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Tuesday, 31 May 2016

Say Something.





On not living in the moment:
My weekend was lit af (as the kids say these days... "The kids? Seriously Nwando?" Oh well... LOL). Anyhoo, so among all the things I got up to last weekend, I kinda partied a lot. I wasn't in Lagos though. I went clubbing both on Friday night and Saturday night (funny how in my late 20s I'd thought I was too old to go clubbing but these days I'm turning all the way up! Hashtag;Stay young my people!) and on Sunday night I was at the Akpororo vs Akpororo show. So anyways one thing I noticed was how nobody lives in the moment anymore, especially in this Snapchat & Instagram era. Like, I felt like I was watching aliens from another planet, these kids record everything they do and post on snap chat. At the club, everyone was dancing with their phones held high above their heads, recording their every move. They order food and it comes and they record that too. The go to the loo and that's also videoed and uploaded. Wtf is wrong with you children of this generation??? 


On SDK decoders. 

So this picture was posted by @aww_nenia on her instagram and I was teasing the boo that shey he thinks he has LV this and LV that, well, he had better see this picture and realize that he's still a learner. LOL. My friend saw this pic too and we were wondering who the chica is and that's how someone said it seems SDK posted the picture. Immediately we knew we would get all her gist for free. Kai, I fear SDK blog visitors sha. You never know how much people hate you for absolutely no reason until SDK posts your picture on her blog. That's when you gon learn! 


On TTB Hot Seat. 
Well we were meant to have a hot seat this week featuring Chrisyinks. Unfortunately our darling Chrisyinks has said he wouldn't be able to sit in our hot seat at this time but might be open to doing so in the future. So people, who do you think we should feature next on our Hot Seat? I nominate Kon. Who's your choice? 


On Say Something.
Today looks like one of those days I may not have much time to spend on the Internet but I had to make sure I come here and say something. So about anything I've said on this post or anything you have in mind, feel free to say something in the comment section. 


I'll see y'all soon!

Sunday, 29 May 2016

TTB Hot Seat.




Good morning guys! Who else missed our TTB hot seat? For those who don't know, on the TTB hot seat, we put one of our blog readers on the hot seat and everyone gets to ask whatever questions they want. The person on the hot seat is obliged (I think?) to answer all questions as honestly as possible. 

Blog readers usually decide who they would like to see on the hot seat and its often a case of "majority wins the vote". The persons on the hot seat are therefore likely to be readers who are frequent commenters and thus quite popular on the blog. 

I'm picking the next person on the hot seat because I'm certain a lot of us would be glad to have him there. I notice he has piqued the interest of many, I'm also quite fascinated by him too. Ladies and Gentlemen, the next person on our TTB hot seat is CHRISYINKS

Yippee!

So you know the drill, post your questions for Chrisyinks right here in the comment section. Your questions can be personal questions about his life, educational/professional background, relationships or love life etc, or his views and opinions on any matter, or whatever you wish. I would have them compiled and hopefully our dear Chrisyinks would honour our "curiousity" and answer the questions we've asked. 

So let's get to it people, ask away!

In Defense Of The Naija Delta Avengers.





It's been a few days since the Niger Delta avengers tweeted that something big was/is about to happen which would shake the world. 



After Reading this post on Bella Naija I saw a few comments which I thought very interesting. It's easy to look at militants as ignorant nuisances who have no better use for their time. But as vicious as the actions of this particular group of militants are, one can help but rethink before aspersions are casted. 

Read below;

"Government should go into talks with these guys. Things are getting out of hand. 

Some of their points are legitimate. Buhari should have learnt from Yaradua by letting the sleeping dog lie.

Slashing their amnesty, returning student previously studying abroad, chasing Kingsley Kuku, Tompolo, holding on to Nnamdi, Akpobolokemi, etc despite court granting them bail is dictatorial, negating Maritime university, were purely dust raising. We also complained on his lopsided appointment even Shiek Gumi told Buhari that if he doesn’t like them, don’t love their oil!
Buhari is old enough to be diplomatic but No. 

Why take their contract first and now beg them to accept it? Why call them 5%? Why the threat to deal with them like Boko Haram whilst herdsmen who took so many lives will be dealt with silently? 

I don’t even know how much oil we are able to explore to fund the budget neither is Buhari bothered.
Ibe Kachikwu has a better knowledge of the Niger Delta and I hope he will be allowed to act!"


"For the record, I am not from Niger Delta but am a fair loving individual, I will always say that the sharing of Niger Delta oil money is very unfair!

It was done under military rule, under autocracy! 

70 % of oil wealth shared among the North? ?

Ask yourself how you will feel if 70% of Lagos oil wells are given to the Igbo man or Efik man, while you live in squalor and in polluted environment.
If this oil is in Kano, would an I jaw man own 70% of it? 

Let’s start talking! We need peace. Unfairness brings about chaos and inhibits progress! 

May God continue to bless Nigeria!"


Thoughts?

Friday, 27 May 2016

Dear Thelma, I Just Want To Rant!





