgets their first. And it is unfair to her to bring home the dude she has long said goodbye to.
    Ever heard of Okafor's law? Jay has slept with you sister. What makes you think that when you two marry, they won't have that connection again and do the do? Jay would just be hitting two asses.
    I know you love him but as Kon said, blood is thicker than water. I can't do this to a friend not to talk of a sister...and a close one at that.
    You can love another boy but if you loose your sister, you can't get another one.

  10. Dd ur sister find closure? Dd she really move on? Is she over the guy completely? D best thing to do is to tell her already. As per kid sis, form all dos una lastborn thingy(ime nwa), but make her understand aw important it is to u & aw much u love him. If d answer to d above questions is affirmative & she loves u, she'll give u her approval.
    Personally, I wudnt ve a problem with it if it were 2be my younger sis, but of course I'll only agree if d guy in question has a good xter.
    And tell ur family too, no matter wat dia response ll be, u can only find out when u do BTW. If u're so afraid, u cud start by telling mom, den dad.

    And u said his family SEEMS to like u, be sure my dear! Do dey like u or not? And from ur finding, decide if u can cope/stay or not!

  11. The first word that came to mind after reading this is "BITCH" What do you want your sister to do now, say No and become the evil sister that is keeping you away from the man you love or say yes and pretend everything is ok when it is not. Your conscience already has the answer.

  12. Come on girl! You consciously put yourself in this position, very insensitive. If you go ahead with this your relationship with your sister will never be the same. The choice is yours, you know the right thing to do. J

    1. 😘😘😘😘😘😘
      Welcome back 😍

  13. I think y'all tripping. It's her sister's EX!!!!! Or didn't I read that right.

    @Kon She said they broke up...not that the guy broke her sister's heart. If the latter was the case, then I'd agree slightly

    Her sister is married with 3 kids!!! Ain't nothing deep about this

    The guy might be a player sha... his ways don't seem pure, but thats not what this post is about
    I don't understand what the bitterness is for.

  14. This is bad one. The strand has tangled.

    What has happened cannot be reversed; not even by branding her 'hoe' and 'bitch'. Please people.

    I will join the tell-the-sister-wagon.

    I wouldn't blame the sister if she finds it nauseating.


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