Skip to main content

When You Miss The One Who Hurt You The Most...






I drove passed Diamond Bank somewhere along the airport axis today and I reached for my phone, wanting to call her. My heart sank realizing that I couldn't. 

I sunk into the seat seething, I miss her deeply, I desperately want to talk to her. She's just a phone call away but I can't. 

Maybe it does make sense in the way Stockholm syndrome makes sense...

But like Stockholm, it's simply absurd. 

Maybe it makes sense in the way a lover cheats or beats you or abuses you, yet you still love them. 

She was my closest friend. I'd heard terrible things that she did in the past. In fact, before I met her I'd heard her "friends" describe her as wicked, one said her heart is at her back, another said she's simply evil. 

I saw that evil with my eyes when we became friends, but it was always towards someone else, and so even though my eyes would fly wide open in shock at some of the things I saw her do, I always thought that I, Nwando, was immune. I knew she was bad but I thought she'd be good to me. (Lesson #1: you're not the exception). 

Well that was until months into my relationship I learnt that she was calling my man. 

How she got his number; I once ran out of credit and used her phone to call him. She called him later that night claiming not to know who he was and how the number got on her phone, and that's how they got talking. (Lesson #2: don't tell your friends the bad things about your partner, but be careful not to tell them too much about the good things. You'd give them ideas...)

She was my closest friend but she was travelling to go see him. No, he's not blameless either. She would get him to give her cash, buy her flight tickets to go see other guys and come to visit him in town whenever she pleased. 

All this time she was talking with me. 

I also learnt that she kept urging him to break up with me. Her supposed reason was that I love him too much and I'm too attached to him, so he should break up with me before I fall any deeper. 

But that's alright. 

That didn't hurt as much as it did when I learnt that she was an anonymous who would come on the blog and say very mean and nasty things to and about me. Ironically, she's the one I would call to show the comments and she would comfort me and tell me to pay him/her no mind. 

I remember clearly a few times we were actually in the same house together and those comments would pop up and I'd show her and she would become so irate and impassioned, she'd tell me that if she ever found the person making those comments, she would kill them with her bare hands. 

She did so many things I lack the will or zeal to write about, lied about me to many people, assassinated my character, and tried to sabotage the one man who loved me. 

Oh recently, I learnt she was also sleeping with my ex when we were still together, that's a previous relationship. I would invite her to stay with me in his house because they were friends too. There were nights I'd go to bed and leave them talking, I just believed that she would never be bad to me. Oh well, turns out she thought it was alright to screw the man she was telling me would marry me. (Lesson #3. Trust no one, never let your guard down). 

So you see why I say it makes no sense that not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I think about her not with bile nor bitterness, but with longing and love. 

I miss her to the point of tears sometimes. She was evil but she was lovable. It sucks but it is what it is. 

She was fun, spontaneous, lively, cunning (read intelligent), exciting and unpredictable. She was patient and caring. And somehow in a very sick and twisted way, I think she loved me. 

It takes the strength of will for me not to call her, everyday. I literally have to remind myself each time of just a few of the things she's done to me and how I felt when I found out, to stop myself from calling. 


My people na only me waka come? Have you ever had a relative, friend or lover who treated you so bad, over and over and over again, yet you can't bring yourself to hate them, yet you still can't really let go, yet you still want them...? 

Or could you never ever see yourself doing that?

Either way, I'd love to talk about it. 


.

Comments

  1. Really?? Some people are like that?? 😨😬

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thelma? Wait what!? You think of her with love? I'm even sad reading this and enraged at the same time. What in the world? You're such a softie!
      A Girl

      Delete
    2. lol @ Anon... I read the write up initially and just commented my reserve. I thought No, I cannot relate, I aint no sucker for pain. Why will I be missing someone whose feelings towards me are not mutual? There's something intrinsically unhealthy about that.

      Delete
  2. This thing called jealousy is very powerful. It can lead to many unspeakable acts.

    Okay for example I went to all girls boarding school and due to the fact that my dad taught most of the teachers , I became everyone's favourite. I was allowed to speak with my family with their phone almost every morning and evening.
    I was so attached to my dad cos I lost my mum at early age.
    He comes anytime whether it is Monday o Saturday o any time at all... sometimes he comes to my school every day. . With money and provision. ..then 1k is like 10k now or more
    I was tagged baby of the house/teachers pet etc

    Now I had alot of friends from my class and above.
    I was very intelligent and bright ( why won't I be when my parents are genius).
    I did tutorials and solved all the difficult assignments.
    I won scholarship to complete my SS1-SS3 as the overall best student.
    My brother won the cowbell mathematics competition during his Time too.

