The Dollar Today.

Yes people, $1 is almost N500. 

I'm just going to leave this here and act like everything's ok and the quality of my life isn't being affected by this f*ckery. 

I went for a church meeting earlier this week and the pastor's wife shared with us an incident that occured the previous day. She sent someone to go change $50 for her and a few minutes later the person returned with N22,000. She said she refused to collect the money and asked them to go and return it. 

In her words; "while collecting that amount of money might have felt good, I had to refuse it. I refuse to accept this situation. I refuse to accept that kind of money. In the late 70s I was going to the U.S. and I still have my old passports. It was a dollar to a Naira. I can show you if you want to see. It was N9.99kobo to $1. And I may look stupid to you but I am not going to settle until the naira returns to what it used to be. Until the naira returns to its value of yesteryears".  

Hmm, once I might have been that optimistic but having to live this present reality, for the first time since it all began, I'm beginning to feel a sense of despair and fear. 

How are things over at your end? 

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And When She's Gone He's Free To Do Whatever. But When He's Gone, She's Stumped.

Sometime last year a facebook friend and former school mate of mine lost his wife. Very young lady, still in her 20s. 

It was so sad to watch. Dude often posted pictures of his deceased wife that made us all part of his pain. We sympathized and empathized with him. Some of us even cried. 

Can you then imagine the shock many felt when barely months later, this guy gets married to another chic? What was even more preposterous is that the new wife was a friend of his late wife. 

Shock and disgust don't adequately convey how I felt. 

But guess what, life went on. He's living freely with the wife he married few months after his wife died and his reason; the children need a mother. 

And that makes it ok!

But when a woman loses her husband NOBODY ever says the children need a father. (And on the rare occasion that they do, they tell her that her late husband's brother is now her husband). 

In fact if a widow even dreams of marrying another man two or three years after her late husband's death the world will descend upon her! They will say she didn't mourn him. Some will suggest that she killed him. She will become a pariah. 

I thought we are supposed to be the weaker sex? Apparently that doesn't apply here, we have selective weakness. Haha. 

A woman loses her husband and while they may or may accuse her of killing him, they will put the poor bereaved woman through all kinds of hell before, during and after the man's burial. And even long after the burial she is to continue mourning, wear white or black and minimal jewelry/makeup for the next one year. Should not be seen socializing or even seen to be having a good time. Should basically not as much as entertain the thought of marrying another man in the foreseeable future. God forbid the woman have needs! How can she entertain the thought of sex or even feel lonely? She is wood na! They will say "Just continue to pray and praise God. Your husband is Jesus now. In fact you now have 3 husbands; the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Lucky you!". Yes. Her children become her life and if she dare step outside this norm it is an abomination! 

A man loses his wife and the world floods him with pity and empathy. During her burial he's treated like a king and a baby all in one, he may even attend his wife's burial with her replacement in tow, if he so wishes. He is shielded from any stress and everything is taken care of by others so he need not worry himself with mundanities. He is encouraged to send the children to stay with relatives for a while so that they can be better taken care of so that he can "chill" or focus on work. And shortly after that, if he isn't already planning on taking a new wife, his family and everyone else is telling him to. "You need a woman. You need a wife to take care of you. You need a wife to look after the children. You will be too lonely o!". And all the while he's free to wear a coat of many colours if he wants. 

Seen...

At this point I need to address people that snigger and sneer at the concept of feminism. These are the issues and disparities we carry in mind when we fight for our cause. It is not about who will or will not cook. It's not about who will sweep the house or change diapers. And it's certainly not about hating, disrespecting or emasculating men. The battle is way bigger and realer and most times even totally unrelated to that!

There is something terribly wrong with our society. For too long this has been the norm so naturally some of you consider it natural or even right and see no reason why things should be different. 

Well think again and ask yourself "who double standards epp?". Ask yourself why what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander. 

I hear some men ask "What gender inequality? What exactly do you women want that you cannot have?"  

Well guys the above is just one among tens. I hope this post has given you a glimmer of clarity. 

I didn't write this post with feminism in mind so i'll stick to the topic. What are your thoughts on this matter? Do you think there are good reasons for things being this way? Think about it, why is a woman put through so much, so many punishments, rules and restrictions  when she loses her husband, but none of these apply when a man loses his wife?

Think on it and let's talk. 

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Before I Sleep...

I'm sure everyone thinks I'm crazy. First, just like they said he would, he left me for someone else, someone better suited for him, someone who met his family's approval. And although it took him five years, he finally left me. 

What you need to understand is that it didn't come to me as a big shock. Bolade has been my best friend and my everything for the last five years, but I knew the second his mind began to wander. 

Everyone thought I should curse him out, everyone expected me to hate him. People were waiting for the tears, the bitterness, the baleful, angry ex-girlfriend memes on my social media pages, but I disappointed them. Many thought it was just an act but the truth is that I didn't hate Bolade. I dont know what I felt, really. Just some cold, empty vacuum. Numb. 

