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Monday, 21 November 2016

The Reasons I Share Details Of My Relationship With 3rd Parties.





It's probably the most reiterated advise given to married and soon to be married couples so I'm sure it's not news to you; Don't bring a third party into the bedroom. (No get your mind out of the gutter you perv! I mean figuratively 😂). Basically; stop sharing details of your relationship with a third party. Don't involve other people in your relationship issues. Settle quarels yourself, don't bring in any external influence. 

"Other people" could be anyone from sibling, parents, friends, colleagues, church members etc. 

I know this advise is usually most useful for the married and about to be, but I think it's somewhat applicable to those in relationships too. I'm not qualified to talk on marriage so I'm speaking about my own experiences. 

I think it's wise advise not to bring people in, however I find that I don't always follow that advice. I wish I do, but... These are the reasons why. 

-Sometimes I need a sounding board. Especially when there's a quarel, I need someone to tell it to that isn't the person it happened with. Besides being a sounding board, this person can also point out to me if I'm overreacting, if I was wrong, and how they react in the same situation. 

-I do need to learn from their past experiences. Talking to someone older, more mature and who has been in a relationship much longer than you have could be wise. They could tell me things sitting down that I can't see standing up. 

-There's sometimes need for advise from a neutral party. The need occasionally arises, especially when there are disagreements, for someone who's objective, whose opinion isn't tainted by emotions or selfish interests. 

-I NEED to vent. LOL I can very well do without it, but I find that the sooner I blow off steam by talking about something, the faster I am to get over it. So sometimes I just need to have a good old rant to calm the soul down. 😅


So yes, these are some of the reasons I share with someone else when there's an issue with him. 

However I must point out that I'm very particular about whom I confide in. It's usually just one person and I choose her because 
-she is smart 
-she has emotional intelligence 
-she is likely to tell me that I fucked up if I did
-she is very discreet 
-she is good-natured. 

These, to me, are qualities that are very important in the person you choose to confide in about your relationship. One must be very careful about whom they talk to about certain things. Confiding in the wrong person could be detrimental to peace and stability of your relationship. 

That said, I find that there's great wisdom in keeping things between just you and bae, because
-The 3rd party can only advise you based on their own experiences and understanding. They sometimes don't understand the peculiarities of your own relationship and could inadvertently misadvise you. 
-The image of your partner could be tainted in their eyes and mind, even long after the issues have been settled. 
-Some people aren't what they seem to be. I used to have a friend I'd talk to about my issues who'd act as a mediator, but go behind my back and advise him to leave me for the same reasons she was meant to be helping with. 


So yes, I agree with my elders who ask us not to bring in 3rd parties, however I feel that 3rd parties could really help a relationship in troubled times. Just be very guided about who that third party is, if you must have one. 

I'd end by dropping this here:


What's your take? Third parties, yay or nay? Why? 





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11 comments:

  1. I am a very private person but even if I should bring in a third party to my personal life it will be a total stranger, maybe someone I won't have to meet again in the future.

    This world have taught me that not all those who laugh with you are your friends.

    And since I don't have a strong heart I will kukuma be on my own to avoid stories that touch.

    No wonder the Oyibos will always say that "once bitten twice shy"

    So if left for me nay !

    ReplyDelete
  2. Third party? Nay! Absolute nay!

    I gat trust issues anyway so my lips are always sealed. And I it as an act of betrayal for my babe to discuss my matter with anybody. Ill feel like I got stabbed in the back.

    But somehow somehow people always feel comfortable telling me things. They come spilling all the juicy details in their relationships. Thank God Im a good guy.

    Peace

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Instead of you to discourage them from coming to you (since you won't do the same in their shoes), you give them the "thank GOD I'm a good guy" body language. You sha..hehehe.

      Delete
  3. I don't have a strong heart so I tend to spill to the third party a lot, but guess what I don't usually get my desired result..So lately,I just keep to my self and 'suffer' in silence....TNHW

    ReplyDelete
  4. Third parties are necessary for extreme circumstances, and I always prefer clergymen to even my close friends/family.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Third parties are important, you can't solve everything yourself, the need to vent is important but third parties are not required for every silky little issue. A third party should be a discreet,mature individual who is open minded and known to both people involved not random busy - bodies.
    A Girl

    ReplyDelete
  6. "Nay" "Never ever"....unless to my lawyer maybe on certain things so he knows where the bodies are buried.

    /Toothfairy

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am a sharer what can I say, I just do it with one person at a time, I believe in the mantra "a problem shared is half solved",hasn't always worked for me but I am still comfortable with it

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am a sharer what can I say, I just do it with one person at a time, I believe in the mantra "a problem shared is half solved",hasn't always worked for me but I am still comfortable with it

    ReplyDelete
  9. Depends on the situation at hand. Venting and talking about issues helps me calm down.

    Never put all the aces or cards on the table.

    When you are hurting, find someone to talk to though. Albeit the "right" person.

    You sure will live longer.

    ReplyDelete
  10. When you have a good friend or significant other you truly love, its hard knowing there is a possibility of losing them. john hector

    ReplyDelete

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