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When You Miss The One Who Hurt You The Most...

I drove passed Diamond Bank somewhere along the airport axis today and I reached for my phone, wanting to call her. My heart sank realizing that I couldn't. 

I sunk into the seat seething, I miss her deeply, I desperately want to talk to her. She's just a phone call away but I can't. 

Maybe it does make sense in the way Stockholm syndrome makes sense...

But like Stockholm, it's simply absurd. 

Maybe it makes sense in the way a lover cheats or beats you or abuses you, yet you still love them. 

She was my closest friend. I'd heard terrible things that she did in the past. In fact, before I met her I'd heard her "friends" describe her as wicked, one said her heart is at her back, another said she's simply evil. 

I saw that evil with my eyes when we became friends, but it was always towards someone else, and so even though my eyes would fly wide open in shock at some of the things I saw her do, I always thought that I, Nwando, was immune. I knew she was bad but I thought she'd be good to me. (Lesson #1: you're not the exception). 

Well that was until months into my relationship I learnt that she was calling my man. 

How she got his number; I once ran out of credit and used her phone to call him. She called him later that night claiming not to know who he was and how the number got on her phone, and that's how they got talking. (Lesson #2: don't tell your friends the bad things about your partner, but be careful not to tell them too much about the good things. You'd give them ideas...)

She was my closest friend but she was travelling to go see him. No, he's not blameless either. She would get him to give her cash, buy her flight tickets to go see other guys and come to visit him in town whenever she pleased. 

All this time she was talking with me. 

I also learnt that she kept urging him to break up with me. Her supposed reason was that I love him too much and I'm too attached to him, so he should break up with me before I fall any deeper. 

But that's alright. 

That didn't hurt as much as it did when I learnt that she was an anonymous who would come on the blog and say very mean and nasty things to and about me. Ironically, she's the one I would call to show the comments and she would comfort me and tell me to pay him/her no mind. 

I remember clearly a few times we were actually in the same house together and those comments would pop up and I'd show her and she would become so irate and impassioned, she'd tell me that if she ever found the person making those comments, she would kill them with her bare hands. 

She did so many things I lack the will or zeal to write about, lied about me to many people, assassinated my character, and tried to sabotage the one man who loved me. 

Oh recently, I learnt she was also sleeping with my ex when we were still together, that's a previous relationship. I would invite her to stay with me in his house because they were friends too. There were nights I'd go to bed and leave them talking, I just believed that she would never be bad to me. Oh well, turns out she thought it was alright to screw the man she was telling me would marry me. (Lesson #3. Trust no one, never let your guard down). 

So you see why I say it makes no sense that not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I think about her not with bile nor bitterness, but with longing and love. 

I miss her to the point of tears sometimes. She was evil but she was lovable. It sucks but it is what it is. 

She was fun, spontaneous, lively, cunning (read intelligent), exciting and unpredictable. She was patient and caring. And somehow in a very sick and twisted way, I think she loved me. 

It takes the strength of will for me not to call her, everyday. I literally have to remind myself each time of just a few of the things she's done to me and how I felt when I found out, to stop myself from calling. 

My people na only me waka come? Have you ever had a relative, friend or lover who treated you so bad, over and over and over again, yet you can't bring yourself to hate them, yet you still can't really let go, yet you still want them...? 

Or could you never ever see yourself doing that?

Either way, I'd love to talk about it. 



  1. Really?? Some people are like that?? 😨😬

    1. Thelma? Wait what!? You think of her with love? I'm even sad reading this and enraged at the same time. What in the world? You're such a softie!
      A Girl

    2. lol @ Anon... I read the write up initially and just commented my reserve. I thought No, I cannot relate, I aint no sucker for pain. Why will I be missing someone whose feelings towards me are not mutual? There's something intrinsically unhealthy about that.