Anyways he proposed to his smallie. Did it hurt me? Hell, it nearly killed me! I was so broken that I couldn't leave the house for days. I avoided everyone and I started smoking again. That was the only thing I could ingest. I couldn't swallow a morsel of food. All I could do was puff on my Dunhill switch and quench my thirst with vodka. 

It wouldn't have been so difficult if people weren't so evil. I know it made them feel better about their pitiful lives to kick me when I was already down, but I couldn't fathom why they had to be so mean as so tag me on his engagement photos on Instagram. Like, "yes Nwando, just in case you didn't know, here are the pictures. Look! Your man is wedding his woman 😂😜😂"

Few weeks later I heard they were planning to get married at the end of the next month, barely five months after they started dating. I heard they were planning to wed in Seychelles or Spain or Sardinia. I wasn't sure, some S place sha... I wasn't privy to the details of that gist as I'd moved on with my life and was working on a project in far away Durban. 

And yes, life goes on. 

Durban was beautiful that time of the year and work was good. 

So you can imagine the shock I felt earlier tonight. It was past 10pm and people rarely ever came knocking on my door, especially at that hour. But certain it was the housekeeper bringing me a fresh towel, I opened the door and came face to face with Bolade. 

Bolade!

Yes. In the flesh. All 6.4" of him, broad shoulders, bushy brows, shaggy hair and all. What was he doing here in South Africa? And how did he know where to find me? And what was he doing in my room????

"I'm sorry Nwando. I don't know if you can ever forgive me, but remember that people make mistakes". There was a catch in his throat as a tear slid down his left eye, and then he went down on both knees. 

"Babes, I never stopped loving you. In my moment of weakness I gave in to my family's pressures. I let myself think we were better off apart. I've never been more wrong about anything in my life... Please... And this time around I don't want to be just your boyfriend. I want to be your zzzZzzzzZZZZZ"

***

LOL. Ok guys. At that point I dozed off. Err, let me explain. 

Whenever I'm about to sleep, I never just close my eyes and sleep. I first have to day dream or fantasize or whatever. I took a nap earlier and this was my daydream. Actually sha, this Bolade character forms the plots of most of my daydreams these days *covers face*. 

So what kind of sleeper are you? Do you just shut your eyes and varnish into dream land? Or do you, like me, think, wander, dream while awake?

Whatever the case is I'm curious, what's often the last thing on your mind before you fall asleep?

Is it a fantasy? Money? Work? Sex? Anger? Memories? Fear? Business? A loved one? 

Whatever. Gist me!

It's Not About You. If Your Words Are Not Going To Comfort the Grieving Person Then Just Shut up!

So I want to talk about sympathy by Nigerians from the standpoint of a Nigerian.

Most Nigerians SWEAR that they're the most sympathetic of all the creatures God made but some people are just downright insensitive.

These last couple of months, so many tragic things have happened such as 2 of my friends losing a parent each, my amputation and my friend's father's shop burning and in light of these events, I've seen various forms of sympathy by various people.

I noticed that there are actually people who come to sympathize genuinely and others who come to "see,confirm and spread" the bad news.

Of the above two categories, there are some people who just don't know when to talk and when to shut the hell up. I'll give examples.

A: I lost my mum.
B: Omg. I'm sorry. Wow. God please protect my loved ones oh. 

Uhmmm, what the hell is that? If you want to pray for your loved one, do it at your own time yeah? Because I don't understand whether such persons don't have sense.

Another scenario: 
A: I lost my mum. 
B: oh wow. So sorry abt that. Just like when my house got burnt... (and B will proceed to talk abt his or herself for the next 20mins). 

Excuse me, if your story does not in anyway intend to comfort the grieving person, just shut up. It's not ABOUT YOU. My God.

Or was it when I'm had my amputation and someone legit came to visit & said "your waka waka caused this oh! God please protect my family"

that was why I had the accident nau. I spent the next 2 days after that sad&full of doubt in God. 

What I'm just trying to say is that, if you're among those who have ZERO filter, SAY YOUR SORRY AND GO. Better still, send a text abeg

and don't come and add to the grieving person's sadness. Because I've embarrassed your type before and I don't think sensible people will mind embarrassing you. Don't disgrace yourself.

ALSO, you have NO right to tell a person how to grieve. If such person wants to roll on the ground, LET HIM ROLL ON THE GROUND. Its nt abt u

Just remembered when a friend of mine was grieving and was wailing and she looked so disheveled and red and a visitor legit told her to rub powder so she'll look presentable. Trust me to walk the visitor out. Like is your suit alright? Are you okay? Someone is grieving and you're talking about appearance. OKAY KIM KARDASHIAN.

In summary, if you don't have anything to say to bring a little bit of comfort or joy to the person, shut up. Don't cause more sadness.

Peace & Love. 

