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Friday, 25 November 2016

On Becoming. Read Excerpts Of Toke Makinwa's Book As She Talks SexTapes, Bleaching for Maje, Contemplating Suicide, Finding God & More!






Toke's debut book which she says “is not a tell-all but a must tell”, speaks of many things. She spoke of her childhood days, and the sad loss of her parents as a result of a fire incident in their home when she was 8 years old and its impact on her life.
Here are some excerpts (culled from Bella Naija .)
The Discovery
I got on my knees in front of him, my voice calm as I can make it. “Maje, you can’t keep lying. What is going on?
He walks away, leaving me there with my heart in my hands. I see him pacing, like he is having a private conversation. Then all of a sudden, he walks back to the living room, looks straight into my eyes and says, ‘She’s pregnant’.
I fall to the ground. My head….
‘What’s she having?’
‘A boy,’ he says.
‘How long have you known?’
‘I’ve always known…. It was what I thought I wanted,’ he says.
The Wedding
“Finally, I thought. He chose me! He has stepped up and he’s finally ready to make us a priority.
It was my wedding day.
I was happy, yet I was waiting for something to happen. Maje had disappointed me three times before. We would pick a date to go to the wedding registry and he would call it off…. We had discussed eloping, but he’d never committed to any plan.
It wasn’t until we shared our first dance to John Legend’s ‘All of Me’ that I finally believed that it had happened.
We got back together (after a quarrel because Maje took ‘an ex’ to a party he bluntly told Toke he wasn’t taking her to and he and the ex were ‘touching freely and kissing’)… Maje invited me to Abuja…. As I was putting away my things I saw all kinds of feminine items – earrings on the dresser, sanitary pads in the drawer….”
The Other Woman
“Who was that girl?” I asked
“That’s that girl”
“Which girl?”
“The girl I told you about. Her friends are always calling me to say she really likes me and has a crush on me. Her name is Anita.”
“So that’s the Anita girl they say you are dating.”
“I’m not dating her. How can I date someone that is always saying ‘can I come and see you? I’ll bring my friend that you think is cute’?”
I accepted Maje’s explanation and concluded that Anita was not important. So I’ll be with Maje and she’d call and I’d tell him, “The girl that has a crush on you is calling.” And it would be nothing.
The Sex Tape and Bleaching
“At some point while we were dating, Maje had asked if he could tape us having sex. This was a new one for me but I would do anything to keep my man, or so I thought, and so I obliged. But I was nervous afterwards because I didn’t want the tape to get into the wrong hands…. I dragged the file back to his desktop, and I could tell from the stilled image in the video that the person in it was not me…. I clicked play and watched horrified as Maje had sex with Anita.
Watching that video, all of the inadequacies I thought I had dealt with over the years came rushing back. I had been with Maje from when I was an immature teenager, through my twenties, and for most of those years, Anita had been the standard I had to live up to. I had lightened my skin at some point – Anita was half Lebanese and half Ibibio, and Maje made me feel like he preferred her lighter skin.”
Breakups and Makeups
Months passed and I still couldn’t find a job (in London). And I was still heartbroken. Maje and Anita were officially an item, and I stalked them on Facebook. Maje would put her picture up and they would write on each other’s walls.
…one cold night as I got off the bus, I got a Facebook message from Maje. It read: ‘I miss you and I cannot deny or hide it, come back to me’.
We started talking again… I convinced myself that he had changed.
Maje and I had been together for nine years, on and off, at this point, and it had been an unending cycle of hurt and betrayal. Every time we took ten steps forward in our relationship, we took fifty back. Each time I gave up and let go, Maje would come after me and hold on so tightly till I gave in.
Another child
… there was a 70-day fasting and prayer programme at my church. I joined in: I was praying for Maje and I. On the final day, I prayed and asked God to reveal why Maje and I couldn’t find peace with each other.
…I opened my email address and typed Maje’s email address in. I had no idea what his password was but I was determined to get into his account…. I went through email after email until I found pictures of a boy that looked exactly like Maje….
Contemplating Suicide
I was sitting in the bedroom one day. There was a bottle of Dettol in the bathroom and a thought came, very strong, “Just drink it and die. What’s the point? The whole world is laughing at you right now. Just end it.”
Faith
The devil finds a way to fill your head with lies when you have just gone through a period. These lies can make you question everything, including the very purpose of your existence. Lies like:
‘You’re not good enough’
‘This is the best thing that could have happened to you and now it’s falling apart’
‘This will end you’
When this lies came, God’s word provided a much-needed comfort and a reminder of my identity and His plans for me.
Moving on and Healing
Maje hadn’t made it easy for me to move on. He’d begged like his life depended on me staying….
And then there were the outrageous comments:
‘Maje spent X amount of time with Anita so she wasn’t the mistress, Toke was’
‘She didn’t break your home, you did. You came between two people who loved each other by marrying him’.
…. That day’s topic was about making marriage work, and it hit me so hard that I cried like a baby. I wasn’t a virtuous woman; I was a girl! A girl with a daddy-void so large that she had all of her issues and expectations on a man who was still trying to discover his purpose. All my mistakes became clear to me. I hadn’t lost my marriage to another woman. I had given my marriage to her.
While I’m not sure if I’ll find love again, I am sure of the contentment I have found in a God who’s got my back 100%.

