Wednesday, 30 November 2016
The day I feared would come is finally upon us. The day men would openly write Agony Aunt letters and love songs about other men. Well I think Frank Ocean already covered the love song bit...
In any case, screw your 14yr jail sentence, homosexuality is slowly normalizing in our society.
Y'know I try to keep an open mind sometimes but that picture above, it looks all kinds of wrong to me. I try to picture two men cuddling, kissing and eating breakfast in bed and I just can't.
In any case people, we have at least one love struck gay man coming our way in December. Yippee!!
I went for a walk this morning, I walked for about an hour and when I got closer home I saw an old man with several teeth missing smiling widely at me. "You travelled" he said. It wasn't a question. I took out the earpiece from my ear to make sure I heard him properly. I'd never seen him before. "You travelled" he repeated. I smiled hesitantly, I didn't know who he was and I didn't want to be rude. "Yes" I said and he last confidently. "I know you travelled. We have not been seeing you. We see you every morning, sports woman" he said and we both laughed. "Now that you are back I hope we will continue seeing you in the morning" he said and I assured him that he would.
LOL @ sports woman.
A pair of trainers and Nike tracks doesn't a "sports woman" make.
I wish... 😂
All I do is walk for an hour and listen to audio books. Ok I jog occasionally but my doctor asked me not to for now...
It's interesting how we never know who's watching us, and a little bit creepy. LOL.
Anyways, on getting home I tried to decide my next courses of action and it was then that I was hit by this feeling that I don't like. That feeling of incapacity...
My life would be just a little perfect if I didn't have to deal with certain things. These are things I wish I could wish away. In fairness to myself I actually don't just accept them as my reality, and everyday I WORK on it changing, but so far I'm yet to record any meaningful lasting success in recent times.
1. Writer's block. When last did you read any fiction from me? I seem to be suffering from a serious case of writer's block and it's been going on for months. When I started blogging and before then, I could sit down and write 5 short stories in an hour. I wrote opinion pieces like I was chewing gum. In the past month I've been struggling with something that was naturally gifted to me; writing. It's one of the most frustrating things to have to deal with, especially when you know that you have ideas and stories inside of you. These things are so real in your head that you can literally taste them on your tongue. Yet the minute you put pen to paper it's as though the ink and your creative juices simultaneously dry up suddenly. I need to WRITE again!
2. Sweet sweet tooth! Yes so I exercise almost everyday and sometimes I'm able to diet and lose tons of weight. In recent months however, my sweet tooth seems to have gotten even sweeter and I'm finding it harder and harder to stay off the sweet stuff. I know I'm harming my body but it's like a drug, when I'm consuming these things it's like dopamine is released in my brain and I practically lose all reasoning 😭. I instantly forget that it's bad and a hindrance to my weight and healthy living. The moment I'm done eating I'm suddenly filled with guilt and remorse... Until I see the next glazed donut 😣
3. I know where I want my career to go, I know. But...
4. I need new people in my life, I'm tired of the old ones... Or the old ones are tired of me.
5. Migraines. The way I pop Advil these days... I just dunno mehn! I'm tired of dealing with these migraines. When it starts my head feels like a China plate that was dropped and cracked, and each crack bleeds. 😣
So these 5 are my less than perfect situations. Let's talk about what's going on in your life. Share with us those things that you wish were different, those things that could be a lot better. Those things you don't want to carry over to the next year perhaps...
@dairyofanaijagirl (Instagram) posted the above this morning and reading it only fed my curiousity; on becoming what exactly?
Many people applaud Toke, Many don't. Some like me, are weird as that may sound, resentful.
I don't agree with those who say "After all you're not the only woman that has been cheated on, why must you write a book?". I actually find that very statement baseless and infuriating.
Neither do I necessarily agree with those who say "but she knew about the other women and she still stayed" or "she could have left at anytime, the choice was hers to stay" or "even his mother warned her that he is not her husband", because love is a very complicated thing, it's seldom black and white.
I'm however "resentful" because it seems Toke Makinwa, one of the most intriguing brands in contemporary Nigeria, has no idea the weight of whom she is or how powerful she has become.
To cease this moment, to be blessed with the insurmountable blessings she's being blessed with, to have such an enormous platform, to have a name that's in itself a great fascination to many and yet write a book that inspires barely anything, is to me abominable.
Toke Makinwa's book is selling fast like hot cakes but come this time next year, when our thirst for fat juicy gossip has been quenched by overtaken events, who would be talking about Toke Makinwa's On Becoming?