***

Above are tweets from a Twitter user Chioma Jesus (@Anxta) to Nigerians on how not to console or condole with a grieving person. I think people really need to read this because some humans are plain  oblivious or worse yet, stupid. I'm totally indept at condolences, yet even I know to keep it brief, sympathize, pray and move on. Unfortunately, some people however just do too much. Some people call and start to make it about themselves. Some people call and actually try to laugh it off! Yeah, I understand trying to cheer the person up, but what they really need at that point is empathy not comic relief. 

I'm sure a number of you know what I'm talking about. I think this is an opportunity for me to learn a thing or two. If you've ever grieved over someone or something, what works best for you when someone is condoling/consoling you? And what are the absolute NO-NOs? 

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Dear Thelma (Is It Possible For a Good Girl To Be Sooo Good In Bed?)

TTB family Is it possible for a good girl to be so very good in bed? Like extremely skillfully good?

Dont get me wrong, i dont judge. I asked her her body count cos i want to know what am dealing with. I also told her mine. She said she's only slept with 2 people before me and she can even count the number of times she has had sex. We started dating over a year ago but she was saying she's celibate, no sex until marriage etc. I didnt want that but i agreed cos i love her. It was she that suggested we start having sex. Theres no real issue but i'm.confused. 

Sorry to sound raw but when this girl gives me head she does it like a PRO. What am trying to say is she is an expert. I have been with girls n' i've good sex/head but i remove cap for this babe. It takes a lot for me not to nut in her mouth (which she dont mind btw). Ok nau the sex nko? There is no trick she doesnt know. This girl rides me like a porn star. And She know all the different tricks like clenching her vaginal muscles to grip my dick then releasing it. She is very sexual and freaky. Like, she wakes me up in the morning with a bj the nights we sleep together. I am not complaining at all, am having the best sex of my life. But for someone i was considering a future with i have to ask questions. 

       See her body count is not really the issue, is if she actually lied to me. I dunno how wise it is to make a liar the mother of my children. I am not saying she is a liar but is it really possible for somebody who has only 2 past bedmate n claims she has not had sex up to 10 times in her life to be so great in bed? Besides will a good girl comfortably tell you that you can cum in her mouth? Most girls i know dont really like it, even the bad ones sef.

I am sharing this cos i want you to read this and give me your honest opinions. Bless. 

***

Hmmm, what I know about being that good and uninhibited in bed is that practice makes perfect. If only 2 past lovers and less than ten sexssions is enough practice, I don't know oooo.

What do y'all think?

Freeze: Mike Murdock The Rude, Obnoxious, Bragging Clown...

"My dear gullible Nigerians the bible says prove all things and hold on to what is good, ask what your church does with the tithe and offering you pay, it’s your God given right with instructions from the bible!! My ministry is to set you free from the shackles of yahoo preachers! In June 2012 Creflo Dollar was arrested in an alleged attack on his daughter, in accordance with the Fayette County, Georgia, Sheriff’s Office. The charges were dropped in January 2013 after he attended anger management classes.

I once walked out of a Mike Murdok sermon because I couldn’t deal with his bragging…… apparently, I wasn’t the only one who noticed how rude and obnoxious this clown was. He was asking for a preacher’s seed or some joke, unfortunately for him, my parents didn’t educate me so I could be stupid enough, to fund the glamorous, jet set lifestyles of these jokers, while poor people lie dying of hunger, poverty and sickness. No wonder MIKE Murdock loves Nigeria so much, he knows how gullible we are, and how much our pastors have used tithe and offering to enslave us! My God ordained ministry, is to set the Nigerian CHRISTIAN sheep free, from the enslaving shackles of these yahoo boys calling themselves Nigerian pastors, so help me God! ~FRZ"

***

Thoughts? 

I must say, he's right about one thing though, Nigerians are extremely gullible, and once religion is involved every last bit of common sense, logic and rationale flies out of the window... 

Totally understandable, in a country where we have to pray for God for everything, from water to electricity, from food to transportation. 

Oh well...

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Question of The Day.

LOL. Be honest. 

I'm a 5Star Chic! (Please Read)

Just when I thought everything was wrong in the world, I tiny piece of irrelevant news goes and brightens my day. 

So here's what happened. I stumbled upon the ad for a Women's prayer meeting holding at This Present House in The Dome, Lekki Phase 1 this morning and I promptly decided to attend and start my day on a positive note. 

The last few weeks have been topsy turvy, physically and mentally, and maybe emotionally too. Last night I went to bed reminding myself some of God's promises for me and I just resigned myself to fate, hopefully fate would be a great outcome!

In any case this morning I requested an uber. As we approached the premises he asked how long I've been using Uber, I told him it's been a while, over a year. He seemed surprised. He said to me that I've got 5 stars on Uber. I didn't even know what that was or what it meant. Well apparently, drivers are not the only ones who get rated. Drivers actually rate their passengers too. LOL. He said all or most of the drivers who've carried me have given me 5stars. (He also added that if a passenger gets 3 or more 1 stars from different drivers, that passenger is blacklisted from Uber. Huh?)

