Here's your one-stop blog where we have conversations on real life stories, inspiration, relationships, sex, fiction, humour, politics, lifestyle and everything in between. Join the conversation!

Thursday, 31 March 2016

Male Contraceptives Anyone?



This has been an age long dream of mine and rumour has it that its about to come true!

Scientists have revealed a male contraceptive injection which may be available soon. The injection is called Vasalgel. It is described as “non-hormonal and long-acting” and has been shown to block sperm for up to 12 months. Clinical testing is planned to begin in 2016. Dr Elaine Lissner, executive director of the Parsemus Foundation confirms that the shot consists of styrene-alt-maleic acid (SMA) that is dissolved in dimethyl sulfoxide. Therefore, Vasalgel could be the first long-acting, non-hormonal, potentially reversible male contraceptive to reach market. - Bella Naija
***
Wow, block sperm for up to 12 months? Hmmm. In any case I still think it's great because... Its about time we share the work, if we're going to bleed every month the least you can do is pop a pill (or take a shot). It's just fair! On the other hand this might be bad market for baby mamas and intending baby mamas. 
Still, I think it's a good idea. Do you? 
Photo source; theplaidzebra.com

13 Things That Are Worse Than Being Single at 31.





1. Having your dream job but still being unhappy because everybody hates you, especially your boss. 

2. Being in an abusive relationship 

3. Being married and lonely

4. Having no job, business, money, goals or prospects. 

5. Losing a loved one. 

6. Suffering from a terminal disease. 

7. Having a mother-in-law whose life's purpose is to make your life unbearable 

8. Eating only fruits and green vegetables all week only to find out that you've somehow added 3kg!

9. Putting in more years, time and energy into your blog than Linda Ikeji and still be too broke to renew your data subscription. 

10. Being female in one of those countries in the Middle East.

11. Being female in the above country in the Middle East and your husband just caught you in bed with your lover.

12. Winning free return tickets and an all expense paid vacation to your dream city for a week but your boss has vehemently refused to give you any time off.

13. Being blessed with good health, a loving family, good friends, a roof over your head, a good job/business yet still being depressed over being single. Yes, even this is worse than being single at 31!




Reading not only the story of 31 year old Danielle Saul who allegedly committed suicide because she was tired of being single while she watched all her close friends get married and have kids, but also the comments that followed on some blogs by single 30-somethings, who also admitted to suffering from depression as a result of being unmarried, I began to wonder. 

Is it really the worst thing than that can happen to a woman who's passed the 30 mark and is still single? 

I empathize with the late Danielle Saul, I know just how it feels. On Tuesday morning I woke up and began scrolling through my facebook feed. I'd wanted to post something but I stalled because I couldn't help but notice that everyone's post was either about their husband or children or thanking God for safe delivery, everyone was updating their pictures to include new baby pictures or new family portraits. Suddenly whatever it was I wanted to post seemed very irrelevant so I closed facebook, but not before I noticed that my BFF had just uploaded pictures of her second son's first birthday party... Ouch!

Yes, truth be told it was somewhat disheartening. But I tell you, there are many things that are worse than this. Please let's stop putting so much pressure on ourselves. Society is already doing that for us, when you join society in putting pressure on you, you just might be staring depression or worse yet, suicidal thoughts in the face. Think, is it really worth it?  

Hopefully, it will happen someday. Hopefully sooner than later. But until then take the time to smell the roses. Life is very beautiful, don't let it all go to waste because marriage hasn't happened yet. There's so much more to be thankful for. 

Wednesday, 30 March 2016

Sex OR Money. What Makes You Loyal?





Hahaha. 

At first glance I was like what sorta stoopid kweshun iz dizz?

But on second thought I'm like, hey, wait, maybe it's not so stupid after all. Loyalty is a huge deal to men. A woman's loyalty is one asset that just might keep her man faithful. And even when it doesn't (if you're dating a dog for instance and that's who you've chosen to be loyal to *rme*), it certainly wouldn't go unnoticed and unappreciated (unless you're dating a douche in which case you deserve whatever you get, for dating a douche).

Ok, on a more serious note though. Chris Brown said these girls ain't loyal, the song actually posits that if you've got a girlfriend and she's got a guy who's richer (and more generous) than you, then fogerrit, she ain't gon be loyal to you!

So apparently it's a money thing. 

But is it really? Forget about Chris Brown, I know how it can seem that money can buy a person's loyalty. It's money, not sex, after all that's said to make the world go round. 

My thoughts however... Between the two, I think SEX makes a woman loyal. I say sex because I see girls dating some extremely generous wealthy sugar daddies, but I don't see them being loyal to them. I've also seen girls, some friends even, being EXTREMELY loyal, respectful, submissive and faithful to guys who are verrrrry broke, or way younger than they are, just because of the D. I've noticed that orgasms can be a greater instrument of (control) than money. 

So my answer is Sex. 

What's yours?



(image courtesy of break_or_makeup Instagram) 

Advertise Here!



PLEA FOR PATRONAGE 
I want to solicit the patronage of my fellow BVs.. 
I sell long lasting original make up; 
 
lip gloss, eyeliner, lipstick, water proof mascara, volume blast mascara, eye pencil, perfumes (male n female), lip balm, body cream for normal to dry skin, also for matured skin (for our mothers it has the time reversing component so they age gracefully and still stay beautiful), nail polish, eye shadow, kajal, foot and hand cream, shampoo etc 
I'm based in Lagos and  deliver any where in Nigeria for a token 
BBM pin 58A3A108
IG:@dududinky


You can reach the poster on either bbm with the pin provided above or check her out on Instagram. Please let's patronize one of our own. 


***
If you've got any product or services you would love to advertise, feel free to do so in the comment section and be sure to drop your contacts!





The Potter and His Claire.