It's her story to tell and she has every right to that, in fact I think she NEEDED to tell this story for various reasons best known to her, either money or revenge, either as therapy or a sense of achievement that comes with being a published author, whatever it is I really don't know.
What I do know is that Toke Makinwa would have done herself and hundreds of thousands of young people a greater service, if she had chosen instead of share with us how she BECAME this epitome of success that she is today, how she defied all odds, despite the tragic death of her parents, despite her carefree party-girl days, despite the hate, vitriol and bullying she suffered through in the early years of her career... How she took it all, came through it all and has now become this woman whose name we cannot hear without pausing for a second or two.
On the bright side, there's still time enough for that. And when such a time comes that this intriguing woman chooses to write that book, I would finally be able to say I've read a book written by Toke Makinwa.
Monday, 28 November 2016
I am getting married tomorrow...but that is not what this article is about because in as much as marriage is a good thing, and I am looking forward to what that phase holds in store for me, I am not under the illusion that my life would suddenly transform from that of dystopia to a life of utopia.
You see, almost all my friends are married, and I have asked most of them few months or years after marriage, that “Which is better, being single or being married?”
It is interesting to note that not a single one of them has been able to tell me conclusively that being married is better than being single. They all respond with the familiar lines of “It’s different. Marriage is good but it comes with its responsibilities. They all have their pros and cons.”
I’ve been single for all my life. Yes, it might not be a lengthy period of time in some people’s eyes, but it is far longer time than I intended to be single, especially considering the fact that I graduated at the age of 21, and have been financially independent since then.
And I would like to say something that an average young girl might never get to hear.
BEING SINGLE IS A BLESSING!
This might be contrary to what we have heard all our lives, especially in this day and age our mothers start drumming their desired specs for a husband into our ears from our teenage years. With society’s several comments, it is implied that we are worth about just half our value as single… that marriage is the answer to all… that the unmarried cannot stand tall in the society… that something is wrong with us because we are single.
Firstly, marriage is not by force. You have a right to choose to be single or to be married. Nowhere in the constitution, not even in the bible does it say that marriage is compulsory. So let’s stop preaching heresy from the pulpit we have mounted in the lives of people who never begged for our sermons in the first place. Unfortunately, society seems to take that power of choice from us, but I am boldly saying that whether you want to get married or you want to be single, LET IT BE YOUR CHOICE!
Secondly, there is nothing wrong with a girl just because she is not married. She is not incomplete, neither is she a leper. This point is what the crux of this post is about
I have been single for long enough to know that singleness has a lot of advantages that married life can never dream to offer.
As a single person, one has the time to fulfil so much without the responsibility of caring for children or attending to spousal needs. You do not need permission from anyone to make important decisions, neither do you need to consider the children’s school requirements before you jet off to Paris.
To be single means to be ONE in every way… to be CONCENTRATED… to be WHOLE… to be UNIFIED… to be SINGULAR… to be SINGLE-HEARTED. Unfortunately, due to societal pressures, many single people are not actually single. They are single in status, but not in mind. The focus has shifted from being focused on desired goals, to worrying, searching for that right man, testing the waters, drooling over bella naija brides with envy, and jumping from one relationship to another.
We have failed to teach our single people the definition of true singleness, i.e. being singular in mind. It is in the journey of doing your work that your spouse will find you. 1Cor 7:32-35 explains this point a great deal, where it says the focus of the singles should be to serve God without distractions, while the married will always be distracted.
Sometime in my single years, I used to worry about my singleness, and daily prayed about marriage, amongst other things. At a point, God asked me, “what if I tell you that you that will not marry, that you will remain single forever, will you still serve me, and pray this earnestly?
I answered, “I would.”
And I heard it clearly, “So concentrate on other things, and stop praying for marriage. Live your life as if you would never marry.”
After that day, even though it was my desire to get married, I stopped praying for marriage, and I felt no more pressure to get married. It was from that moment I truly started enjoying my singleness. I enjoyed it so much that I wasn’t looking forward to getting married again. No, I wasn’t gallivanting round clubs or moving from one owambe to another. I did more than that.
I accomplished in a total of 4 years what would be difficult for a married woman to accomplish in 10 years.
I travelled round the world, organised shows, taught teenagers every Saturday and Sunday, wrote books, developed IPs, performed at events, ran businesses… I had so much time to give that I invested every moment of my life in one cause or the other, and I enjoyed it.
I became so comfortable in my singleness that my only fear was that I was getting too comfortable. So I told myself, “if I am going to leave this my extremely comfortable life, sacrifice all these, and get married i.e. submit my life to another human being, then that man has to be truly worth it. Or else, I will sit down here in my father’s house for as long as it takes, because no one is chasing me away from my father’s house, and in my father’s house, I am a princess.”