So I asked what that meant, how do they decide how many stars they give a passenger. He said it all boils down to the kind of interactions they have with them and especially how the passenger treats/relates with them. He then went on to share some horror stories with me about some passengers. 

When he dropped me off he said he too would rate me 5stars. Hehehe. 

Unfortunately I cannot take uber ratings to the bank and cash it so.... Whatever. 

But it did feel good to hear...

Anyhoooo, I really just wanted to touch base with you guys. I've not been doing a good job on the blog this month so y'all can rate me 1star for Thelma Thinks. I actually have no excuses to make, hopefully things would get sorted out so that I can put in as much effort into my blog as I should. 

(Now to what I actually wanted you to Please Read). Also this month I promised the #WriteRight winner N10,000 and N5,000 worth of airtime. Unfortunately, we've received only 2 #WriteRight posts this month. I received 2 today. I think this defeats the purpose of #WriteRight so what I've decided to do is carry it over to October. The 4 posts that I've received this month will still form part of the October #WriteRight. To those who wrote, I do hope you understand? 

Thanks!

#okbye. 

Dear Thelma (My Fiancé Is Losing Interest, What Should I Do?)

Please I've been dating my bf for 5years now. We are planning our wedding against december. I love him and he loves me too but presently i think his love has diminished as he has limited all communications with me to just pleasantries or when he needs to find out something. I've tried to find out where the problem is to no avail. When i complain he's nonchalant and says nothing has changed to him and this is just the new him or that he's just busy. It feels like I am the only one making efforts to communicate. Initially it was quite a bother to me but now I'm getting used to the new way of life though I'm still a bit bothered as this is not what i want in my home. I'm just so confused. I know I'm not alone in this. Anyone experienced this before? How did you handle it? Pray tell. Thelma please can you make this a post. thanks

***

Hunny I think it's only your fiancé that can tell you what's on his mind. But whatever it is, please find out before December. They say a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage, and they're right...

She asked if anyone else has been in her shoes? Please what would you advise?  

About Last Night. (The Insatiable Nature Of Men).

Last night was date night and we wanted to do something different. I have a soft spot for Thistle bar, or maybe just a soft spot for their food. Either way I picked that out as the starting point for the night. Friday nights at Thistle bar are always vibrant, very electric. The lifeband easily outdoes even the most qualified DJs, everyone seems happy and lets their guards down. The athmosphere is serene and the people are usually laid back and down to earth. 

While looking around at the happy people, one particular couple caught my eyes. They were just one among the unusually numerous married couples that came out last night. These ones got my attention because the man is obviously much older, somewhere between mid to late 40s. While his wife, that pretty young thing, should be about 25. She looked like the perfect trophy wife, tall but not too tall, slender yet curvy, pretty face and an authentic member of #teamlightskin. I just imagined what it must feel like to be an older man and wake up to such gloriousness every morning. I was busy imagining things when something, or someone caught my eyes. 

Le husband. 

I was sure I wasn't seeing right. Why was he smiling at me? I looked away and looked back and this time he winked. Hmmmm. A few minutes later I went to use the loo and when I came out he was standing right there at the door, hand outstretched offering me his phone to hurriedly punch in my number. I quickly scurried away. 

It makes you wonder, doesn't it? Why the eyes of a man who's literally married to physical perfection would wander. 

A while back I happened to hangout with my brother in law and his friends. It was quite a naughty conversation they were having but they all seem to think I'm "cool like that" so they didn't mind having it in my presence. One was telling them how everytime he's about to travel his wife would exhaust herself in the sack. He said she would suck him like she's trying to suck his soul out and scatter him in bed. He then laughed at her naïveté and said he wondered who taught her that one; that when your husband is travelling shag him very well so that when he leaves he will be way too satisfied to go awondering. Then he said "doesn't she know that even if she f*cks me from morning till night and I step outside to drink water, if I see one fine girl with big ass my d*ck will still stand?". They all burst out in laughter and continued to share tales. (I find this kind of talk very distasteful, especially when it involves one's wife). 

Similarly a former colleague would often brag about how he could never pressure a girl for sex. He said he would shag only if she also wanted it. He said "Why will I beg a girl for sex when I can just go home and shag my wife? Any day, any time, anyhow I like it, she gives it to me!"  Which begs the question; So why do you still have extra marital sex? I mean, you just said your wife is always willing, ready and able. So WHY? 

I asked. He thought long and hard and eventually sighed; I don't know. 

Which brings us once again to the conclusion that the reason most men cheat is simply because they can. Nothing else!

It's quite disconcerting to watch. You're an orobo trying to lose weight but he tells you "no honey, you're beautiful just the way you are. I like you like this", then you go out and he's ogling every slim girl that walks pass. You're thinking you're a sexy lekpa and the best thing since Grand Square sliced bread, but you catch him cheating on you with a full option Orobo! You study the karma sutra like its the holy grail and you shag him until his legs give way but next minute he's panting after some other girl like a dog in heat. 