    School mothers were fighting because of me
    Finally I ended up not having a particular school mother.

    I was lovable , friendly , jovial, always smiling even when i am crying , generous etc still is.

    I don't eat much so most of my goodies goes to my pals

    On Sundays my brother comes to visit witb his clique of friends in place of dad cos dad is usually involved in church activities on Sundays
    Once they come , I will carry my friends to meet them not knowing that one of them is boiling with jealousy all this while.
    They will come with Nk salad, meatpie ice cream and more

    On visiting day which is once in a month (last Sunday of every month), my Sister would come with meat and chicken -filled stew and rice in a big food cooler for me and friends.

    I didn't know one of girlfriends was a snake

    Can you imagine I move more with the snake. ..share my pocket money with the snake. ..sacrifice my lunch and dinner to the snake. ...when the snake wants to visit home..she will borrow money from me but will never back... The snake did many undoables

    My other friends kept on bringing evidence for me to see that she is not my friend
    But I was very naive. ...kaiii

    I don't even want to write the boyfriends (3) snatching part

    But My eyes opened at the third snatch.

    Anyway all those things made me not have close friends again up till now especially females. I just locked up o

    Ike akuko a di ro mu again...cha chaa (maka stories that touch)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For someone who claims to be very smart, you write poorly.

      Delete
    2. Sweetheart, are you still jealous of me uptill now ? write your own version.

      Delete
    3. If this is poor to you, you're very dumb.
      www.stylelately.wordpress.com

      Delete
    4. Lolz @Anon u really can't hide it. #pathetic

      Delete
  3. Lols....you remind me of my mum

    Years back she had this friend that despite how nice she was and how much she loved my mum,she was always on about how she dealt with this person,did 'shege'for her husband,that made me very uncomfortabl.my mum was just there enjoying gist until I asked her one day,you seem to think you are the queen that she won't deal with when you annoy her bah?And that will happen,when you are truly friends with someone you will annoy them,infact thats your fundamental friendship right....well they stopped been friends but not before she did her 'shege',if u don't know what Shege means...oya coman pay me consultation fee.

    Sure I have had that friend too... I think most people have....I had this friend who always had nothing good to say about anyone, friends, family, colleagues...sure its okay to complain about stuffs sometimes but when your friend does that often...to them they are always the victim...be thou careful.. I should have taken my own advice bah...for where...I think we always kid ourselves subconsciously that we are immune... No,they wouldn't do that to us ..well,when she decided it was my time for her to do me 'shege',i didn't see it coming.

    We are not friends anymore tho...and I don't miss her...intact we were at a mutual friends together just last month and I was bemused by her attempts to reestablished some connection... Abeg that ship has sailed

    ReplyDelete
  4. If not well curbed, jealously can ruin the most perfect relationship. Even if we feel like it,let just let it pass to safe us the headache.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think most of us had a snitch or jealous person disguised as a friend.

    My cousin who was my bestie before the cookie crumbled, dealt real bad with me. We had a tell it all relationship, who would think your extended relative would pull the trigger? long story made short, she would snitch on me to my Ex, collect money from him even when I asked her not to, tried to hook him up some girl after which she comes back to tell me details threatening fire. All i did was stay calm praying in oblivion.

    My Ex told me all that transpired and till date he has refuse to remarry, uncle be waiting game for my comeback. oshey!

    We were reconciled in Jan 2017 by her parents, now she wants us back as normal always calling my phone to talk about my numerous suitors parole. In my mind, I am like aunty you never change? please swerve!

    I love and miss her but I can't deal.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think most of us had a snitch or jealous person disguised as a friend.

    My cousin who was my bestie before the cookie crumbled, dealt real bad with me. We had a tell it all relationship, who would think your extended relative would pull the trigger? long story made short, she would snitch on me to my Ex, collect money from him even when I asked her not to, tried to hook him up some girl after which she comes back to tell me details threatening fire. All i did was stay calm praying in oblivion.

    My Ex told me all that transpired and till date he has refuse to remarry, uncle be waiting game for my comeback. oshey!

