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Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Favourite: Your Relationships; Situational or Intentional?

Someone once said, who you will be in ten(10) years is a function of the books you read and the people you know. I'll like to see that to mean, your growth in life partly depends on the knowledge you apply (which can be gleaned from books) and the relationship you built/are building.

I look at relationships as three(3) dimensional, mentors/superior, colleagial/friendship, mentees/protegees. Basically you have those you look up to, your colleagues/friends who you are on same level due to age, career growth e.t.c and then those who look up to you. So if indeed all round growth could be traceble to relationships one has, shouldn't the choosing and building of such relationships be intentional rather than left to chance?

It does seem of necessity to intentionally choose/groom your relationships based on your current & future goals. Objectively ask yourself, do I have situational or intentional relationships in my life? Can  my situational relationships be made intentional? In what ways will I start building intentional relationships?

This is not to say situational relationships are entirely a no-do, but i'll like to think we can achieve more if we go all out to build the relationships we want rather than leave it to chance. I mean, that you attended same university or work in same office or was on the same flight with someone doesn't mean you have to build a relationship with them in any of the three dimensions aforementioned.

Finally you might want to build a relationship with certain people and they might not be interested, you have to be okay with that. Certain relationships are also for a season while some lasts for a lifetime, you should be able to appropriately differentiate and align yourself.

Thanks so much for this piece Favourite. 

I totally agree that one should be strategic in building relationships, but I quite think this ought to be reserved for specific relationships. Situational relationships are completely inevitable, unless you live alone, under a rock, on an island. It's left for us to make the most out of it. 



  1. Hmm. Dear Favorite. You are somewhat deep. I like the short piece.

    All my relationships are situational. Because Kon will never move a muscle to be somebody's friend. It has to come naturally. But I have to work on that. I know so many people (Im connected like that) and it just occurred to me that I have not really gotten the best from knowing those people. I could have stretched my hand of friendship and gotten some benefits from them. After-all, thats how people blow in Nigeria- Simply based on relationships.

    One of the things Ill work on in 2017.


    1. Thank you Kon

      YES. You really should get the best from your relationships this year,thats how situational relationships become intentional. What's makes it all the more beautiful is when it's give and take


      Lols,i just had to add that


  2. Beautiful and insightful piece Favorite.
    Most of my friendships are situational. Can't remember any intentional one 🤔
    How do we go about it though... for shy people like me.... where do you even find people you want to be intentional friends with.

    1. Kabuoy is now claiming "shy people".

      The End is truly Nigh...

    2. So you are still claiming #teamShy, seriously?

      For people you want to build intentional relationships with, oh well,you just do it. For the real shy people like us, you do it with your heart in your throat.

      Personally, I am a deep believer in your gifts making way for you. And i mean that physically,i remember when I was in Uni and I had like 10 people in final year I wanted to be connected with, what I did was buy 10 inspirational books, wrote a couple of things about them I liked on it,walked up to each of them and gave them. Oh well,i was scared but I was determined to do it.Thankfully they were nice and receptive, I am sure they were wondering who is this smallie,lols.

      And then recently been an entrepreneur I wanted to establish a relationship with an entrepreneur who I had been stalking his page on IG for like a long time, plus I had always had it in mind to 'give up' using his business as a point of contact, so One of this days after he put up a post on IG,i chatted him on whatsapp, basically told him I had been following/stalking him on IG, told him I run a business too and I wanted to 'give up' to his business(not trying to be spiricoco but thats what I felt God lay on my heart time and time again).

      So I did the transfer(kept wondering girl what are you doing?), anyways he calls me afterwards and a relationship has been established. Ta-da

      So Kabuoy,just make a move, establish a relationship, don't kiss ass but be nice and present yourself to the person in the best possible light. And really your gifts do make way for you, if it's a mentorship relationship,you might meet the person and then sign up to be their PA for one Saturday or event or something.


    3. Thanks Favorite. I'll keep that in mind.
      And I'm really shy. *side eye* at you and Memphis 😒

  3. Thank you so much for this piece Favourite.
    I was adjusting myself to start reading the post but alas it has finished.
    The last paragraph spoke to me directly, as in it hit the nail on the head. Thanks once again.

    1. Thank you for reading Hope.

      Lols @adjusting myself to start reading the post but alas it has finished, I actually didnt want to make it too long lest I miss the cogent message or lose my audience


  4. Nice post Favourite!

    Certainly agree with the importance of relationships and the need for one to evaluate if one's relationships serve a purpose and if the purpose served fits into one's desires. The need to also do a 'benefit-cost' analysis of relationships cannot be overemphasized.

    1. Pls expantiate on the benefit-cost analysis of rltnships... tnk u.

    2. Thank you Chris. Especially for the practical advice in doing this.

      Yes keh,definitely Cost-benefit analysis biko, as there might be a need to restructure a relationship if the cost is higher than the benefits.


    3. @ Anonymous

      I believe Favourite has done a good job responding to your inquiry.

      In addition, I feel relationships can be looked at as an investment; which comes at the cost of one's time, emotions, perhaps money also etc. It behooves one to ensure that benefits derived from the relationship outweigh the costs invested. I must also mention that benefits need not be financial or material only.

      @ Favourite

      You are welcome.....always welcome.

    4. Hey Chris, my intentonalove friend.

    5. Hi Clare, my amazing friend.

  5. Very insightful post.

    All of my relationships are also situational but my office does this thing where you have to have a career mentor, like, it's compulsory for your confirmation and every year, a whole calendar is planned around your mentor helping you to build/improve on yourself and your career and it forms a percentage of your appraisal too.

    I can't remember anytime until now when I had to deliberately choose someone to be a friend/mentor.

    I need to be more deliberate in choosing my relationships. Even the great ones I have that came "situationally", I take them for granted.

    Thank you for this.

    1. Hi Sunshine, in light of this post, I'd like to move our relationship from situationall to intentional. Pls send me your number


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