So I just dunno people! I guess a girl's just going to have to do her best and leave the rest to God. Apparently trying to satisfy a man is like trying to fill a basket with water. 

Or am I wrong?

Dear Thelma (...When Your Man's Friends are a Negative Influence and a Threat To Your Happiness)

Tee I remember one post you did long long time ago about when the "other woman" is a man, something like when the threat to your marriage is not another woman/mistress but your husband's friend/s. I am in that situation although we are not married yet. Bae is a fantastic man, nice and loving and faithful to me, never given me a reason to suspect him of cheating. He is not in any way perfect but the main challenge I face with him these days is his friends, mind you these guys are all married. 

Have you noticed that the married men are the more notorious ones? It sounds strange but it is so true, I have seen a lot, both from my fiancé's friends and from my colleagues, in laws and friends. Married men are the ones more likely to have one night stand with young girls almost everyday or the week, they and their friends swap girls as if it's tomtom, some even go as far as having orgies where they and their friends freely f*ck these girls at the same time. These days married men woo women way better than single men, they will be married but be chasing a girl as if his life depends on it. They will even deny their wives and children just for one round of sex with one small girl outside. What is worst is that married men are less likely to use condoms when cheating than single men, I don't know why but that is just the case. 

Anyway back to my issue. Yesterday for instance they had a hangout, when his friends called him to tell him where they are meeting up bae said "ok we are coming". His friend now asked him we who? He said me and my woman nau. That is how is friends started to laugh at him and mock him. And they do that a lot, they try to make him feel stupid for including me in things and taking me out with him on their hangouts. The funny thing is that am an introvert and don't like going out, but he always wants me to follow him. One day we all went on boat cruise party, one of them actually said in front of me "why did you bring your girlfriend here, that is like taking sand to the beach". 

I am just tired of these people. They try to make him feel stupid for treating me well, they try to make him feel weak for being faithful to me, sometimes they tease him that he should not worry, when we get married his eyes will clear and he will be more like them. 

Sometimes am tempted to tell him to choose between them and me but I cannot try that becasue these are his childhood friends and I don't want to put him in that position. But please what can I do, I have tried to see if he can get another job outside lagos so that we can relocate but his job here is very good with a very fat salary. 

Please what can I do? Do I tell him to reduce his communication with them or should I just ignore them and hope for the best? And please why are men like this. Why do they feel threatened and bitter when they see their friend being faithful and good to a woman? Why? Why do some men like to force their friends to cheat and emasculate them when they don't want to? Why? Why can't they just leave a good man to be a good man?

Please help a sister out. 

Random Musings; Sleeping With a "Cuddler" When You're Not.

Its one aspect of romantic relationships I find very complicated. What happens when you're not a cuddler ie you do not like to cuddle; you like your own space on the bed, you freak out at the thought of someone's breath on your skin and you're uncomfortable breathing on someone else's. You get sweaty just thinking about your movements being restricted and when you're both in bed you can't stop overthinking things; is he really ok with my head on his arm or is he just acting in order to be polite? How long until his arm begins to ache? What if he wants to turn but can't because my head is on his chest? What if i want to turn over but i can't because he's holding me tight? And yes when you eventually need to turn, you wait until he's deep in sleep and then you try to gently move away from him or remove his loving arm from your now stiff torso. And then he stirs and holds you tighter, and closer. Sigh!

Sometimes I just pretend to be deep asleep and unaware of my actions and i carelessly toss his arm away and immediately roll far away. But sometimes i'm more tender, more emotional. And i resign myself to the fate of the night and his loving arms. 

Sigh...

Was just thinking about it. Who else absolutely hates to cuddle, just like me? And where are all you cuddle bunnies? Pls enlighhten me, what exactly do you like about cuddling? Eeew! LOL

Her Wedding Day!

I thought I'd share this story from a slightly older sis of mine. I asked her randomly what the most underwhelming feeling she had ever experienced was and I was not expecting her response. She said "my wedding day and night." I burst out laughing and asked her to explain! Here is her brief synopsis. #Enjoy 😄

 "I did all the work myself, I took on a major part of the planning to save costs. Major mistake! From the food menu, cakes, the flowers, decor etc… I was fire fighting with vendors and his family over how many guests they could bring even though none of the family members "making noise" contributed a dime. I had to beg and plead and apologise to a million people I didn't offend. By the time the day came, I ended up not having enough time to get my own self ready things were so rushed and we ran super late. I ended up having to just throw my hair up quickly, throw on the ugly wedding dress that my fiancé chose because he didn’t like the dress I wanted. I didn't like my hair, make up or dress so I was pretty much over the day before it even started. He was a complete nightmare when it came to decisions and just seemed unbothered about the details that I guess at the time mattered to me. 
During the reception my now ex-husband got drunk, I was sober, exhausted and suffered major claustrophobia from having 1000 guests I didn't care for. The picture taking and ceremony in general was exhausting. He insisted on staying until the very last guest had left, getting drunker and drunker with the last few drunks who lingered, ignoring my requests to leave.