  2. This thing called jealousy is very powerful. It can lead to many unspeakable acts.

    Okay for example I went to all girls boarding school and due to the fact that my dad taught most of the teachers , I became everyone's favourite. I was allowed to speak with my family with their phone almost every morning and evening.
    I was so attached to my dad cos I lost my mum at early age.
    He comes anytime whether it is Monday o Saturday o any time at all... sometimes he comes to my school every day. . With money and provision. ..then 1k is like 10k now or more
    I was tagged baby of the house/teachers pet etc

    Now I had alot of friends from my class and above.
    I was very intelligent and bright ( why won't I be when my parents are genius).
    I did tutorials and solved all the difficult assignments.
    I won scholarship to complete my SS1-SS3 as the overall best student.
    My brother won the cowbell mathematics competition during his Time too.

    School mothers were fighting because of me
    Finally I ended up not having a particular school mother.

    I was lovable , friendly , jovial, always smiling even when i am crying , generous etc still is.

    I don't eat much so most of my goodies goes to my pals

    On Sundays my brother comes to visit witb his clique of friends in place of dad cos dad is usually involved in church activities on Sundays
    Once they come , I will carry my friends to meet them not knowing that one of them is boiling with jealousy all this while.
    They will come with Nk salad, meatpie ice cream and more

    On visiting day which is once in a month (last Sunday of every month), my Sister would come with meat and chicken -filled stew and rice in a big food cooler for me and friends.

    I didn't know one of girlfriends was a snake

    Can you imagine I move more with the snake. ..share my pocket money with the snake. ..sacrifice my lunch and dinner to the snake. ...when the snake wants to visit home..she will borrow money from me but will never back... The snake did many undoables

    My other friends kept on bringing evidence for me to see that she is not my friend
    But I was very naive. ...kaiii

    I don't even want to write the boyfriends (3) snatching part

    But My eyes opened at the third snatch.

    Anyway all those things made me not have close friends again up till now especially females. I just locked up o

    Ike akuko a di ro mu again...cha chaa (maka stories that touch)

    1. For someone who claims to be very smart, you write poorly.

    2. Sweetheart, are you still jealous of me uptill now ? write your own version.

    3. If this is poor to you, you're very dumb.

    4. Lolz @Anon u really can't hide it. #pathetic

  3. remind me of my mum

    Years back she had this friend that despite how nice she was and how much she loved my mum,she was always on about how she dealt with this person,did 'shege'for her husband,that made me very mum was just there enjoying gist until I asked her one day,you seem to think you are the queen that she won't deal with when you annoy her bah?And that will happen,when you are truly friends with someone you will annoy them,infact thats your fundamental friendship right....well they stopped been friends but not before she did her 'shege',if u don't know what Shege means...oya coman pay me consultation fee.

    Sure I have had that friend too... I think most people have....I had this friend who always had nothing good to say about anyone, friends, family, colleagues...sure its okay to complain about stuffs sometimes but when your friend does that them they are always the thou careful.. I should have taken my own advice bah...for where...I think we always kid ourselves subconsciously that we are immune... No,they wouldn't do that to us ..well,when she decided it was my time for her to do me 'shege',i didn't see it coming.

    We are not friends anymore tho...and I don't miss her...intact we were at a mutual friends together just last month and I was bemused by her attempts to reestablished some connection... Abeg that ship has sailed

  4. If not well curbed, jealously can ruin the most perfect relationship. Even if we feel like it,let just let it pass to safe us the headache.

  5. I think most of us had a snitch or jealous person disguised as a friend.

    My cousin who was my bestie before the cookie crumbled, dealt real bad with me. We had a tell it all relationship, who would think your extended relative would pull the trigger? long story made short, she would snitch on me to my Ex, collect money from him even when I asked her not to, tried to hook him up some girl after which she comes back to tell me details threatening fire. All i did was stay calm praying in oblivion.

    My Ex told me all that transpired and till date he has refuse to remarry, uncle be waiting game for my comeback. oshey!