Getting into the university was surreal. It felt wonderful. I had broken the barriers of home and was getting to discover the real me. The ‘me’ that was unencumbered with feelings of duty towards family and society. Though I cherised my freedom, I was plagued by male attention. Left, right and centre. I was the smart one. I had read enough of novels and magazines, and I knew what they really wanted. They played according to the books and seemed determined to get past my underwear.

I focused on the ‘potter’. The potter loved me and was adept at making me into a wonder. I liked who I was with him. I liked the shape he was making me into. I was so caught in the moulding process that, during my confirmation, I chose the name CLAIRE. I loved the definition. Clear. Pure. Bright. Strange but beautiful. I wanted to be described by it. The name gave me a sense of pride.

Then life happened.

Secrets about myself surfaced. People dear to me left the earth. I lost focus, purpose and worst of all, myself. I could no longer define what I stood for. In my confusion, I threw caution to the wind. I made terrible mistakes. Mistakes that affected my life tremendously. These mistakes injured me and, on healing, formed scars. Reminders.

I lost my purity. I lost my light. I allowed myself get deceived and corrupted. I could no longer be called CLAIRE, a name that had been my definition, and I started to hide.

When I got tired of hiding, I resurfaced, bearing another name. The potter saw how desperately I wanted my name back. It wasn’t just a name. It was a definition. And embodiment of all I wanted to stand for. A purpose.

He picked me up and re-moulded me. I was made into a vessel that was better than I imagined. And this time, the ‘potter’ never stopped watching his ‘Claire’.



***

Guys this story was sent to me by one of our dearest young blog readers. She wrote it for #TheWInkChallenge. She would love to know what you think about it, so please leave your thoughts in the comment section. 

More importantly, she's appealing to you to visit  https://thewcommunity.com/potter-claire-thewinkchallenge/ , like the story and comment your thoughts via the FB column, and then share to those you know.

Thanks a lot people!

Tuesday, 29 March 2016

This vs That.






My friend is buying some things from Amazon and asked if I wanted anything. Of course yes, I want THINGS! However there are some things I want now and I think I might be able to get from an indigenous online store. So I told him what I want from Amazon and he asked me to pick the things I want here and charge them to him. Then came the question, what online store. I've never really been able to differentiate between certain (similar) things. Last night my cousin wanted something from Konga but they said delivery would take 7-10days. She was upset so I asked her to try Jumia and she said nah, she'd rather wait for/with Konga. I asked why she preferred Konga and all she did was scrunch up her nose at Jumia, yet gave no reason whatsoever. So as I stare at my screen, excited at the prospect of owning new things I'm not paying for, I'm trying hard to decide what store to shop from. 

A few days ago I noticed for the first time at MM2 Airport that KFC and Chicken Republic share just a wall. I've never been able to tell the differences between the two. Since my Uber was a bit wrongly booked and went to the International airport instead and thus delayed me, I had time to wander. I strolled into both eatries. KFC was packed and the other was empty save for a sprinkling of people. I wondered what informed the decision of the people at KFC. I mean, those two places are one and the same to me! (I also notice they're usually very close in proximity. In Victoria Island, Ikoyi, Lekki 1 etc. Who knows why?) 

I also face this challenge when it comes to Nigerian music. Most of our artists sound exactly the same to me, so for the life of me I can't imagine why some people prefer one over the other. Wizkid and Davido for instance, I can't figure out why they don't have the exact same fans! 

I maintain that the only reason I still have a social media account is because I have a blog, so it only makes sense. Still I notice I don't have preference of one over the other. Now while Twitter and Facebook are not similar, I've made an observation over time and wondered about it. Most serious facebook lovers are rather indifferent or even disdainful towards Twitter and vice versa. I'm yet to figure out why. 

Lastly guys, this to me is also one and the same but I notice different people feel differently about sex at different times of the day. I don't know if it's all in their mind or if there are real factors that inform their choices. 

So tell me your preference guys, and also tell me why. 

Konga or Jumia
KFC or Chicken Republic. 
Wizkid or Davido
Facebook or Twitter
Early morning sex or night sex


Tell us which among the two you prefer and it would be great if you could also tell us why!!
 

Monday, 28 March 2016

About Last Night. (A Changed Man).





So after asking for several weeks I finally agreed to meet up with Ade for drinks. I'd been reluctant about meeting up because, well, I just thought he's a douche bag and I don't want everyone in my space. 

You see, Ade and I used to be quite close once upon a time. At some point he was asking me out and when everyone thought I was insane for not jumping at the offer to date this talllll yummy glass of creamy chocolate, I told them I wasn't. Well just as I was giving in, uncle who had just been professing undying-unshakeable-unconditional love, decided that this friend of mine was hotter and jumped on that ASAP. 

They dated and yeah, I was a bit hurt but life goes on, right?

Right. 

Subsequently after they'd broken up and he started trying to get chummy again, I was civil but put him at arm's length. Then months we found ourselves in the same BBM group and where I'd once thought he was just an unpleasant fellow, I now realized he was a major jerk. 

Everyone's got their good sides and he had his too. However his bads were just too many. He was the group bully, making life unpleasant for anyone who didn't like him or who he didn't agree with. He would take his time and verbally abuse anyone who disagreed with him, in such a way that it was certain to hurt, diminish and demoralize. I noticed all these but made sure never to get involved. 

One day however there was a playful debate and I got involved. I guess my stance was different from his and true to type he started to attack me. He started by saying "when girls are talking amoebas also think they can talk". I ignored that. 

Then he went on and on about my body, finding different ways to ridicule it and call me all kinds of insulting names. It was confusing because this was the same body he used to be all over like sokoto flies! When I realized that reacting to him, or even responding only fuelled his fire, I ignored him and eventually left the group, one more person he'd bullied out. 

That was over five years ago and although we were grown ass adults, we were younger. And that's what I told myself when I eventually gave in and agreed to meet for drinks; we were younger, na small pikin been dey worry him. 

