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Saturday, 26 November 2016

I Thought I'd Be Cool With It.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning, I could tell that the moment his ringing phone abruptly woke me up from Friday nights sleep. "Her again" he sighed. 

"Her who?"

"Nnenna, she's been calling since last night. She's in town, says she wants to hook up"

Nnenna, his ex. 

"She called yesterday, said she wants to come over. I told her I'd ask you..."

His sentence faded into silence, waiting for my response. I did nothing to help the silence. 

"So is it ok?" He asked, finally. 

I shrugged. "Why does she want to come?" I asked him

"I don't know o! Me sef I wonder. She just says since we're both in Lagos and her hotel is not too far from here we should see. She wants to meet you". I could tell he added that last part to soften me up. 

"No can do, I don't want to meet her". 

"Ok then" he said with no further argument. 

However she kept calling and i could tell he didn't mind seeing her. He's told me about her a number of times over the months. Fun loving, flighty Nnenna. 

Yeah well, seems he was in the mood for some fun and flightiness. 

"Oya let her come nau" I finally gave in. 

I tried to be cool. I gave her Uber driver directions to the place. 

The minute she got here she threw her hands around my neck and gasped "Wow, she's pretty". 

"Of course she is" he said, "that's why she's my woman". 

*yimu to them both*

They laughed. I didn't. 

A few minutes later I excused myself, said something about needing something. I left them alone. 

Came back after about fifteen minutes to find them laughing happily about something or the other. 

"Come sit with us" she said, pulling me by the hand. 

Something about her superfluous friendliness rubbed me the wrong way. 

I sat. 

"I need to go get things for breakfast" I said standing up almost immediately 

He looked at me pleadingly. She looked at me with sugary sweetness. I couldn't stand it. 

"I really need to get the groceries" I said to them both

"Are you okay? Am I making you uncomfortable?" she asked nicely

I was meant to respond in the negative but I couldn't. I didn't want to be honest but the truth forced its way out of my mouth. "Actually you are. I'm sorry Nnenna, I'm sure you're a really nice person but I'm uncomfortable and I can't pretend" I said as politely as I could. 

I could see she didn't know what to make of my honesty. I could see he was wishing I didn't have to be so tightly wound or so damn honest. But honestly I just wished they'd both burst to smithereens at that point. 

I took advantage of the awkward silence and slid away. 

I actually didn't go out, just went and sat in the car. 

10 minutes later... 'Babes where are you' the text said. 'In the car, waiting for your friend to leave'

'Please come back up, I didn't know it'll make you so uncomfortable, she'll leave now'. 

I went back up, she was putting her things together "it was nice meeting you Nwando, I really wanted to get to know you and spend time with you guys but it seems you're not comfortable..."

I could tell she was offering an olive branch of sorts, I could sense I was meant to respond by saying it was ok and she shouldn't leave. But I didn't. 

"It's ok Nnenna. Have a safe trip tomorrow". 

I honestly thought I'd be cool with it, playing host to my man's ex and being all niceee nice. But I wasn't cool with it and in true piscean fashion my emotions are rarely far from the surface, I couldn't deal. 

And that was this morning. In my shoes would you be cool with it? How would it have played out? I wish I could be "that" chic that returned her embrace and made her breakfast and the three of us would sit round the table trading laughter and stories, but I guess I'm just not that cool. 

How about you? 



  1. How can I be cool with it? Nah!!!my yoruba peeps would say which kain play dog dey follow lion play...TNHW

    A Girl

  3. ...sounds weird. I don't even want to put myself in those shoes... u were even nice to let her in in the first place!
    I feel she was on a mission tho!

  4. Investigate more about this friendliness . How come he wants her to come ? How come she keeps calling ? I can't deal

  5. T really, i also think you would have been cool with it, but then, "Something about her superfluous friendliness rubbed you the wrong way"! That sums it! The "anticipated coolness" had every damn right to vanish, on very valid grounds.

  6. It's always awkward having a spouse's Ex come visit. I would be surprised at whoever doesn't feel this way. But then Thelma, you for try cover up small naa. Even if she made you feel uncomfortable you could've tried veiling the discomfort to an extent. Well, at least you and boo now know what it means having an Ex to come visit so no more discomforts to look forward to in that regard.

  7. N to the have do shouldnt be cool with it jor

  8. I will love you the more if I were your BF. You gave it a try but remained true to yourself by not pretending. That my dear is called maturity. In your 20s you would not have done this.Respect. J

  9. I g'asikwa! Cool host ko calm hostess ni.
    Especially not with ex gfs who keep calling as indicated in the lines and her overtly 'friendliness.'

    Also it never makes sense to me when and ex or someone who clearly or subtly,at least to me, likes the Beau in a kind of 'unsafe way' says they want to be friends with me! Why please? No, thanks! Until I see you in the safe zones.

  10. No can do please. Why would I ever want to be friends with my ex's gf? Doesn't even make sense to me. And all the niceness and smiles... *shudders*

    I like the fact that you didn't try to push your feelings aside to please the boo cos if you did, they'd just go on being chummies and inviting you along for their hangouts.

    I'm not as brave as you are tho but I guess age and maturity has a lot to do with it. At a certain point, your tolerance level for BS becomes low and your own peace of mind is most important.

  11. Ok, it's passed now but could you have a friendly convo with your man to handle his business without dragging you into it?

    I wouldn't encourage any association with any ex knowing the dangers with okafor's law. And to think you were trying to brave it got me laughing

  12. You even tried to allow her come, if na me there is no way she will come to the house o, even if her hotel was in the same compound. All this ex that just wont let go.

  13. As someone who was nice to a supposed ex-wife and her niceness was used against her and the whole thing became really too hot to handle, I say you did well, very well.

    Never, ever welcome an ex. Never embrace the idea.



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