Am I saying that not all men are worthy of me? Absolutely yes! I have come too far in my journey of self-development through singleness to throw it all away to just any kind of man.
And so I rocked the party called singleness, but now, that party is over.
I think that is what we are supposed to be teaching our ladies…
That singleness is a status, not a disease. Being married is a status also. The fact that one is married doesn’t mean he/she is better than the single one. I don’t care how our parents, churches (with endless “deliverance from singleness” service, and discrimination against singles), and society at large have made it seem. You are not a more worthy human than I am because I am single, and you are married.
I have lived my single life to the best of my ability, and tried to accomplish all that singleness could afford me, even though I could have done more. So one thing I know is this, come tomorrow morning, when I am changing status, like we did in high school, I will hold my head up with pride, boldly beat my chest, and sign on the wall of fame of singleness “Atilola wuz ‘ere!”
And that wouldn’t be a lie, because even singleness can attest to the fact that I rocked the life out of it.
Sunday, 27 November 2016
She also added: It took 5, 10 & 11 months to get first, second and third comments respectively on my first post. Sometimes it starts slow but when God is by your side, there's no stopping you!
I'm sure you've learnt something from this post. Oya, comment below what you learnt, I can't always be the only one writing.
(LOL, yeah I'm being lazy. Started writing a multi-paragraphed epistle but half way through I started to stop 🙈. I hereby pass the mantle on to you 😊☺️😉).
So my parents just moved house.
I'm so thrilled for them 'cause it's the kind of home they've always dreamt of living in. Although it's coming rather later than they'd have preferred, it eventually happened and for that I'm grateful. It's much bigger than where they were and to see them arrange their new rooms is akin to watching 3yr old boys let loose in a toy shop.
Notice I said rooms?
For as long as I can remember my parents have always stayed in separate bedrooms. I don't think this impacted negatively on their marriage as they're obviously still cool, and also the fact that they sha snuck/sneak into the other's room at night to sleep together most nights probably helps.
A while back, just before they moved in finally, I went over to see what was going on. My mum was there with one of her BFFs, they've been besties since their early 20s. She's a Grandmum like my mum.
My mum was taking her round to see the house. When she entered the Master's bedroom she became very animated. You see, there are two large bedrooms in the house. One is ensuite, one has its bathroom outside the room. The room that's ensuite (Master's) was taken by my dad, my mum took the other. There were no arguments about this whatsoever, in fact they've both got reasons why they prefer their chosen bedrooms over the other.
"The tiles here would have been nicer if they were blue, you should give it a feminine touch" Aunty B said to my mum about the Master's bathroom.
"No aunty, this is daddy's room. Mummy's room is there, her bathroom is over there" I said, pointing in the opposite direction to my mum's bathroom
"WHAT RUBBISH!!" Aunty B suddenly flared. "What nonsense Esther? What absolute rubbish? Why should he get the room with the bathroom? Is he better than you? Don't you also want a room with a bathroom?"
"No I don't really mind", my normally headstrong Mum muttered uncertainly
"Lai lai o! Me I can't have that nonsense. I won't take it. I will never agree to such an unjust arrangement. If it were me I will insist on taking this one and he can move into the other one, or any other place he chooses".
At that point I laughed at nothing in particular and louder than I should have, to diffuse the situation and change the topic.
But I've got to say, it did make me wonder...
I don't agree with her that my mum should have battled with my dad over who gets the Master's bedroom. My parents have been married peacefully for at least forty years and their somewhat traditional methods have worked for them just fine.
I don't know if Aunty B was coming from a feminist's standpoint or just being troublesome. I couldn't help but wonder if this is the kind of advise she gives her daughters and if, perhaps this played a part in the lack of success of the first one's marriage.
But I digress...
Could something be said for our parents' traditional methods? Is "the struggle for equality" a reason so many marriages are not making it these days?
You know, I feel conflicted. I'm an unrepentant feminist. I also know how to dissociate feminism from gender roles, especially within a marriage. But the truth is that the line is sometimes very thin. Or maybe it's not even just feminism, maybe times and things are simply changing and most women today aren't willing to play second fiddle to their husbands. Maybe women today are working harder than the men and bringing in more money than their husbands and that makes our mothers' brand of docility or submissiveness a concept that's becoming alien.
I'm not sure what direction I'm going with this post to be honest. I guess I've just been imagining how things would be if my mother suddenly decides to go all raging "feminist" on my father. The poor man would be so confused! 😂😂😂
In any case, I believe each couple is unique and each couple should find what works for them and stick to it.
That said... Can we talk about Aunty B for a minute? Do you have a mother or friends like that? Or are you yourself Aunty B?
Saturday, 26 November 2016
So.... What does a side chick offer that a main chick can't?
Is there really anything or is it all just a myth?
Are they just two women who simply happened to have come into his life at different points in time, one before the other?
Or are these two women with distinct roles and personalities, serving much different delicacies?
...can I just add that I'm beginning to roll my eyes at this side chick-main chick thingy, making these males feel more important than they are. Shioor, ladies y'all need to start speaking up more about your main boo and your side dish too ooo! 😡😡😡. #okbye. LOL.
It was a beautiful Saturday morning, I could tell that the moment his ringing phone abruptly woke me up from Friday nights sleep. "Her again" he sighed.
"Nnenna, she's been calling since last night. She's in town, says she wants to hook up"
Nnenna, his ex.
"She called yesterday, said she wants to come over. I told her I'd ask you..."
His sentence faded into silence, waiting for my response. I did nothing to help the silence.
"So is it ok?" He asked, finally.
I shrugged. "Why does she want to come?" I asked him
"I don't know o! Me sef I wonder. She just says since we're both in Lagos and her hotel is not too far from here we should see. She wants to meet you". I could tell he added that last part to soften me up.
"No can do, I don't want to meet her".
"Ok then" he said with no further argument.
However she kept calling and i could tell he didn't mind seeing her. He's told me about her a number of times over the months. Fun loving, flighty Nnenna.
Yeah well, seems he was in the mood for some fun and flightiness.
"Oya let her come nau" I finally gave in.
I tried to be cool. I gave her Uber driver directions to the place.
The minute she got here she threw her hands around my neck and gasped "Wow, she's pretty".
"Of course she is" he said, "that's why she's my woman".
*yimu to them both*
They laughed. I didn't.
A few minutes later I excused myself, said something about needing something. I left them alone.
Came back after about fifteen minutes to find them laughing happily about something or the other.
"Come sit with us" she said, pulling me by the hand.
Something about her superfluous friendliness rubbed me the wrong way.
"I need to go get things for breakfast" I said standing up almost immediately
He looked at me pleadingly. She looked at me with sugary sweetness. I couldn't stand it.
"I really need to get the groceries" I said to them both
"Are you okay? Am I making you uncomfortable?" she asked nicely
I was meant to respond in the negative but I couldn't. I didn't want to be honest but the truth forced its way out of my mouth. "Actually you are. I'm sorry Nnenna, I'm sure you're a really nice person but I'm uncomfortable and I can't pretend" I said as politely as I could.
I could see she didn't know what to make of my honesty. I could see he was wishing I didn't have to be so tightly wound or so damn honest. But honestly I just wished they'd both burst to smithereens at that point.
I took advantage of the awkward silence and slid away.
I actually didn't go out, just went and sat in the car.
10 minutes later... 'Babes where are you' the text said. 'In the car, waiting for your friend to leave'
'Please come back up, I didn't know it'll make you so uncomfortable, she'll leave now'.
I went back up, she was putting her things together "it was nice meeting you Nwando, I really wanted to get to know you and spend time with you guys but it seems you're not comfortable..."
I could tell she was offering an olive branch of sorts, I could sense I was meant to respond by saying it was ok and she shouldn't leave. But I didn't.
"It's ok Nnenna. Have a safe trip tomorrow".
I honestly thought I'd be cool with it, playing host to my man's ex and being all niceee nice. But I wasn't cool with it and in true piscean fashion my emotions are rarely far from the surface, I couldn't deal.
And that was this morning. In my shoes would you be cool with it? How would it have played out? I wish I could be "that" chic that returned her embrace and made her breakfast and the three of us would sit round the table trading laughter and stories, but I guess I'm just not that cool.
How about you?
Thursday, 24 November 2016
This is a non-rhetorical question I've been meaning to ask, I've stopped myself short for a number of reasons but after seeing this picture I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I've often wondered at pictures and videos of women screaming, hyperventilating, wailing and even rolling on the ground just after getting proposed to.
I wonder because the guy who just proposed isnt a stranger. No, he's someone you've known for most likely a long time, someone you've dated for quite some time. In most cases you guys must have already discussed marriage. You guys have been in an exclusive relationship and at that point have met each other's family members and friends. So why then is it so shocking when he asks you to marry him?