    We were reconciled in Jan 2017 by her parents, now she wants us back as normal always calling my phone to talk about my numerous suitors parole. In my mind, I am like aunty you never change? please swerve!

    I love and miss her but I can't deal.

  6. I think most of us had a snitch or jealous person disguised as a friend.

    My cousin who was my bestie before the cookie crumbled, dealt real bad with me. We had a tell it all relationship, who would think your extended relative would pull the trigger? long story made short, she would snitch on me to my Ex, collect money from him even when I asked her not to, tried to hook him up some girl after which she comes back to tell me details threatening fire. All i did was stay calm praying in oblivion.

    My Ex told me all that transpired and till date he has refuse to remarry, uncle be waiting game for my comeback. oshey!

    We were reconciled in Jan 2017 by her parents, now she wants us back as normal always calling my phone to talk about my numerous suitors parole. In my mind, I am like aunty you never change? please swerve!

    I love and miss her but I am too fragile to watch my back.

  7. Nne no be only you waka come at all at all. When sm1 is so good yet so bad that you wonder how come?...why me? Oh! Been there and back.

  8. And u thought those vile comments were coming from me I guess. I deserve an apology ��..

  9. Thelma, I pray for the Grace to stop loving that kinda friend. she bis no friend jor.

    Friendship means a lot to me and for a long time I had a number of friends that all they do is take and take.

    My very very very very very few friends are not up to 3.(my sister, and 2 others).

    I have always WANTED "GREAT FRIENDSHIPS" THE KIND we can up our bags and travel the world. But having genuine female friends like that is hard.

    My mum suffered very bad friendships. I even hurt for her sometimeso. yeye women that don't know the value of a good person.
    One almost used jazz to torent the port woman, but she didn't know God was involved.

    My dearest T , you are lucky you found the serpent when you did. Be careful.

  10. Thelma I remember those acidic posts...I always wondered why you enabled those comments. There are all sorts of people. I have one that was so obsessed with me that she made up stuff...someone I was to marry broke up with me. She tried w my husband- he married me anyway. I cut her off completely- minus a Hi and bye if we meet in public.

    My prayer for such people is always for God to make my life the type of testimony that seems like a lie. And for those people to create so much confusion in their own lives they don't have the time to see mine. So far God has answered me.

    My dad told me something when it all transpired - you may think you are not special, but there are many people who want your life and the things they think you have. So look at it as a sick form of flattery.

  11. If I did, I don't remember them. I don't have any friend that's close enough to hurt me like that. I talk a lot but I keep my personal stuff personal. I don't share sensitive topics with "friends", I don't even know how.. But I can tell them stuff I know can't hurt me.

    Then I love talking to people who don't know me so well.. once I had a very sensitive news dropped in my lap, it was so huge I didn't know what to do with it, I just called Thelma and spilled it to Till date, she's the only one I've told and it's been almost 2 years now.

    I hope this "friend" reads this post.
    Babe, there's no gain in making others miserable, like they said in that movie (the family that preys), "you can't make yourself happy by bringing misery to other people". You need to change..

  12. I don't ve time for second chance, once u show urself I cut u off completely, no time to check time

  13. Goodness me, 'I think of her not with bile nor bitterness, but wt love and longing'...seriously? Ayam rolling my eyes to d point of strabismus right now. Wat da heck? This is d number 1 reason I don't do 'best friend'.
    Well, if you still think you ve to forgive her and let her be close friends again, just know she's d type dat can fuck ur ... (well not ur husband bc it's very glaring she can do that), pick ur children from Skl and teach dem unthinkable things, plant an insider in ur business and spoil show for you, etc. etc.

    Nne ur gud heart no be for here, forget her and thank God u found out atol.

  14. That friend is my hubby.... Sadly, he can't be cut off.

    1. Oh no
      Aww I feel your pain just from this single sentence
      E-hugs dearie


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