Ok...

It was a beautiful evening, we met up in one cosy restaurant in Lekki 1 and he was still as hot and charming as ever. Maybe even more so with a better job and a lot more money now. We actually had an interesting time, he's always been a brilliant conversationalist. Everything was going great. That was until he said "Do you think you can give both of us a chance to work out?"  

"Work out, as in exercise abi?". Of course I knew that's not what he meant but I was hoping to change the topic immediately. 

"*chuckle* *chuckle*. As in relationship" said he. "See, you know I've always had a thing for you, I know I fucked up once but yada yada yada...."

Now let's assume I was even available for a relationship with Ade at the moment, would you advise me to actually date someone like him? Someone as obnoxious as he was or is? Someone whose bullying of all those years ago is still talked about? 

Here's the thing. I brought up all the things from the past and his apology seemed sincere and heartfelt, he even seemed at bit embarrassed by his past antics. He admitted that he was very immature and swore that he has grown and changed a great deal. But this is where I have an issue. Do people really change? Does someone who has evil in them suddenly stop being evil because they got older? In my shoes would you forgive his outright nasty attitude of yesteryears and give him the benefit of doubt?

Do people change? 

I'm curious to know what you think. 

Sunday, 27 March 2016

Happy Easter Everyone!





Happy Easter guys! May God bless, keep and avail you of every promise of the risen Christ. Amen!



Saturday, 26 March 2016

How It Goes Down În Dubai...





***



***

***








Buahahahahahahahhahaha. This last one killed me. Issorai. 


***
My friend sent me this. Dunno where she got them, most likely Twitter. She said Nawa oh, some people will do anything for money. 

Hehe. 

Anyways, doesn't reading this make you feel like you're definitely making heaven? Azzzzn I wish these people are right in front of me on the queue on judgement day, because there's no way anybody is sending me to hell after judging these ones! No way, I'd be sent right in, with the keys to my mansion, my personal angels and all that jazz. 

LOL. 

Meanwhile why are Nigerian girls put under heat for Dubai runs? Our girls are learners where these ones dey. 

Ok bye. 

Friday, 25 March 2016

My Mother Mustn't See This.





I don't know if you've noticed but this Lagos sun is not for the faint at heart. 

The minute I got off the plane on Wednesday I was hit hard in the face by something so thick, dense and moist, unmistakably Lagos heat. And the minute I stepped outside Arrivals I was not greeted by my Uber as expected, but the fabled Lagos sun. I've lived here all my life and I was only away for a short while, but I swear I cannot remember Lagos ever being this hot. 

I make no excuses, but this current temperature is probably what set me off on my journey earlier today. As a matter of fact I'd planned to visit the April by Kunbi store in Lekki phase 1 where Gbemisoke shoes were being sold this afternoon. I'd been seeing the Ads on Instagram and the shoes are really affordable. I'd already decided to get two pairs of flats and two pairs of pumps. I'd even chosen the colours of the flats in my head; black and green. And the pumps; red and nude. 

However as the morning turned to noon and the beads of sweat on my chest grew in size and number, I made a swift decision. I'm already blessed with a lot of melanin and while 'black is beautiful', I do not want to be darker than my current complexion, thank you. In fact, it might not hurt to be a bit...er....lighter...

So goodbye Gbemisoke shoes. Hello bleaching cream!

Grabbing my sister's car keys I hit the road with one destination in mind; Ebeano! 

Guys, I have never spent so time on one aisle in a supermarket. I exaggerate not when I tell you that I was there for well over an hour. There are way too many skin lightening products in the market. I perused the soap shelves and noticed that most of them boasted to have either Carrot, or Papaya or Gluthathione. The ones that didn't claimed to have come from the deepest part of some ocean and have some magical lightening properties. Even the black herbal soaps now come with "whitening" or "lightening" tags. 

I was immensely confused. 

You see, I know next to nothing about bleaching or toning or lightening. I made a weak attempt once which I told y'all about, but I used the products for three days or less and then threw them all away. 

I eventually settled for Fair & White serum and other Fair & White products. I hear the serum is good for lightening. 

When I got to the counter i couldn't help but peek into the other lady's basket. She also spent a lot of time on the skin lightening aisle but unlike me, she's veeeery light skinned and although naturally light skinned, she seems to be very knowledgeable about this business (Even the fair want to get fairer). 

She had a curious looking soap and I asked "What's that?"

"Oh, just some soap I use" she said. 

"Does it... errr... lighten you" I asked shyly. 

"Kinda" came her casual response.  

"I saw it, I wanted to buy it but I didn't know if I should. All those products are really confusing" I admitted bashfully. It was then she looked into my basket and saw all the F&W products. 

"You want something to lighten your skin?" She asked and I nodded. 

"Come with me" she said authoritatively, "First all of return all those things" she looked into my basket as though I was carrying worms. 

"What exact cream do you use now?" She asked, I shook my head; anyone

"What about soap?"

"Hmm, nne I use any soap I see" I said and she looked at me like I just told her I drink my urine for breakfast. 

"Ok..." She said patiently, "Do you exfoliate?" She asked. I desperately wanted to redeem myself but I didn't want to lie so I told the truth "No". 

Her eyes widened in shock. "You don't? And you don't rub cream?". I knew she wasn't referring to my Jergens or Vaseline so I said "No". 

"Haaa, my sister no be so o! That's not the way to go" she said with a mixture of amusement and pity. 

Well long story short, she picked out a few things for me and these are the ones I'm using tonight. If I'd use them after tonight is another question entirely. 

(When she wasn't looking I snuck the F&W serum back into my basket). 