Good morning Tee & our beautiful family. I am boiling this morning. Bae travelled over three months ago and will be going back to work soon. So it's been three months of texting, phone calls, skyping , phone sex and serious konji. At night our texts will be so naughty and xrated about all the things we couldn't wait to do to each other when he comes back. Yesterday I took the day off to prepare for him since I'm travelling out of town for work this weekend. I went to the market and shopped despite the very high cost of things. I made one beautiful egusi soup with all the mede mede, snail, kpomo, dry fish, chicken and everything, I even made fufu and put in wraps, then I bought some wine and Kilishi that we can snack on in between rounds *wink*. I cleaned my house and put scented oils everywhere, I shaved very well and even took some natural mixtures that will get my juices flowing very well because I was anticipating last night will be like blue film. When bobo came back after all the hugs and everything he said he just wants to lie down and rest for a few minutes. I said okay and went to warm food and prepare the table, mind you all this time I was wearing my sexiest victoria secret lingerie. Can you imagine that by the time I went back to the room this guy was passed out cold? I tried everything to wake him but for where? I almost cried myself to sleep last night, even when I left for work this morning he was still sleeping. Now I'm in the office and we will soon go to the airport. I swear I've never been this angry. Sorry for the epistle, I just needed to vent. 



***

Kai! I can feel your pain, sorry baby girl. I'm sure he'll make it up to you when you get back. 

Anyone else got something that's ticking them off? Want to blow some steam, vent, scream, share, rant? 




To The One I Can't Live Without...





I can't imagine how I ever lived without you. I lay in bed next to you, looking at you, all of you, loving everything you are, everything you stand for, letting you love me in return. I know I've loved before, but all loves pale in comparison to the love I have for you, the love we share. In fact, when I come to think about it it's safe to say I never loved before, you've opened my eyes to so many things, so many truths, so much more. You've taught me and you continue to teach me. Through you I found myself, learnt who I am, and you continue to show me who I can be.
       I know jealousy is an ugly trait but darling where you're concerned I cannot help it. In other relationships I've known how to contain myself and hide my feelings, put up a front that I don't care, feign indifference till in fact I become indifferent, but with you I cannot. When others look at you my heartbeat races, I worry they'll steal you from me. I've never been brave enough to admit this to anyone before but... I'm afraid of losing you. It's my greatest fear. Losing you, losing all we have, all we share. Losing you would mean losing our history, our secrets, our stories, our moments together. I've never been clingy in the past yet I find myself saying; if you ever leave me please take me along with you. 

This love, our love, the love we share... Others cannot understand it. I lay in bed and I submit to you, I allow you love me in ways I've let no other. Other men usually bore me after a few minutes but with you I could go all night, before we know it morning comes and it always comes too soon. There's always something new with you, never a dull moment. You're an unending story. What god created you my darling? I feel as though you were made especially for me, we were made just for each other. 

With you I feel no shame, being with you is perfectly natural. Even when we're out. I've never been one for PDA, always found it very distasteful. But I remember when Feyi said "I hate PDA. Unless it's me that's doing it". Haha! I know now just what Feyi meant. When we're out together I cannot keep my hands off you, I cannot stop myself from touching, caressing and holding you, and can you blame me? Just by sitting there you seduce me so strongly, to the point that I don't care who's talking, who's looking or watching, I reach for you. People think it's wrong, they say "can't you wait till you get home?" I really can't blame them, we probably shouldn't have left home in the first place. 

Sometimes I wonder what the future holds for us. I want you forever yet my heart breaks because people threaten me with words like "all good things come to an end". So where's our forever? Where does that leave us? The thought that we may have no forever fills me with panic and grief. But as it is with most other relationships one day you'll tire of me, or I'll grow bored with you (although I can't imagine that happening). One day sweetness, just like others before you, you may leave me, leaving me empty, cold and shellshocked. One day I may be the one to take a walk. But we're here now so know this, at this very moment, in this time and place, as I lay before you in bed, gazing upon you and all the secrets yet undiscovered that lay within you, I love you. I love you purely, simply, truly. I love you in a way I've loved none other before you, I love you in a way I can love no other. You may not be perfect, a few others have found fault in you but to me you're pure perfection, you're perfect for me.

     Yet even through this blinding love my self-preservation instincts kick in, and because I never want to feel that mind-numbing loneliness that I did before I met you, someday soon I'm going to leave you, before you leave me. I'll replace you with a newer model; I just saw on Konga that the ipad 4 is in stock. So soon my love, my companion, my bestie, my ipad, soon you'll give way to another. But always remember you were my first love. 
This is my love letter to you my ipad, whom I wonder how I ever lived without. 




I'd totally forgotten I wrote this. I posted it on the 6th of June 2014. Boo was going through my old notes on my iPad earlier this evening and stumbled upon this. Na so Wahala start o! He almost burst a vessel over the note, asking whom I loved this much, especially after I'd claimed I wasn't in a relationship during that period of my life. So that's how I went to the search the blog archives and said "Young man, ngwa read it to the end". You can imagine how he felt when he was done. He now started to shine his 32 sheepishly and profess unrivaled love. Hehe. I love you too my man, even more than the one I thought I couldn't live without...





.

Thursday, 26 May 2016

Hello 4th Mainland Bridge. (Yes, Ambode Is Working!)



Ambode Signs MoU for 4th Mainland Bridge3The Lagos state government on Wednesday signed a Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) for the construction of a 4th Mainland bridge in Lagos.


Speaking during the signing, Governor Akinwunmi Ambode said:

The proposed alignment passes through Lekki, Langbasa and Baiyeiku towns along the shoreline of the Lagos Lagoon estuaries, further running through Igbogbo River Basin and crossing the Lagos Lagoon estuaries to Itamaga Area in Ikorodu. It then crosses the Itoikin road and the Ikorodu – Sagamu Road to connect Isawo inward Lagos Ibadan Expressway at Ojodu Berger axis. The Bridge would be made up of 8 interchanges to facilitate effective interconnectivity between different parts of the State.

This structure will be a Four-lane dual carriageway with each comprising 3 lanes and 2metres hard shoulder on each side. The bridge will be constructed to have a generous median to allow for both future carriageway expansion and light rail facility.

There is no gainsaying the fact that huge benefits will be derived from this project but most importantly, make life more comfortable for Lagosians... This is the first time in the history of the State that we are embarking on the construction of a long-span bridge and expressway without Federal funding; and also having a project to be funded solely by the private sector”.

***

Private sector funding, now that's very impressive. I hope other states borrow a leaf from this, especially those ones that always complain about being neglected by the FG. That said, there's gotta be a catch though. The money's got to be made back and yield even much greater profit; ergo toll gates! LOL, these routes are gon be heavily tolled! But I'm sure people wouldn't mind, this would certainly make life much easier for a lot of Lagosians.  

I must say I'm impressed by the Lagos state governor. It took some time but he's finally getting things right. 

Hey There Delilah!





The times aren't very friendly and people are not smiling, yours truly inclusive. So when you want to play smart and think someone else is a mumu, don't be expecting anyone to show you love. 

That's what I was thinking when this chic approached me in the taxi and asked if she could ride with me to xyz. I'm thinking; Oh, so you heard me say I'm going there, you heard me try and fail to negotiate the price and you heard my finally concede and resign myself to paying the inflated airport taxi rate. And then when we were done, you finally approached me to ask if you could please accompany me as you're also going to xyz? I was miffed and I scowled, but I told her to hop in. 

I settled into my seat but in spite of myself I continued to vent internally. The cab was costing me about 7k from the airport to xyz and we had the same destination. And since we had the same destination, we should have split the fare equally and 3,500 may not be a lot of money but 3,500 can do a lot! I began to think of all the things I could do with tiri tausand fife undred Naira and with each thought I got redder in the face (metaphorically, of course). Na so I just dey vex for my mind. And then it occured to me. I wasn't upset over the money. I was upset because of Delilah!

Now, I know that her name is not Delilah, but each time I remember her that's the name that comes to my mind. I remember the flashy, tall, light skinned lady with the carefree, blond 30" Peruvian/Eurasian/Mongolian/or whatever human hair, bright red lipstick, chunky gold jewelry, stilleto heels and designer garb, and then I remember how she destroyed my faith in humanity!

So Delilah and I were on the same flight and was standing barely a few inches away from me as we alighted from the plane. It was therefore no fault of mine that I overheard her tell someone on her phone that her driver was at the airport and she was going straight to Lekki. So when we stepped out I approached her woman to woman. "Hey! Good afternoon... I couldn't help but overhear you say you're going to Lekki?" I asked in my cheeriest Miss Congeniality voice. 

She squinted at me and nodded hesitantly. I could see her immediately try to assess me as her eyes took in my jewelry then strayed to my handbag and finally my footwear. Apparently I must have passed her test (or not?) and then she smiled brightly and asked what I wanted. 

"If it's ok with you I would like to hitch a ride, I'm going that way too". She once again flashed me that 1000 mega watts smile and said of course it was ok. While we waited at baggage claim she chatted heartily about her trip, the flight and how she couldn't wait to get home and crash. She was so nice and open that I could already feel a bond between us. Awwwwwwww!

Her luggage arrived before mine so she said she'd be waiting for me outside arrivals and I promised not to keep her waiting long. I soon found my bag and went outside just I time to see her stepping into an SUV. 

"HELLO" I called out to her, waving as I hustled towards her car; I think it's rude to drag your feet when someone's offering you a free ride. 

She looked at me and then quickly looked away and turned to the driver. I was barely two feet away from the car so I could see her mutter something to him and then suddenly he zoomed off, leaving me standing there frozen-confused-mouth hanging open as if to say Shuoooooo?!

Ouch! 

Dear Delilah, wherever you are, I. Do. Not. Like. You.

LOL. 

Anyways, back to the chic I gave a ride. I softened my face and offered her some of my pastry. I chatted with her and dropped her off right at her doorstep and waved her farewell. I guess the lesson here is, rather than let our bad experiences and disappointments harden our hearts and make us cold towards others, let it instead make us more sensitive and teach us to be kind. That way this world is just a little better.

...BUT, be careful who you let into your cars and into your life. 

Maybe that's all Delilah was doing,

Or what do you think?


Tuesday, 24 May 2016

The Most Beautiful Nigerian Women Are From __________




I'm sorry if I can't say all Nigerian women are equally beautiful. If I tell you I think so I'd be telling a bold faced lie. In my honest opinion some women from certain parts of our beautiful country are prettier than others. 

So I'd say these are the top three, 

1. Northern women; as in Fulani and Hausa women. 
2. Southerners; as in Efik (and Ibibio) women. 
3. Easterners; especially women from ANAMBRA state. (Hehehe I've gotta rep my state). 

With northern women way ahead in the lead. Their beauty is simply unrivaled. 

Ok, of course I believe every tribe has got very beautiful women, and every tribe has got some less attractive women. But you know what I mean. So let's hear it. 

The part of Nigeria with the most beautiful women is ________?