Toke will be launching On Becoming in Nigeria this Sunday, November 27, 2016.

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25 comments:

  1. Eya...Pele.

    Must really hurt when a wife is the actually the side chick.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow!!!

    This is really touching.

    Please Tiwa, just saw the job posting for the position of a Client relations officer /Customer Service Officer, I sent my application. Please I hope the position is still open. Thanks.

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  3. Boss move. when the world hands you lemons make lemonade. I will buy the book if it's not so expensive. J

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  4. Watched her YouTube channel ystday, but didn't get all these details... now I'd like to read the book..
    Wow pple go thru a lot! Some wives are side chics but they have no idea. It's soo sad..

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  5. I have no words. This is like trying to fix a broken mirror,not only will it never be the same but you'll get a lot of cuts and spill your blood in the process and if you insist on using it you'll get a distorted image of yourself at the end. An exercise in futility.
    A Girl

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  6. I look at Toke like a drama queen but reading this exercepts,I feel for her..she went through a lot with that boy...TNHW

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    Replies
    1. Yetty, na real boy ohhh. I feel sorry for her really. The things people swallow all in the name of love shaa. Am happy she found her way out of the mess.

      Delete
    2. She does need help and may God really help her to stay strong forever.

      Delete
    3. She does need help and may God give her the grace to really stay strong forever.

      Delete
  7. So all the signs were there yet she went ahead accepting him back because??? This is when the fear of the unknown or fear of being alone sets in. Thinking he's the only man for you, Great she finally moved on. If not she would not have written a book and make lots of CASH!!!

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  8. That Maje guy had her mumu button! I hope she's now cured of it.

    -F

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  9. I'd like to read the other side to the relationship brouhaha....or preferably, about her accomplishments in the media industry and others.

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  10. I feel almost sorry for her but then again she is an enabler. He was bad news and she enabled him. Its one thing to be abused and continually take the abuse. Many people have engaged in less than stellar relationships but there should be a limit to how low you can let someone take you.

    From what I have read she needs serious help- it took 12 years to break her down it will take more than 1 year to build it up. As for bleaching because of Maje - she is still doing it so who is she doing it because of now?

    We owe our children a lot in terms of them having proper self esteem - not to be delusional but to understand that they are good enough and no one has a right to tell or treat them otherwise.

    Just my 25 kobo. I wish her all the best or rediscovering the woman God created her to be.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "We owe our children a lot in terms of them having proper self esteem - not to be delusional but to understand that they are good enough and no one has a right to tell or treat them otherwise."

      Well said!

      Delete
  11. It makes sense to me now why all the brouhaha didn't seem to "shake" her! She had already seen them all and subconsciously prepared herself. Eya!
    Quite a brave step to have taken in putting these down though.

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  12. I would really love to buy this book. I wonder how I would get it.

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  13. From what I read above,that book might just be interesting. But I wonder if it is part fiction though.

    *QuirkyMoi*

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  14. I feel for Maje tho. Toke is gonna milk this for what it's worth. Wldnt be surprised if she drops a song (or album) about heart break like Adele did in years to come. Lol

    This is one "Yoruba demon" stunt that actually backfired.

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    Replies
    1. Maje is not Yoruba. He is from Delta State.

      Delete
    2. Never said he was that's why the word is in inverted comma. Surely you know that word is a terminology..

      (can't wait for the day we can drink water and drop the cup without anyone looking for a tribal meaning behind it)

      Delete
  15. Yea, it was all Maje's fault. He had a gun to her head and took her through all those experiences.

    Only failed people run away from accepting responsibilities for their actions and inactions.

    I have no sympathy for her beyond praying that she has the courage to see a psychologist/psychiatrist because the book is a confirmation that she needs help.

    Won't read the book even if offered for free, they had their great times without sharing.

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    Replies
    1. Lol.. I won't spend my money on it but if offered for free, I'd read it.

      Delete
  16. She does need help. May God really help her to stay strong forever.

    ReplyDelete

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