In any case I know that if I cant keep this up there are people willing to collect them from me (someone has already asked. LOL) so I'll gladly give them out and my money wouldn't entirely be wasted. Just don't tell my mum I bought bleaching products! She's not dark skinned but when I say I want to be like her she'll say "Don't try it, you have a beautiful complexion!" Yet in the same breath she would call me "Blackie shadow!" 

LOL. 

So that's it guys. 

PS; the fact that I'm willing to post this on the blog shows that I'm not really ready for this bleaching business.

PPS; I'm still going to buy my Gbemisoke shoes. #supportingasistersbusiness #buynigerian #wearnigerian #gbemisokeshoes. (Just in case you haven't already heard about it check out her instagram page @gbemio-o. If you've got big feet like me then you're in luck!)


Be honest ladies (and gentlemen?) have you ever tried to lighten your skin complexion? Care to share secrets with me?

Dear Thelma... (It's All Kinda Complicated...)




Hi Thelma,am an ardent reader of your blog though I do not comment...I need your advice as well as others  on this...

Ok am a really reserved kind of a girl though sometimes I kind of put the blame on my parents because growing up  they never let us associate with other people... we never really went out and even if we do we had our 6pm curfew to beat... this their attitude kept up till now that I am 24... Though I had relationships in the past that went on when I was in school(I'm single now)...
I finally met a guy recently through a cousin we started chatting and sometimes he calls me on phone. we've never met because we stay in different locations. we ended up getting fond of each other and I realised he had a different character and behavior as compared to other Igbo guys I know (yh am Igbo).. Btw my mum has been ringing it to us that it has to be Igbo and not only that she also says it has to be from our own church denomination (sometimes I wonder why parents are like this).. Coincidentally this guy fits in these categories.. My mum heard about i and the guy from my younger sis and called me to advise me that it's not a bad idea, because I told her my problem was his location (based in one of d eastern states).. She kept telling me everyday that a woman doesn't have a root that it all depends on where her husband stays that determines her root.. Well I finally met the guy in person and yeah I like him and he told me his intentions that he likes me and any relationship he goes into right now, he is expecting it to lead to marriage...
The issue now is that my mum all of a sudden changed mouth saying I should take things easy that I would still meet other guys, (I'm not working at the moment so the curfew still stands for, me so i wonder how I am going to meet such guys). She also said that people are marrying out and going out of the country and me I want to go to the east... I finally realized my mum had a conversation about I and the guy with my elder sis who is not married yet, and my sister told my mum that she's not in support of me having a relationship with the guy because my aunt and the guy's mum are friends and if eventually I have a relationship with him that ends up into marriage, his mum would be telling my aunt things about us before my mum knows..
Right now am outside the country and the guy also travelled out but in a different country and he has booked a ticket to come see me where I am on Easter Monday before leaving for Nigeria and I told him when we meet here I would give him a reply, but right now I am in a confused state... Don't want to go into a relationship that my nuclear family would not accept. I am also thinking what if the guy is actually the one for me and I just let him go like that.
BTW I am AS and this guy is AA so u can imagine how I feel...

***
Exactly poster, what if the guy is the one for you and you lose him because of mere trivialities like what your NUCLEAR family thinks, and his mum being friends with your aunt...

Dear Thelma (Should I Say Yes, Should I Say No?)




Please advice is seriously needed. *Abey* and me have been dating for six months but I didn't really consider it a very serious relationship although I know he's in love with me. To my surprise he proposed to me last month and I have been so confused ever since then. I like him a lot (I don't love him yet but I know that I can love him someday) and he is 100 percent husband material. He is an amazing person and he has a heart of gold. I haven't said yes because he has a health condition and I'm not sure that I can cope with it. I don't know what it is called but apparently he was born with it. He has taken drugs for it all his life and will continue to do so. There are times he has serious crisis and this could last for a whole week. During this period he is bedridden and several thousands usually goes into this. He has been flown to different countries for medical treatment but all to no avail. Another issue is that he is religious and is remaining a virgin till marriage. I think it's a great thing to do but I'm worried because I did my research and I learnt that some men who suffer this sickness have very low libido or suffer some problems with their "plumbing" and sex might be a challenge for them. 
I'm confused because he is so wonderful, I get along well with his family and he loves me to death. He is the kind of man that I would have loved to marry but right now I'm still yet to say yes. I don't mean to sound selfish but I'm the first child of my family, I'm the one who takes care of my parents and younger ones and although it hasn't been easy, I've been able to cope. But I don't know if I can cope if I marry him. Please what would you advise me to do?

Thursday, 24 March 2016

Letter To My Sister...





It seems a multitude was born on this day, at least i know like ten people, but what makes today most special is that it's your birthday.  Word fail me to describe how awesome you are, gentle, compassionate, intelligent and selfless is who you are. The authentic brainy of the family, who keeps flying our flag high. I stand amazed sometimes at how you do it all.

I remember been asked in ss3 righteousness by Sis Kate who my role model was, and as a fifteen year old I could boldly say without an iota of doubt and with all boldness that you were the one. Looking back, I can say you have being my greatest influence( apart from mom and God), it was more like my path was forged you, I chose to attend LAGGS and OAU because you were there, I studied engineering  because you studied engineering and showed me a female could be great. I am a decent, strong and intelligent young woman because I had you to look up.

Memories of time spent together in OAU and the sacrifices you made when things got tough at home. I have seen you at some of your greatest moment and your weakest moment, we rode the storms together and we have being victorious and all these makes me respect you even more. Your academic accolades speaks for itself yet you still have your head screwed on tightly. We have our fights with you mostly being the one to apologize while I feigned indifference. I could go on about how awesome you are and how great a person you are but duties calls.

So, on this note I say an happy birthday to Adeyinka's First daughter, pacesetter and engineer extraordinaire, we are all so proud of you, Dad would have being so proud of you. I am celebrating the woman you are and the woman you are becoming. Always remember that " you have this treasure in Earthen Vessels, that the excellency of power may be of God and not of you". Wishing you more excellent years ahead. love you like monkey love banana.
                                                                                                                                 

From your Naughty little Sister,
Funmilayo. 


