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Tuesday, 1 November 2016

"Don't Leave A Home You Suffered To Build. Stay There And Let Them Be The Women Outside".








In 2007, had an event at MUSON center. One big man was turned 80. I called his kids To join cut his birthday cake. They came out. 3 at first, and the wife said, “MC, Call Segun (Not real name) and Chioma (not real name too) to join.” 

They came up. Dressed in the same outfits as the other 3. Pictures were taken and people started chatting on how the wife was so tolerant. I later sat with a broadcaster, whose close friend had the daughter (Chioma) for the celebrant.

Gist was that the Celebrant had an affair with her friend in the 80s, when newscasters were the hottest female celebrities that there were in the media world. The other son, Segun, was the love child from a Nigerian Airways air hostess that the celebrant took a liking to. And after one of those trips, she couldn’t fly for 9 months. The wife heard about these children outside wedlock. She, as expected, fumed, raved and raged. Her best friends at the time, told her to leave the adulterous husband. “He does not deserve you.”

She went to meet her Aunty, H.I.D AWOLOWO, of blessed memory, who condemned his behavior but advised her. And part of the advice was, “you know who your husband is, if you leave, you will be the woman outside, and what you want for your children may be determined by the one in the house. Those people who are telling you to leave, are saying that so you can get even. But if you stay, you have a life long opportunity to get back at him…, if you both came from Your village to Ibadan and after moved to lagos, why should some small girls make you leave a place you suffered to build. Stay there and let them be the women outside. “To ba ko kuro ni leyen, Oti Fuwon laye. Iwo lo ma wani ita. Awon ma kosile ti ejo ko. Ogbon lo gba. Iyale lo wa ni le.”

I met the celebrant’s wife, early this year, at Eko Hotel, with her grand children. Grand Children from SEGUN! Grandma and I talk regularly since then. And when I saw this piece, I called her, because, she had talked in the line of some points raised here. She believes, many people who advise women to leave their homes for THE OTHER WOMAN, (when the man is not violent), need a rethink!

Culled Instagram @alibabagcfr 


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Thoughts?






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16 comments:

  1. I think everyone has to decide what is a deal breaker for them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly!!!...because while she "dealt" successfully, another might be digging her own grave both emotionally and otherwise if she decided to heed.

      Delete
    2. Exactly. No further comments your honour!
      A Girl

      Delete
  2. Woooow
    Quite true o
    One because you never can tell ,, those telling you to leave might actually be interested to walk in


    #oneneofauntieslifeexperience

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cheating alone is never enough reason for a woman to leave her home. What is the guarantee that the next guy will not cheat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you people even think about the health implications, the STIs, the emotional and psychological trauma of the person being cheated on before you make such foolish statements?

      Delete
    2. ...and how was the statement made foolish? Please choose your words...

      Delete
  4. The summary of the advice was "If you leave, the future of your kids would most likely be in jeopardy". Now did she stay back for her kids, or

    "...you stay, you have a life long opportunity to get back at him...".

    for vengeful reasons? Or maybe for material reasons (if chief wasn't wealthy)? Are Segun and Chioma the only kids he has outside his home? If chief was much less wealthy than she was, would this advice even sink in?

    Depending on the situation in the home, the decision to leave or stay is a most critical one. There's a problem if the decision is self-serving though, and I think in this case, hers was/is self-serving.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I heard this story of a serial cheating husband who got HIV from one of his side chicks, he started taking his drugs but of course could not tell his wife. Madam finally died of AIDS. Madam did not become the outside woman,but became the six feet under woman.

    The decision to stay or not to stay is never a black and white decision.Personally, I will not stay with a cheating husband just because I don't want the other woman to become the "inside woman". Being the inside woman of a serial cheating husband is not a positive thing. If I can take my children with me and can take care of them, the side chicks can take my place in the house for all I care. What could be a deal breaker for A might not be for B.J

    ReplyDelete
  6. “Stay there and let them be the men outside”. Someone Advices Husbands with Cheating Wives to Think Twice instead of Leaving

    ReplyDelete
  7. To each woman her own.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. F,thats the line right there. We all can't deal with situation the same way.

      Delete
  8. Everyone knows what works for them...staying in any situation that causese you misery simply because you don'twant someone else to "replace" you is one of the saddest things any human being can do. Only stay where you want to be.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. Different strokes for different folks. Imagine the STIs that man could have given madam. Gbagbe that "inside woman" gist, if she dies nko? What happens? Won't the other lady eventually become "inside woman"?

    ReplyDelete
  10. The truth is building a relationship is hardwork, u need to evaluate the person u r dealing with, some men don't cheat but r terrible in some other ways, whereas some men cheat but are so good in other ways. What's d guarantee that the next man won't cheat or kill you? Abi u ll keep changing husband?

    ReplyDelete

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