    We were reconciled in Jan 2017 by her parents, now she wants us back as normal always calling my phone to talk about my numerous suitors parole. In my mind, I am like aunty you never change? please swerve!

    I love and miss her but I am too fragile to watch my back.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Nne no be only you waka come at all at all. When sm1 is so good yet so bad that you wonder how come?...why me? Oh! Been there and back.

    ReplyDelete
  8. And u thought those vile comments were coming from me I guess. I deserve an apology ��..

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thelma, I pray for the Grace to stop loving that kinda friend. she bis no friend jor.

    Friendship means a lot to me and for a long time I had a number of friends that all they do is take and take.

    My very very very very very few friends are not up to 3.(my sister, and 2 others).

    I have always WANTED "GREAT FRIENDSHIPS" THE KIND we can up our bags and travel the world. But having genuine female friends like that is hard.

    My mum suffered very bad friendships. I even hurt for her sometimeso. yeye women that don't know the value of a good person.
    One almost used jazz to torent the port woman, but she didn't know God was involved.

    My dearest T , you are lucky you found the serpent when you did. Be careful.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thelma I remember those acidic posts...I always wondered why you enabled those comments. There are all sorts of people. I have one that was so obsessed with me that she made up stuff...someone I was to marry broke up with me. She tried w my husband- he married me anyway. I cut her off completely- minus a Hi and bye if we meet in public.

    My prayer for such people is always for God to make my life the type of testimony that seems like a lie. And for those people to create so much confusion in their own lives they don't have the time to see mine. So far God has answered me.

    My dad told me something when it all transpired - you may think you are not special, but there are many people who want your life and the things they think you have. So look at it as a sick form of flattery.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. If I did, I don't remember them. I don't have any friend that's close enough to hurt me like that. I talk a lot but I keep my personal stuff personal. I don't share sensitive topics with "friends", I don't even know how.. But I can tell them stuff I know can't hurt me.

    Then I love talking to people who don't know me so well.. once I had a very sensitive news dropped in my lap, it was so huge I didn't know what to do with it, I just called Thelma and spilled it to her...lol Till date, she's the only one I've told and it's been almost 2 years now.

    I hope this "friend" reads this post.
    Babe, there's no gain in making others miserable, like they said in that movie (the family that preys), "you can't make yourself happy by bringing misery to other people". You need to change..

    ReplyDelete
  12. I don't ve time for second chance, once u show urself I cut u off completely, no time to check time

    ReplyDelete
  13. Goodness me, 'I think of her not with bile nor bitterness, but wt love and longing'...seriously? Ayam rolling my eyes to d point of strabismus right now. Wat da heck? This is d number 1 reason I don't do 'best friend'.
    Well, if you still think you ve to forgive her and let her be close friends again, just know she's d type dat can fuck ur ... (well not ur husband bc it's very glaring she can do that), pick ur children from Skl and teach dem unthinkable things, plant an insider in ur business and spoil show for you, etc. etc.

    Nne ur gud heart no be for here, forget her and thank God u found out atol.

    ReplyDelete
  14. That friend is my hubby.... Sadly, he can't be cut off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh no
      Aww I feel your pain just from this single sentence
      E-hugs dearie

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

One More Post...

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Giveaway Finale!

Happy Sunday y'all. 
This is the conclusive part of #WCG. 
All the N25,000 recipients have received their cash.
All the students have also received their N10,000. 
Once again guys please comment under any of the posts, or this one that you've received your money. Thanks. 

So moving forward, this final giveaway contains 
1. N10,000 for 5 people. 

2. 3 kimonos from Julian's dressmakers. 
3. 3 pairs of Palm slippers from WaleOnibata. (Gents) 
4. 2 pairs of shoes from Courtney's Closet. (Ladies. Size 9 and Size 11). 

5. 1 human hair wig from Gabby's Wigs'n'Weaves. You pick from one of the wigs below. 
6. 3 cakes from CakesandCream 

7. A getaway at CitiHeight Hotel Ikeja for 3 people. (Who can each bring one person along).  


As I said earlier, Kon has already won a stay at CitiHeight and Clare, a kimono. So those gifts are now available for 2 people each. 
There is no competition. We are only going to play a game. 
I have each gift item listed out in numbers. Number 1 to 100. …

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa