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Saturday, 30 July 2016

Guilt.





Is it a good or a bad thing that I rarely feel guilty? This is not because I lack a conscience but because I'm actually rather conscientious, so before I act, it's often well thought through, especially the impact on other people. I ask if it's a bad thing because this results in a rather uneventful life, I think. 

In any case, sometimes even the best people do the worst things, and the worst people have the occasional stints of kindness. I'm at neither end of the spectrum of good or bad and this post is actually not that deep. 

But...

So that morning a few days ago mummy called me and it started out as the normal phone call; pleasantries, questions, teasing, jokes yadayadayada. And then she said 'There's one Samsung touch screen phone I saw in your room the last time I came. One that the screen is broken...'

Before she finished I blew a fuse. I wrote on my birthday about how I threw some tantrum and threw my phone against the wall a night before my birthday. Then on my birthday the next day, the boo replaced it with a new one and a later model so I didn't bother to fix the older phone. But I kept it because it contained some valuable information. Well about a week ago I needed some info from that phone and I looked but couldn't find it, I still got the info I needed and immediately forgot about the phone, so it's confusing why I got irate. 

'YES. MY PHONE! WHY MUMMY? WHY DIDN'T YOU AT LEAST ASK ME IF YOU WANTED TO TAKE THE PHONE. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT! I HAVE SCATTERED MY ROOM AND CHECKED EVERYWHERE! I DONT LIKE SUCH THINGS AT ALL. IT ISNT EVEN FUNNY, WHY DID YOU TAKE MY PHONE? HOW MANY PHONES DO YOU WANT TO USE? YOU NOW LET ME TO BE LOOKING FOR IT WHEN ITS NOT EVEN HERE... etc etc etc'

And she was quiet. All she said was that she's sorry and she'll call me later. A few hours later her driver showed up at my place with a small package among other things for the house. I opened it and right there was my old phone looking brand new; body work done and a shiny new screen. And along with it was a handwritten note with mummy's handwriting which said "I only wanted to surprise you". 

Guys, at that moment my guilt knew no bounds. I swear I wanted to cry. I immediately called my Mum and I started laughing to try to make light of things and she was all "Go jor, leave me alone jor. I don't even want to talk to you". 

LOL. Thankfully she didn't take anything too seriously and we were both able to laugh about it even though I hurt her. I later sent her a text effusively apologizing and she replied that it was "okay ooo!".       
       But days later, I still think about that moment I opened the package and saw the note and I'm engulfed by a deep sense of guilt. (Note to self; work harder at responding instead of reacting.)



Have you done something you later felt terribly bad about? Please share with me, I can't be the only one feeling guilty right now. You know what they say; misery loves company.

Not like any of us are miserable though, God forbid bad thing! LOL... 




Friday, 29 July 2016

Much Ado About Sharing a Toothbrush! (Le Boo & I).





Everyone, or at least most people know that sharing toothbrushes can be very unsanitary, but being in a relationship and doing relationship things sometimes makes certain things that ordinarily aren't, okay for some people. 

The first time a lover used my toothbrush I was 23. We'd just woken up and I lay lazily in bed and smiled smugly at myself for snagging such a catch. Afam was a great catch, or so the 23 year old me thought. In restrospect I realize he was simply a very nicely put together narcissistic eejit, but that's besides the point now. 

So when he walked to the bathroom and my heart raced at his toned legs and thighs and... ahem... Anyways, so when he walked to the bathroom and opened the cabinet and took out a toothbrush and put it in his mouth and I saw the colour and I saw that it was mine, I freaked out! I was actually caught between being horrified and flattered. Horrified because isn't that simply gross??? Flattered because this perfect Adonis was sharing my toothbrush... 

But I was more horrified than flattered so I asked why he was using my toothbrush and his reply was why not? As in, take into consideration the activities of last night (whatever visuals you have are totally up to you), is sharing a toothbrush really that bad? 

Err, maybe not. But still...

And that's the same thinking the present boo has. But not necessarily because of any nightly (or daily, for that matter) activities, but because of how close we are, (I can't describe the closeness without sounding poetic and I'm not in mushy mood so "close" would have to suffice for now!) he thinks us sharing a toothbrush is quite natural. 

Err, nope!

Nah. 

Nyet!

LOL. 

I went online and checked what people think about sharing toothbrushes with their partners. These three comments from different sites explain the three different popular views. 

1. (Only because I have to, I'd rather not) My husband uses my toothbrush and I am not comfortable with it, when I complain it causes serious problems for us. Most days I just wait until he goes out before I brush with my personal  hidden toothbrush. 