***
Happy birthday big sis! Loads of love from TTB Fam. (Funmi I'm so sorry I'm just posting, been offline all day. My apologies). 

Tuesday, 22 March 2016

Dear Thelma (I Really Love Him, But Should I Let Him Go?)





I have dated  just one guy which started from freshman year (at 18 years old ) till we graduated college.he is my first love, first sex et al..I broke up with him because of distance after school and he wasn't emotionally available and could never express himself to me. We are both age mates, after 4 years of dating and broke up for a year, we got back together as he showed me he was ready emotionally which has been great as he is a complete person in that aspect.  
Now we are both 24 years old,he is job hunting and I am in grad school. We have been having lots of issues lately which stems from us being age mates and dating and also long distance now (will have to fly for 6 hours to meet). He has told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but at the same time he does not want to waste my time and make me wait while he gets himself together. I do love this man, I am comfortable with him, he is my best friend, confidante, lover, its just peaceful with when I'm with him ..you get the gist  but is love ever enough? 
      I sometimes feel i am missing out on  many things but I am too scared to let go of him. I did previously, it was really tough but i did not die,I healed until he came back again. I also think I would love to be with someone older (they say with age comes wisdom, experience and initiative) which i think he lacks but I don't blame him as he's still 24. I think we are at a place where we are trying to figure out ourselves, is it time to finally let go and never turn back ? will this be a very big mistake on my part ? i fear I may never find anyone close to him who accepts my flaws and just be myself.
     My mom has told me to let him go, his folks has also told him not to be too invested in someone at this age as he needs to find his feet and settle himself which i think every parent would say, I know I wouldn't want my son talking about marriage at 24 when you have no job/ bearing in life.. 

Blog Reader Request. (The Wink Challenge)





Growing up, she always heard that everyone had a story. Even when she got to hear those stories, they seemed stereotyped, beginning with an ugly situation and eventually ending in good. Some seemed like fairy tales that always ended in happily ever afters, but Her’s seemed different in certain ways and in all, she always held her Originator very dear. Things were not rosy for her parents during her childhood but she never got a feel of it until she got into the higher institution and that was when her life began fully per se because it was up to her then to make important and life changing decisions.
She was naive but an epitome of incomparable beauty therefore she made lots of male friends with ease than females while in school. Only but one guy was able to break the barriers and get into her inner circle which she reserved just for herself. They started off as friends but ended up dating. At first, it was platonic but when they couldn’t get hold of their raging hormones which was (to continue reading go here 
https://thewcommunity.com/growth-originator-thewinkchallenge/ )



***
Good morning Thelma, I'm TTB reader. Please I want to ask you for a favour. 
I don't know if you can help me ask other TTB readers, I their support in a writing competition I'm going for. All they need do is to read, LIKE, comment and share my write up. Pls follow this link and like /share my work on facebook.
https://thewcommunity.com/growth-originator-thewinkchallenge/
  If you open the link,Just click on the facebook icon at the end of the article to share. I'll be very grateful if you help me out. Thanks.

"The New Beginnings" Hair Growth Challenge.





This Hair Growth Challenge will ensure that we achieve the greatest amount of hair growth in 6 months and the simple rules which will deliver effective results are designed to hold us accountable. I would encourage everyone to participate (natural, relaxed, texlaxed, transitioning, etc) because although the rules are pretty simple, the end result which is longer and healthier hair will be well worth it. I would also be giving one lucky winner of the Hair Growth Challenge a bottle of my Wura’s Secret Hair Growth Oil so may be the best woman win (to qualify to win you must have a delivery address in Lagos, Nigeria). If you do not live in Lagos this should not stop you from participating as the end result is the greatest gift of all.

I am tagging this challenge “the New Beginnings Hair Growth Challenge”, who says we have to wait till the beginning of next year to start afresh. We actually have a chance to start each day as if it were the first day of the rest of our lives. The rules of this challenge are very simple as I want everyone to be able to follow them, for those of you starting out on caring for your hair this is an excellent guide to gaining longer and healthier hair. (I will include links of previous posts as a guide to each rule). So let us go ahead with the simple rules:


To read the rules, know more and participate in the challenge, please visit WURA'S SECRET HAIR.

Monday, 21 March 2016

A Familiar Foe.




The roller coaster ride that's me. 

It was the second time in barely one week he was picking up his things and walking out on me. 

"Wait! You're leaving again? Is this the new one you've learnt"

"I'll call you in the morning, I need to go". The clanging of the car keys in his hand was unusually loud

"Aii. Shut the door behind you". I looked the other way, feigning indifference, hoping he would get back on the sofa, hold my hands and say he wasn't going anywhere. The slam of the door shook me and brought me back to reality and my eyes began to smart as the tears rolled down. 

An hour later, I couldn't take it anymore. I called. "Where are you? What's this about?". 

"Err, I'm still in the packing lot. I actually left my house keys upstairs" he chuckled sheepishly. "I just didn't want to come back so I've been sitting in my car since". 

I convinced him to come back up, come and stay, let's talk this through, let's work through it. 

We talked, I apologized and all was well in the world again. 

I woke up bright and sunny to find him fixated on his MacBook, it's Monday after all and money's got to be made. Still, I was basking in a euphoric bubble. "I love love love you" I said kissing him all over his face, to steady me he took my face in his hands and kissed my lips firmly, yet oh so gently I started to feel stirrings between my thighs. Oh don't worry about morning breath, we crossed that milestone months ago. 

"You slept well?" He asked. 

I nodded happily and kissed him again. He held me for a bit and then he jumped off the bed to pee. Kissing me just one more time before he left. 

A few minutes later he got back into bed with outstretched arms to grab me, but then with confusion in his eyes, he recoiled. 

"Whats wrong?" He was baffled. 

I snorted and turned the other way. 

"What's wrong?" He asked again. I got off the bed and walked away. 

"Whats wrong?" He asked as I put some water in the kettle for coffee but he might have as well been talking to the walls, I had blanked him out. 

While the water boiled I went to brush my teeth, I came out to see him drinking coffee and I began to stew. I put that water for me. ME. Why was he drinking MY coffee with MY water from MY kettle?

My eyes burned holes through the mug and with fear in his eyes and panick in his voice he asked me "Nwando, what is wrong?"  

"Nothing". My voice was flat and cold. 

He took one final gulp and jumped off the bed. Hurriedly he stuffed his laptop in its bag, hustled into his basketball shorts, slid fast feet into palm slippers, grabbed car keys and soon, with his hands on the doorknob he said, "Err, I'll call you..."

"What are you doing! Where are you going???" 

"I need to go and get ready for work" his voice was a whisper

"Oh, this has become a regular thing now, right? Any little thing now, you run? When did this one start?" I challenged him. 

"I. Just. Need. To. Go" his voice was leveled, he was trying to stay calm and get the hell away from me as fast as possible. 

"Why?" At this point he knew that I didn't want him to leave, resignedly he perched at the edge of the bed and said "I really love you. I love you so much, you know it. But... I cannot keep doing this. I cannot handle your moods. I don't know when you're up or when you're down, and when you're down, you're down! When you're in that mood I want to leave. I leave because I try to bring you out of it but your wall is too thick and I can't penetrate it. And if I can't bring you out of it then you pull me into it. You suck me into your sadness and I don't want that. My happiness means so much to me, I cannot toy with it. When I allow myself to get sucked in and we both become miserable, what good does that do either of us?"

His words stung. 

I couldn't fault him, however. I'd become the one, infamous for the infamous mood swings, the one who sometimes carries a dark cloud with her where she goes, blotting out the sunshine and soaking up everyone in her path in her dark wet cloud. 

Immediately images of last week flashed through my mind. 

We were having drinks. Him, his friends and I. I had to spend some time at the ATM and when I got to the lounge I met a table of merry makers. Something set me off and immediately the dark cloud appeared. My frown singlehandedly drowned out all the laughter and happiness from the table. Bunmi the ever happy, ever bubbly lady tried to cheer me up but I snarled, baring fangs at her good naturedness and instantly her face went sad. This is the first time I'd ever seen Bunmi frown and it was because of me. I noted this with a bit of shame but I couldn't help myself.  

Suddenly the table went dark; silence and uneasiness lingered, and everyone looked at me regretfully. I could read their minds, I knew they wished I wasn't there. 

"Let's play a game guys. Nwando you're first!" Someone said, trying to restore the joy that I took and pull me out of the funk but I sunk further into my chair with a baleful look on my face. 

"You're such a kill joy Nwando" I heard a voice say casually. 

It wasn't said to hurt me or to spite me. It wasn't a joke or a tease. It was simple fact. I was being a kill joy...


"It's Monday morning and I don't want to get pulled in. I cannot start my week this way, it will spoil too many things for me. Maybe I'll see you later?" He was saying, making to leave again. 

And for the umpteenth time I cursed at this thing that's been a familiar foe all my life. This burden called mood swings. Tearfully I tried to explain to him. I apologized and told him he had every right to want to leave, to not want to get sucked in, I wouldn't either. 



How could I explain that this is something that I have very little control over? Something that visits unannounced and stays for as long as it pleases? Something that overrides my good intentions and inherent goodness and makes me appear to be a sadistic bitch? A cup I'd thought had passed me by a long time ago but recently started to rare her ugly head. 

As he listened he could see the sincerity in my eyes, his were filled with empathy and compassion.

"See, when you're feeling this way just let me know. Don't shut me out. Babes I love you and I spend everyday wondering what more I can do to make you happy. When you start feeling this way just say it out and let's take it from there". He said. 

Relief swept over me and i immediately made a decision. I may have no control over mood swings but I'm going to fight it. I'm going to make a conscious effort to fight it with as much ferocity with which it attacks me. I'm no longer going to wallow in this 'condition', make excuses for my bad behavior and expect the world to understand that "I have moodswings". And no, I'm not bipolar (before you ask). This thing that has made me enemies and cost me friends. With all that's in me, I'm going to fight this and no longer would they say I behave like Ogbanje. LOL. #SoHelpMeGod.


***
So anyone else dealing with mood swings, or having to deal with someone with mood swings? Care to talk about it? 

Sunday, 20 March 2016

#InternationalHappinessDay





Today the 20th of March is International Happiness Day. 

Did you know?

Well in the spirit the day, I'm sharing five things that make me happy. 

The laughter of a baby
A baby's first tooth
Full English breakfast
Getting a phone call from him just when I'm hoping he'll call 
Seeing mucho commentssssss on TTB. 


So guys, share with me those things, especially the random things, that make you happy. Its International Happiness Day!

Mercy Aigbe Rants About Not Being Posh Enough For Thisday Style.





Hey Fam....so I just came back from church and decided to check IG only for me to see plenty tags on a particular pix posted by @thisdaystyle .....I read pple's comments asking why Mercy isn't on the cover and at first I wanted to waka pass, but on a second thought I decided to talk about it, cos it's been an issue dat has lingered for too long!.......I thought to myself why didn't Mercy make the cover of @thisdaystyle best dressed list?.... Has @thisdaystyle ever featured a yoruba actor on their cover?.........is yoruba movies not part of nollywood? .....is Nollywood not supposed to mean home grown Nigerian movies? .....hmmmmm I am very sure they didn't coz, they won't want to STAIN their cover with a 'RAZZ' 'LOCAL' yoruba actor!....Yes I am razz, Yes I am local and Yes I am a Yoruba actor!.....No I refuse to speak ur almighty English with fake British or American accent!....Because I'll always remain true to myself!...I am ME ....Proud Bini Woman, Proud Ijesha's wife and above all proud Nigerian. ...And just in case e still dey be una like dream 'LOCAL TI TAKE OVER' ....😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛 #Regrann #theNETng #Regrann


@mercyaigbegentry (instagram). 