When we finally got back to the hotel he actually thought I was going to have sex with him. After I declined, he turned on DSTV before he passed out. 
It was our marriage in a nutshell, but of course I wasn’t enlightened enough to see it at the time. So for me, wedding, marriage, extremely underwhelming." It's so interesting how most people I know didn't enjoy their #wedding. These wedding hashtags and photos on insta be telling me otherwise though. Everything always looks "Lit"

***

Culled from @conniegirlswag Instagram. 

Reading this made me wonder yet again about the things that actually happen beyond the beautifully glazed wedding pictures. The challenges, the disappointments, the fights as a result of differences, the surprises and the tears or laughter. 

Tell us your wedding story. Was it the beautiful dream you'd always had or did things go awry? Was it overwhelming, or did it end up being underwhelming?

For the singles, what kind of wedding do you hope to have?

Me? For my trad I dream of bride price being given and received in my absence. Shey that's the general idea behind igbo traditional marriages?

For the church wedding, no church. Get a minister to come and bless us etc etc etc. 100 guests of less. We dance, they eat. Everybody goes home. We go and start our life. Shikena. 

Boring I know, but something about weddings and wedding frenzy make me panic. 

Now what about you?

0ctober 1st Blog Hangout. Are You In?

Good morning 😊😊😊

I want to ask if you can organize a blog hangout for the 1st of October. 

We must all come in Green and White 😂
I kid... It's a Saturday and the Monday after is a public holiday 😊😊😊

We could have a picnic somewhere nice or go on a boat cruise 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽 errrr I have no idea how much that costs but if it's affordable... Yes!!! 💃🏽

Just think about it please 😍😍😍😘😘😘

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Okayyyy, I don't want to think about it 🙈 but it's good to give the people what they want, right? So guys, what do you think? You know me I like to be honest with you. I'm not in the perfect headspace to plan a hangout right now so if we are doing this then the planning is going to be on all of us. The entertainment and refreshments is going to be on all of us. The ideas are going to be on all of us. WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER IF we decide to have an October 1st blog hangout. 

So first we're going to vote. 

Vote YAY or NAY for a blog hangout on the 1st of October. 

If you're voting Yay please do so with the intention of attending should we eventually have one. The last one we had, so many people who pushed for it didn't show up. 

Also give us ideas for a hangout. Places that we can go to as a group and have a fun time. Picnic sounds like a good idea. The one place that comes to mind for a picnic is the beach or a Resort. If you have any ideas please share. 

So my TTB Fam, should we have a blog hangout on the 1st of October? 

Dear Thelma. (She Has Zero Maternal Instincts. Is This a Red Flag?)

I know many females are here and your opinions will be worth it. I know the woman I'm about to marry for we were friends long before we started dating. She is beautiful, nice, domesticated, a good christian and very hardworking. However she lacks a certain warmth most women have, I really don't care about that as her good sides are many, except that she does not seem to have any nurturing or maternal instincts at all. My gf will rather work on Saturday and Sunday than stay at home to look after her sis' kids. She is generally uncomfortable around children and you can never see her get emotional over babies as most ladies do. When her friends get pregnant instead of congratulating or admiring them it's like she feels pity for them. Last year she got pregnant and although I tried to give her every reason to keep it, she went ahead and aborted it even though we were already planing to get married. Her excuse was that she cannot have a child outside wedlock. Some people say she will change when she has her own children but I doubt it, once when I complained about what will happen when we marry she said she doesn't mind if I want to stay at home and take care of the children, while she goes to work and makes money. God forbid for me to do that, but you get the picture now, right? She has said she wants us to wait for two or three years after the wedding to start having babies. I am not happy about this at all. Please do you think this should be a deal breaker? I love her so much and want to marry her, but I also want children too and I need their mother to show them plenty love. I wonder how other men will handle this situation. 

Ps. To the best of my knowledge she did not suffer any trauma as a child, she just always says that's how God made her and being a woman does not equate to being maternal. Please advise me.

#BlogReaderAsks. (Will I Love Him Forever?)

My first love got married this weekend and my heart is broken. I haven't felt this kind of pain since we went our separate ways 5 years ago, my chest hurts from the pain and I have no idea what to do.

This relationship was the best I ever had, I loved him with everything I had, it was my first real relationship yet he didn't exactly ask me to be his girlfriend, we just kinda talked and talked until we were so close it was more like a relationship. He became my best friend in the whole world, my confidant, adviser, mentor, etc. I still don't know why it ended but it did and he moved on with a girl who was his "friend" just 3 weeks later. That alone tore my heart to shreds and I was unable to do anything with myself for almost a month. I remember that time like it was yesterday, I just went thru the motions daily - wake up, do my chores, go to work, work till very late, come home, and sleep, everyday for almost one month. I lost weight, life lost its meaning and everything around me was just gloomy. I deleted his numbers from my phone, deleted our texts, unfollowed him on facebook but kept him on twitter.

