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Tuesday, 4 October 2016

Dear Thelma (Should I Marry Him Or Leave Him For His Baby-Mama?)

I need advice from my fellow ttbv,

I was married for 5 years and the marriage ended in late 2014 due to infertility. The story on that marriage is one I hate discussing.I had panic attack.

I started dating another guy in March this year. He wants to take the relationship to another level but there is a serious issue on ground.

the guy has twin boys with another woman.  The twin are 5yrs. The mother of the children is not married.  The guy said the lady wants marriage but he will never marry her due to reason best known to him.  He rented house for this lady and her children. Pays the children's school fees and maid allowance.  He is responsible for the up keep of the children.

I called off the relationship last month. It was a difficult decision for me but I can not stand blocking another woman's chance of marrying the father of her children. Their discussion shows she loves and need the man to marry her. He has been my sole provider since then because I work in a private company where salary has not been paid since March this year. The man has been pressurizing to have me back.  I have made up my mind. My friends think I am stupid.  They feel I should marry the  man as long as he did not marry the other woman officially. One is even using 2face who left his baby mama's and married Annie as an example.

I sincerely need honest and sincere advice. If you are in my shoe. what will you do?.  If I am your sister or friend.  What will you tell me.  Did I tell you that I am in my late thirties?


  1. I don't think it is right to impose on people who they should love. He has explicitly stated that he doesn't want to marry the mother of his children - respect his decision.

    To enable you make the right decision, the guy in question has to be forthcoming with why he isn't inclined to marry his babymama. If he wants to marry you, he owes you that much.

    Many ladies wouldn't think twice about jumping on such an offer of marriage. It's rare to see a lady act otherwise. Much as I adore your altruistic disposition here, I'd advice that you be selfish! Chrisyinks

  2. He has already told u he wants to be with you, what more do you want? Or could it be your infertility making you feel like you will forever be competing with her importance in his life, kindly negotiate with him on getting treatment. Nobody is infertile, patapat u will need donors or surrogate....

    Otherwise I say marry thr man and enjoy ur life...nobody has a fairytale life...many just learn to love and appreciate the lives and the loves they have.

    PS: if you dont want the guy, please send me his email- I have many friends looking for responsible men to settle down with- based on all you have stated he has a strong sense of duty.

  3. hmmmmm. I wish I have an answer for you. You have already made up your mind. Who am I to change it

  4. Can you kindly give me that guy's number. Please do it for me. Don"t ask me what I want to use the number for. One man's food is another man's poison.

  5. Hmmmmmm... women will hustle for a man with children, but men never hustle for women with 1 or more children. I always wonder abt this!
    Dear poster, do as u please. U know the way things are, if ull marry him and not be happy or be at peace with yourself, then pls don't.. not all that glitters is gold.

  6. I go with Chris and Miss Pynk
    But it ia important to find out why he will not marry his baby mama. Then you can finally make up your mind.

    I hope you have told him about your reason for leaving your first marriage as well.

    All the best

  7. If you can take what comes with it fine, she will always be a part of his life. Was it you or your ex who had fertility issues? Does he Know? If it was you gird your loins because the road ahead will be tough. Can you go the whole 9 yards?
    A Girl

  8. lol pink. na wah. l did not tell you am infertile. The infertility issue is story for another day. Thanks for your advice dear

  9. I am with miss punk on this one. The fact that he takes care of his responsibilities is a plus.

    Ask him his reasons for not wanting to mamarry her and take it from there.



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