Ps; pls no bashing. this is just for us to have fun. not everytime buhari is bad. tomato is expensive. he broke my heart. and let's respect other's opinions. 
Photo source; stella dimoko korkus' blog. 

A Bride Wants What a Bride Wants!






Ladies, your BFF makes these demands for her big day. What do you do? 

Men, you learn that your normally level-headed and reasonable girlfriend who's now your bride-to-be is insisting on all these from her friends, and even you. Does it make you nervous about this woman who's about to become your wife "till death do you part"?


Courtesy of @joroolumofin (instagram)

Monday, 23 May 2016

Ambode Is Finally Working! (Danfo Buses About To Be Replaced With Air-Conditioned High Capacity Buses)






According to PUNCH, the Lagos State Government has announced measures to raise the dignity of commuters and commercial vehicle drivers operating in the state.

It said efforts were being made towards rebranding the public transport system which would incorporate the major modes of transportation. The state Commissioner for Transportation, Dr Dayo Mobereola said the initiative would involve replacing the mini-buses, popularly called Danfo, with high-capacity buses.

He also said the state government would introduce commuter protection number plates and body tags on buses to show their routes and enforce colour uniformity on all public transport systems in the state.

“Lagos State motor parks would be restructured in such a way that alcohol and illicit substances would not be there.

“We are going to teach transport operators in the state behavioural etiquette and how to talk to commuters,” he added.

 According to him, the present administration is determined to have public transport system that supports its megacity status where tendencies for violence are curbed, while drivers and conductors are retrained and registered.

He also hinted about plans to enforce the use of approved uniforms for commercial drivers and conductors, describing such as “a critical rebranding strategy that signposts confidence, trust, loyalty and stability.”

He said the “new vista of professionalism and identity anchored on unique number/dress code” would be implemented by the next quarter.

He said the taxi scheme, rail and water transport systems, would be covered in the transformation arrangements.

He also said that the state government is planning to restructure motor parks in the state and introduce holistic ticketing system, through which people could download from the Internet and use for any mode of transport in the state without any hitch.


***

Can I hear a loud Amen! 

And while we pray let's also pray for our maintenance culture. May this not go the way of almost everything else in this country. The once quite luxurious BRT buses are now no better than your rickety Danfo buses. 

And did they say etiquette? Yes Lord, let it be so! 

LOL. 

Fake It Until You Make it?





"But please explain to me why you want to use your hands to spoil your own thing?"


Ada was visibly confounded. I'd just told her I went out with Mr Perfect and there were some interesting things that happened. It was date 1, where all those questions were asked. That one date that ultimately decide things going forward. It's the same some men have said "It was only the first date but I just knew she was The One". 

And that's my friend's fear. That Mr Perfect would say "It was only the first date and I just knew she was not The One". Well, I agree with her. Here's why. 

I got to the restaurant before Mr Perfect and waited a few minutes before he finally arrived. We'd seen a couple of times since we met but this would be our first real date. Not long after exchanging pleasantries I said I wanted to get something to eat and he asked "You didn't cook today?". No, I didn't. 

"Why? You didn't have the time?". I had the time, I just wanted to eat out. 

"Oh, but you cook?". Err, yes, but not often. Rarely, in fact. 

"Huh?", Mr P was dumbfounded... "It's just that I don't really eat food and I tend to lose my appetite after cooking, and I have no one else to cook for, so I rarely cook. I actually don't enjoy cooking much". I confided in him. 

Mr P was aghast. Maybe I went too far by adding that last bit of information. I've been accused of being too open...

So after Mr Perfect expressed his confusion/surprise/disapproval at hearing me say I don't cook much we moved on to other things. 

Church. 

I'm catholic he said. Yes, me too... But I go to House on The Rock rather often. He didn't seem very pleased to hear this, but not as displeased as when he asked if I'd gone to church the previous Sunday and I said no. 

"Why?" He asked. 

I told him I didn't feel up to it and for the second time that night, Mr P was in shock. 

He berated me and lectured me on how important it is to go to church on Sundays. At some point he said "Well, I don't know how you see it, but I think it's simply madness when a Christian says they do not go to church on Sundays!". 

Mr Perfect was looking less perfect in my eyes by the minute but that's besides the point. 


..."But please explain to me why you want to use your hands to spoil your own thing? Why did you have to tell him all that? Did he really have to know? See marriage staring you in the face and see you using your own hands to push it away!", Ada had said.  

My friend, like many other women, believe that you should keep certain things under wraps in the face of a prospective spouse, until after the wedding. One friend of mine often said "I'm a mad woman but he will never know, until he marries me". A lot say there's wisdom in being he's idea of a good wife, even if those characteristics are not in your nature. When he puts a ring on it, ehen, you can now begin to display your true colours and by then it will be too late for him to do anything about it! 

I actually see sense in this. I sometimes wonder if I've chased prospectives away with my openness. In fact, I've been advised by some boyfriends to keep certain details of my life/personality/character hidden from my husband to be, when I have one, lest he might go from husband-to-be to ex-boyfriend. 

Apparently being stark honest about who you really are doesn't get you very far, especially in this race to the altar. 

So what do you think about this? Ladies are there things that should be kept away from le boo before marriage? Are there things you deliberately did not allow dear husband know about you before you got married? Or do you adopt the "Take me as I am or leave me" stand?

Isn't 'faking' (i.e being economical with showing him the parts of who you are than might make him rethink 'wifying' you) it until you make it a good idea when you've finally been found by the one you want to spend your life with?



Ps; I think men are more guilty of not showing their true colours until after they've married you...

Biko Post Ooooooo! (Translation Please?)





Thelma Biko postuzienu ihe na blog gi. Since Thursday, ihe nkea dikwa egwu. Amam na onwere ike idi busy mana weputatunu obere oge Biko. Ifu otu m si emepe blog gi ka onwee ihe m debere ebe ahu. Every minute, every second. Adim edekarikwa comment mgbe obuna mana m na Agu mgbe obuna. Blog gi na akasim obi. Ara Thelma thinks na agbam mana I no send.  Daalu rinne


***

Hehehehehehe. 

So it's almost 1am on Monday and I open my mailbox for the first time since Thursday. I'd just finished saying my prayers. Yes, most people say midnight is a great time to pray and if there's ever a time I've needed God to hear me loud and clear, it's now. Among the things that are going on in my life in which I feel like I really need some kind of divine intervention, one has got to be Thelma Thinks. 

So earlier I listed out all the things I need from my creator, I had to marshal each one out and hash them out with Him individually, it's that serious! One was "Please rekindle the fire I had for Thelma Thinks". 

I will like to come clean. Yes sometimes I have no time to post. However these days it seems I've become so tired and uninspired and even when I'm flooded with ideas for a post or prose, I cannot bring myself to write, I just think "Why waste your time? Who cares what you have to write anyways?" and with that I move on to other things. 

Last night I went out with a friend and hungrily devoured comments on some of my favourite blogs. My friend looked at me and said "Continue reading other blogs when you've not even opened your own. If like you, they were not posting would you have anything to read on their blog? It's the same way people feel when they open your blog and see nothing new. You're really killing people's vibes". 

I just rolled my eyes and said its not that serious biko... Yet in the last few days I've got calls, mails and messages asking why I'm not posting, so I knew that contrary to what I thought, some people do care. 

I believe God answers prayers so I'm very optimistic. 

That said, there are some changes I would like to make. I'd like to change the name of the blog. I have a few ideas but haven't decided on any yet. I'm also tempted to make it more "mainstream" and less personal, so I hope you won't resent me if it starts to look like your regular gossip blog. In the alternative and better yet, I would love it if I had (regular) contributors (another reason I'd like to change the blog's name). 

The Lady has been awesome in this regard and I'm hoping more people would come on board. I would love to have persons who contribute on politics, relationships, fiction, opinion pieces, sex, current affairs, personal experiences and just about anything else. I feel like the blog has grown beyond me and my personal views and tales. If I have people willing to do so regularly, I wouldn't mind paying a few of them on a monthly basis if necessary, but that's to be discussed if and when they come on board. 

For now, I just want to shallout to Eby for this beautiful mail that I'm scared to read for fear that I may not completely decipher. 

Any of the igbo brethren in the house willing to help me translate? Please do oooo!

Meanwhile, how are y'all doing? Tell me o jare. 


Thursday, 19 May 2016

Dear Thelma... (Help. I'm Out Of His League!)





The post of yesterday made me smile because my case is the opposite. I am madly in love with a man who has refused to give us a chance. We met on a BBM group and somehow became friends. We started chatting and then talking and weeks later I had come to depend completely our daily phone calls and communication. I was in Atlanta at the time so because of call costs for him, we started to skype and that made us much closer. Even though we had never met we decided that we were both in an exclusive relationship. We are both in similar career fields, thus our bbm group, from the same state and within the same age bracket. I admired him for a long time on the group because he was obviously very brilliant and ambitious so it's safe to say I fell in love with his mind before I fell in love with him. You can't even know how I felt when I noticed he had feelings for me too. In December I wasn't planning to visit naij for Christmas and I would have preferred it if he came but I know his salary is not very generous, he also has other financial constraints as he's the first son and is responsible for his younger ones' education so I came to nigeria. I was elated to know that what we felt was real, it was the best Christmas of my life, we met each other's family and in fact spent all the time together. We also became intimate and he checked that box too, in fact he checked all my boxes. In my head I was already planning our wedding and started talking to people about a job in lagos because I felt he was worth me moving back for. Unfortunately when I returned to atl I noticed that I was the one doing most of the calling and we stopped skyping. He claimed to be busy and later he stopped taking my calls completely. I was sad and I thought it was because of distance so I moved back home in March with my parents approval because they too want me to settle down soon. I was lucky to get a job by April but guess what I had not still seen him by then even though he knew I was around. Eventually I had to go to his house unannounced and demand an explanation, I wanted to know if he was dating someone else because that was the only explanation. He swore that he's not seeing anyone but that after I left in December he realized that I'm too high maintenance for him and that our backgrounds are very different. He said he knew he couldn't afford to take care of me or give me the kind of life I'm used to, and that he is too traditional (egotistical) to marry me and let me be the breadwinner. He also said it never works well when the woman's family is rich and the man's is poor so he decided that the best thing is to leave my life. 

I have tried to convince him ever since that I can easily adapt, I will never lord the difference in our finances over him, and irrespective of the differences in our status and income, I will be a submissive wife. But he and all his people don't believe it. The problem is I moved my whole life because of him and I love him desperately that I don't even want to give another guy any attention. I have tried to move on but I can't stop thinking about him and I know he loves me, if only he can let go of his manlying pride. My heart beats for him and I know sincerely that I can be a good and humble wife for him. He says he loves me but we cannot be together. He feels my family will look down on him and I will eventually begin to disrespect him. I have even assured him that with his ambition and skill set he is likely to start earning more than me soon but he's not convinced because even when he does, he is responsible for his family's welfare, so that salary doesn't translate to being more than mine. Friends advise I should just accept the advances of someone in my "class" as it's much less complicated? Do you agree, please what will you advise me to do?

Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Dear Thelma (Help. He's Out Of My League!)





Thelma I know running a blog can be hard work but please don't give up, the Lord is your strength. Please post my mail, I need advise. This is my situation. 

I am 29yrs, a graduate of a nigerian university and I currently work in a small accounting firm. I live a very simple life, I stay on the mainland and I'm currently single. I went to watch a movie with some colleagues from work last month at the palms where I met *Tony. He was very cute and well mannered so I gave him my number when he asked. The next day he invited me for lunch which I agreed to and we got along well. Since then he's been asking me out for a serious relationship and I know he's also looking for someone he can settle down with. My friends think I'm mad to be turning him down because he is every lagos girl's dream man and I can't blame them. 

The reason I'm reluctant is that although he is very nice to me and treats me with a lot of resoect, I feel like we are two different people. I went to Imo state uni, made a 2.2 and I have an average job. I don't have a car so I take a bus from Yaba to work on the island everyday. My parents are quite educated but lower class and I still live at home. Tony is from a very proper upper class background, his father is a Professor and his mother has a phd and was one of the directors of a new generation bank. He got his first degree in Unilag where he made a 1st class, he got his masters in one of the very good universities England and subsequently went to Harvard business school. Right now he owns his own companies and lives in Ikoyi. He travels out of the country frequently for meetings or business or leisure, while I have never even been to Cotonou. 

I'm a good looking girl who knows how to package herself very well but the truth is I feel a bit intimidated by him. I believe I'm smart but I don't feel we are on the same level especially intellectually. We are also on two very different levels of exposure. Some times I'm afraid to be myself around him. I'm also afraid to meet his friends because these people are from a different world. Sometimes I cannot relate to some things he says because I don't have the experiences he has had. He was saying if the NLC strike holds we would go to dubai but I don't even have an international passport!

Last week he took me out and asked me to be his girl. I know he genuinely cares about me and I feel the same. But my mind is not at rest, I feel that he will eventually dump me for someone from his class, or eventually become disappointed when he realizes that I cannot meet up to his expectations. I also feel like I have to pretend a bit when I'm with him so I'm not very relaxed around him, which makes the idea of a relationship with him scary. But I like this guy a lot, he is like my unrealistic daydream come to life. And now that my day dream has come to reality, I'm afraid. 

Please I need advice, what are the chances of a good relationship/marriage for people from two very different classes? 

Thank you. 

The Lady, The Roads and Her Car- The Lady.






For the longest time, I dreamt of driving. Literally. I would dream that I was physically driving a car. Bear it in mind that I had no prior driving experience, but I always seemed to handle the steering well. 

Took a while before I eventually started driving, but now that I do, I cannot have it any other way. The older folks praise my driving as calm and smooth, but deep down, I know that I am a road beast. The only things stopping me is that I don’t drive a beast. Not yet. When I get my Tundra, I will buy a special pair of sunshades and chant‘bow down bitches!’ while I oppress every gaddemperson on the road. I don’t know why, but I love and respect Tundras. I mean, they can crush me and my car, and not take notice. I always give them way unless it’s one rickety model. I will block you!

Two things I hate about driving – Kekes and Slow SUV drivers. How are you driving an SUV and crawling like a snail please? Madam, if your vehicle is bad, take it off the road abeg. I will honk, cross and block you. I take Kekes and I know how slow they move so to an extent, I sympathise with them, but please stick to the outermost part of the road abegThen sometimes, these Kekedrivers take the piss and spread out like a fan on the road. Biko, respect yourselves. Once I see a Keke, I place my hand on the horn and start to count because it’s only a matter of time. Please, who else has noticed the how bright Keke headlamps areHian! I don’t know which is more annoying, Kekes coming at you with full lights or Kekes honking at you. I will just park and block the road. Is my car their mate? In one of my unlady like moments, I told a Keke driver I would crush him. I went home afterwards and prayed for peace.

I lied. I hate more than two things. You know the special breed of idiots who try to push you off the road when you’re carefully trying to navigate a pothole, or the ones who try to overtake you at a speed bump, or the ones who cut in front of you and then don’t move. I will ruin your eardrums. Oh, my horn is the absolute best even though it acts like it has sore throat sometimes. My horn has the special gift of startling you. As the Lady that I am, honk with a smile on my face of course. 

Ehhhhh! Then those oncoming vehicles speeding towards you. ON YOUR LANE. With their full lights glaring! HAAAAA!!! There is a special place in hell for those ones. Right next to those who hog two lanes. I am forever screaming these days because of these latter breed of drivers. Stay. In. Your. Fucking. Lane. (Driving makes me curse.) I am sure you can tell that I am far from being a Lady when I drive. In fact, I curse in the three major dialects when I drive. 


I am also that annoying backseat driver. The type that steps on imaginary brake and gas pedals because … trust issues maybe. There are few I trust to drive me. Fewer, to drive my car safely. It is not my car you will take risks with. Mba! I once had a friend try to double cross one lunatic of a driver. He was driving my car! Like boy, do you realise how much trust I have in you and now you want to ruin that and block some idiot at 6 am on Lagos roads. He is a lunatic yes, but chill bro.


That said, some man blocked me in Lagos in front of a popular market and wanted to beat me atink. That must be the only reason, since he came down from his car and walked to my side of the car. He had a lady in the car and I felt embarrassed on her behalf. I never heard what he said coz I wound my glass up and kept staring at his horrible dentition with a poker face. I knew he could not beat me with all the people gathered. Ntoiiiiiii for him. What did I do? The question should be, what did he do? I was carefully trying to do hopscotch because … potholes, but he was clearly impatient and kept trying to overtake bully me off the road. He was behind me and I refused to be bullied so I kept at it and inadvertently blocked him from overtaking me. 


If I am in a good mood, I block impatient people from overtaking me who try to bully me off the roadThis category is reserved for those who try to overtake me at speed bumps. Don’t care how wide the road is. You and I will do zig zag till someone gets tired. I have been known to give a victorious smile and wave to my opponent when we’re done coz more often than not, the Lady wins. I would not advise you to do that sha.

In all of my road rage, have recently come to the conclusion that my car is my safe space and I guard it jealously. Nobody’s car is neater than mine. I’ve given up on the body, because no matter how carefully you drive, there’s always be someone who scratches your car or bumps into it. I mean, a pedestrian stretched out her hands and somehow broke my side mirror with her bag. I’m still puzzled about how that happened. 

I offered a colleague a lift and not only did she stink up my car, she spoke loudly on her phone the entire journey. She didn’t even get off the phone to mouth say thank you. I did not know her destination either. It was not until I was driving past that she viciously indicated she was alighting at that spot. I hate to stop or turn abruptly. I love to have my destination well mapped out so I know when and where to exit. I am all for driving on the appropriate lane especially at exits. Not here for all that criss-crossing. I would hate to put anyone or myself at risk. I am a careful driver. Best believe. I haven’t agreed to give her a lift since then because I want to keep my space sane. I’ve been toying with putting a list of dos and don’ts in my car: don’t speak loudly on the phone the entire journey; don’t eat (this is negotiable); don’t throw your thrash out the window (are you a pig?); do tell me your stop way ahead (otherwise I will drive past and only stop where it is convenient); and do remember to say thank you when I offer you a lift. I have not had issues with anyone touching my stereo sha and I don’t think anyone will. If they do, I will just smack their hands.



PS: I think Abuja drivers are worse than Lagos drivers.




***

I think Abuja and Port Hacourt drivers are worse than Lagos drivers!

Saturday, 14 May 2016

Happy Birthday Blink!





Blink of life! 

Y'all need to see this babe, she is prettyyyyyyyyyy for days and has got the most gorgeous flawless skin ever. The babe is a real hottie, but even more importantly she's got the most loving spirit, a very generous heart and a kind soul. 

So please join me in wishing Blink, nwanne CCCC a very happy birthday. The mother that raised these ladies did an amazing job! 

Blink my darling, you already know that I wish you the best of the things your heart desires. Stay blessed hun and send a slice of cake over. Muahh! 

Friday, 13 May 2016

Could It Be Me, Or... ?






Guys, I have a problem and I really need you to help me out. I would try to be as succinct as possible because otherwise I might keep you here for much longer than you had planned, and although it wouldn't bore you, as these events have been stranger and even more shocking than fiction, I would really just like to get to it and then hear your take on this because at this point I'm simply lost. The problem however is that I have difficulty going straight to the point, especially when the events that led to this present situation are very instrumental in you understanding exactly what I'm talking about. I therefore find myself struggling with what's relevant and what's not so relevant. Besides that, there's also the issue of me oversharing. What should I say and what should I leave out? How much do I share? I want to share it all, I want to come clean and unburden myself regardless of the consequences, and I will. I know I might come to regret my decisions but honestly guys, that's a risk I'm willing to take right now. Ok, so here's basically what happened. 

Errr, sorry guys I just wanted to waste a few minutes of your time. You should have figured that out by the fifth sentence. SORRYYY! 

LOL. 


Ok to the matter at hand. Guys, is it me or has suicide rate increased since this present administration began? 

I'm not saying one's responsible for the other but I keep hearing about suicides or attempted suicides every week, and it hit me that prior to now it wasn't this way. Then of course I began to wonder, could there be a correlation?

I was thinking I was the only one who made this observation until I heard someone else say the same today. It was then I was bold enough to actually voice my thoughts. Seriously, the suicide rate seems to have risen in the past months and one can't help but believe that it's got a lot to do with the current state of Nigeria. In all my years things have never looked so hopeless. 

Now there's news that Buhari may have finally devalued the naira. Yesterday it was that subsidy has been removed and fuel will now be sold at N145, and even though Kachikwu says in about six months prices will drop (which is very uncertain), how many Nigerians can actually cope like this for the next six months? Bear in mind that the minimum wage is still the minimum wage. Most people aren't getting bumps in their salaries right now instead there are pay cuts and even downsizing, there's still almost no light, businesses are closing down left, right and centre, even our staple foods have become very expensive... People are buying 4 tomatoes for N200 and the cost of a bag of rice has increased by some thousands, a paint bucket of garri has gone up from N400 to almost N600. EVERYTHING is more expensive, from the plantain chips you buy in traffic to the cost of clearing a container at the wharf. 

Nigeria is depressed and a lot of Nigerians along with her. 