For a very long time, we didn't communicate, I moved on with life and started building my career. I honestly thought I was over him but if I would finally admit and be true to myself, I have thought about him, EVERYDAY for the past 5 years. I can just walk by a place that reminds me of him, infact, I worked somewhere for 2 years where one of my colleagues looked exactly like him, (that colleague became my favourite person in that organisation), I would hear someone say something and it would remind me of a conversation we had or how he talks.

Every once in a while, he messages me on whatsapp to say hello, I'm usually cool and respond to all the questions with monosyllabic answers so as not to drag it out cos I sorta knew he was still unavailable. Some weeks ago tho, he messaged me again and I didn't respond in the usual way, I decided to have an actual conversation and we started chatting every night. We'd chat even at work and then after work till way past midnight then one of those days, he told me he was getting married to the same girl, the friend from that time, and I realized that although I had told myself something different, I was still holding out hope that we would get together again. I told him the next morning that I couldn't chat with him everyday anymore and that I had to move forward and stop looking back. He apologised and that was the end. That was two weeks ago.

I saw the wedding picture on facebook today and the pain in my heart right now confirms my fear all along, I haven't stopped loving this guy. Even though I have had other relationships since we parted ways 5 years ago, I have not come close to loving anyone as much as I loved him.

I currently have the best boyfriend in the entire world, he loves me and would do literally anything to make me happy but I don't love him as much as I know I can. I know how my heart sings when I'm in love but my heart doesn't sing for my boyfriend, talking to him feels more like a chore these days, I'd rather read a book. We've been on and off for 2 years now and I know he loves me but I just can't, it's like something in me is broken and I can't fix it. Yet, I don't want to break up with him cos who would stay with me with all my craziness? Who would see all of me with my big flaws and many many short comings and still choose to stay with me. I don't want to be an old maid. My plan was to be married at 26, I'm 26 already but I'm not in love.

I need to stop loving this guy so I can move on with my life and love other people, I have tried everything, hating him, anger, the silent treatment, nothing has worked. And trust me, I hate women like myself who have a good man and yet are stuck on some ass hole somewhere who doesn't give a rat's ass about them but I can't seem to move forward.

I desperately want to love again. I want to see my boyfriend's call and be excited and smile from the bottom of my heart with genuine happiness. I want to love and be loved but I just can't bring myself to love anyone again with such reckless abandon. I don't know if it's fear or I've just exhausted all the love I have in me to give anyone. These days, my work consumes me, I work everyday of the week whether I have to or not just so I can fill this emptiness inside. I don't want to sit at home on weekends and just mope, I don't have any friends either.

The funny thing is, I always thought only people in sexual relationships were stuck on their exes like me but this guy and I only kissed once and that once doesn't even qualify cos it was really awkward and I was nervous as hell the whole time.

Guys, I honestly need help. Will I love this guy forever? Or will I get over him one day, it's been 5 years and I'm still heart broken. Will I ever love someone as much as I loved this guy? Or have I just not found the right guy to love?

Your honest advice will be appreciated.

Julian's Soft Launch. You're All Invited!

Hey guys! What are you doing this independence weekend (October 2nd)? Julian's is having a soft launch/pop up store for their couture and ready to wear pieces with prices from N7,000 only (in small, medium, large and extra large). 

There will be loads of finger foods and mimosas waiting just for you! Lots Of freebies too 😉. 

Bring a friend along and get 10% off on your purchases. 

Venue -BLD by Play beside KFC, Admiralty Way. Lekki phase 1. 

Time - 1pm 

For more details pls call.. 08175966321

Ladies! Do You Want To Be Woken Up With an Orgasm?

Ladies, so what do you think about an alarm clock designed to wake you up with a mind blowing orgasm or orgasmSSS? 😅😂😆💦🙈

The Little Rooster alarm clock, a small plastic miracle, combines an alarm clock with a vibrator so you can be woken up with an orgasm. The alarm clock is worn inside your panties and placed strategically *cough cough*. And then when the clock strikes the time you set your alarm, instead of making the conventional shrill annoying noise that wakes you up with a scowl on your face á la bedside/phone alarm clocks, the Little Rooster simply starts to vibrate to bring you out of your slumber. The vibrations automatically increase until you wake up and turn it off. 

What a superb way to wake up, eh? 😊😊😊

So ladies tell me, would you want one of these? 

Come let's talk.

Personally, no I won't want (nor need) one, but I think this is a GREAT invention, so many women cannot cum through sex or are generally unable to achieve orgasms. I often have a number of female blog readers asking me why they can't orgasm during sex, and some really curious ones desperately want to know what it feels like to orgasm. 

I'm not sure my powers of description are strong enough, so does anyone want to help a sister know what having an orgasm feels like?

Meanwhile ladies, would you like to own a Little Rooster? 

What I Wanted To Be...