***

I think she has a valid grievance, but it makes more sense to polish oneself than to sit in your small pond ranting LOCAL TI TAKE OVER. #RME. If you want to remain the razz local yoruba actress that's fine, but don't complain about not being recognized on a national platform. 


Thoughts?

Are Queen's College Staff Suppressing Students' Sexual MolestationComplaints?





I would like to report the management of Queen’s College Yaba. As I write, the principal and vice principals have, over a month now, deliberately suppressed several complaints of sexual harassment which my daughter and some other students have consistently reported to their class teacher, their year head, the head of department of the accused teacher and the principal’s office.

My daughter is in JSS2, second term at Queen’s College. During their visiting day in first term she complained to me that there is an Integrated Science teacher, Mr Oshifala who has been harrassing her and some other students. I asked her if the man had touched her and she said no, he only tells them that they are looking beautiful and he wants to marry them. I dismissed her complaints as typical compliments from a teacher.

However, two weeks later, on Thursday, she called me late at night and she was crying bitterly. I could barely hear what she was saying until after I had calmed her down. Me myself I was scared, wondering what had happened. She told me then that this same Mr Oshifala, who by the way, lives in the boarding house ares, had cornered her on her way back from easing herself just before lights out. She told me that he called her and she thought he wanted to punish her for leaving her dorm room when it was almost lights out. But when she got closer to him, he was smelling of alcohol and she ran away from him. But he ran after her and grabbed her and tried to kiss her while touching her private parts. She started screaming and then students started coming out so he left her and pretended to punish her. But the students already know his ways so they started booing him until the housemistress came out and chased them inside, telling them to be quiet and that nothing was actually going on. I told my daughter to calm down and prayed with her and I told her not to leave her dorm room unless with another student.

I got to the school first thing the next day and spoke with the housemistress who confirmed to me that the story was true. but she warned me that the Mr Oshifala is a favourite of the Vice Principal Mrs Kayode. I spoke to a couple of otehr teachers and they all confirmed this story and the Mr Oshifala’s tendencies. The teachers also mentioned that he had ben reported before at the Abuja Headquarters for sexual harassment and he was almost sacked until he begged this same Vice Principal who squashed the complaints.

I went to the vice principal myself and complained to her about my daughter’s issue. Mrs Kayode and anothe Vice Principal Mrs Njoku were both in the room when I entered. From the looks on their faces, I knew my daughter wa stelling the truth. Mrs Njoku soon left and it was just me and Mrs Kayode. She then told me (and these are her words) that even though my daughter was telling the truth, Oshifala is her man and he does a lot of work for her and there is nothing me or anyone can do to move him out of the school. She also turned around to threaten me that if I like, I can go to Abuja to report, nothing would happen. And that I should not forget that this is a government school so instead of her or Mr Oshifala being sacked, my daughter would be dismissed instead!!

As I type this, I have already found another school for my daughter. She has left the boarding house and once their exams are over she would leave Queen’s College. She told me that this Mr Oshifala sees her every time she has class in the labs but she never goes there alone, only when her friends are with her. She says he always tells her that her mother tried to report him, but in the end she is the one who would leave the school while he would remain.

These people wanted to traumatize my daughter!! They know this man is a child molester and yet they still keep him not only in the school but in the boarding house area where these young girls live. He is free to roam about at night drunk as a skunk and no one does anything because of his connections.
Even worse, they now have young men as security guards who, some parents have even complained at the last PTA meeting are already harassing their daughters.

I beg you to please expose these people. They think they are bigger than just one parent, but I know one day their time will come.


***
Source- Olorisupergal

The Misogynists In The Nigerian Senate- Reuben Abati.