2. (Of course YES!) I share everything with him and if a time comes when I have to use his toothbrush, I will not hesitate. You guys are making it look like you are sharing a toothbrush with one random person on the street. 
2(b). I share my girl's brush and she doesn't mind. She uses mine too. Same with sponge, towel and everything. 

3. (Absolutely Not!No Phocking Way! I have very strong gag reflex! In fact, just thinking about it is enough to make me throw up. 


Hehe.

So my people, what side are you on. Can you, do you share your toothbrush with the boo? What other things are absolutely no-nos when it comes to sharing with the boo? I'm ok sharing cutlery, a plate, boxers & other clothing apparel etc etc etc, but some people are not. What about you? 

F- THE STORIES BEHIND MY PHOBIAS



 

Ghosts/Burial Sites: I was told a weird story by my mum many years ago. I have tiny, almost invisible marks on both sides of my cheeks. No one knows who exactly gave them to me. Tale is: on the day my late dad was laid in state in the family’s large living room, I suddenly sprang up from my erstwhile sitting position and started running and screaming “dog! Dog! Dog” Of course there were no dogs anywhere around and by the time I was calmed, they noticed blood streaming down my face and after it was cleaned off, there were two perfect marks/incisions seated on both sides of my face. Who dunno it? Theory was: the spirit of my late dad came to give me those marks. Why? I can’t even remember the reason. Yes, I hate burial sites. I always feel the ghost of the body buried in there could spring out and give me the chase of my life. It’s so bad that I’m thinking of asking to be cremated rather than buried when I die. Ain’t gonna join a bandwagon of people-chasing, mark-giving ghosts.

 

Financial Dependency: This came about as a result of my mother’s experience and phobia. It happened that father felt she was too beautiful to work as other men could snatch her away from him (insecurity of the highest order). After father’s death, she witnessed hell here on earth and we had to walk with her through it all (story for another day). She would often tell me that no marriage for me except I started working which was exactly what I did. When I started the marriage journey, I thanked me for heeding that singular piece of advice. 

Aside this, I grew up learning not to ask ‘boys’ for things or collect from them. I recall the first time my mum and eldest brother saw me in a pair of denim trousers which mother did not buy for me. Where the hell did I get the means to obtain this luxury? Immediately, I was ordered to remove it and return it to wherever I got it from before being asked to explain how and where I got it from. My fiance, now husband, bought me a wrist watch one time. I proudly wore and flaunted it. When mother saw it, she gave a verdict: return it and never bring in anything a man gives you into my house until you are married to him.

Naturally, these instances shaped me and I was only able to buy things with the money I saved. I started to believe that you should get what you can afford by yourself through hard work. Now thinking about it, I just realized that I come from a family of hard working females, both business-wise and domestically. Is this sharing in Adam’s curses? 

Believe me, I have started teaching my children-in words and in deeds, to have a mad love for making their own legitimate money rather than depending on someone else.  

 

Dogs: When I was 8 years or thereabout, mother sent me to go grind pepper few houses away from ours. On my way back, this crazy dog escaped from its duty post nad decided to have some fun at my expense. The idiot gave me the chase of my life! Picture this scenario: a short and stout girl carrying a bowl of blended pepper with both hands and wearing only pant running wildly on the street with a crazy local dog like the ones used to appease the spirit of the god of iron, on her heels. At some point, I looked back and felt what the Israelites must have felt when they were being pursued by the stubborn Pharaoh and his army. I had no option at that point than to use the only weapon at my arsenal – the pepper. I emptied the whole bowl on the damn dog! Do I need to relay what I went through at home in the hands of koboko for bringing back an empty bowl?

Public Announcement: please do not invite me to your house if you keep dogs. Thank you.

 

Worms & Snakes: the following conversion ensued between my cousin and I when we were aged 8 and 7 respectively:

 

Me: Inu nrun mi o, o da bi enipe nkankan nja mi j(I’m having stomach pains, it’s as if something is biting me in there)

Cousin: ha! Ejo-inu ni yeeeeeeen....o nlati ya kuro ninu e o; ti o ba ya, o maa maa dagba si ninu e ni o (ha! It is a stomach-snake (direct translation)....you need to expel it o; if you do not, it would start growing up inside of you)

Me: yeeeeeeee, mo gbe o!  (Yeeee, I’m doomed)

 

Mother gave me worm expellant. Anyone who grew up in the 80’s or before would recall that the worm expellants available in those days would make you expel the worms whole, sometimes, alive unlike what obtains now. 

 

I started feeling uncomfortable; I needed to use the loo but my cousin’s diagnosis of a snake growing up inside of me scared the sh*t out of me. Of course it got to a stage that I could not hold it anymore. I eventually went to the loo and with a lot of trepidation, started the process of expelling the ‘snake’. Immediately, I felt a crawling sensation around my anus. Ha! What is this? I made a mistake of looking down and saw it: pinkish, slimy thing; I lost my mind and rushed out of the loo naked with the half expelled ‘snake’. I started screaming and doing a 360 degree run around the compound. It took some mothers in the compound to pin me down and help remove them (yes, more than one eventually exited my stomach).

 

This is one phobia I doubt I would out-grow.

 

Rats: this is simple: a hole that can allow a rat pass through, can also allow a snake pass through. When I see a rat, it raises an alert that a snake must be lurking around. More so, I’d had the flesh of my toes eatenby rodents a few times. Why did God create them anyway? As food for other animals? Couldn’t those other animals eat something else? Dear God, if only you could eradicate snakes, rats/mice, wall geckos, mosquitoes.....they terrorized my life while growing up.  

 

Child Birth/Parenting: if there is any aspect of my life that confirms God as being merciful and gracious, it is me being a parent to three beautiful children. I had each without searching. I got pregnant each time without trying to. The pregnancies were difficult but delivery was safe each time. Where I am is clearly different from my views and attitude growing up. I never for once thought of having a child. I recall telling my husband once after the birth of our first daughter that I did not want anymore; his reaction was murderous! While growing up, I saw a lot of children who were birthed because their parents thought that having children was some sort of a life achievement. The parents lived in a room apartment with the kids and they were having more babies; hardly able to feed and clothe them properly. A lot of the children dropped out of secondary school and while some ended up as half-baked artisans, some ended up utterly useless with no training at all. My family’s lack did not also help. Men, did we suffer! There and then I just formed an opinion that it was better not to have a child than have one and make him or her suffer. When I was diagnosed of a divided uterus which would definitely hinder me from getting pregnant, I never bothered. I was bothered with something else: fear of having the children I would not be able to properly care for.

I am not trying to counter God’s command that we should multiply and replenish the earth but people should do this with wisdom. I have told my Church secretary, there is a category of women in my Church that should consult with some of us before becoming pregnant again. Haba! Six children while in your 30’s and living a life of a classic pauper? You wan cook and chop these pikins?

 

Disclaimer: please don’t take everything said here too seriously.



***

Oh thanks so much for this F. I love nothing more than when readers make submissions and contributions to the blog. I have no phobia whatsoever, none that I've discovered at least. I used to have a fear (not phobia) of flying, but not anymore. To think that the flight I took yesterday was very turbulent and the man, yes MAN, across the aisle from me was actually crying, my seat partner who later admitted to me after the flight, that she thought we were going to die, was feverishly praying her rosary... and my heart didn't even skip one beat! Like, I dozed off sef. LOL, I'm proud of myself!


Share your phobias guys, and are there stories behind them? If yes, please share those too. 

Thursday, 28 July 2016

#SaveMayowa Was a Scam?





Social media has been flooded with the #savemayowa hashtag for the last few days. Several people, including several celebrities passionately implored people to donate towards saving the life of the young lady who is suffering from ovarian cancer. Word has it that over N30,000,000 has been raised on her Go Fund Me page in barely few days, people seemed particularly touched by this one case, and perhaps because of the involvement of celebrities, many were pushed to help. 
     One can therefore imagine the collective shock of us all to read on Linda Ikeji's blog that while Mayowa is indeed suffering from ovarian cancer, the whole campaign is a scam. Read below;


This is such a sad thing for me to report this afternoon. Just two days after we were all happy that Nigerians kindly donated to cancer patient, Mayowa Ahmed, for surgery she needed for ovarian cancer, LIB just learnt that Mayowa and her family scammed kind hearted Nigerians.

You see, Mayowa is really sick. She truly has Ovarian cancer. She's admitted at LUTH but she didn't need money for surgery, because doctors had told Mayowa she was beyond treatment and no hospital in the world could treat her as she was extremely far gone. Mayowa had reached stage 4 and doctors, unfortunately, already told her family she won't survive it and had advised them to take her home. Her family instead used her situation to raise money from Nigerians. The doctors in LUTH have also denied giving her family a medical report advising her to seek treatment abroad. 

Toyin Aimakhu, who was one of those who spearheaded the fundraising, as you read this, is at LUTH right now with police officers. Some people also went to the family's home and the place is locked up. Will share video from the scene  at LUTH, involving Toyin and one other donor later...

#SaveMayowa raised over $100k on GoFundMe and millions of Naira.




***
This is a very hard pill to swallow. I find it difficult to believe that someone knowing that she's living her last days on earth will allow her person to be used in the perpetration of such evil. I also wonder if one's family can actually be that callous as to do such a heinous thing. I'm hoping there's more to this. 

Chrisyinks: The Irony Of Receiving; The Importance Of Now.




In recent times, I have been fascinated with why ‘seemingly qualified’ hands are re-gifted opportunities to add more accomplishments to their already numerous and lofty successes. It appears that only those who display a certain desired antecedent or record of accomplishments (track record) are bequeathed opportunities and challenges – oftentimes at the detriment of other seemingly qualified greenhorns. It is a phenomenon – or bias – that is recurring in individuals, businesses, societies, governments and virtually every instance that a decision has to be made. For example, I would be inclined to patronize a food vendor who has been moderately reliable in delivering good service than a new entrant that offers comparatively slightly better benefits to me as a consumeralso, governments often award contracts to companies with a rich history in a tackling a defined challenge as against upstarts who are yet to prove their mettle.


So how can one be aligned to benefit from this bias? I’d give two personal stories, draw illustrations from an influential person and conclude.


Back in my secondary school days, I remember scoring perfect in the theory section of one of my biology term-exams – possibly the only instance I attained such a score. Biology was my least loved science subject, thus it was a big surprise for me. After checking my scripts, I noticed my teacher had cancelled few responses that were less than accurate, written the correct answer, and given me full marks. I cogitated over this, and it wasn’t too long before I discovered I had done exceptionally well in my tests, class-works and multiple choice exam (track record), hence my teacher felt obligated to be gracious with her marks and thus I ended with a score that was higher than my efforts. 

In my university days, during our graduation year, a course mate who had done exceptionally well in previous semesters –  racking a perfect grade point average in five of the previous eight semesters (track record) – was been tipped to be the best graduating student in the school. It was a possibility, but there were other equally deserving contestants from other departments and faculties with ostensibly better grades. Despite the internal competition within the class, a number of us were willing to lodge a request for a review of papers where this said course mate had less than an ‘A’ grade – to simply boost his chances of clinching this coveted prize. I remember a course the class took and a number of us (including this course mate and myself) felt we had been dealt unfavorable grades – I badly needed the ‘favorable grade’. Every petitioner had grade ‘B’ except my friend who had a grade ‘A’, scoring 72. His grouse: at that stage of his undergraduate studies, he was unsatisfied with a seventy ‘A’ and desired a ninety ‘A’ – we were still in 300 level. It turns out he didn’t need the extra input and his final grade was self-sufficient to graduate as the school’s valedictorian.

 

Mrs. Ibukun Awosika is one woman I respect for being a paradigm of excellence and most importantly, for espousing two seemingly divergent attributes in Nigeria today – being godly and having a successful business. I remember listening to her recount how she got on Cadbury’s board of directors without ever vying for the position. Basically, with what she had accomplished with her business and her integrity (track record), businesses sought her to lead their strategic operations. Thus, it wasn’t unexpected that First Bank of Nigeria would also seek her on their board not just as a board member but the Chairperson – th e first time a woman would occupy such lofty position in the company’s history.


It seems that at some point in time or one’s life, everything seems to go on auto-pilot. This further emphasizes the notion that the earlier stages of one’s life have a greater impact on the outcome of a life – a sought of domino or ripple effect. Basically, what habits one forms, one’s decision to commit to excellence, integrity, diligence, perseverance and learning as personal values, and most importantly when this is done, would give a good indication of how a life turns out. The importance of now can never be overstated!


I’d close with a Chinese proverb: ‘The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, the next best time is now.’ 




***

What can I say Chrisyinks? Even the Bible says "Whoever has shall be given more, and they will have an abundance..." Mattew 13:12. 


As per your ending paragraphs, I cannot agree more. 

Wednesday, 27 July 2016

What's Your Forgiveness Worth? (Woman Surprises Her Boo With a G-Wagon!)

Photos/Video: Rich Nigerian woman surprises her man with a G-wagon

This story is trending on Nigerian Social Media. At first people thought it was a man that surprised his girlfriend with the luxury car as an apology gift, but it turns out it was the other way around. According to the person who handled the delivery, (Royal Hugs), a woman hired them to deliver a G.wagon, with a note saying 'I am sorry' to her man on Tuesday. From the videos shared, he actually taught it was a prank at first and also asked if they were serious. Watch the videos after the cut...




Ask Kon. Miss 'Should I Make The First Move?'


Ask Kon is new segment on TTB where blog readers get to send in their mails to our very own Kon and he in turn would share his candid opinion and/or advise. The rest of us get to share our thoughts in the section too. Kon is not an expert but his interesting views on various issues spanning different topics lend him a lot of appeal. Also, he is a GUY and don't we all wish we had a male friend to help us navigate the murky waters of love and life? You can send your Ask Kon mails to thelmathinks@gmail.com. 

Mails addressed to Kon should be simply titled Ask Kon. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. Read the latest mail sent to Kon below. 


Hello Kon plz what's your personal take on females making the first move? I think more females won't mind but because there is a consensus that if you do it will cheapen you in the guys eyes, most of us hold back. You know how they say men are hunters and if they find food that just came to them easily they will not value it. Kon is this really true? Ok please advise me. There is this guy who works not too far from me, I see him some morning and evenings in the car park. We see almost ofetn so we now say hi and hello. Note: we don't work in the same office, our companies are on the same street. 
I'm thinking of taking it a bit further to invite him for drinks after work one evening. Please do you think this is a bad idea? If it's a bad idea then please in what ways is it acceptable to drop hints for him that I'm interested in him? I'm not desperate and I can be subtle, but I've lived most of my life in a country where it's ok for women to be direct but I see that in Naija it's a different kettle of fish. Thanks so much for your time and effort.



Kon: Hello,

Well...I wont say women should make the first move but Ill say women should make themselves visibly available to only the person they are interest in (Not to the whole male population) there is a difference - its slightly less aggressive. For the sake of the men with tiny balls that cant handle an aggressive babe. 

Let me address this hunter - prey matter. If a gazelle flashes its meaty body before a lion, with the gazelle looking all delicious and crunchy. Obviously the gazelle wants to be caught The lion sees the gazelle and then has to chase the gazelle through the forest, over the mountain and in the valley to catch the gazelle. Wont the lion appreciate the hunt even though the gazelle indirectly asked for it?? The lion will eat and even keep some in the freezer to chop again the next day. My point is - Because a woman makes herself available does not mean she should allow the man chop her easily. Its when the lion catches the gazelle in 2mins that he wont appreciate the hunt and start playing with its food.

To the matter: Its not a bad idea at all. But if he turns you down then you have an #AwkwardMoment which ruins everything (He might be married. He might be broke at the time) So your first offer has to be something he wont refuse. These are my suggestions

1) Arrange a group hang out: Invite him to join you and your friends on a day that you girls are having a fun night. Tell him he can bring a friend and ofcourse that drinks are sorted (Just chip it in, in case he is a broke ass) This is so that it doesnt feel too personal or intimate. Everybody will be having a good time, no pressure on anybody. Of course by the end of the day you get his contact details and follow up with calls/texts.... you know the rest.
2) Since you guys run into each other in the evenings then just pick up a random conversation one of the days. You gotta move from hi/hello talk to "mehn yesterdays traffic was bad. Where did you pass?" and then "Oh where do you stay?" and then "Im always around that area, maybe Ill call you when next Im around there" (Even if you rarely visit the area. lol) You just gotta get the conversation flowing when you guys meet. You will surprised he might be the one to invite you for drinks once conversations flow easily. You get me?
3) Of course the direct approach is always available if you cool with that. But Nigerians shaaa... dont know how the guy will take it. If it was me shiiii....Ill smile and say "Sure. I know a nice place we can have drinks" *Wink

Let us know how the date goes.

Peace.


***
Thanks Kon. Ttb readers care to share your thoughts?

#Chified. What Do You See?




Is the person in the image above familiar to you? Have you seen her pictures on social media before? When you see her pictures what comes to your mind? 












I never knew who she was until I started seeing her photos on some gossip blogs, with the obvious intention of attracting traffic and comments, because the bloggers know just the kind of reactions this kind of pictures would get. 

There's no name that some wouldn't call the person in this picture and I'd nearly shudder at the hate. Like, if you're that disgusted, why click on the post, why open it, why scroll down?

I don't know why, but from the first I saw her pictures I totally liked her. Chified is an Igbo lady, she's a professional footballer who plays (and lives in) for Denmark, i think. She's also a fitness trainer (duh!) and from her social media bio, she's a budding artiste. 

I searched for her on Instagram and followed her STAT! Some people might see a freak or a lesbian (of which we're not even sure she's one) but I see someone with a beautiful aura. I have a strong admiration for people who are harmlessly 'different' and are not afraid to embrace their uniqueness, especially when they're aware it would get them a lot of flack, bullying, insults and negativity. 
      Also, I don't know if you know much about fitness, but a woman has got to be a beast in the gym to get abs and a toned body like that. I comot cap! Like, I literally nearly die just doing a plank for 60 seconds so #respect! Oh, and I watch her IG videos too, this chica can move for dayssss, as in, the girl can dance, hot damn! 

I'm not sure there's a point to this post but maybe if I can use my own little voice to tell someone who might not like what they see when they look at Chified, to remember that before they voice their ugly opinions they need to remember that she is a person, just like them. In fact, she's probably even better than them; she's talented, she's MULTI talented, she's disciplined (you've got to be to have that body!), she's got team mates and fans who love her, she's most likely richer than they are, also remember she's somebody's child, and most importantly, she's just doing her. If you cannot respect that, the least you can do is leave her be!

I know not everyone would share my views and you're free to state yours... 



And on that note I'm back to Instagram to continue ogling God's diverse beautiful creations. Goodnight! 



Photo source: Instagram; @chified 

Tuesday, 26 July 2016

Chrisyinks: Adopting an Improved View on Learning International Languages





One of the dictionary’s definitions of the word ‘language’ is the systematic means of communicating by the use of sounds or conventional symbols. Underpinning this definition and other definitions of this word is the emphasis on communication a crucial aspect of living in this era. The prevalent phenomenon of this age –globalization – has created enormous benefits for those who can effectively communicate their value, and exchange services with the varied people and cultures that inhabit this planet.


Nigeria is a culturally rich country with a diverse population possessing visible language divides. With about 500 ethnic groups and each one boasting its almost unique language or dialect, supremacy of the language of communication is often fought between the three dominant ethnic groups and their respective languages – Hausa, Igbo and Yoruba Language. This has had the consequent effect of a tacit neglect of how best we can integrate globally and leverage on the world’s culture and its vast human resources for strategic goals. Asides EnglisLanguage that has its roots from our colonial past, we cannot boast of other foreign languages that are spoken by many of our citizens – French Language, although being taught in some schools hasn’t been given the requisite attention needed in effectively learning a language.


As a personal example, in my secondary school days, I was mandated to take the three major Nigerian languages as subjects and pass them. Although, knowledge was being added, I dare say that it was a sub-optimal use of any pupils time given the relative obscurity of any of these individual languages on the global landscape. Till today, I only communicate in one of those languages – my own dialect. Being a member of an international non-governmental organization, often times when international conferences are scheduled, there is usually the issue of Nigerian attendees not being able to enjoy rich conversations in the local tongue of prominent host countries. A contrast to many of our African counterparts that hail from Francophone countries, yet make diligent effort to learn the English language (Nigeria’s official business language), hence having the added competence of enjoying to a higher degree, the diverse and differing culture the world offers.Singapore had a similar issue when in their formative days as a self-governing nation, four languages (Chinese Mandarin, Tamil, Malay and English Language) prevailed with a number of other dialects used in communication. It took a calculated effort by its leaders to straddle the beneficial path where international relevance was not sacrificed on the altar of preserving cultural identity. Achieving this goal enabled Singaporeans to be of better relevance to global businesses as against their other Asian counterparts, and experience enormous leaps in their development as a nation.


I reason a holistic approach has to be adopted in ensuring that Nigerians are better equipped to communicate their competencies, skills, knowledge and effectively integrate to the immense opportunities provided by globalization thereby enhancing our competitive advantage. It is not uncommon these days to see job opportunities requiring interested applicants to speak proficiently or at least professionally two or more international languages.


I believe that if schools can come up with a curriculum to meet this language gap, we can take longer strides towards better leveraging the opportunities being a polyglot offers. This approach should not discount other educational fora that can be harnessed for this purpose, for learning isn’t restricted to the four walls of a classroom. Astonishingly, research enlightens us that a child in his/her early stages of development can comfortably learn as many as six languages.


I posit that we have a primary and secondary school curriculum that mandates students to learn at least one local and one international language. At university level, all students should be mandated to learn in their first year, another international language with students in the language field mandated to major in any language of their choice with a minor in another international language and encouraged to take courses that teach yet another foreign language. It is easier for a language student to appreciate the selected language course of study when he/she can contrast that language with other languages.

While I understand the need to preserve one’s heritage and that to achieve this, one has to preserve and distill one’s language to the younger generations, I reason that pre-tertiary education can be reformed to achieve the aim of ingraining cultural identity. Additionally, heritage centers that entrench our indigenous languages should be commissionedIt is a good plus that the Nigerian society and its prevalent communal approach to life helps transmit our local languages to the young.

 


PS: I define International/Foreign languages as languages prominent in International business and the world’s landscape: French, Chinese, Arabic, and German.

Monday, 25 July 2016

Missing The One. (It Goes Down In The DM...)






Not missing as in missing/longing for someone. But missing as in lost, as in lose/miss an opportunity, or something... 

Ok, this is very random. Over the years I've met and heard of several people who met their husbands on social media, facebook to be precise. I've always wondered about it and made halfhearted mental notes to pay more attention to my facebook inbox, yet I never get round to doing that. 

I dunno why but I just feel some type of way about strangers messaging me on social media for "friendship". 

