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Dear Thelma... (My Fiancé Is Asking Other Ladies Out. How Do I Proceed?)

Good day Thelma, I am a regular reader on your blog though i hardly comment. Now to the reason why i am sending this mail. 

I am engaged to be married soon. Just found out that my fiancee has been asking different ladies out and also invited another one to his house. I am disappointed and I am thinking of caling off the relationship. He is aware that I know of his escapades. He keeps saying "Babe I am loyal to you and have never cheated on you, I know I sometimes stray but nothing serious you have got to trust me a littlle". I am confused at the moment cos wedding is schedule for this month. one of my aunt is aware, and she said it is a no no and support my decision to leave. Dont know what to do.

Please post on your blog, i want blog readers opinion.

It's simple, can you cope with a cheating spouse? What you're seeing now will only get worse after you say 'I do', so if you think you've got the grace to "look the other way" then HML in advance...

What do you guys think?


  1. I second Thelma's thoughts on this...

    Another thing, are you very sure about these accusations? As it seems, it is as if you didn't catch him and you are apparently assuming seeing as he's also telling you he hasn't cheated. You have to be absolutely sure, physically, to make your final decision.

    Be sure, be sure and be sure. Very important. And he has to know that you know. Red-handed

    1. Red-handed you say? That will be after saying I do...

  2. Are you even asking? he doesn't even respect you, please leave and if you decide to stay don't come back and ask if you should get a divorce.

    1. Exactly!

      I do agree with Thelma's response but I'd go a further step and advice you to leave the relationship simply because he doesn't respect you enough. If he did, he'd at least make an effort to conceal his escapades.

  3. These are the sort of signs we see but choose to ignore. Then in marriage it becomes a monster and regret sets in.

    "A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage" sounds like a cliche but holds true.

    It all depends on you like Thelma posits up there. If you could cope with serial cheating and most likely, baby-mama drama, then go ahead otherwise, it is not too late to make a U-turn.


    1. M telling you, signs we choose to ignore for God knows why! Nawa!

  4. Leave.. I will talk you into leaving and make you leave if I could.
    It will be a life of pain to continue with the wedding, don't dwell on how to continue after the break up or when will another man show up. The sun rises everyday and it is for a reason, you will rise again!

    Best of luck!

  5. "...I am confused at the moment...".


    "...cos wedding is schedule for this month...".

    Some ladies amaze me. In 2016 some people still don't know the difference between WEDDING and MARRIAGE. You're confused because of wedding. Lol. Ji si Ike..


    Emphasis on 'good man', 'that you love' and 'loves you back'

    Do you know how many good men cheated on their wives the night before the wedding or even morning of the wedding but are perfect husbands and fathers???! You all know that sex is just sex to men. Its a one time thing, there are no emotions and sometimes no financial commitment involved. But with you he has love, marriage commitment, financial commitment etc.

    Think well. Some of the women telling you to walk away have cheating husbands and they are enjoying or suffering in silence.


    1. She said he's asking different girls out and inviting them to his house it's not just 'sex and bye bye'. Do you know how dangerous it is what if one of those 'random girls' hurt her one day. You make it sound like men are supposed to be given an award for being perfect husbands while cheating well.Cheating is wrong and it shouldn't be tolerated simple!

    2. She said he's asking different girls out and inviting them to his house it's not just 'sex and bye bye'. Do you know how dangerous it is what if one of those 'random girls' hurt her one day. You make it sound like men are supposed to be given an award for being perfect husbands while cheating well.Cheating is wrong and it shouldn't be tolerated simple!

    3. My dear Kon,any man who cheats on his wife is NOT a good man! I hope you wont walk away from your marriage JUST because your wife cheats on you,so long as she's a good woman and she loves you and you love her back. I would have you know that sex can mean only just sex to us women too.✌

    4. That is how he will give her HIV due to his stupidity and you Kon are stupidly saying 'Goodman", "that you love" and "loves you back". Na better Oluku na im you be Kon

  7. Just like Thelma said,if you can handle cheating in marriage then kindly go ahead. Nuff said!

  8. Can I be sincere to you. Most people male and female inclusive always want to catch the last fun before they say I do. Some will call it last minute rush. Have you wondered why bachelors eve is a must in years back before white wedding?.

    I am 101% against infidelity either in marriage or relationship. If I read well, you said you stray sometimes but nothing serious. Don't you think he is straying and nothing serious is happening between him and those ladies.

    What kind of relationship is existing between your guy and those ladies. Is your guy the kind of man that feels more comfortable in the company of female friends (friends) than guys. How did you find out he is seeing other ladies? Is it from hear say, snooping or assumptions. Be careful who you listen to.A month to a wedding is such a short time but a broken relationship is far better than a broken marriage.

  9. Why did u wait till a month to the fixed date to seek counsel? U should have left long ago if u really wanted to... I've got no advice for u. I just wish u good luck in wateva decisions u make.

  10. Please dont be in a hurry tovget married.
    If your allegations are true. It wont get better as a married couple.
    It will only get worse.

    If he is inviting other girls me, he is not a keeper.

    Confirm your facts ,if true please do not sell yourself short.

  11. T, your reply is spot on. It doesn't get better with marriage, and then childbirth makes it even worse. Dear poster, you want to have a lifetime of heartbreak??? Be true to yourself.


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Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
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-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
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