He didn’t change his pm this morning. He didn’t say one of all those personal things he’s wont to put up, and I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know if I feel scared, or bad, or angry, or even nervous.
I deceived my roommate perfectly this morning. My face was not excited or worried, it was bored the usual way, smiling a little when she made mention of bae. To be honest, I love him yet I have joined the league of girls who might break up with lovers they love.
Why did you always make it a me versus you thing? I think these are some of the things that got us here.
You are indeed a beautiful person. I wasn’t lying when I said any of those things, lying is not my forte.
Today I feel bad, that I make you hurt. It would be easier if you were not so hurt, but it will be so much more painful. You’ve always been the more expressive one, the more emotional one.
In my defense, I’m too young to make life altering plans at my age, I wouldn’t want to wake up at thirty or forty asking myself why I continued despite all this insecurities. If I’m waking up with you at forty, I want no doubts; I want all possible fears that will rise to be allayed.
They say love is a risk, loving you was an experiment that beautified me, and not loving you? I’ll say time will tell, but already your hurt rubs off on me. And we’ve not even broken up yet.
You should not have pestered me for an answer (you pester me at the totally wrong times); you should have allowed me to think this through. Contrary to all my suggestions, you do know me; well, intimately.
Today I made a one step at a time decision. My sister asked me some questions, the most important being “If I feel I am young and I need more space, would it be painful if I get to marry another person apart from him?”
That question did me in. the unknown is very exciting, I think of dating other people, having sex with other people. This other people are hot in a sapiosexual kind of way but they can never be you, and I love you.
So here’s to a one day at a time relationship.
Thanks for throwing your fears out the window for me.
Thanks for loving me to the part where it hurts you.
Keep the posts coming people!
So beautiful, Iyanu. A one day at a time relationship sounds just fine, especially if you're young. I can understand that feeling of itching for the unknown, dreaming up exciting relationships with perfect strangers, wondering what else is out there and what you're missing. I understand all that but I reckon, if the one you're with loves you, love the one you're with.
Best wishes boo.
Anyone one else have memoirs to share?
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