So now I've just met someone celebrating her marriage and she couldn't stop gushing about her husband, and how they met. Apparently he sent her a FB request, she accepted it and then he inboxed her saying "thanks for accepting my request, I'll like to know you better...."  And today they're married and she seems soooo in love. 

And then I looked at myself, do you know how many "thanks for accepting my request messages" I've shunned 😩😩😩? 
      I feel really weird about receiving messages from male strangers on social media, I feel even more disturbed by "thanks for accepting my request" messages. They just make me feel icky somehow. Like, I don't even open the chat at all, my default reaction to such messages is see this loser/scammer/weirdo/and other un-nice adjectives. 

And now I'm lying in bed wondering HAVE I MISSED MY HUSBAND?!



LOL. How do you feel about direct messages (DM) from strangers on social media. Do you keep an open mind about it and reply to their chats, or do shut it down instantly? What are your experiences so far with people you've met on social media? Please share your romantic and regretful (if any) DM stories.

Sunday, 24 July 2016

A Very Heartbreaking Account Of Domestic Violence.













WTF did I just read!? 

What I don't understand is how someone can endure this for so long. I have a question for DV victims, isn't the beating painful? The kicking, the flogging, the injuries... Are they not painful? Like, even if mentally or emotion you cannot leave, e no dey pain una for body? Is the pain not enough reason to make one run away? I just don't get it... I sincerely pray this lady finds healing. Her mind and soul must be severely battered by now. 



Culled, @make_or_breakup Instagram. 




No Longer At Ease.





And so just this afternoon I went hunting for a pack of razor blades from a mallam kiosk. I don't know if I'm the only one who's noticed but even little things like razor blades now have fakes. Tiger is very scarce these days and what most Mallams sell is Tigger. This poor counterfeit is a problem when you're using it for grooming. So on getting to my third mallam shed in the hope of finding Tiger, I noticed it had an unusual number of "mallams" hanging around but still I approached the shed, because my brows desperately need grooming. On getting close, one began to chant some prayers, I think, not in Hausa, but Arabic. Another followed suit and another. They were not on their prayer mats or performing ablution but scattered randomly, some seated, some standing. Immediately my heart began to race and I thought I was about to be lynched. I did a mental assessment of how I was dressed and eventhough it was "decent" in my opinion, I couldn't help but fear for my life. I hurriedly retreated and gave up on my blade search. Now I cannot say they were about to lynch me or do anything sinister for that, I don't know if they were praying innocently or just conversing, but these days people get killed like flies and it seems that with just a cry of Allahu Akbar everything is fine. 

You might wonder why I would fear for my life when I live in Lagos, yet had I not seen what I saw with my own eyes some weeks ago, like you, I would have thought the same too. This was about a week after Bridget was beheaded in Kano for refusing that ablution be done at her own shop's entrance. It was a Friday and jummat had just ended at the very popular Lekki phase 1 mosque. A young woman driving an SUV made to drive out of a narrow street where some men were praying. Bear in mind that this is a general street, used for general passage. A number of worshippers had blocked the road and her offence was that she honked for them to make way for her. Now please know that this road is a close, meaning it's entrance and exit are the same and she had no alternative passage. 

I saw with my own eyes how this woman was nearly brutally battered, you'd think things would be different in Lagos but apparently not. I watched, terror stricken as hundred of "worshippers" surrounded her car, some even climbing on top it, trying to break in and drag her out. Something about that scene was remiscent of Micheal Jackson's Thriller video. Had several LASTMA AND Police officers, not intervened and with arms too, we would have had another case of Bridget on our hands. Now even when the security officers were able to restore some order, some of the worshippers still took it upon themselves to deface her face, using stones to scratch the sides, banging against her windscreen and windows to break them, and I saw one viciously hit and break off her rear view mirror. 

My uber driver began to panic for he thought his end was near. I told him to keep calm and look away. I wanted to take pictures of this account because I knew words would not do this incident justice but I also feared for myself so I dared not, we were only few feet away from the riot. And you know, if this could happen in an upscale part of Lagos like Lekki phase 1, then Lagos is not as exempt from terror as we think it is. 

I wanted to do a post about it but to be honest, I was afraid. I wrote on it and a few other things but I didn't post it because this religion that they constantly say is one of peace, is one that invokes a deep sense of fear in the hearts of many. So many of us stay silent. It also doesn't help that we have a President who turns a blind eye to all that is going on. A President who sympathizes and consoles with victims in far away continents, in far away countries like Germany, yet when his own people are getting killed on a daily basis in his own country he stays mute. Bear in mind that the killer in that same Germany has been apprehended but over hear, na OYO we dey! Christians and being killed and nobody is saying anything, all we do is go on social media to rant. Fulani herdsmen and are killing people by the hundreds every week, a lot of these mass murders are not even reported in mainstream media, yet our President seems to have nothing to say, no promises, no sympathy, no empathy, no threats, no concern. Just apathy! 