I understand it's a joyful moment. But shocking? Why?
Now back to the picture above, someone asked please is it a proposal or a deliverance?
LOL it looks more like a deliverance to me o! 😂
Anyways let's take a poll. Why do women break down in tears and/or get all dramatic when they're proposed to?
a) They're overjoyed
b) They're faking it
c) They're overwhelmed with relief (of leaving the Single Women's Club)
d) They think that's how they're supposed to react
e) They're genuinely surprised
f) Others. (Please specify).
Today is Thanksgiving Day people! Thanksgiving Day is a national holiday celebrated in Canada (on the second of October) and the United States. It was originally celebrated as a day of giving thanks for the blessing of the harvest and of the preceding year. Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth day of November in the United States and several other places around the world, albeit now secularly.
And guys, that's what today is, the fourth Thursday of November. I'm therefore going to cease the opportunity to be Thankful. I believe strongly in living a life of Gratitude. Gratitude is a lot more powerful than many of us understand. I'm going to share three things with you I'm particularly thankful for.
1. Healing. I spent the last two nights very ill and in the hospital. I didn't tell anyone about it, only the boo and my family who were with me in the hospital. Yesterday was a day of needle pricks for the myriad of tests run and at least three injections. When I was younger I quite enjoyed being sick 'cause it meant I got to be pampered, dotted on and just stay in bed and chiiiiiiilllll 😊. But right now ain't nobody got time for that 😡! Two nights ago I began to panic. I knew it wasn't malaria. I couldn't help but wonder; what if I have a tumor or other things I don't even want to put in writing. My mind began to imagine the worst scenerios and I was scared to sleep just in case I don't wake up 😅. I began to panic and sweat profusely. Then I asked myself, why so negative? I then remembered how one of my favorite books, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind says you can heal your body with your mind just through the power of suggestion. I also remembered an affirmation from another of my favs, Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude; I feel Happy, I feel Healthy, I feel Terrific!
I began to repeat this over and over again and not just repeat the words but FEEL the words (it's important you adjust your mind to feel that way) until I finally felt my fear ebb away and be replaced with hope, peace and happiness. I fell into restful sleep and although I still felt ill when I eventually woke, I knew it was only temporary. This morning I'm back home in tiptop condition. I've been placed on bed rest (and plenty of food... which I just don't need because, orobo) for the next three days but I already feel so strong, in fact I've gone for a walk this morning! I'm back in bed now sha, but I feel too restless and excited for this bed rest thingy. So guys, I'm THANKFUL for restored health!
2. ThelmaThinks Blog is 3. We turned 3 about two weeks ago. I actually didn't even know. It took a blog reader, Kene Francis, mailing me to tell me that we're 3. I damn well nearly cried when I got his mail, it feels so great to have blog readers who care about your blog as much as you do. So I'm thankful for three years of running this blog. I'm thankful for the doors this blog is opening for me, and even my blog readers. And above all I'm thankful for the best blog readers in the world!
3. On the first day of this year I said I will visit at least 3 African countries this year. A few days later I was in Ghana, months later I visited Kenya and Rwanda. I think the greater thing that I'm thankful for here is that I can think something and speak something and actually have it come to pass. This continues to play out in different parts of my life. I'm so thankful for that!
There's so much more I'm thankful for but now it's time for you to tell me what YOU are thankful for. I don't want "I'm thankful for life" generic type of comments, I want specifics. What are those distinct things that have happened in your life this year that made you thankful?
Tuesday, 22 November 2016
You read my title and either went Eeeeew or Whatever. Yup, some people, male and female, are grossed out by the thought of sex during the period. While some people, male and female are indifferent about it. Hmmm, some people, male and female, quite few however, rather enjoy sex during the period because easy lubrication and all that...
A sexologist, @wunmiomololu, whom I follow on Instagram had a few tips and answers to frequently asked questions about sex during menstruation.
Feel free to read on.
Did you know?
Well now you do. 😊
She also adds that sex during the first day of the menstrual cycle is never safe since a man's sperm can strive in the uterus for 3 days.
So people that's it. Go forth and have some menstruation sex!
Some crossdressers held a private party in Lagos on Saturday November 19th and they have the pictures to show it!
Oh Bobrisky, look what you've caused 😭😱😨😂.
Quick question, why are all these crossdressers' makeup always on fleek? 😅
With more people becoming openly gay, crossdressers becoming bolder and more married men having gay lovers, who can tell me what 'life as we know it' is gon be like in five years?
I shudder to think about it... 😫
Photos culled from Linda Ikeji's blog, obviously...