What Senator Biodun Olujimi (PDP, Ekiti South) did with her presentation of a bill on gender and equal opportunities on March 15, is the equivalent of trying one’s luck. But she deserves praise for her courage and progressive views, and for forcing the issue so well.
The subject has generated useful debate and the Senate President has been forced to reassure the public that the bill will be re-presented, after it has been re-drafted “to address some of the reservations that were expressed on the floor of the Senate.”
This is the third time that the Senate will throw out this same bill.  Senate President Bukola Saraki knows too well that to address the expressed reservations is to kill the bill completely. There may be no hope of a misogynistic Senate passing a Bill that seeks to empower women and the girl-child, protect them from discrimination and violence, rescue them from being treated like chattel, and ensure that women play more prominent roles in public and private decision-making processes.  The Bill further seeks to protect the rights of women in marriages.
It should not be surprising that the male-dominated Senate (102 men to 7 women) rose against the Bill. A few male voices supported Senator Olujimi, but those against the Bill were determined. They quoted the Bible. They cited the Quoran. They dismissed any thought of women having more powers or voice or being treated like equals to men. They even cited culture and tradition. One newspaper stated matter of factly, that Senator Olujimi “incurred the wrath of Northern Senators”. 
When the matter was put to a vote, the naysayers of course won. So, given the gender imbalance in the Senate and the shortage of enlightened men on the floor, if that Bill is presented a thousand times, the outcome is predictable. It is perhaps for this reason that a different kind of strategy will be required to make any progress in the important fight for the treatment of women’s rights as human rights.
Nigeria is signatory to different international conventions on the elimination of all forms of violence and discrimination against women. The Constitution also forbids discrimination against any person on the grounds of gender and circumstances of birth. Long before the internationalization of the struggle for women’s rights and its NGO-nization, there have been records of valiant Nigerian women pushing the envelope and demonstrating through advocacy and individual accomplishments that women are capable partners in society’s development, and that they deserve full citizenship rights.   
But just as was demonstrated again on the floor of the Senate, religion, culture and male chauvinism are major stumbling blocks. Even some of the most educated men around cannot stand the idea of women being given more opportunities. Those male Senators who shot down the Olujimi Bill must have been wondering what gave her the effrontery to suggest that men and women should begin to share power and opportunities as equals.
 The man who led the assault against the bill and who reportedly later celebrated the victory is actually the same man who was once publicly upbraided for marrying a 13-year old girl, a girl about the age of his granddaughter! In that same Senate, one of the members while declaring his assets sometimes last year, listed his two wives as part of his assets! 
A gender and equal opportunities Bill should help provide stronger legislative framework for protecting women from all forms of discrimination, but legislative intervention may well not be enough. The real battle-field is in the identified areas of religion, culture and tradition, and the absence of political will to enforce relevant laws that promote social justice. Societies don’t just move from one level of enlightenment to the other: leadership is required. But as it is, Nigeria has leaders who are male chauvinists, whose attachment to culture and religion prevents them from understanding the true meaning of human rights.  This is why it seems so difficult to convince Nigerian patriarchs that certain religious and cultural practices simply do not make sense.  
What kind of culture or tradition allows a man to marry a child, for example?  What kind of tradition recommends that a widow should be humiliated and subjected to inhuman practices in 2016?  In some communities in the East, a woman cannot taste the new yam of the season as they call it.  Men must taste it first. Among Igbos, even the most enlightened man will not allow a woman break kolanut in a gathering of men. Leviration is still practised in some Nigerian communities.  One year after the millennial deadline on gender equality, there are still families in Nigeria where the girl-child is considered fit only for marriage, and so when male children are sent to school, the girls are asked to hawk wares, until they are ripe enough to be married off.  
In other places, wives cannot inherit their husbands’ estates, and daughters are disinherited on the basis of gender. Patterns of this discrimination against the female gender exist even in workplaces today, and significantly in politics. I recall the case of one of these banks, which once instructed female employees not to get pregnant, within the first year of employment! And in politics, women are organized as separate groups with someone called Woman Leader, whereas there is no such equivalent for men.
The manifold existence of constructive gender discrimination explains the speed and alacrity with which the gender and equal opportunity bill is always dismissed whenever it is brought up in the National Assembly. The advocacy for women empowerment and an end to gender discrimination is also severely limited. It is restricted to non-governmental organizations, and a few influential voices in society who understand the issues, attend international conferences and who over the years have been organizing workshops and rallies to conscientize political, religious and traditional leaders.  But this has not quite helped, and this may well be because the majority of the core affected women are excluded from the campaign. 
The Biodun Olujimis of Nigeria are not necessarily the ones seeking freedom from discrimination.  They can hold their own, they can negotiate power at many levels; the ones in need of help are the poor women and girl-children who are trapped under male domination, poor, disempowered, voiceless, and incapable of realizing their potentials to the fullest.  The ones in need of help are those poor widows who are humiliated by in-laws, the millions of girls who are out of school just because they are female, the under-aged girls who are married off to old men, against their wish, and the army of dispossessed women whose lives have been condemned to a routine of raising children, fetching water and working on the farm.
These victims themselves need to be mobilized into the struggle for the full recognition of the human rights of women.  They need to be given a voice.  It is not a task for NGOs alone. The struggle must become more inclusive. We have Ministers and Commissioners in charge of women affairs and social development.  They are busy travelling from one international workshop to the other. Such a department of government can do a lot more. To get Nigerian men to respect the human rights of women, the womenfolk must work together and support each other, and develop the kind of advocacy that was defeated last Tuesday into a sustainable, organized movement.  
The tone of the advocacy should also change: too often, gender and equal opportunity issues are presented as pleas, as if women are seeking favour and understanding from the men: please-give-us-more-powers, allow-us-to-also-exercise-authority; we-want-more-women-in-government. For as long as the language of negotiation sounds that beggarly, not much progress can be made.  Nothing short of an organized women’s movement around the core issues is what is required.
In the long run, education is probably the best policy option. Every child must go to school and no child should be allowed to be an artisan until after secondary school education.  Once upon a time in this country, the social welfare department used to arrest any child found on the streets during school hours. The disparity in the education of men and women in Nigeria is alarming, given the fact that women constitute about 50% of the national population. The school drop-out rate for the girl-child is as high as 44%! There are extant laws, which prescribe punishment for parents who keep their children out of school; such laws must be enforced. State governments should vigorously promote education at all levels. 
Education is the strongest weapon for liberating people from the clutches of harmful religious and traditional practices. Education in this regard means being enlightened enough to know what parts of religion and tradition are humane and progressive. Even where these prove resilient on the basis of social legitimacy, the truth is that it will be difficult to maltreat a woman who is fully aware of her rights. The Senators opposing gender equality and rights would never allow their own daughters to be exposed to any form of indignity. They quote culture and religion out of sheer hypocrisy. Their reliance on the Holy Books to justify the inferiorization of women as the weaker sex is dubious.
Successful women should be prepared to support other women. More women should take interest in politics, and seek political power at all levels. Nigerian women must get into the arena and seek decision-making positions, to enable them influence and implement policies.  Let Nigerian women form their own political parties and contest the public space with the misogynists. The women’s movement in Nigeria has lost its steam. Some Nigerian women are involved in partisan politics but they either end up behaving like the men, or they claim they are technocrats with no interest in feminist matters. 
They reinforce stereotypes and even work against the interest of other women seeking progress. Such women cannot lead the struggle; new recruits and role models are needed. To give meaning and bite to Senator Olujimi’s kind of intervention, progressive Nigerian women must unite and re-organize.

Blog Archive