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Dear Thelma. (She Has Zero Maternal Instincts. Is This a Red Flag?)

I know many females are here and your opinions will be worth it. I know the woman I'm about to marry for we were friends long before we started dating. She is beautiful, nice, domesticated, a good christian and very hardworking. However she lacks a certain warmth most women have, I really don't care about that as her good sides are many, except that she does not seem to have any nurturing or maternal instincts at all. My gf will rather work on Saturday and Sunday than stay at home to look after her sis' kids. She is generally uncomfortable around children and you can never see her get emotional over babies as most ladies do. When her friends get pregnant instead of congratulating or admiring them it's like she feels pity for them. Last year she got pregnant and although I tried to give her every reason to keep it, she went ahead and aborted it even though we were already planing to get married. Her excuse was that she cannot have a child outside wedlock. Some people say she will change when she has her own children but I doubt it, once when I complained about what will happen when we marry she said she doesn't mind if I want to stay at home and take care of the children, while she goes to work and makes money. God forbid for me to do that, but you get the picture now, right? She has said she wants us to wait for two or three years after the wedding to start having babies. I am not happy about this at all. Please do you think this should be a deal breaker? I love her so much and want to marry her, but I also want children too and I need their mother to show them plenty love. I wonder how other men will handle this situation. 

Ps. To the best of my knowledge she did not suffer any trauma as a child, she just always says that's how God made her and being a woman does not equate to being maternal. Please advise me.


  1. I used to be like her, I couldn't stand my nephews and my sisters knew, so they really didn't bother asking me to babysit or something. I just wouldn't do it. Well I have a son now and I just can't remember what my life was like before him. I'm the fiercest mama bear around right now, I literally feel my heart expand with more love for my baby by the minute sooo, your girl may or may not change when she has her own kids, you just have to wait and see if you can risk it lols.

  2. Tough one. Not every woman wants a baby.
    But a mother's love is very important. At least she is not totally averse to having kids.
    I however suggest that you both agree to the fact that children are in the equation and she should be 100 percent in agreemnet to this; to avoid her not being ready even after 3 years as she wants.

    You love her, marry her. Agree on the number of kids you both want. I bet she would say just

    I dont blame or judge any woman who doesn't want kids anymore.
    But her case is different kinda.

    1. Very apt! get her to commit to having children and with your support and assistance in child rearing, everything would be fine.

  3. You're about to make one of the most (if not the most) important decisions of your life; one that would probably last till the day you breathe last.

    Be sure you make it count man!

  4. Nawaoo
    U've seen d status quo nau,u'll do urself a great deal of good to be realistic here. Ask urself if ds is wat u want? Can you deal wt ds forever in case she doesn't change bc it's a 50-50 situation here. D problem isn't even really abt having children but she can't stand dem, so no, adoption is excluded. U shud really talk it out wt her and c if u guys can meet somewhere in d middle,or she doesn't even want to compromise on ds? Bc love can't sustain u on d long run. Ve u mentioned breakup to her & Wat was her reaction? I know it's possible she'll still come around but again, it may be a pointer dat she's not d one for u. Some people maybe wired ds way but seeing dat u love children, u want ur own & want dia mama to love dem...I think ds handwriting on d wall is clear enough.

  5. TRUST in the LORD with ALL your heart and LEAN NOT on YOUR own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge him and he will DIRECT your path. 😊😊😊

    Thelma!!!! Let's do a blog hangout on the 1st of October!!!!! πŸ’ƒπŸ½πŸ’ƒπŸ½πŸ’ƒπŸ½πŸ’ƒπŸ½
    Suggested by: Tiwa baby😘😘😍😍
    Propagated by: Kabuoy of laive 😎
    Supported by: Sunshine of destiny πŸ€“

    Reminder of how much fun they had the last time:

  6. Calm down. She didnt say she doesnt want kids. She said give 2/3years after marriage.

    So both of yall just need to agree on when kids will come. Or you can be deceptive and have sex with a broken condom after yall marry.

    I can assure you that when she has her own kids, her mentality will change.


    1. LolπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    2. And if her mentality doesn't change? The guy own don be be dat..

  7. I used to be a little like her. I wasn't the 'ohhhy ahhy' type when it came to kids, when everyone is going gaga around kids i'll just be there like 'abeg do finish let me go', i certainly didn't know how to pet kids,also wasn't crazy about wanting to have kids, but now i have my own daughter and i'm so protective and now i go ohhh and ahhh when i see other kids. So no, unless she's really heartless she'll change, she just needs to get pregnant when she's MARRIED and everything will change.

  8. Seriously, nobody should marry anybody and hoping they will change or nature will intervene. In many cases, what you see is what you get.
    Take decisions based on what you know today or go spiri and hand it over to God but know that you may fight the toughest battle of your life when the turbulent comes.

    1. Exactly my point. It is risky to bank in d hope dat she'll change. Ds is a delicate one.

    2. yeah, i quite agree. the best predictor of the future, they say, is the past.


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