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Friday, 11 November 2016

It's Either, Or...

So people tell me what you think. 

The house helps in my sister's house have been having issues with each other. One of them *Amara is very good at her job, she's great with the kids, they love her and we all like her. She's fun, jovial, hardworking and great with kids (that's important considering there's a baby or two small children) 

The other, *Gloria, I don't even know where to begin. Everyone that meets her or stays at the house has one complaint or the other about her, even those that don't live there. My brother visited for a day and the next day he called me (I was out of town) to complain about her. My dad has complained about her, as has my mum, my sister, my cousin who lives at my sister's, friends who have visited there and even the driver and security man. Everyone keeps asking when she's going to leave and how we're able to stand her. 

I actually don't dislike her, I think she's just not a people person, but truth is she is not very likable and doesn't even try to be. My main issue with her is that she doesn't care about the children and she doesn't even pretend to. She's ok with house work, but if you leave her with the kids and for instance the baby is crying, she would just stare at him, or walk away. She talks back when you correct her, curses under her breath when you berate her, and stays in isolation when she isn't working. 

So some days ago they got into a fight with each other which resulted in Gloria revealing that Amara has been stealing. She said she once walked in on Amara stealing 4k from my sister's bag and Amara knelt down and begged her not to tell and then gave her 2k to shut her up. She also said that Amara eats a lot of the kids snacks, steals their juice boxes and eats foods meant for them. She said Amara also buys airtime for both herself and her people, from monies she steals from me or my sister. 

She said all these in Amara's presence and Amara didn't deny it.

My question is, in my sister's shoes would you keep the one who everyone loves, is great with the kids but is apparently a thief,

Or would you keep the one nobody likes, isn't at all good with the kids but does chores diligently and happens to be forthright?

If you had to send one away who would it be?


  1. this is a no brainer. of course the one that loves the kids... someone claimed to have caught a thief but instead of reporting shared the spoils. what does that tell you about her?

  2. In as much as I hate thieves,I would keep Amara...The most important thing is that she does what I want and is good with the kids which is most important...I would just be more careful with how I keep my things and would threaten her with the police..TNHW

  3. On the contrary, Gloria isn't forthright, at all. She knew about Amara's theft and even partook of her spoils. She is an accessory to theft, biko, because her silence aided Amara.
    If there had been no fight, she would not have spoken up.

    I have three children and I make it clear to anyone who works for me that my children come first, regardless of what their primary duties are.
    Someone who doesn't hide the fact that they do not love children shouldn't work with them... that takes care of the Gloria situation.
    Then, the fact that she has a bad attitude seals the deal.

    Question is... Why does Amara feel the need to steal? Spending her loot on recharge cards smacks of greed, because that's not a need.
    I'm very uncomfortable with someone who steals working in my home, because I don't see the need to be extra careful with my belongings, in my own house. They could also graduate from petty thievery to major heists, with external encouragement.

    Amara could change... or not. Sending her accuser away, while she remains sends the wrong message to both girls, even though sending Gloria away is because of her attitude.
    She could also find an accomplice in Gloria's replacement.

    Your sister should talk with both girls.
    Sometimes, people are hostile to everyone because of their past experiences. That may be Gloria's story.
    If they both stay, they have to work together amicably, to avoid tension in the house.
    Alternatively, if she's not up to all that talking, she should make arrangements to get replacements, then send both packing.

  4. Lol, choosing Between the devil and the Red Sea. No wonder the amara girl is so nice she steals from every one even from the little children. Must your sister keep them? Can't she change maids?the one who isn't good with kids is not better either .

    1. The devil you know is.... (U know the rest)

  5. Pandora's Box is a threat to the gods of Mt. Olympus but if opened can also create endless natural disasters.

    Gloria reported Amara, Amara didn't deny the accusations. Gloria has indirectly confessed to also being an accomplice to these crimes by even gaining 2k from Amara's loot.

    Both of them are corrupt (stealing is corruption o), but one is remorseful and even endearing. I choose to keep Pandora's box closed, so Gloria has to leave.

  6. Your story doesn't explain why you need to send one away. I also don't think a fight is enough reason to go send one packing.

    I also don't think house-helps should only be financially remunerated. Living in close quarters with such people gives us the opportunity to influence them for good and help them create a better future for their lives. Truth is, many of these house-helps did not get a good opportunity to learn the right values and manners and hence it really isn't their fault when they commit wrongs or act inappropriately - they don't know better and can't act better.