Is it therefore any surprise that I went to a mallam shed and when they suddenly started to chant casually, I fled the scene? I realize that I may be in my home land yet I'm not longer at ease, very far from it. 


Saturday, 23 July 2016

Bizarre Tradition Where The "Hyena" Has Sexual Intercourse With Womenand Young Girls To Cleanse Them.


You know, there are times I actually struggle with the "validity" of religion and Christianity, especially when I consider how it was brought to us; practically imposed on us by westerners telling us (sort of just like they still are) that our own ways are not good enough, that our traditions are balderdash and theirs is the "authentic" one. Also when you see that those same people who brought it have mostly moved on from it, some of them treating it like an ugly obsolete hobby, and us, with our slave mentality are still carrying it on our heads like gala... I find I'm liking this thing called religion less and less each day. It is and has been, responsible for way too much death and evil in the world that it's beginning to look not at all Godly, holy, moral or just. In any case, in my quiet moments I weigh the pros and the cons of Christianity being brought by the missionaries, and one thing it was good for at least, was abolishing repugnant practices in some places. Unfortunately however many of these practices still exist, one of which I just read about on Bella Naija and find rather sickening. Read below. 



This man, Eric Aniva is being paid between $4 – $7 (between N1,500 and N2,650 using the current black market rate)by parents to sleep with their children in what they call “sexual cleansing”.
They say it is an age long tradition that marks the progression of adolescent girls to womanhood. Also, if a woman loses her husband, she is brought to people like Aniva for cleansing before she can bury him. If women get an abortion, they are brought to him for cleansing too.
Aniva is called “hyena” by the community and he told BBC’s Ed Butler that there are about 10 of them in the community. He says that each community in the Nsanje district has an “hyena”. He says he started the practice in 1985.
He says that it is a traditional title given to a man hired by communities to perform the sexual cleansing rituals.
12-13 year old girls are brought to him immediately after their first menstruation for him to transition them to womanhood.
Three women, FagisiChrissie and Phelia who the report says are in there 50s are responsible for the preparation of the adolescent girls. They organise the girls into camps each year, teaching them about their duties as wives and how to please a man sexually. Finally, the Hyena defiles them to complete their “transition”.
If the girls refuse to play along, it is believed that some disease or fatal misfortune could befall their families or the village as a whole.
“Most of those I have slept with are girls, school-going girls. Some girls are just 12 or 13 years old, but I prefer them older. All these girls find pleasure in having me as their hyena. They actually are proud and tell other people that ‘this man is a real man, he knows how to please a woman’,” Aniva says.
Aniva adds that he has two wives who know what he does for a living. He says he has 5 children that he knows of, stating that he’s not sure how many women and girls he must have gotten pregnant.
One of the girls, speaking to Butler said, “There was nothing else I could have done. I had to do it for the sake of my parents. If I’d refused, my family members could be attacked with diseases – even death – so I was scared.”
Butler challenged Fagisi, Chrissie and Phelia about the practice, saying that instead of “cleansing” the women, Aniva could be spreading disease because the custom demands that the sex must be without condoms. They responded by telling him that men like Aniva are hand-picked for their good morals, and therefore cannot be infected with HIV/AIDS.
But that is not the case, as Aniva confided in Butler that he is actually infected with the virus. He says he’s slept with about 104 women, but Butler believes he’s lost count as that was the same number he gave journalists in 2012.
The report states that in Malawi’s central Dedza district, hyenas are only ever used to initiate widows or infertile women. “The Paramount Chief in the District, Theresa Kachindamoto – a rare female figurehead in Malawi – has made the fight against the tradition a personal priority,” Butler said.
“She is trying to galvanise other regional chiefs to make similar efforts. In some other districts, like Mangochi in the east of the country, ceremonies are being adapted to replace sex with a more benign anointing of the girl,” he added.
One of Aniva’s wives, Fanny who he “cleansed” after her husband’s death, says that she hates her husband’s job.
“I don’t want that to happen. I want this tradition to end. We are forced to sleep with the hyenas. It’s not out of our choice and that I think is so sad for us as women,” she responded when asked if she will allow her 2-year old to be cleansed when she reaches the age.
Aniva too doesn’t want that for his beloved daughter. “Not my daughter. I cannot allow this. Now I am fighting for the end of this malpractice,” he responds to the same question.
“For sure. For real, I’m stopping,” he added.
***
Did this man just say he doesn't want it for his daughter? Jokes!

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