Last week I made a new friend. Well I happen to be 'seeing' her brother so we knew of each other but we'd never met or spoken. She was coming into town for an interview and her brother asked me to sort out her logistics and possibly keep her company. I paid her a visit at her hotel room, just so I could tell him yes when he asked if I went to see his sister, like I knew he would. I did that to fulfil all righteousness but I ended up falling in friendship!

Have you ever met someone and instantly hit it off? Oh wow! We met for the first time and what I'd planned to be a ten-minute visit lasted until the next day, yeah I spent the night LOL. Same thing the next day, after her interview we went out on a girly date, did some shopping and the back to the hotel room for some gossip, girl chat and a slumber party. 

During this time she asked "Why aren't you in Nollywood?".

Very weird question, right? But I started laughing because you see, I'd wanted to be an actress!

Like, I didn't just "want to", I actually made moves towards being one. I chased scripts but met roadblocks in form of men first wanting to me warm their beds, something I was averse to. And then I applied for Amstel Malta Box Office, went for auditions, got to the final stage and then didn't get called back. But two of the judges on my panel kept in touch and made promises to help me get ahead in the industry even without AMBO, something about it didn't sound savory at the time so I didn't pursue that lead, besides law was getting tougher and I had to focus on passing my papers. 

Yes, Law. The course my father filled in my JAMB form giving me no say whatsoever in the matter that's my own life. 

So in the last few days I've been thinking about it, the things I really wanted to be, the things I'm naturally great at. Acting would have been my first choice. I also love performing too, I still remember my days of miming Keith Sweat's Twisted on stage in FGGC Ipetumodu before QC, and days of stage plays, both there and in OQ. I'm naturally shy but Lord do I love an audience. I could never suffer stage fright, be it an audience of 10 or 10,000. Another thing I really wanted to do, even though that wouldn't have come naturally was to produce music. 

Do I have regrets? Not really. I mean on some days I wonder what life would be like if I'd actually towed that path, where would I be now? What would I have? WHO would I be? 

On other days I smile, life is okay anyways. 

So let's talk about it people, what did you want to be when you were younger, is that what you're doing now? Do you feel like you'd be better off in another career? Why aren't you doing what you wanted to do; your parents or other factors? 

What did you want to be when you grow up? Is that what you are now?

Tell us. 

I Feel So Guilty After Sex, BUT I Just Can't Stop Needing It!

(Speaking of #Change) I need change too. I am a very matured adult. How do I change from always needing sex. I have fasted. prayed. belonged to different departments in church to keep my mind and soul busy and distracted from this sex of a thing. The more I try, the more my mind and emotions get trapped. What do I do? I honestly need this change. Each time I do it, I go into depression. For months. I will not come out of the guilt. I need change. What do I do? anonymous mood activated

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The above was left as a comment earlier today and I thought to make it a post so that it can get the desired responses. 

Dear Thelma... (Is It Ok To Date My Sister's Ex?)

Please I need your advise. When my sister was in college she was in a very serious relationship for the four years although we never met him because they schooled abroad. They broke up right after college and she went on to do her masters and then moved back to nigeria. Her ex stayed back in England and they somehow lost touch. That was a long time ago and my sis is now married with three kids. In 2013 her ex added me in facebook and it was just to say hello to his former girlfriends babysis and for over a year it was just hi and hello on facebook. In 2014 I was going through a bad time and I posted a quote on FB, he reached out to me asking if I'm okay and I decided to confide in him as a big brother figure, that is how we went from hello-hi to more regular chats. Soon after that we began to talk on the phone and we started getting close, I told my sis that I met her ex on fb and we chat once in a while and she was indifferent sha. 

     At the beginning of 2015 he moved back to lagos and we went to the movies the first time we met. We were just platonic friends but I was already falling for him, but I didn't tell him. I thought he was still seeing me as a baby sister but we started getting closer and one thing led to another and we had sex. I had someone else asking me out then but I didn't like him so much and all I could think about was Jay (my sis ex). I started to avoid him after we had sex because I felt guilty and besides I did not want to be a f**k buddy to him as he hadn't asked me out yet. But around august 2015 he asked if I could meet him somewhere in vi, it turned out to be a boat cruise with his boss and some colleagues and he asked me out. Honestly that was the happiest day of 2015 for me because I was falling in love with him and I had not been able to stop thinking about the time we had sex because it was so so good. I said yes but we have to be careful because we don't know how my sister will react. We have been dating ever since and my family knows I'm dating someone but I'm scared to tell them who it is. Also I have met his family and they seem to like me so I know that things are getting serious. I love this man so much and I wil be very happy if we get married. I'm turning 30 in December and I am more than due to settle down. He is 37 and ready for marriage too. That's why I feel that I have to tell my sister now. 

My fear is that she has never forgotten him, he disvirgined her, also they dated all through college and she was in love with him. Please what advise can you give me? If you were my sister will you give us your blessing? Thanks ttb blog visitors, you all rock. Pls tell me what to do, i have only one sibling and I love her dearly, we have always been close even though she's six yrs older, and I don't want anything to spoil our relationship. 

Thelma pls post this.