    I'd advice you keep both, train them, teach them the need to value and cultivate good values, get to know them better, teach the one that stole how to plan her finances to meet her needs and how to save, also if it is within reach, increase her portion of food and why tell her that stealing the kid's food wouldn't be tolerated. Teach the other the need to value human interactions, corrections and that correction works for her self-improvement, introduce her to what it means to be a mother (which she'd eventually become) and how using this opportunity to take care of children can greatly help her when she becomes a mother. Ask her about her past and whether her present attitude is just her acting out past hurts from people she has depended upon.....

    If it's expedient that one must leave, I think it's best you give them a probationary period of say three months, after correcting, and forgiving them for their past wrongs. Explain to them what is expected of them and what likely course of action you'd be taking if anyone defaults below expected performance.

    PS: Apologies for the less than concise response.

    1. Both are adult women so I don't know how one begins to "train" an adult. As for saving, there's something they do these days, they insist that rather than pay them you put their salary directly into an account. We have to agree that 25k is fairly reasonable when you're being fed thrice a day and all your basic needs are taken care of; hair, sanitary, transportation, airtime etc. With regards to food, that's the funny part, they have access to what they please and dish their food themselves. Nobody rations or tells them what quantity of food they should or should not eat. But we must agree that the children's snacks is for the children alone, or maybe she has a sweet tooth LOL. As for why we want to send one away, their Wahala is too much jor, they're starting to fight a lot so...

      But thanks for the advice, as usual

    2. Didn't know they were adults...Yes, like you've said, it wouldn't be easy training them.

      I'm tilted towards retaining Amara, just like the majority of commenters. However, it appears that the fights is the primary motivation for the need to send one packing; I think making it clear to both of them that if they fight, they are both leaving may help you prevent fights from happening and also have both of them around, since it isn't expedient that any leaves. Also, continually trying to help them see reasons why differences should be settled amicably can help reduce the frequency of fights - they are adults, so this shouldn't be difficult to pass across.

      Having both of them would serve as a check and balance of one on the other - something their guardians can benefit from.

      You are welcome...always welcome.

  7. I will send both away... both the thief and the accomplice... from stealing 4k, who knows what next she'll steal.
    Who knows what else they've been up to that hasn't been revealed.
    All these maids tho!

  8. Haaaa such a wicked minded Gloria! Amara is not even better because stealing is very irritating and can become worse in the longer term. However, she can be trained to repentance so Gloria should definitely do the "leaving".

    Ps. The need for nuturing House helps with Words from the Bible can never be over emphasised.

    1. Lol me too I want Amara to stay. Worst case scenario we will start hiding everything 😂

  9. Both of them continuing to leave together under the same roof is not too good an idea due to the already created enemity.To me,Amara atlease felt bad(pretended to) for what she did and Gloria would never have mentioned it if not for the big fight.Amara's stealing traits/habits can be curb with strict and scary warning and stilling the fear of God into her beacause to me someone everyone is comfortable around is the best even for the kids and a known devil can 'sometimes' by better than an unknown angel.

  10. long story made short...AMARA STAY, GLORIA GO.

    I can only imagine Amara quoting Gen 50:20 to 'glo glo' hearing. hahhaha as a kid i enjoyed househelp rivalry eeh. laughs mischievously outa post.

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  12. both of them should go. Kids pick habits really fast. I believe you don't want your nephew to think stealing is right. Most helps have no loyalties, also i will advise you guys get just 1 help or 2 helps who can not communicate with each other. i have 3 kids under age 6 and each time, I've tried having 2 helps. it's been disastrous. Just get 1 and state outright that theft, lies and spanking the kids are a NO NO

  13. I am with Amy on this.
    Let's hope sending Gloria away will not propel Amara to increase her Stealing.


  14. I donno but kleptomania is a medical condition.
    Personally, I'll send both away. There's already enough on the plate without adding the wahala of househelps and nanny

  15. I think I'd prefer to send both away but if I must keep one, I would keep Amara. Amara has some great qualities but has the problem of stealing which can be addressed. She knows we already know she steals, I'd keep her and make her sign an undertaking that she would be responsible for missing items going forward. CCTV would also be installed to monitor her.

    As for Gloria, in addition to her horrible personality, she is a thief as well. If she could be quietened not to reveal an act of stealing with a share of the loot, she's worse. She could connive with outsiders to rob the house.


    1. I agree with you.

      Gloria too could have been stealing but not getting caught.


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