In truth, I believe that things will eventually get better. What I however question is how many people can hang on until then? How many Nigerians can survive Nigeria right now? The poor already had it really bad when things were not so bad, how much more now that life in Nigeria is nearly unbearable for even the common man. Maybe that day has arrived. The one they said was coming when the poor would have nothing else to eat but the rich?

But even the rich are feeling the pinch too!

In any case, I'm silently rooting for Buhari. I know I laugh derisively in his face when I remember his $1=N1 boast and all the lofty promises APC made in general, none of which they have been able to keep. Still, I have faith in him. I'm sure he knows what he's doing. I'm sure things will get much better. I'm sure Nigeria will flourish in good time. 

I just hope my people will be able to subsist and survive until then. 


Guys, how are things looking at your end? 


Light Skin Privilege...




I settled in nicely to read a rather interesting post on Bella Naija several weeks ago. I don't remember the title of the post but it was basically written by a light skinned girl telling the world that no, she doesn't get certain privileges simply because she's light skinned, she doesn't get preferential treatment, she doesn't get more notice or attention from guys, and in fact, her life is even harder because of her skin complexion. The comments under that post made me want to hold her and hug her tight, because if you see the insults that followed ehn, you would pity for the girl!

People basically told her to kindly shut up and stop deceiving herself. Other light skinned (and mixed race) girls told her to stop lying, they do get preferential treatment and yes, they get more easily noticed than their dark skinned counterparts. Some even shared experiences where they'd gotten certain advantages all because of their fair skin colour. Not one light skinned reader agreed with the poster that "we are all the same"...

I would never forget that day, during the early days of the bleaching frenzy, when my friend called me to say she needed a good bleaching cream. I asked her whatever for and she said "Babe, this awa colour no dey sell for market again o! I gats buy bleaching cream!". I was confounded and utterly disappointed at her thinking. But then coincidentally I happened to be on a date with this guy who had been on my case for a while. So I asked him "Taiwo*, do you think light skinned girls are more attractive? As in, would you pick one over a dark girl?" 

He umm'd and ahh'd and mumbled incoherently but eventually admitted that yes o, yellow girls have got it going on. And yes, they would most often get more attention from guys. And yes, he would errr, choose a light skinned girl over a dark one... He said, while on a date with me; li'l Miss Ebony. But I couldn't blame him na, after all it was I who asked.

But I know this isn't news to you. You hear stories about aristos specifically asking their pimps/contact for yellow babes, and in the unfortunate event that they can't find any at that time and are eventually presented with a dark skinned babe, you know that she will be paid much less than what yellow-yellow would have received. (I site this because I kinda think it's the reason quite a number of females decided to bleach) 

Or for those of us who used to visit Zenith bank in Maitama, Abuja... Didn't it make you imagine the interview panel and how if you're not of the creamier complexions you might as well turn back at the gate? Or perhaps applicants were asked to attached their RECENT photos to their résumés and let the shortlisting begin! LOL. 

But this post isn't even about the existence or otherwise, of "Yellow Privilege" or colourism. I'd like to think that we all AGREE that light skinned privilege is real, especially in this country of ours. 

Now here's proof. Yesterday I was jejely going to take a cab from Chevron roundabout to VGC when an LR4 pulled up beside me. The passenger seat glass came down and revealed a toothy smile in a pleasant face. "A pretty lady like you shouldn't be under the sun, let me give you a ride", he said.   

I explained that I was going to VGC and he said he was too and asked me to hop in, which I gladly did. Now somewhere between Chevron roundabout and VGC, perhaps in the middle, at Ikota estate precisely for those familiar with the area, this man slowed down and said he had gotten to his destination. 

"But, errr, I said I was going to VGC" I said, confused. 

"I know, but I'm not reaching there" he said. 

I cursed underneath my breath, wishing this man had just let me take a cab in peace. 

I looked ahead of me and I still had several yards to VGC and it was unlikely that I would find a cab now. I noticed he was waiting for me to alight but I was reluctant, the thought of walking the rest of the way was very daunting. 

"But you said you were going that way" I whined. I actually whined, I couldn't help it. 

"Ehn, maybe I said so, but I'm not. Or what do you want? That I should drive you there and come back here?" 

I looked around, the roads were very free and that would have taken less than ten minutes of his time. I think it's what I'd have done if I stopped to offer someone a ride...

"If possible, yes" I said politely, almost pleadingly even. I really didn't want to have to walk!

"Haaaa. Are you fair?" He asked and that got a confused stare from me. 

"How?"

"Are you fair?" He asked again. "You're not fair nau. If only you were fair now I would have gone to drop you anywhere you want, but you're not nau!" He said and burst into the most stupid laughter I've had the misfortune of hearing.

And that was how I opened the door and stepped out with all the calm I could muster. The eejit was actually calling after me asking for my number when I shut the door and kept walking. 

I've been trying to wrap my head around it, around the fact that this mongoloid actually told me to my face that the reason he wouldn't go the little extra mile to drop me was because I'm dark skinned. 

Now let me hear you tell me that there's nothing like light skinned privilege again. 


LOL. 


So you tell me what you think. Is "light skinned privilege" a myth, or something you know to actually exist in our society? 




Ps; just like I knew I would, I ditched the skin lightening products I bought soon after I bought them. I have nothing against lightening but I just couldn't care enough to go through that whole routine everyday. Gluthathione pills, anyone? Haha just kidding! I think...


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